HOW LONG, LORD (PSALM 13)
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When I first heard this psalm at our church retreat for deacons coworkers five months after my wife passed away I cried so hard I shocked those present, giving myself a bad name and a weird look from people who do not know what it was like to lose a beloved one whose life was cut short before her prime. Praise God, I have Bon and Rev Cheng on each side of me, but honestly they sat quietly and did not know what to do either. So here am I trying to make sense of the power of this psalm, which invites tears, inspires thanksgiving and implores trust. Two weeks ago (September 17, 2017), which is a year later, at our AGM I cried when the song???? I cried again, and ironically the same people sat by my side as arranged by the church. This time Bon and Cheng knew what to do, putting a hand on my shoulders and one offering a napkin, hopefully praying for me at the same time!
Have you ever bravely asked God questions of faith, in your fear, frustrations and fatigue?
Talk to the Master
1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
This week BBC has a story of a healthy 40 year-old Emily McDowell, who was diagnosed with cancer (Stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma) in 2001, when she was only 24. While she was enduring the months of treatments she noticed that friends and acquaintances often didn't know what to say – no greeting card on the market could help either, so she made it a mission to help others find the right words in times of crisis after a successful career in advertising.
The “get well soon” cards were not written or meant for those diagnosed with cancer. The religious or philosophical with the adages – “it's all in God's plan” or “everything happens for a reason” also seemed to strike the wrong note. "In the moment, it's almost insulting to hear," McDowell said. "How is this the plan? Maybe with time and perspective the person can come to that conclusion on their own - but it's just not helpful to hear in a time of crisis. A lot of the time when you are sick or grieving, people stop treating you like the friend they've had for years.”
Here are the samples:
1. The Five Stages of Grief:
Crying in Public
Crying in the Car
Crying Alone While Watching TV
Crying at Work
Crying When You’re a Little Drunk
I Love You.
2. If this is God’s Plan, He’s a Terrible Planner.
3. Please Let me Be the First to Punch the Next Person Who Tells You Everything Happens for a Reason.
I’m Sorry You’re Going Through This.
4. I Promise to Never Refer to Your Illness as a “Journey.”
Unless Someone Takes You on a Cruise.
MacDowell says, "It's totally fine to say, 'I'm shocked, I'm upset, I don't know what to say except I love you and I'm here for you. The worst thing you can do is not to say anything - even if you just don't know what to say, that person is going to interpret your silence as not caring.”
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41366246?SThisFB
There is a category of Psalms I love very much, of which Psalms 13 is part of a genre of Psalms known as Individual Lament Psalms. Psalms 13 is one of only seven known psalms (Ps. 2, 10, 13, 15, 22, 58, 74) that begin with a question mark, ranging from “why” (Ps 2, 10, 22, 74) to “who” (Ps 15), “do you” (Ps 58) and the only psalm wit “how long” (Ps 13, 4x vv 1-2). There are numerous psalms that begin word-by-word with the tribute ‘To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David,” but only one begins with a question – Psalms 13. This is a startling psalm because it begins with a question in two words in Hebrew: “until” and “how long”- the last word is translated as where (Ruth 2:19), how long (Ex 16:28) and wherever (Ezek 21:16, NASB). The question at a beginning of a Psalm reflects the author’s frustration, feelings and feistiness, if not fury.
Many of you know I have revived my blogging since Doris passed away. A psalm is a song, a poem and a journal, and it is the safest place for people to voice their dejection or doubt over God’s apparent or alleged forgetfulness, as in other psalms:
Ps 42:9 Why hast thou forgotten me?
Ps 44:24 Wherefore hidest thou thy face, and forgettest our affliction and our oppression?
Ps 77:9 Hath God forgotten to be gracious?
The verb “hide” (v 1) does not necessarily mean God’s disappearance or death, but His non-appearance; it is translated as absent (Gen 31:49), kept close (Num 5:13), secret (Deut 29:29) and conceal (Prov 25:2). Seriously our God is not like man; He does not disappear, depart or deny our suffering.
The psalms have a clear-cut petition to the Lord contrary to this phrase “hide thy face” (v 1):
Ps 27:9 Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.
Ps 102:2 Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.
Ps 69:17 And hide not thy face from thy servant; for I am in trouble: hear me speedily.
The first set of questions right out of bat ponders his relationship to God, but the second set of questions question his fate (v 2) and the third his enemies. The phrase “wrestle with my doubts” is “take counsel in my soul” in KJV. The most popular translation for this verb (take) is set (23x), made (19x), lay (13x), put (11x), implying the psalmist has turned to himself for answers. The verb “take” is followed by two nouns” : “counsel” in my soul and “sorrow” in my heart. The noun “counsel” can imply devise, determination and design. Thoughts and hearts (v 2) are parallel. Sorrow means grief, affliction and fear. Without God’s answer the psalmist turned to self-reflection.
The third portion leads to one’s enemy. Triumph or exalt (KJV) is lift up (Gen 7:17), haughty (2 Sam 22:28), promote (Prov 4:8) and lofty (Prov 30:13). The word “enemies” appears 77 times in Psalms, more than one quarter of its Old Testament occurrences, far more than the nearest book 25 times in Deuteronomy. It is not have enemies get the best or better of us, get to the bottom of us or brute in us.
In short we have to frankly, fearlessly and fully ask questions to start the process of healing.
Turn Over the Matter
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, 4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
This letter was found in my wife Doris’ computer after she passed away, a letter she wrote after her second bout with cancer, but somehow was not sent:
“Dear Friends,
My 2-year oral chemotherapy regimen ended in the 3rd week of May and I have reached the 2 year survival mark after the recurrence of cancer in 2013! Halleluiah! Thank you for all your prayers and timely support!
I recalled that I was initially upbeat about treatment after my surgery in May 2013. Then in October 2013, I mistook the egg-like hematoma as cancer growing back rapidly and rushed back from California to Hong Kong. In a short time I prepared a to-do list as death seemed imminent. After the PET/CT “cleared” me of cancer, I continued to review this list and have crossed out many items. Every morning I prayed for submission to the sovereign will of God, committing my days into God’s hands.
I took a semester of Sabbatical leave in 2013, went back to work in 2014 and then finally took a leave of absence for the academic year 2014-2015. During this time, I strived to “keep going.” But every time I tried to do something, I felt held back by different physical ailments. It was most frustrating. Gradually I succumbed. Very slowly I let go of my desires and my dreams. The hardest part was to say goodbye to the academic career and to make the decision to leave Macau. This is because I now do not have anything I look forward to.
Well I actually did a variety of things: Exercise, housework, devotion, prepare Sunday school and Bible study materials, offer professional counseling, met with friends, help Victor with church ministries. In some way, this is a very full and blessed life. I am truly thankful just being able to eat, sleep, move around and be relatively pain-free. But there is a part of me that feel bored and my brain was so under-stimulated! I become flat and unmotivated. My memory deteriorated which may be due to aging as well as this stay-home life.
There is restlessness in me and I still want more in life. So I feel conflicted in me. Like Jacob in the Old Testament, finally I gave up striving but I hold onto God and ask Him to bless me.
The psalmist repeats his relationship with God, his condition and others. The questions are replaced by imperatives. His audacity should not be misconstrued as distance, defiance or disobedience. There are three imperative verbs – look, answer and give light (enlighten). The first (look) is a call to God to favor or approve, the second (answer) has to do with contact with Him- answer, attend or heed, and the third (give light) is comfort from Him.”
“Look” “Answer” “Give light”
Favor Facts Fervor
Respond Reason Revival
Interaction Intervention Illumination
Each section he calls on the “Lord” (vv 1, 3, 6), but only in this section the psalmist is centered on his “Lord my God” (v 3). The phrase “Lord my God” is only found 38 times in the Bible but only in Psalms it comes with an imperative before (such as “consider, hear..”) and it is a cry more than a complaint, as in other “Lord my God” with an imperative passages in Psalms:
Ps 35:24 Judge me, O Lord my God, according to thy righteousness; and let them not rejoice over me.
Ps 109:26 Help me, O Lord my God: O save me according to thy mercy.
It is nothing but passionate, fondness, tenderness and turning to God, trusting in Him, talking with Him.
There are two reasons; first he does not want to sleep the sleep of death (v 3). It includes death from sudden illness, suspicious circumstances and strange disasters. The second is his enemies will rejoice in his misfortunes (v 4). The contrast is with his end first and his enemies later. Overcome is to prevail, translated as able (Gen 15:5), endure (Est 8:6), higher (Ezek 42:5) and attain (Hos 8:5); and rejoice is to delight (Prov 2:14) and be glad (Prov 24:17). The psalmist had to endure his enemies’ glee at his gloom, grandstanding while he grimaced and gladness over his grimness.
Trust in His Mercy
5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6 I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.
Here are some precious quotes on “trusting God”:
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”(Corrie ten Boom, 1892-1983)
“Trusting God means looking beyond what we can see to what God sees.”
our ultimate security is in His hands.” (George Vink)
“Trusting God means thinking and acting according to God's word in spite of circumstances, feelings, or consequences. Trusting God means letting go of my own way of doing things. It means surrender of my own will for his. It means acknowledging that he is the Leader of my life. (Warren Wiersbe)
Warren Wiersbe says, “The word translated ‘trust’ in verse 5 means ‘to lie helpless, facedown.’ It pictures a servant waiting for the master’s command in readiness to obey, or a defeated soldier yielding himself to the conquering general.” Trusting God means celebrating his directing the affairs of this world, even when things seem out of control. Trusting God leads to a confident hope that He cares for us and that
Trust is secure (Judg 18:7) and confident (Ps 27:3). It is derived from place of refuge, from boldly (Gen 34:25), in safety (Lev 25:18), assurance (Isa 32:17) and without care (Jer 49:31). There is no foundation more durable or deeper steady, secure or solid sufficient.
There is a reason (ki) for the psalmist’s singing (v 6). Been good (v 6) or dealt bountifully (KJV) is translated as rewarded (1 Sam 24:17), bestowed (Isa 63:7) and recompence (Joel 3:4). It is from past history, previous experience and precious memories, that He is reliable, responsible, responsive and reassuring.
Conclusion: Have you talked to God, told Him how you feel, what you’re facing when you’re down?
