Truth About Honesty – Part II
Honesty - The Three legged stool
Main Passage Psalm 26:1-8
One couple decided to be completely honest with each other. While discussing things in a very honest way, they decided to arrive at an honest definition of the word wife. I know many of you have many things coming to your minds when you hear the word wife. But in this case, the husband gave the following definition as an expansion of the word wife. He said WIFE stands for Without Information Fighting Everytime. I know the men here might think that is a perfectly plausible definition of the word WIFE. But wait till you hear what the wife said. She said according to me an honest expansion of the word WIFE is With Idiot For Ever.
Last time when I spoke about this topic here, I introduced you to the Fraud triangle and how we can convert the Fraud Triangle into a Grace Triangle. The Fraud triangle tells us that when there is a need, when there is an opportunity and when it is possible to rationalize, we commit fraud. We studied the lives of biblical characters and early church leaders to demonstrate this happening around us. We also saw that as Christians we need not be imprisoned by the Fraud triangle and the best way to get out of the Fraud triangle is to covert that into the Grace Triangle. The Grace Triangle tells us that All needs can be met by God, the Jehovah Jireh, All opportunities are opportunities to demonstrate our obedience and faith in God and we can Glorify God in all situations.
Today I want to make it personal. How do we apply this to our own lives? How do we really be honest? To me there are three angles to being honest. Don’t be surprised, it is another triangle. This triangle is made up of self, others and God. Honesty has to be cultivated and demonstrated across all these three relationships. Honesty is not complete unless we are honest to ourselves, to others and to God. It is like a three legged stool. What happens when one leg breaks in a three legged stool? The stool falls down.
Let us look at it from the Bible reading of today. It is understood that David wrote this when he was being pursued by Saul and his men with the express purpose of slandering him, painting him as a bad person and maligning his name in Israel, so that David does not become a threat to King Saul’s throne. So how does David react? How does he respond to these false accusations and witch hunt? First he seeks God’s help in examining himself (v 1-3). Then he speaks about the company he keeps, about others (v 4-5) and finally he acknowledges his relationship with God and the need for him to come to God’s altar, God’s sanctuary for relief (v 6-8)
Let us remember that Honesty is refusal to deceive. The opposite of honesty is deception, whether it is self, others or God. Being honest means we simply refuse to deceive ourselves or others. Many people deceive themselves by thinking themselves to be greater than what they really are. They consider themselves to be “God’s gift to mankind”. This is one kind of deception. In being honest to oneself, David constantly asks God to judge him, to examine him. Let us not get it wrong. No one can claim that David was Mr. Clean. We all know David sinned many times. But what he does is he goes to God to get cleansed. Psalm 51 is a testimony about his attitude towards honesty. In Psalm 51, while acknowledging that he has sinned against his own God, he also affirms that Psalm 51:6 (NKJV) Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. That is being honest to oneself. Being honest with oneself is not thinking more of what you really are. It is not being proud and arrogant. It is not to gloat over one’s talents and skills. It is not about exaggerated self-confidence as the corporate motivators would want us to believe. It is being humble and being able to accept who we are. David realizes that he does not match up to the standard of our God. He affirms this in Psalm 143:2 (NKJV) Do not enter into judgment with Your servant, For in Your sight no one living is righteous. Being honest to oneself is about knowing where one is weak and seeking help to get over it. Being honest with self means we humbly accept who we are, just as we are made by God. Sometimes, folks, especially some Christians, go to the other extreme. They go in the self-deprecating mode and deny that God has given us any talent at all, and thus become useless to themselves, to others, and to God. They speak low of their legitimate achievements. They refuse to acknowledge and use their God given gifts. This is mock modesty. To them I have an advice. They should try saying this. “I am not utterly useless, I can be used as a bad example” God is asking us to be honest to ourselves, and to seek his help where we fail to understand ourselves. David did not ask God to forget his weaknesses, but David appeals to the Grace of God. Psalm 25:7 (NKJV) Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; According to Your mercy remember me, For Your goodness' sake, O LORD. We cannot say that we are perfect or righteous, but we can certainly be honest and not be hypocrites. This morning, let us ask God to search us, judge, us , vindicate us and protect us just as David did. Let us remember David’s prayer in these verses. Psalm 26:1-2 (NLT) Declare me innocent, O LORD, for I have acted with integrity; I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart.
The second leg of the three legged stool of honesty is “others”. There are two aspects to this. Being honest with others is a difficult thing. I get tense every Sunday Morning, because I know Leslie is going to ask me the dreaded question “How do I look”. Now the fact is that she always looks pretty and she looks good in anything. But I am still tensed about what to answer her when she asks me that question. If I say that something is not matching or not looking great, she can always say that I have no idea about dress sense. That is a fact. If I say that she is looking good, she can say that I am saying that just to get her to go church early. You see either way I am wrong in this situation. I understand that one of the questions young husbands dread is when their wives ask them “Do I look fat?” You are doomed if you tell the truth. One of the advices that I have heard is that the right answer to that question is “Do I look stupid to answer that question?”. Well jokes aside, being honest with others is a tough task. So let us first look at what honesty with others does not mean. Some times telling the truth about others can be hurtful. Some times it can harm others very badly. Uncontrolled candour can be harmful. Bible tells us to speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. We are also advised to speak only things that encourage and edify others. Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV) Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. So you see being honest with others does not mean being harsh, and being truthful in a manner that is harmful to others. Other instance of not using uncontrolled candour is when we are sure that it is against God’s will, or against God’s statutes. Let us look at the situation in Exodus 1:15-21 (NKJV) Then the king of Egypt spoke to the Hebrew midwives, of whom the name of one was Shiphrah and the name of the other Puah; and he said, "When you do the duties of a midwife for the Hebrew women, and see them on the birthstools, if it is a son, then you shall kill him; but if it is a daughter, then she shall live." But the midwives feared God, and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the male children alive. So the king of Egypt called for the midwives and said to them, "Why have you done this thing, and saved the male children alive?" And the midwives said to Pharaoh, "Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women; for they are lively and give birth before the midwives come to them." Therefore God dealt well with the midwives, and the people multiplied and grew very mighty. And so it was, because the midwives feared God, that He provided households for them. Here we see an example of God actually rewarding the midwives for being dishonest in the worldly ways but staying in obedience to God. But we must understand that here was a situation where uncontrolled candour would have meant death of innocent children. Certainly God did not want that. And the midwives knew it, and obeyed God instead, and were rewarded for the same. There is another instance where God forgives or justifies Abraham’s act of withholding the truth about his marriage to Abimelech (Genesis 20). So being honest with others does not mean speaking the truth about others immaterial of consequences, it means speaking the truth in love, when required for edification, and in obedience to God’s statutes.
But we can and should be honest about ourselves to others. Like David was, he knew what God had made him to be and used that to glorify God. More noteworthy is how David chose “others” with whom he will fellowship. Psalm 26:4-5 (NKJV) I have not sat with idolatrous mortals, Nor will I go in with hypocrites. I have hated the assembly of evildoers, And will not sit with the wicked. David was careful about who he mingled. This is in our control. We choose who we fellowship with, we choose who we chose to befriend. However, our conduct, our behaviour should be beyond suspicion from anyone. 2 Corinthians 8:21 For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men. 1 Peter 2:12 Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. Matthew 5:16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. The fact is that if the world expects something from a Christian, it is honesty. Yes, it is our duty to be honest and to be seen as honest.
Then we come to the last leg of the three legged stool, the leg where we have to be honest with God. This actually is not so difficult. This is not so difficult since anyone who knows God, knows that God knows everything about us. He knows our thoughts, He knows our actions even when no one else is watching. His eyes are over us all the time. So no action of ours can escape Him. This is easy to understand. However, many Christians hesitate to be honest with God on how we feel at times. There are times when we feel doubtful, there are times when we cannot have full faith. There are times when we question God’s presence itself. There are times when we have reasons to be angry. Consider a time when someone loses a child. Consider a time when a loved one gets cancer. Consider a time when your husband turns out to be not the man you thought he is. Consider a time when you are blamed for something you did not do. Yes, there are times when you have a right to be upset with God. And God tells us that it is OK, to be honest even in such times. It is OK to express our anger, it is Ok to express our doubts, it is Ok to question. Our God is happy with our honesty to him even when it is against Him. Take a look at any of the Psalms known as the Psalms of Lament and we can see this. There are more than 40 Psalms of lament in the Bible. Notable among them are Psalm 22, 38, 51, 60, 69, 74, 77, 79, 83, 88, 109, 130, 140, 143. In all these Psalms, the Psalmist starts with a cry for help, with a question, with a doubt, with an angry statement, but ultimately all of them end up in praising God and reaffirming his faith in God. These Psalms are what one could call brutally honest with God. Here the Bible teaches us exactly the opposite of what it teaches us regarding our interaction with others. With God we can be brutally honest. That is the only way to give all our troubles to Him and receive the Peace that Passes all understanding that can come only from Him. In the Bible portion assigned for today, David Tells God, Psalm 26:6-8 (NKJV) I will wash my hands in innocence; So I will go about Your altar, O LORD, That I may proclaim with the voice of thanksgiving, And tell of all Your wondrous works. LORD, I have loved the habitation of Your house, And the place where Your glory dwells.
Let us think about our congregation for a minute. This is the place where we can be honest with ourselves and ask God to judge us. This is the place where we can ask to be cleansed for our transgressions. This is the place where we can forgive other’s transgressions on us. This is the place where we can be honest with each other in a loving, caring way. This is the place where we can avoid fellowshipping with evildoers and non believers. This is the place where the Lord’s glory dwells. The Church is His altar. This is the place where we can proclaim our Thanks giving to Him. Let us pray to God that he will encourage all of us to continue to come together as a church and be brutally honest with Him.
