March 5th It’s Complicated: Parent Edition
God calls us to join Him in one of the grandest opportunities of a lifetime: to raise a child to love and follow Him.
A Parent’s Influence is Crucial
Bland Faith Doesn’t Transfer
The Power of a Close Relationship
Clear instructions from God on this Great Adventure called parenting:
1. Put your hope in Him v.4
2. Fall in love with Him. vv.5-6
3. Parent your children for Him vv.7-9
Here are a few parenting “alternative facts.” If they were true, parenting would be so much be easier.
1. Laundry machines retrieve dirty clothes from under beds, wash, dry, fold and sort, and print money to pay for detergent.
2. The Tooth Fairy is real and carries twenties.
3. Toddlers adhere to the “Hands To Yourself” rule while browsing the grocery store
4. When asked to share their toys, toddlers smile and say, “What took you so long?
5. When asked to clean up after themselves, children smile and say, “And when I’m done, can I vacuum and take out the trash?”
Turn in your Bibles to Deuteronomy 6 as we finish up this series entitled “It’s Complicated.” It might be that nothing in the world is more complicated, more frustrating, more exasperating, and more discouraging than parenting. And yet, here many of us are: trying to parent children that at times seem like aliens from the underworld.
Let’s see who is here this morning:
How many of you are parents of at least one child under 3 yrs old?
How many of you are parents of at least one child between 3-10 yrs old?
How many of you are parents of at least one child between 11-18 yrs old?
How many of you are parents of at least one child over 19 yrs old?
How many of you are parenting a step child?
How many of you are a single parent?
How many of you are grandparents?
If you raised your hand, raise it again!
Parenting is one of the most difficult responsibilities a human being can have. And yet, we feel so underequipped for this daunting task. At any one time, how many of you have felt like a total and complete failure as a parent? But get this: God calls us to join Him in one of the grandest opportunities of a lifetime: to raise a child to love and follow Him.
So let’s read this seminal passage out of God’s parenting guide about how to raise a child to love and follow God. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (on screen)
University of Southern California sociologist Vern L. Begnston recently released a book called Families and Faith: How Religion is Passed Down Across Generations by Vern L. Begnston The book is the result of a 35-year study on families. It focuses on the question of how religion is passed from generation to generation.
Here are three key findings: (Build)
1. Parent’s Influence is Crucial
The #1 factor in a child loving and following God is the influence of the parent. Parents, God has placed this child in your hands for one purpose—to guide the child to love and follow Jesus. That’s a responsibility you MUST accept.
2. Bland Faith Doesn’t Transfer
The study showed that parents who attend church weekly were twice as likely to pass their faith on to their child than those who attended monthly.
3. The Power of a Close Relationship
Children who have a close, loving relationship with their parent or parents are much more likely to adopt the faith of their parents. Dads, this is particularly true of you. For young adults from Evangelical families, 71% of those who had a close relationship with their father shared that Evangelical faith, compared with only 46% of those who did not have a close relationship with their father.
The Bible passage we read awhile ago is well known to many of us. It begins with what is called the Shema. Say it with me: shema. Shema is the Hebrew word for hear; and so because this very critical passage begins with the word shema, it became known AS the Shema. But shema means more than just hear audibly; shema: listen with the intent to obey. Let’s read verse 4, the shema out loud together: “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One.” You might underline the words LORD in all caps. That almost always refers to the personal name of God: Yahweh. This verse says, The God of the Bible is the One true God. There is no other. Every other God is a false god. Yahweh is His name. Not Allah, not Zeus, not Aphrodite, not Ivanca…there is only one God: His name is Yahweh.
And He has set some clear instructions for those of us who are called to this Great Adventure called parenting:
1. Put your hope in Him v.4 (on screen)
Parenting seems impossible. Hey—guess what? It IS impossible!! Add to that the idea that you are going to try to pass on your faith to this fiercely independent person and teach them to love and follow God when everything in our culture and much of secular education and many of their friendships push them away from that—this can leave us feeling helpless and hopeless.
But God has not left us alone in this task, has He? This is the God who is called Immanuel, “God with us”. This is the God who says “I’ll never leave you or forsake you.” This is the God who says He will walk through the fires and the tests with us. This is the God who says He will give us patience and wisdom for the asking. This is the God who showed us what genuine love is really like. This is the God who calls Himself our Heavenly Father. We can put our hope in Him.
This is the God who created all things and holds all things together with the power of His word, even when you think that everything is falling apart. This is the God who before the foundation of the world knew that you would be caring for this blob of protoplasm and sovereignly placed this child in your care. This is the God of all hope whom Paul wrote about in Romans 15:13: Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Yes, parenting is hard. It is excruciatingly difficult. So don’t put your hope in your own skills and wisdom. Don’t put your hope in the books you find in the parenting section of Barnes and Nobles. Don’t put your hope in your own personal parenting philosophy. Put your hope in the God who was—and is—and is to come as you raise your child. And if that child doesn’t respond to your godly parenting and goes the way of the prodigal—then you’ll be ok, because your hope was never in them, it was in God.
2. Fall in love with Him. vv.5-6 (on screen)
Parent, you know what your highest priority should be? To love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and strength. That’s what it says here in Deuteronomy. That’s what Jesus said over and over again. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul and strength.
Parent, you fall in love with Jesus, and let your kids see that and feel that and experience that—then EVERYTHING will be different and better because of it.
Look at v.5 again “These words are to be on your heart.” What words? God’s words. No words, no matter how wise, no matter if they are written by Christian authors or spoken by caring pastors are the ones you should cherish in your heart. It’s God’s words.
Sue and I have parented 3 children and are helping our 3 kids parent their 8 children (pic). Our oldest, Ben, is 34 years old. So for 34 years, we’ve been learning how to parent. We’ve read, particularly in the early years, tons of books on parenting. (bring books or show pics??) They were all very, very helpful.
But the one book that has helped us the most is this book. We’ve studied, even memorized portions (???) of it to help get us through the difficulties of parenting; promises that we held on to and still hold on to to this day; not just for our kids, but our grandkids.
All of this to say that your highest responsibility, and this goes for anyone, but particularly the parent, is to fall in love with Jesus and let your children see that.
Pathways (Pic) is a book we’ve written for the expressed purpose of helping you fall in love with Jesus. You do that, and you’ll be amazed at the difference it makes in your parenting.
3. Parent your children for Him vv.7-9 (on screen)
I love that word ‘repeat’. Just think of how often you as a parent have to repeat something to your kids: “Stop kicking the back of my car seat.” When Ben got his lisence, I got into back seat, which he thought was odd. But as he drove, I got some pay back cause I kept kicking the back of HIS car seat. We have to keep repeating things: “Don’t pick on your sister. Clean up your room. Put your phone down while we eat….” Why do we have to repeat things so often? Because children’s brains don’t work right until they’re about 20 years old. Until then we keep saying, “How many times do I have to tell you?”
What we’re supposed to repeat most often to them is not our parenting commands but God’s commands. Parents, this is YOUR responsibility. God has given it to you! It’s not your church’s responsibility, though we can assist you. (pic of AtHome center; get booklets)
One of the great travesties I see in our culture today is underparenting. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a social situation or at a store or even here at church—where a child is wreaking havoc, screaming, crying, causing a ruckus, distracting people at church or in other public places, and the parents just sit there. They may say passively, “Don’t do that Johnny” but they don’t really mean it and the kid knows it and it just continues. Sue and I were in a museum lately and there were 2 preschoolers just running around inside screaming at the top of their lungs. What do you think the parents were doing? The mom was staring at her iphone and the dad was just smiling like it was preferred behavior. So I took my belt off and…. C’mon parents: parent your kids. Instruct them. Correct them. Discipline them. That’s your job. That’s your responsibility. They may fight you at first, but in the end they will love you for it.
When you read the passage, you get the sense that God is saying is that this repetition is supposed to be a lifestyle; something you do as you walk through life.
“Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. j 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
These directives come from the Lord Himself. Place your hope in Him. Fall in love with Him. Parent your children for Him.
Listen, I made a ton of mistakes as a parent. Too many to count; some of them too embarrassing to tell. When our kids where at home, particularly in the early days, we didn’t have 2 nickels to rub together. We were so poor we couldn’t pay attention! We didn’t buy our kids nice clothes…our kids look back on pictures of what we dressed them in when they were younger and are aghast at stuff we put them in that we got at resale shops and hand me downs. We didn’t have money to let them do most of the things their friends were doing. When they started driving, we didn’t get them expensive cars; a few of them barely ran at all! But what we did give them was something that would last for eternity: parents who loved Jesus and tried daily to follow Him.
You can give that to your children. No matter what age they are, you can begin this morning.
(Have parents stand; pray for them)
