If I were at a woman’s conference and I asked the question, “Ladies, are you doing Porn?” I would probably receive an eardrum shattering no. The truth is there would most likely be more women in that group guilty of it than they imagine and some may be married to more than one man and not know it.
Indeed, statistics show that at least 18% of all porn is viewed by women and they are especially interested in the rough stuff. Some are starting at a very early age. One man told me that his wife found some pretty hard-core sites on his 9 year old step-daughter’s PC. Parade magazine said a survey showed that one-third of 9 year olds have experimented with oral sex. 9 year old boys can impregnate some 9 year old girls. So, if you think you can wait until puberty or twelve to have the talk you need to rethink that.
I was in seventh grade when my Mom used the dictionary to try and tell me about the birds and bees. I showed her few terms she did not know. With the advent of the Internet, it is far easier to know more about sex at six then many who did not learn until the wedding night and may still not know after being married thirty years.
Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Since men generally have visual issues more so than women this verse is either just blown past by women or used as a fiery dart if they think someone is leering at them. The reverse is also true. I have heard many ladies talk about a man’s back side and even his manly bits if they are outlined by baggy or tight clothing. They have discussed how they would love to have some man’s children or would enjoy the try even if he was sterile or they would not tell him if she had a hysterectomy. Women do their share of locker talk as well. As an IT guy they would sometimes forget I was there and say stuff I hope they would not have said if they knew I was there.
Have you watched a love scene in a movie with your favorite actor and imagined yourself as the leading lady at that moment? Maybe it is some lad on a soap opera, which should be called a soft porn opera. He kisses some lady and you wish it were you. You looked at the next door neighbor’s husband and imagined him kissing and caressing you like you saw him do his wife. You are as guilty as any man of violating this passage.
As I said, soap operas are soft porn and progressing towards hard porn. Everyone is usually sleeping with everyone in town at some point. Even some prime time shows show more explicit sexual activity and blunt language than years ago. You would had to have HBO to see what you can now see and hear. Someone said in the 1950’s you could not say the word virgin on TV and now you cannot find one. They were right.
How about the romance novels you are reading? They are really soft porn. I wondered what the allure of those things were so on my breaks when I worked at a retail store I would peruse them to try and get a clue. The amount of sex in them ranging from seduction to adultery and rape was astounding, One had such graphic rape scenarios I reported it to the manager and she threw them out. She told me if I found any more to let her know. I don’t think I read anymore after that.
If you read that wonderful, romantic seduction scene and are aroused you are on shaky ground. What are you going to do about it? Make love to your husband while imaging that scene picturing the tall, dark, handsome man in the scenario when you husband is average height and bald? You are committing adultery with a fantasy man and vulnerable if a man like the one in your fantasy makes a pass at you. Some watch anime thinking since it is only cartoons there is no issue. Unfortunately, dwelling on romantic seductions or watching cartoon porn does create inordinate affections and someday you may play out the fantasies you dwell on.
I had one lady share with me that she did not have a satisfying imitate life with her husband. There was a man she knew that she thought she would have great sex with a man like him. That is a textbook example of what this verse is talking about and she is not the only woman that thinks it is OK to look and imagine, but not touch though if that man would make a pass at her she would catch it on one toe with both hands extended.
There is danger in fantasy. Jesus shows that adultery starts with a look and all the man lacked was opportunity. Had the lady he was looking at turned to him and took him my the hand to her house the fantasy would become reality. This is how many affairs start and marriages ruined. What if I had someone else or someone like him?
1Th 4:3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:
4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:
6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.
Whether we think it is or not, we are defrauding our mates or perspective mates when we fantasize about other people or unrealistic sexual relationships in novels, soaps or hard porn movies. Our mates are the ones who should be giving us sexual pleasure and the fantasies make it so that no matter how loving they may be they cannot live up to the fantasies.
It would be better to approach sex from the perspective of Queen Victoria who unromantically advised a nervous young bride that on her wedding night to just “lie back and think of England” or reproducing citizens than to view it from the perspective of fantasy. Everything works great in fantasy. People can be over the top in acting. Indeed, married ladies have been known to fake it. The reality is that if used righteously, the marriage bed can be quite fulfilling without all the silliness in writ and film.
Adam and Eve had the best in the Garden. They had perfect bodies and a perfect location with no distractions of other people. That’s gone people. Our bodies do not work as well as theirs and we need to focus on one mate to get the best we can in this age. Communicate your needs and a person in love with you will seek to fulfill them as long as they can realistically do so.
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
It used to be a shame to be naked in front of anyone other than your spouse or doctor and that first visit and that wedding night were both very awkward. Not so much today since many women including some professing Christian women flaunt their “girls’, their backside and their animal track. If you expose yourself, you are either wanting people to look or you are saying that you do not mind if they look so why get mad if they do or ask to see more? That’s another discussion.
We have made marriage a very complicated process today. God says a couple leave home and bond with each other consummating that bond with sex that makes them one flesh. There has always been plenty of sex in the world since we have gone from eight to eight billion in just a few thousand years, but not a lot of lasting bonding. At least from man’s perspective. God sees it as marriage once you consummate it. Even our laws allow for an annulment, if there has been no intercourse. Wills are challenged on that basis. Remember the famous lady that married a rich man and his family contested the will because they said there was no consummation as she was very young and he was in his 80s? God seals that bond for life, even if we do not.
1Cor 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
Jesus said to look was to commit adultery because it was a heart issue. What about if you actually do it? Remember that bond thing? Paul says that a one-night stand is the same as a marriage because of that bond thing. So, if you look in lust you commit adultery and become bonded to that person. Paul says the same thing and it is basically a marriage if you understand the language.
Many people from my generation who were involved in the free love movement had many husbands and wives long before they had a piece of paper from the government. Many people who have never physically strayed from their one and only spouse have many husbands and wives due to lust in the heart. There are many spiritual polygamists and they do not know it because they think it is OK to look and not touch. Jesus said looking is just the same as you only lack opportunity to fulfill your lust. That is the only real difference between the person in the motel or the person looking their neighbor or porn is opportunity. If you are single, you are a fornicator so do not think you are any better off than the married person. You are still in deep do do. On a spiritual level, you are married to the first one you slept with or lusted about so anyone after that is adultery even if you are a physical virgin.
Proverbs 6:32 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
Again, men tend to be the initiators albeit in this age many women initiate sexual encounters so the reverse is also true. Not only will a person go to Hell, if he is not saved but there are other consequences. A saved person will not go to Hell, but his/her life will be hellish until they repent and are forgiven.
A soul can be destroyed because each person you bond with gets a piece of you soul because as you bodies merge there is a bonding of the soul even if you are just doing a one night with a stranger off of Craigslist, Facebook or the local hooker. It is not just sex and money that exchanged, You are exchanging bits of your soul with each other because that is how God ordained to be a bonding of body and soul.
If it is just a person you are lusting after you will lose a piece of your soul, but they may not. If they are a lustful person dressing to arouse lust maybe God lets the interchange happen. If the person is innocent and dressed modestly, that person may not lose a piece their soul, but you will and maybe that is even more damaging. We are not the given the details in those cases so we can only speculate. We only know that the Judge of all the earth will do right.
I cannot find it on the Net, but I once saw a poster for HIV prevention that showed a couple and then all the people each had slept with saying that you are not only sleeping with your partner but everyone they slept with and so on. Indeed, I read where DNA can stay with you for even years so if you had sex with only your husband and he dies some of his DNA may be present if you remarry two years later and have sex with your new husband.
In this case, we have an example of the natural picturing the supernatural. In your soul, you are bonded with every person you slept with or fantasized sleeping with thus dividing you soul into possibly many sections of bonds making it hard to bond with your one true love; You are married to too many people. James says a double-minded man can receive nothing from God. What true relationship can a person who may be have their soul divided by hundreds of men or women?
This may be one of the leading causes of depression and even insanity that cannot be healed because no one is investigating this. We do know that guilt can be debilitating. One lady became paralyzed after an affair while her husband was overseas. No physical cause was found. Finally, a Christian counselor found out about the affair and advised her to confess to God and her husband After reconciliation with God and her husband her paralysis vanished. A person in a catatonic state was asked about what they were guilty of and they broke down in tears and after confession they were healed mentally and spiritually walking out of that hospital.
The divided soul indeed is ill and may feel the guilt that the mind represses because it does not believe in God or sin or like many believe that looking and not touching is fine. Unless, a person comes to Christ for forgiveness and salvation they will live a life of a destroyed soul and eventually die and go to Hell with that soul. If a person is saved and has been dabbling in porn or unrealistic fantasies from other sources dividing their soul they need to come to Christ for forgiveness and ask Him to break all soul ties with people real or imagined they have slept with in reality or virtual reality thus healing their soul.
So Ladies, are you doing porn of any kind and in danger of living out your fantasy? If so, something in this prayer whether you are saved on not will relate to you. Take the idea and put it into your own words and find freedom.
Lord Jesus, I come to You as the Son of God who came to earth to pay for the sins of man with the shedding of Your blood on the Cross. I know that payment was acceptable to God because You rose from the dead in three days and now live to bring peace between the Father and those who will come to You to confess their sins and receiving forgiveness and eternal life by putting faith or trust in what You did. I can do nothing to save myself. I am drowning in my sins and I look only to You for my salvation. Please forgive my sins and at this moment I am thinking especially of my sexual sins though I know I am guilty of many more sins. I need them all forgiven and I know You will do because You said You would. Please break all soul ties I have with past lovers or imagined ones I have seen in porn or people in my life that I have wanted sex with but lacked opportunity. I am not a Christian, but by faith in You I am now. Please create in me a clean heart and a right spirit. Help me to find a good church that will help me learn about You and have people there who will love me and encourage me. Thank You for Your love and salvation! Amen.
If you are a Christian, then where it starts that I am not a Christian say, Jesus, I am a born-again Christian, but I turned from you to my lust and I ask forgiveness for the porn be it soft porn in novels, TV shows or hard porn movies. I am sorry that I have been unfaithful to You and my spouse or my future spouse. Please break all soul ties I have with past lovers or imagined ones I have seen in porn or people in my life that I have wanted sex with but lacked opportunity. Please create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Use me to bring others out of these sins. Use me to win souls and edify saints. Thank You that You love me with a love that allows me to return to Your grace and fellowship. Thank You, Jesus! Make me whole again. Amen!
