“Soul Friends”
September 3, 2017
Matthew 28:16-20
“Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Colossians 2:1-2
“You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.”
Recently a couple of words caught my attention. I suppose I had heard them before; maybe I had even had some instruction in them – but they struck me like they never had before. They were the words “Soul Friends”.
Without a doubt I can say I have had many ‘soul friends” in my life. I would define many of you as such. When I was in the hospital this last time I was blessed with the realization of how many people care deeply about me. So many prayed for me and wished me well and some picked up some of my load. It truly gave me strength and helped in the process of healing. But the way this term was used was in a little different context. John Wesley actually came up with it. John Wesley believed that all Christians need the support of spiritual friendship and guidance. To Frances Godfrey, he wrote,
“It is a blessed thing to have fellow travelers to the New Jerusalem. If you do not find any you must make them for none can travel this road alone.”
Even wealthy bankers like Ebenezer Blackwell needed spiritual friends. Wesley wrote to him,
“I am fully persuaded if you had always one or two faithful friends
near you who could speak the very truth from their heart and watch over you in love, you would swiftly advance.”
To Mary Bosanquet he wrote, “You have need of a steady guide and one that knows you well.”
Wesley’s letter to Ann Bolton, written when he was 82 years of age, shows both the need and the qualities Wesley expected in a spiritual friend.
My Dear Nancy—It is undoubtedly expedient for you to have a friend in whom you can fully confide that can always be near you or at a small distance, and ready to be consulted on all occasions. The time was when you took me to be your friend; and (to speak freely) I have loved you with no common affection. I “have loved you”—nay, I still do; my heart warms to you while I am writing. But I am generally at too great a distance, so that you cannot converse with
me when you would. I am glad, therefore, that Providence has given you one whom you can more easily see and correspond with. You may certainly trust her in every instance; and she has . . . understanding, piety and experience. She may therefore perform those offices of friendship which I would rejoice to perform were I near you. But whenever you can, give me the pleasure of seeing you.
John Wesley discovered for himself that he needed a soul friend and he, himself became a soul friend to many people through the years. I think the Apostle Paul must have been his example. Paul wrote,
“So deeply do we care for you that we are determined to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you have become so dear to us”. 1 Thess 2:8, NRSV
“We were gentle among you, like a nurse tenderly caring for her own children”
1 Thess 2:7, NRSV
“We dealt with each one of you like a father with his children, urging and encouraging you and pleading that you live a life worthy of God, who calls you”
1 Thess 2:11-12, NRSV
“For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? Yes, you are our glory and joy!” 1 Thess 2:19-20, NRSV
I think it was almost taken for granted in the early days of the Church that we would each have ‘soul friends’ or mentors and that we ourselves would become mentors as we matured in the Lord. Acts 20:20, sometimes called the 20/20 vision of the New Testament Church, says:
“You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house.”
Notice that the Early Church not only met publicly, usually at the Temple – but also from house to house in small groups.
Faith mentoring is the ministry of an experienced, mature, established Christian to a new convert, a young Christian, or even a not-yet-saved person. It is the spiritual equivalent of a journeyman-apprentice relationship. John Wesley called them “spiritual fathers” and “nursing mothers.”
“Twin souls” is another term Wesley used to describe two mature spiritual friends who meet with each other regularly as equals giving to each other support, accountability, discerning insight, concerned counsel, and love as they serve as God’s usher to one another. “God’s Usher” is another word Wesley used. That is the ministry of faith mentors and spiritual friends. They usher the one they serve into the presence of God. They usher their friends down the paths of righteousness, truth, and peace where epiphany can happen.
Perhaps “Soul Friends” is the most neglected ministry among Wesleyan-Holiness people today. The mature Christian is always called to serve, serve, and serve some more, but who serves; who ministers to the experienced Christian? Too often they are left alone to fend for themselves. Such faithful believers need a soul friend with whom they can share the spiritual life “without reserve and without disguise.” That is where a “Soul Friend” comes in.
This is not like preaching to 100 people, nor is it like teaching a class of 20. This is one-on-one ministry. Some said if the Christian faith is to prosper in the post-Christian age, it will require spending more time with fewer people. Mass appeals will still have their place, but since the culture cannot be counted on to value, let alone teach Christian values, the job needs be done one person at a time. The coaching and nourishing and teaching must be done more thoroughly than ever. That means small groups and one-to-one ministry. In other words, “More time with fewer people!” That is how the New Testament Church was grown and that is how we will make disciples today.
The Wesleyan movement began with small groups and mentoring. They met at the convenience of the participants. Saturday night was a popular time but it might also be mid-week, morning or evening. Then came a movement that took the place of these small groups. It was called Sunday School. Since people were mostly farmers it was more convenient to come to church in the morning for Sunday School, go to church and stay for the Evening Evangelistic Service. Today many churches have all but lost small group disciplining and teaching. Some of the larger, growing, churches have discovered it is a wonderful tool to evangelize, train, and disciple their members. I think we need to get back to this lost art or we will lose our converts and end up with spiritually shallow members.
One pastor shared this true store. “We sat under a giant eucalyptus tree enjoying one of those glorious June afternoons in Marin County, California. My new friend and I spoke of things theological, philosophical, and political. He looked at his watch.
“Oh, I’ve got to be going,” he said. “I’ve got a mentoring meeting in less than an hour.”
“A what?” I asked.
“A mentoring meeting. Our church has this mentoring program. About 30 professional men and women in our church make themselves available to high school juniors and seniors. If a teen is interested in law, medicine, dentistry, ministry, teaching, or banking— whatever—they can sign up with one of us.
“Sign up?” I asked.
“Yes, for a year we mentor the youngster in our profession. He or she accompanies us through our work—getting an inside look at law, medicine, or
Professoring - that’s me,” he replied.
“Is it strictly business?” I queried.
“Oh, no. We spend social time together as well. And the kids usually have some real basic questions about the Christian faith too.”
“You feel like it’s a good investment, I take it,” I said.
“Let’s put it this way. At least 25 young people from our church have gone into the profession of their local church mentor. That’s 25 Christian professionals that
our church has put on the map, so to speak.”
Kind of dumbstruck, I muttered, “How utterly Wesleyan.”
“No,” he replied, “we’re all Presbyterians.”
Faith mentoring opportunities may last from a day to a decade. During these mentoring relationships the experienced, spiritually mature believer mentors a new or inexperienced Christian. They may take on the role of coach, Model, gift-giver, map-maker, sponsor and a number of other roles.
A 12th century saint said, “What happiness, what security, what joy to have
someone to whom you dare to speak on terms of equality to another self; one to whom you need have no fear to confess your failings; one to whom you can unblushingly make known what progress you have made in the spiritual life; one to whom you can entrust all the secrets of your heart.”
A contemporary minister testifies that he has led spiritual formation seminars and classes among evangelicals on three continents. Part of the seminar work is a spiritual life profile test that flags strengths and weakness in the spiritual life. Whether clergy or lay, men or women, married or single, American or European or Asian or Hispanic the most glaring lack evangelicals say is that they don’t have a spiritual friend. They don’t have anyone to talk to about the things that matter most.
How about you? Are you a Timothy that has a Paul mentoring him? Are you a Paul mentoring a Timothy or Silas? If you are in the market for a soul friend – these are the qualities to looks for:
Qualities Needed for Faith Mentors and Spiritual Soul Friends
1. A well-established Christian, not a novice or a new convert.
2. A person with a good reputation and strong character.
3. A person who knows the Scriptures.
4. A man or woman who is both loving and learned. Competent in theology and human relationships.
5. Someone who knows the history of the Christian faith and prizes its treasures.
6. A man or woman known for personal holiness.
7. A person possessed and led by the Holy Spirit.
8. A man or woman who has the gift of discerning the movements of the Spirit.
9. A person who embodies the grace of God.
10. A person who practices frankness and honesty.
11. A person who listens and shows tender respect.
12. A man or woman with the gift of patience.
13. A person of peace and tranquility and free from greed.
14. A person who prefers God over things.
15. A man or woman who practices self-giving love, openness, and vulnerability in relationships.
16. A person who knows forgiveness and is forgiving.
17. A person of experience in life and in prayer.
18. A person who loves the poor.
19. A person who is committed to the mission of the Church.
20. A person who has membership in the local Church.
Someone came up with a list of expectation for “Soul Friends”.
Expectations for same-gender faith mentors:
1. I will spend the time it takes to build an intensely bonded relationship with the person I am mentoring.
2. I commit myself to the task of visualizing and articulating the possibilities and potential of the person I am mentoring.
3. I will be honest, yet affirming, in confronting the errors, faults, prejudices, and immaturities of the person I am mentoring.
4. I will be verbal and transparent before the mentee. I will share my own failures and brokenness, my strengths and successes as part of a relationship of integrity.
5. I commit myself to stand by the learner through trials and hardships—even if these are invoked or self-inflicted by the mentee’s ignorance, error, or mistakes.
6. I will help the person I mentor set spiritual and life goals and share his or her dreams.
7. I will help the learner objectively evaluate progress toward his or her goals.
8. I commit myself to living out everything I teach.
9. I am willing not only to teach but also to be taught by the learner as the Spirit directs.
10. I will let the mentee go when the time comes, wishing him or her the best in taking the next step. I will not try to reproduce myself in the learner, but help him or her become the person God had in mind when He created this person.
Some of you familiar with Church history may remember George Whitefield. He was a contemporary of John Wesley. In fact, they were friends and Whitefield even preached at Wesley’s funeral. Wesley was an Arminianist and Whitefield was a Calvinist. They had many an interesting debate about theology– yet they still loved each other. Whitefield In his old age, a famous evangelist who preached to more throngs than John Wesley ever did, looked back sadly on his career. “Brother Wesley acted wisely,” he said. “The souls that were awakened under his ministry he joined in class, and thus preserved the fruits of his labor. This I neglected, and my people are a rope of sand.” A rope of sand is not very strong – is it? A rope of sand does not last nor is it very useful.
When I started my ministry over 40 years ago, there was a program that all the churches joined together in. It was, “Here’s Life America!” The goal was to reach every home in America with the gospel of Christ. And we did! Through systematic phone calls, TV, Radio, billboard ads and other unique ways – the goal was reached. No one knows how many people were won to the Lord. Sadly, nobody knows how many baby Christians spiritually died because of neglect. There was no follow-up; no discipling method, no teaching or mentoring.
Today, I want to encourage you to find a soul-friend and become a soul-friend. You should be nurturing a new Christian or being nurtured yourself. Emilie Griffin writes, “To ‘find’ a spiritual friend is truly to be found, to be chased
down, smoked out of one’s hiding place in the corner of existence and brought into the center, swept into the blazing presence of God. . . . This love . . . is . . . the friendship of the saints in heaven and on earth.”
Would you ask God to help you find a “soul friend”? Would you ask God to lead you to someone you can mentor – or someone that can mentor you? It begins with prayer. Prayer results in a soul friend. Ultimately the rewards are eternal.
I would like to encourage you to write me a note if you would like to be mentored or if you would like to mentor someone. Let’s make some soul-friends and let’s produce fruit that will last for eternity!
(Much of this material and certainly the idea came from the Nazarene Modular Study "Practicing Wesleyan-Holiness Spiritual Formation")
