The Church in a Messy World
Staying on the Road of Sexual Purity
1 Corinthians 7:1-9
July 9th, 2017
Introduction:
The last time we met we worked our way through the end of 1st Corinthians 6 in which Paul began teach on sexual purity. Some don’t like to hear sermons on sex. Preach a sermon or two on sex and many Christians become “Victorian” really quick. Listen, we should not be ashamed to talk about that which God was not ashamed to create and bless.
Two of our priorities at Life Bridge are…
Restoring Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (Slide)
And
Strengthening Families (Slide)
Both require a rich, biblical, vibrant view of sex and sexuality. Our kids are dropping like flies partly because churches and their families do not talk about it enough. This morning we’re going to look at chapter 7, verses 1-9. Let me state right here that this morning’s sermon is for singles, widows and marrieds.
In chapter six we discovered one of God’s primary purposes for our bodies. Look at verse 13 on the screen…
“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”
1 Corinthians 6:13b
Now look at verse 15…
“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute [someone you are not married to]? Never!”
1 Corinthians 6:15
A bit later Paul asks…
“Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Here’s what Paul is driving at…
One primary purpose for your body is to make Christ look as wonderful as He truly is through how you conduct yourself sexually.
I say this because the verses I just read are couched in a discourse on sex. The Corinthian believers had a big time problem when came to sex. Again, one way we glorify God is through how we conduct ourselves sexually. Think on this. The Lord will give you understanding.
So we must ask this question: How do we give God glory through our sexuality? What’s the Plan?
The Plan
The first thing Paul states is that we must do to glorify God is to…
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19
First: When tempted to sin sexually you must run away and stay away.
That’s part of what the word “flee” means. Remove yourself physically! Like I said last time, this side of heaven you never get to a place where you can stay and not play. The draw is that strong. The longer you stick around the greater the chance for playing around. And we must also build guardrails too. By implication the word “flee” includes shunning sexual immorality too.
Guardrails explained
You all know what guardrails are for. They keep you from getting into trouble. They are usually built a few yards from where real trouble happens. Bumping into them isn’t good. In order to keep from killing ourselves with bad sex, part of fleeing includes building guardrails that prevent you from going over the edge AND they must be built far enough away from the edge in order to work.
Hitting one should send off bells and whistles that make you feel bad. That’s the purpose of a guardrail. They are personal convictions that you adhere to. They warn you not to go there.
After I preached on guardrails two weeks ago someone commented to me that when tempted sexually we must count the cost, meaning we need to count what it’s going to cost if we don’t run. I agree, but the time to count the cost must be done BEFORE sexual temptation strikes, especially for men, since the “feel good chemicals” associated with sex are quickly released in most men’s brains soon after temptation strikes.
Stop, Drop and Roll
Do you remember what you were taught to do if you ever caught on fire? I remembered it this past Tuesday before lighting some fireworks. I live next door to the former Fire Marshall for Illinois. He reminded me that he was as he saw me set up to shoot off a few fireworks. I told him that the key operative word is “former” at which we both laughed. One of the things I miss most about childhood is Cherry Bombs and M-80’s!
If you catch on fire you’re supposed to do what? Say it with me: Stop, Drop and Roll. That’s what I was taught. When you catch on fire you don’t have time to consider the cost. You need to act on what you already know! The same is true when illegitimate fires of passion come your way. You better have guardrails already in place.
I have copies of some guardrails for you to consider in the foyer.
This brings us to chapter 7. We reviewed chapter 6 for even though Paul now addresses specific questions the church of Corinth sent him, I believe he strategically placed his answers at this place with chapter 6 serving as the backdrop. Paul continues to talk about the plan for glorifying God through our how we conduct ourselves sexually in verses 1 thru 9. There are other things we need to do. Fleeing isn’t enough. Guardrails aren’t enough.
Let’s read verses 1 thru 9.
Here Paul tells us how to keep our eyes on the road of sexual purity so we don’t need to go through life bumping into one guardrail after another. Here is a second aspect of God’s plan…
Second: See being single and celibate as a priceless gift from God. (7:1, 8, 32-35)
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
1st Corinthians 7:1
Do you see the quotation marks around “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”? Paul is repeating back to them something they must have written in the letter they sent him. Apparently some were recommending celibacy as desirable if not obligatory for all believers, single or married. Some probably concluded that it’s best to get rid of sex totally as a solution to the problems they personally experienced in their sex-saturated culture. Many had “sexual baggage” from their past and wrongly concluded that sex was deplorable and disposable. Or they thought it more spiritual to abstain from it, even in marriage. Most everyone I know has experienced some degree of sexual wounds.
In verses 6 thru 9 Paul clarifies what he means by “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” in verse 1…
“Now as a concession, not a command I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”
1st Corinthians 7:6-8
To not have sexual relations with a woman means “It is good to be single.” Paul isn’t commanding singleness but he is elevating it. Let me state something I haven’t said too often…to my shame. “Single” is not a four-letter-word! It’s important we understand this in our Christian culture that tends to idolize marriage and that you are subpar if not married.
Paul was so completely committed to a life of singleness and celibacy that he longed for everyone to have it. But his reason for being single is the exact opposite of what you hear today. Our culture values singleness because it allows maximum freedom to us to do as we please. Many think, “I don’t want anyone to cramp my style. It’s my life. Let me do as I please.” I think T.V. shows like Seinfeld, which was popular in the 90’s, typifies the attitudes of many today.
This isn’t what Paul had in mind!
Look at verses 32-35…
“I want you to be free from anxieties. (What might those anxieties be?) The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Paul valued singleness because it allows us to devote the vast majority of our attention on Christ and His mission to make disciples.
I have seen this. Some of the best workers are those who are single.
• Just recently our own Amanda P. went to work for a mission’s agency in Israel where she will be for an extended period of time. Singleness allows her to do this.
• A little over a year ago Ashley D. quickly left her job to take the interim position in children’s ministry here at Life Bridge because she was single at that time. She filled a big hole until Dave was hired.
Get this: Singleness is good, if it’s not wasted! Don’t waste your singleness on yourself. God calls it a gift in verse 8. In verse 38 Paul actually states that singleness should be preferred over marriage!
“So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”
1 Corinthians 7:38
These are God-breathed words! I don’t think Paul is giving his personal opinion in this verse. He is at the very beginning of verse 6, but not here.
A word to widows and widowers…
This is true for widows and widowers too. Have you lost your spouse? If possible, use this time in your life to invest more deeply in Christ’s mission. You’re not done until your dead! You have much to give. Don’t waste your remaining years. While its fine to attend coffees, bible studies, etc., don’t stop there. Invest in others.
If you are single, embrace it. It will help you stay on the road of purity. Don’t look at it as something you must “settle for”. Trust Paul. You are not getting ripped off being single and sexless. Sex is good but it isn’t God. Our church needs singles. Give yourself to the Lord’s work.
I think you have a choice. You can be single and serve or single and selfish. There really isn’t much of a middle ground.
We must move on. There is a third thing that will help us keep our eyes on the road of purity. We must see that…
Third, marriage is also a gift from God. (7:7)
“I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”
1st Corinthians 7:7
Just like singleness is a gift (present grace given by God) so is marriage. Marriage is also good. I once saw a greeting card that said, “If you love someone let them go” on the front. On the inside it said… “And if he doesn’t leave you know you married him.” That’s sort of funny. If you’re married you may need to remind yourself that marriage is also a gift. If you are married, stay married. Turn your attention toward your spouse. A good marriage is a great way to bring glory to God for it’s a picture of Christ’s enduring, steadfast relationship to us.
So, how can you know if marriage is right for you? There are many, many ways. Paul focuses on one at this point…
“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:2
“But if they [singles and widows] cannot exercise self-control, they should marry than to burn with passion.”
1 Corinthians 7:9
Now you may be thinking this is a rather “base” reason for marriage, but we must not think this way since these are God’s thoughts, not mans. A legitimate reason for marriage is safety from sexual temptations. With that said, I don’t think Paul means that the main way to know whether or not singleness is for you is by checking your sexual temperature. There are many singles with strong sexual desires that have chosen to forgo marriage for the greater good of giving themselves to God’s kingdom work.
In Matthew 19:11-12 Jesus told his disciples that
“…there are some who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 19:12b
In other words some purposefully deprive themselves of sex and marriage for God’s greater work. I’ve heard people say, “If you have no desire for sex then it’s a good sign you have the gift of singleness.” That’s baloney! Jesus is saying the opposite in Matthew 19. You may be single and want marriage but know that God is calling you to deny it so that you can invest deeply in making disciples.
If we take “sexual temperature” as the measure of whether or not a person should be married then a married person might think, “Since I have no desire for sex, maybe I shouldn’t be married.”??? We don’t want to go there do we?
Paul is saying, “If you are in a position to marry and cannot control your sexual urges with the other person, then by all means it’s fine to get married. It isn’t more spiritual to remain single.” I think this is a good interpretation of verse 9.
Verses 36 supports this…
36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed [virgin], if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.”
1 Corinthians 7:36
So marriage is a gift from God too.
And once married, you must understand that…
Fourth, frequent selfless lovemaking in marriage serves as a valuable protection against adultery, porn, etc. (3-6)
It keeps both you and your spouse on the road of purity.
Follow as I read from the NIV version
“3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 NIV
At first glance it’s easy to think Paul had a low view of marriage since all he talks about in these verses is sex within the marriage relationship.
Let me once again remind you that Paul is giving specific answers to specific questions they sent him. Paul says much more on marriage in his other letters such as Ephesians 5 that deal with loftier reasons for marriage. Right now he is answering a question. Like our culture, the Corinthians lived in a morally perverse society. Really, I actually think ours is worse because of extremely easy access to the internet and porn sites.
Paul is saying, “Hey married couple, you live in a perverse society. Don’t hold out on each other sexually thinking you are doing something good or that it isn’t needed.” Apparently, both husbands and wives in this church were holding out on each other. Maybe they thought withholding was the higher ground. Paul responds with, “Where did you get that idea!”
Before Saint Augustine became a follower of Christ he was known to visit prostitutes and lived a rather immoral lifestyle. It’s said that after he found Christ that he bumped into a prostitute who said, “Augustine, it is I.” Augustine replied, “But it is not I” for his identity had changed. The bad part is that later in life he taught that sex was sinful apart from pro-creation. We must not think this way.
Before we dig into these verses I must give some cautions…
1. Women should teach women and men should teach men how to be selfless, sexual lovers.
Lovemaking in marriage is a complex gift which men and women approach differently. We think differently. Women think pink and men think blue. The wise husband and wife will try to think with the other’s color from time-to-time.
IL: Passion Pursuit / Men’s Ministry
I am going to teach you God’s Word, not Bob’s Word but it’s easy to think the later because I am a man. Remember what I am about to say is the word of God which is equally applicable to both pink and blue thinkers.
This leads me to a 2nd caution…
2. Verse 6 relates to verse 7 not verse 5. When Paul says, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this” he is referring to what follows in verse 7. The construct of verse 6 does not allow it to be tied back to verse 5. This means everything in verses 3 thru 5 is a command from God.
3. Don’t use verses 3 thru 5 as a club to beat your spouse over the head.
It’s o.k. to bring these verses to your spouse’s attention every great once-in-awhile, but that’s about it. It’s abusive to use these verses to demand sex.
4. Don’t abuse the “No divorce clause” as an excuse for laziness in this or any area of your marriage.
Most marriages are performance-based meaning, “You do your part and I will do mine.” That’s marriage in the world and it can work as long as each keeps their part of the agreement.
Christian marriage means, “I will do my part even if you don’t do yours” which is how we must approach marriage. But don’t use that as an excuse for laziness…“I know she can’t divorce me because we’re Christians so I can get away with ___________.”
That’s ugly, dirty and even abusive. Don’t be that way. Give yourself fully to each other as Christ gives Himself to us.
With these cautions in mind, let’s take a closer look again at verses 3 thru 5.
“3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
As we go through this it’s important you think about what these verses mean for YOU, not your spouse. Here are a couple highlights you need to see:
Transfer of ownership…
1st, the moment you said “I do” you became “one flesh” with your spouse which means you gave up complete ownership of yourself.
You are still you but you gave up the right to do whatever you want to do. Marriage is meant as a reflection of our relationship to Christ. In Chapter 6, verses 19-20 Paul states,
“You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
God designed marriage to reflect that deep spiritual reality. God, as your owner, decided to delegate some of His ownership or I should say “dominion rights” of you to your spouse. I realize this is hard to take in a culture that values individualism but that’s the way it is and it must be good or God wouldn’t have made it this way. The Corinthians must have bristled at these words too for they were a “liberated” society like ours.
Responsibility…
2nd, you have the responsibility to give sex freely to your spouse, frequently.
The ESV uses the term “conjugal rights” which may sound cold. You may think, “Isn’t sex supposed to be exciting and spontaneous?” That’s nice but God says it’s also a responsibility. We are supposed to meet the others sexual desires. I realize saying this might not make me popular right now, but I’m telling you the truth.
I realize there are factors that are outside your control that make it nearly impossible such as illness, age (Sexual expression will look different for a couple in their twenties versus their eighties), etc. but we must admit there are factors within your control that can cause your sexual relationship to shrivel up and die such as overwork, pornography, not taking care of yourself, etc. And there are disciplines and rhythms of life that cause sexual expression to flourish which you need to feed.
And positive example is a guy named Charlie and his wife.
Charlie and His Wife
The story is told of an elderly couple that went out to dinner. During dinner the man said to his wife, do you remember how I kissed you next to the fence, out back behind this restaurant, 50 years ago? His wife said, “Oh Charlie, you little devil!” With a twinkle in his eye he said, “Let’s do it again after dessert!”
A police officer sitting at the table next to them overheard the conversation and decided he just had to watch so he snuck out into the darkened alley to observe. When the couple reached the fence Charlie pressed his wife against the fence to lay a big one on her. Immediately the couple started to twist and shout, eventually falling to the ground!
Impressed the officer couldn’t contain himself. Stepping out from a shadow he said, “I couldn’t help but see what took place. How do you keep such passion alive after all these years?”
Looking up at the officer Charlie said, “That wasn’t an electric fence 50 years ago!”
There are things even older couples can do to keep passion alive! Maybe you need to go home and put your finger in a light socket. JK
So, you have the responsibility to give sex freely to your spouse. That’s what God tells us in verses 3 and 4. The command is to keep your sexual relationship flourishing insofar as it is within your power.
The question is this: Will you be a selfless lover or a selfish lover?
“Marriage is the decision to serve each other whether in bed or out. Am I going to serve here or am I going to be selfish? Am I considering my spouse and what they need or am I only considering myself?”
Dr. Julie Slattery (Passion Pursuit)
I am sure you serve your spouse in many ways. Don’t neglect the bedroom!
“Is sex something I am giving to my spouse or withholding? Is sex something I am demanding or offering? Is sex something I am using as a tool of manipulation or as an expression of generous love?”
Gary Thomas
Great questions!
How?
Paul doesn’t tell us how to become selfless lovers, which I think is wise since each era presents different challenges. Take body image for example. Many women struggle with their body image. Back in the 70’s skinny lips where the thing for women! A model named “Twiggy” was the rage and she had lips so thin you could hardly see them. Full lipped women would do anything they could to hide them. Today, full lips are the thing. Go figure!
We are so fickle.
What we consider “frumpy” was “in” during the middle ages. They even posed naked for paintings! After sharing a few weeks back that we will be reunited with our bodies in the resurrection a woman told me that she sure hopes God gives her a “chiseled look.” I responded, “How about if ‘frumpy’ is in?” ?
The real hurdle…
The real hurdle sexually is one of shame that came as a by-product of self-will. Adam and Eve wanted to be their own boss. Before Adam and Eve sinned they were naked and not ashamed. But when they sinned they immediately started sewing fig leaves together even though they were perfect specimens humanly speaking. Shame entered the world and has been plaguing us ever since. Some shame is due to our own making while other is due to sins perpetrated against us.
Adam and Eve did not let shame hold them back sexually since Genesis 4 begins with these words…“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived…”
So must you. You must “know” your spouse and keep on “knowing” them.
Escape Clause…
Paul states the only escape clause is this…
“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again…”
1st Corinthians 7:5b
There is much more that can be said. Again, I think women need to teach women and Passion Pursuit is a great place to start and men need to talk to men. The world has polluted our thinking.
Time is short. Let me state one more thing we must understand if we are going to stay on the road of purity.
Fifth, understand that Satan uses sexual desire to destroy that which is good. (7:5)
5 …but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:5b
I learned the following from John Piper
By “lack of self-control” Paul doesn’t mean because you are weak and immature and you need to grow up. He may be referencing our yet-to-be fully redeemed bodies right now. I think he means this: When you battle with sexual temptation you are battling against Satan. Satan does not create sexual desire. God creates sexual desire. It is NOT sinful to feel sexual desire! (Repeat) But Satan attempts to use and abuse it.
Even though sexual desire comes from God, Satan knows we become increasingly vulnerable as it grows. This is especially true for your husband, ladies. (I have an article from Focus in the Family in the back foyer that explains this)The greater the sexual desire the easier it is for the enemy to deceive us into thinking that it’s fine to satisfy it through porn, adultery, etc. Just like increased physical hunger tempts us to eat whatever is at hand, the same is true with increased sexual hunger. We become more vulnerable and the enemy knows it.
Please take this seriously! That’s what God is saying in verse 5! Don’t send your spouse into the world starving sexually. Enter into the fray of battle against the enemy by coming together often with your spouse. If they are hungry, feed them. It’s the smart thing to do. Don’t think, “This is so much work.” It is work, but so is recovering from a divorce, adultery, a porn addiction, etc.
This doesn’t mean spouse that you are free to sin if your spouse doesn’t meet your sexual needs. You are responsible if you go over the edge of the cliff (see previous sermon). But a smart husband or wife can help take away the desire for their spouse to get close to the cliff.
PAUSE
The Question is: Will you honor God with your body in these ways? If single, will you give yourself fully to the Lord’s service? If married, will you be a selfless lover or a selfish lover?
“You are not your own. You have been bought with a price. Glorify God in your bodies.”
