The Church in a Messy World Series
Flee or Flirt, it’s Your Choice (Part Two)
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
June 25, 2017
Introduction:
Last week we began a walk through one of the most intense passages of Scripture regarding sex in the New Testament. Like us the church of Corinth was located in a morally perverse culture. Many members of their church were flirting with and fulfilling illicit sexual desires. As I said last week, there’s good sex and there is bad sex. By this I don’t mean the quality of a sexual experience. By good I mean healthy robust sex celebrated within the confines of marriage. By bad I mean that which is “immoral” and “destructive.”
I have been a pastor now for over 35 years. My first 17 were spent in youth ministry, another 12 in family ministry and as you know I am now a senior pastor. Now let me say this: I can’t remember one person that ever said to me something like, “Bob, I am so glad that I ignored what the Bible has to say about sex!” after living in immorality for an extended period of time. I had many plead for help putting their broken lives back together but not the other way around.
God is pro-pleasure
And let also state that God is pro-pleasure. He created our sexual organs with the ability to give great pleasure. He didn’t have to but He did. He did the same thing with our sight. God could have made us so that we see black and white like dogs. He could have made the earth black and white too. Instead He gave us a tremendous variety of colors to enjoy. He could have created food with no taste, but He chose to make food so wonderful that it explodes with flavor. It’s important we remember this for it’s really easy to think that God is angry and anti-fun, but that isn’t God. In the Song of Solomon God said to the newly married couple to “drink deeply” of sexual pleasure. (SOS 5:11) Numerous passages in the Bible speak the same way.
It’s the enemy, our old sinful nature and the world system under the control of the enemy that destroy sex, not God.
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Fire is good, as long as it is contained within a fireplace but destructive when not. Make a fire, but within the confines of monogamous heterosexual marriage relationship! And keep putting logs on the fire. It’s easy to think that sex is for young couples but the writer of Proverbs says “Rejoice in the wife of your youth…be intoxicated always with her love” (Proverbs 5:18, 19). I take it that this verse is directed toward those who have been married for a number of years.
At my last church, I asked our senior’s pastor what sex was like at the age of 80! I was 50 at the time and I was used to asking Cliff just about any question. With a smile and a wink he said, “The caper berries are still on the vine.” Now let me tell you I have no idea what caper berries are. I didn’t ask. I got what he meant by the way he smiled.
In a couple weeks we will take a close look at the opening verses of 1st Corinthians 7 which implores married couples to keep the fires of passion burning. And let me stop right here to advertise a one-day marriage training seminar we’re doing this fall called, The Art of Marriage. Slide (Explain)
Again, I am going to use the terms good sex and bad sex throughout this sermon, meaning moral and immoral sex. The Corinthian believers went after bad sex not realizing it was costing them dearly.
Reading of Scripture
I invite you to take your copy of the Scriptures and read along as I read 1st Corinthians 6, verses 12 thru 20.
(READ)
We see here The Problem, The Purpose and The Plan for our bodies and sex. Last week we looked at The Problem. (If you weren’t here I strongly encourage you to listen to last week’s sermon)
Today we will look at The Purpose and The Plan but let me quickly review their four-fold problem.
The Fourfold Problem: 1 Corinthians 6:12-13, 16
Problem #1: They used grace as an excuse for bad sex. (6:12)
“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful [profitable]. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything.”
1 Corinthians 6:12
“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature.”
Galatians 5:13a-b NIV
They allowed their old “sin nature” to talk them into thinking that they are free to do whatever they want because they are covered by God’s grace. It’s true that God’s grace covers all our sins past, present and future, but we must not use that as an excuse for bad sex. God forgives but He often doesn’t take away the consequences.
Problem #2: They thought they could successfully manage their sins. (12b)
Bad sex has a way of controlling you. On the flip side, good sex intoxicates in a positive way. (Proverbs 5:19)
Problem #3: They reasoned that the need for food and sex are pure physiological needs. (6:13)
“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality…
1 Corinthians 6:13a-b
Again, the phrase “Food is meant for the stomach…” was probably a popular saying in Corinth at the time. Two of our strongest physiological desires are for food and sex. Their argument was: I’m hungry so I eat. I’m frisky so I have sex, any kind. If it feels good, do it. Obey your thirst. Sound familiar? The old nature knows all-to-well about our physiological desires for food and sex and does whatever it can to get us to meet these needs in destructive ways.
And our yet-to-be fully redeemed bodies often work as willing accomplices with our old nature! They do it because they are weak since they have not experienced final redemption.
A Needed Clarification
Last week someone asked me if I meant to say that our bodies are evil. I love it when I get questions! Let me clarify that God sees our bodies as good, as you will see in just a few moments. But they are weak and therefore easily influenced by your old nature. Like I said last week, they are like a two-year-old son or grandson. You love them but constantly need to bring them into submission.
When Jesus was with his disciples in the Garden He asked them to pray. Later He found them catching some ZZZ’s. Looking at Peter He said…
“Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Matthew 26:41
By “flesh” Christ means the human body. And the word “weak” is
Weak: ?s?e???: impotent, sick, without strength
That’s the condition of our bodies. Loved by God, but impotent, sick or fallen, which results in a bent toward doing what our old nature desires. That’s why Paul said,
“I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV
So in a very strong sense the body is more a foe than a friend this side of eternity. Don’t obey your body. Make it obey you and Christ. This is part of walking by faith.
And fourth…
Problem #4: They didn’t realize that sex is metaphysical. (16)
Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute [sex outside marriage] becomes one body with her? For as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”
1 Corinthians 6:16
By this I don’t believe Paul meant that sex makes two people married. He’s telling us that sex, even casual sex, creates a bond. It’s the intertwining of lives. It has a spiritual component to it.
A Word of Hope
Before we move forward I want to give a word of hope to those who had many sexual partners. God can and does heal. He is in the business of renewing people.
While the bond of bad sex is permanent, He can heal the human spirit over time. The scars will always be there and God usually doesn’t take away the consequences of bad sex, but He can help you start fresh in your inner person.
That’s last week in a nutshell. We must move on to The Purpose and The Plan.
The Purpose
What is God’s purpose for believers in Christ as it relates to sex? God, through the Apostle Paul, gives the answer beginning at the end of verse 13…
“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”
1 Corinthians 6:13b
1st Corinthians 6:17 says…
“But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him.”
1 Corinthians 6:17
And verses 19 and 20 read…
“Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
This is pretty amazing. We must remember the context here is sex. Some people ditch the idea that Paul is talking about sex at this point in the passage to speak in general terms what it means to glorify God. Don’t do that. I believe Paul is speaking about how we can show off the wonder of God through our sexuality! Let me state what Paul is driving at in one sentence.
The purpose for your body is that you make Christ look as wonderful as He truly is through how you conduct yourself sexually.
I realize that Christ is magnified in other ways than this, but that’s what Paul is driving at given the context.
Let’s look more deeply at what this means…
#1: Good sex (marital sex) illustrates the exclusivity of our relationship to Christ.
The husband is exclusively for his wife and she is exclusively for him.
Healthy, vibrant sex, with just your spouse, serves as a deep illustration of the exclusivity of our relationship to Christ. There are many things a married individual can do with someone of the opposite sex, who isn’t their spouse, but sex is not one of them. Sex is exclusive.
Go tell the average person on the street that a) You been married for 25 years and b) you only have sex with your spouse and c) you keep the fires of passion burning and watch their expression. If they are wearing dentures they will fall out! It’s not normal. A while back I met with a couple that was living together. Each had been in many relationships including two previous marriages. They were in trouble. It was great to meet with them. During our conversation I told them Jean and I have been married for 41 years and that she is the only one I have been with sexually. It blew them away! The look on the woman’s face spoke volumes. I could tell that she wished she could say the same thing.
The exclusivity of my relationship with Jean demonstrated to them that Christ is for us and we are for Him.
#2: The same is true if you are single and sexually pure.
If you’re single and abstain from sexual immorality you also illustrate the exclusive nature of your relationship to Christ. And the same is true if you wrestle with homosexual desires. When you practice celibacy you show the exclusivity of your relationship to Christ.
Let me restate the end of verse 13 positively.
“The body is…for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”
1 Corinthians 6:13b
It’s an exclusive relationship. That’s why we must not get involved in bad sex and go for the good.
“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute [someone you are not married to]? Never!”
1 Corinthians 6:15
#3: Good sex serves as a powerful word picture of our mystical union with Christ.
Sex is metaphysical. It is actually a form of worship for God is glorified when we have sex in the marriage relationship. Paul said that we are to glorify God in whatever we do. Sex is good therefore when a husband and wife participate in it they are, to some degree, worshipping God. It’s possible…now I know some of you are going to dislike hearing this because you come from an uptight background…it’s possible to say to your spouse, “Hey honey, would you like to worship God with me in bed tonight?”
“For as it is written, ‘The two shall become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him.”
1 Corinthians 6:17
The “one flesh” union Paul speaks of here is the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Again, sex is never just sex. It bonds people in many ways. It symbolizes the deep mystical bond we have with Christ.
#4: God loves both your spirit and your body.
He sees you as a whole person. We see this in verse 19 where Paul says,
“…your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit of God within you…”
1 Corinthians 6:19
How would you like it if someone said, I love the inner you but I hate your body?
You may think, “I hate it too” but I bet you wouldn’t want to be around someone that said something like that.
Let me give another illustration. A few weeks back Troy and Ashely were married here in our church. What if after the wedding ceremony Troy and Ashley announced, “Now that we’re married we decided we’re not going to live together. We’re going to love each other’s inner person by writing love letters, etc. but this thing about living together? That’s not us!” Weird, right?
Here’s the point: God loves you so much that His Spirit lives within you. He set up house in your earthly body. He loves more than your inner person. He loves your body too.
And He loves your body so much that He will one day resurrect it.
“And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by His power.”
1 Corinthians 6:14
He wants more than your spirit to live with Him in eternity. He has plans for your body. Throughout Scripture we see both body and spirit being talked of as one entity. Both are extremely important.
Yesterday I conducted the Lathrop funeral. At the cemetary I watched as they lowered Mike’s body into the grave. As they did, one thought came to my mind: He won’t be there long!
Yes, his spirit went to be with Christ and he’s been outfitted with a temporary, heavenly body which I’m sure is great but God’s ultimate plan is that we be reunited with our resurrected body to live on a remade earth. God loves our bodies.
This thought must have been hard for the Corinthians believers to accept for many had bought into current thought that the body is bad and that death releases us from its prison. Here we see the opposite. God isn’t going to discard your body like an old pair of blue jeans. Both your body and spirit comprise your identity.
Again, let me state: The purpose for your body is that you make Christ look as wonderful as He truly is through how you conduct yourself sexually.
That’s what Paul is trying to get across in verses 13 through 20. We are to glorify God with our bodies. To glorify means to magnify, not something that is small, but something, in this case God, who is huge. We are like telescopes through which people catch a glimpse of the wonder and majesty of God. And one strategic way we are magnify God is through our sexuality.
That is God’s purpose for sex in this passage.
Let’s turn our attention now to…
The Plan
By this I mean the plan for keeping yourself on the right track sexually. This morning’s passage tells us to do one thing…
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19
Here’s what you need to remember: When sexual temptation comes, you must run away and stay away.
That’s what the word “flee” means in verse 19.
Flee: fe???: to run away, to shun…to escape.
Listen, This side of heaven, you never get to a level of spiritual maturity where you can stay and not play!
A mature believer realizes they never outgrow the need to run physically from this particular temptation! And we never outgrow the need to stay away from it!
“Flee” includes the idea of shunning or staying far away from places and devices where bad sex can be found.
This means wives when your husband tells you “Hey, can you change the password on your computer so that I can’t use it?” don’t look at him and think, “When will he ever grow up?” He is acting mature! He gets it! We never outgrow the need to stay away and run away from bad sex, whether you are a man or a woman! I could easily reverse this scenario.
I read about a mature, godly minister, who was invited by two women on an elevator to an evening of “casual” sex in the hotel where he was staying. He said, he ran, got to his room, and then collapsed behind the door shaking. Bad sex is powerful! Don’t be surprised if you find yourself shaking someday. There’s nothing wrong with you if you do. It’s the one sin God says we must run from.
King David loved God with all his heart but failed to run when he caught his first glimpse of Bathsheba taking a bath.
When I saw you “can’t stay and not play” I don’t mean it’s not your fault if you do “play” but that it’s very difficult to not “play” the longer you stay. You need to get out of there.
After the first service a gentlemen said to me that when tempted sexually you need to count the cost, meaning you need to count what it’s going to cost you if you don’t run. I appreciate his advice but let me say this: You don’t have time to count the cost, especially if you are a man! I’m told that when a man sees something sexy there actually is a chemical reaction that is released in the brain which takes away sound reasoning. Therefore, he’s not thinking right at that point. He doesn’t have the time to count the cost. He has to act! He has to run. Fleeing is the only option.
Do you remember what you were taught if you ever caught yourself on fire? I was told to Stop, Drop and Roll. I remember it to this day. When you’re on fire, you don’t have time to count the cost or consider what you should do. You need to do what you were taught and reflect on it later. The same is true with sexual temptation. Run.
Candy and Temptation
Last week we looked at how the Corinthians excused bad sex by equating it with the need for food and the stomach (verse 13). Their excuse was, “I’m hungry so I eat. I’m frisky so I have sex. And it matters not what I eat or what kind of sex I have. It’s too hard to deny my physiological drive for food and sex.”
Bad excuse, but one most of us can understand. Food, especially bad food, has a tremendous pull. If you struggle with the temptation for junk food, understand that your old nature partners with your body to present that temptation in the same way it does “junk sex.” Both must be avoided.
Let me tell you, if I know there is a box of double-stuff Oreo cookies in the cabinet, I’m going there. ? Call me weak. You know what I mean. Oreos come with three rows in a package. To me each row represents one serving, especially if I have a good glass of milk. Good thing Jean has us drinking Almond milk now. I still can’t figure out how they get milk out of Almonds.
The draw for bad sex is stronger and more devastating. You may not think it is, but I have counseled countless people who had NO desire for it only to find themselves in it! They may have entered via the door of relational hunger, but they got there none-the-less. When it presents itself, you must run.
Build guardrails too
(I give Andy Stanley credit for the idea of guardrails and some of what I am now going to share)
Not only must you run, you must also stay away from it. You must build guardrails that keep you far from it. “Flee” in verse 19, by implication, includes the idea of shunning and staying away from bad sex.
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You all know what guardrails are for. They keep you from getting into trouble. They are usually built a few yards from where real trouble happens. Bumping into them isn’t good. They can cause a lot of damage to your car but they keep you from killing yourself, which is way worse. In order to keep from killing ourselves with bad sex, part of fleeing includes building guardrails that will prevent you from going over the edge AND they must be built far enough away from the edge in order to work.
I don’t need guardrails!!!???
You may be thinking, “Who needs guardrails? I never hit one in my entire life!” I’m sure you’re a good driver but let a tire blow on your car and you may find yourself kissing up against one. I have a friend who ended up crashing into one when a bee flew in her window while driving!
The same is true in your life. Let a tire blow such as a family tragedy, loss of a job or even something great happen, such as an unexpected promotion, and you will be thankful you built some guardrails. The enemy waits for events like this to happen and if there are no guardrails, there you go. He looks for times of weakness. I’ve seen it happen many times.
I like Andy Stanley’s definition of a guardrail pertaining to sex…
“A guardrail is a standard of behavior that you choose that becomes a matter of conscience…I’m never going to do this in order to keep me from doing that.”
Andy Stanley
Hitting one should send off bells and whistles that make you feel bad because you’ve bumped into it. That’s the purpose of a guardrail. They are personal convictions that you adhere to. They warn you of trouble.
Talking of the adulterous woman, King Solomon said…
“For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter than wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword…Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house…”
Proverbs 5:3-4, 8
That’s a guardrail. Is his son guilty of sin if he walks by her home? Not necessarily, but it isn’t wise to do so. When it comes to the area of bad sex, we need guardrails that are impregnable since no sin is more devastating than bad sex.
With this said, I want to give you some guardrails to consider. Some of you may laugh at what I am going to say and I guess that’s o.k. because I can’t point to a particular chapter and verse for each of these. But let me say, these come from life experience. I read a sermon by Andy Stanley on this and found that I have many of the same guardrails in my own life.
People, you need a plan when it comes to sexual purity and that plan must include guardrails. Our pastoral staff has guardrails and we’re pastors! Everyone needs them.
Here are some guardrails to consider.
1. Do not travel alone with members of the opposite sex.
Now some of you may think this is crazy but it’s not. I won’t travel with a member of the opposite sex, alone. It’s not smart for anyone to do. Some years back I listened to the heart-breaking story of a woman who was sent on business trips with a male co-worker for the Christian radio station she was working for. Those extended times of travel ended up in intimate conversations and sex, which destroyed her marriage.
2. Don’t eat alone with members of the opposite sex.
It really isn’t smart.
3. If you can help it, don’t hire or work with someone you are attracted to.
Now, I’m sure some of you may be thinking if I believe the female members of our staff are ugly! ? That’s not what I’m saying. We have pretty women working for us. I am simply saying that if you can hire someone pretty you don’t personally find yourself attracted to.
4. Don’t entertain yourself with shows, movies, etc. that normalize bad sex.
Need I say more?
5. Don’t express emotional feelings or problems to the opposite sex.
I remember doing this one time. Immediately bells and whistles went off in my head. I could see that she was really uncomfortable too. It wasn’t a sin to share, but I hit a guardrail which sent off warning signals in my head.
Sexual intimacy rarely begins with the physical. It begins with the emotional.
6. I don’t counsel a member of the opposite sex unless it is in a public place where we both can be seen. And I greatly limit it. If you are woman this doesn’t mean I won’t counsel you but I think there is great wisdom in women counseling women.
7. Place strong guardrails on all smart devices which include the internet.
Put up double and even triple guardrails on this one. Giving an unprotected smart phone to a kid isn’t smart. It’s not smart for most adults either.
8. Don’t do work assignments alone with a member of the opposite sex.
This includes class assignments. I have a married friend who was paired up with a single woman for a class assignment which required hours together. Not good! It ended in an affair and a broken marriage.
9. Don’t open your heart on Facebook since the opposite sex can see it ant they might use it to try and wiggle their way into your heart.
10. If you find you’re attracted to a specific individual, tell someone who will hold you accountable.
Telling others often takes away the attraction.
11. Don’t look a woman in the eyes for long.
I got this one from Dennis Rainey. Let me explain. Years ago I remember Dennis saying that the eyes are the window to an individual’s heart and since they are you should not look long into the eyes of someone of the opposite sex. Yes, look her in the eyes, but don’t linger. Look at her nose, etc. He also told women in his audience to pull the shades down to the window in your heart by not looking long into a man’s eyes.
Now you may think that’s weird, but I think there’s something to it. And by all means men, don’t look south of her chin! (It took a minute for some people to get this one)
12. Don’t be caught dead alone in the house of a member of the opposite sex. As you know, our Worship Arts Pastor, Jeremy and his wife Becka just celebrated their one year anniversary. Jeremy lived alone while dating her. Many of you know that too. What you may not know is that both of them decided to put up a guardrail. They decided that Becka would not visit with Jeremy in his home alone. They did this people for two years! Once Jeremy was really sick and Becka decided to talk to him through the kitchen window! They visited each other in different places but knew that being alone at home would be dangerous.
You may think that’s extreme. That’s o.k. But you better have a plan and it better be good. Sometimes it’s unavoidable to be at home alone with someone of the opposite sex, like when a repairman comes over. In those cases, call your spouse to let them know.
Let me give you one more…
13. Treating yourself to a massage? Don’t let a member of the opposite sex give you one. Again, you may think that’s extreme, but is it???
These are all guardrails. There are many things you can and should do to keep from ever hitting one in the first place, one of which we will talk about on July 9th, but understand that guardrails are good. They make you feel bad which keeps you from going over the edge. If you don’t have them, you won’t feel bad until it’s too late.
Let me close by asking, what are yours? And are they working? If they aren’t, you need to build some new ones further back from the edge of the cliff.
Flirt or Flee. The choice is yours.
