Luke 15:11-32
Parable of the Perfect Father
Today’s story is probably my favorite in the Bible. I’ve shared it with you before, but never in the context of Father’s Day. Since the real hero of the story is the father, I thought it might be a good story to look at today. Let’s consider some gifts this father gives his kids that make him an amazing dad. And maybe we can give these same gifts to those around us. First, the father in the story gives ...
1. Freedom to make mistakes. You don’t have to be perfect to belong to this family. It’s a good thing, too, because one son is an impetuous spendthrift and the other a prideful perfectionist. Let’s start with the spendthrift. He says to his dad, “I want my inheritance now!” which is basically saying, “I wish you were dead.” And unbelievably, the father gives him what he asks for.
Now we don’t know the whole story, but we can guess that the father knows his son needs to learn the hard way. Some kids are like that. They need the freedom to fail, so that they can come to their senses on their own.
This dad’s style—giving the freedom to fail—is a good style for dads, but also for moms, and for anyone in authority. My favorite commanders weren’t afraid of failure; they wanted their subordinates to take risks, to try something new. A zero-deficiency mentality is a recipe for disaster. The VA, like most of corporate America, is seeking to cultivate an innovative mindset.
And so it is with raising children. Tim Kimmel, in his book “Grace-based Parenting,” notes, “Grace-based parents don’t take their kids’ mistakes personally. When their kids do stupid things and the police knock at the door, parents don’t remind their kids of all the mistakes they’ve made. They say, ‘OK, let’s figure out what you’ve done and what the consequences are.’” (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/spiritual-growth-for-kids/blessing-your-child/grace-doesnt-just-happen)
You’ll know you’re a success as a parent if you can work yourself out of a job. You want your kids to become self-sufficient adults. My mother, in her later years, lamented, “You don’t need me anymore!” That was partly true. We were self-sufficient. And I told her, “Mom, you and Dad did such a good job that all of your children have good careers and healthy lives. All of your children know the Lord. What a great job you did!” But I also told her, “Yes, we still need you. We need you to be our biggest cheerleader, to reassure us—when we’re struggling with parenting or marriage—that it will turn out ok, that we’re doing our best.
This father gives his kids freedom to fail, and along with that he gives them ...
2. Forgiveness with a second chance. Forgiveness, by definition, is never earned. It is an undeserved gift. And so it is between this father and son. Since the dad notices the son a long way’s off, it appears the dad has been searching for his son, longing for his return. He can’t wait to forgive him, so much so, that he does the unthinkable: this patriarch of the family hitches up his robe and rushes to meet his son! This is so counter-cultural for a Jewish man to humble himself in such a way that it only points to an incredible act of loving forgiveness.
So what’s with the robe and the ring and the brisket barbeque? (The latter is a Texas translation.) Back then, you only killed the fatted calf on the most special of occasions, and then you invited the entire village to share in the feast. It was a block party! This father is saying to the whole world, “I don’t care what my son has done. He is still my son!”
But it isn’t just the younger son that needs forgiveness. This amazing dad pursues the older boy too, the one filled with sanctimonious, self-righteous pride, the one who has always done the right thing but with the wrong attitude. Dad is willing to give him another chance as well.
The best dads allow for second chances, as do the best moms and the best friends and the best spouses. Because we all know that someday we will need a second chance as well. If we’re not willing to extend grace and forgiveness to others, it may not be there for us when we need it.
Granted, sometimes we still have consequences for our decisions. In today’s story, the younger son finds his family again, but his inheritance is gone forever. So this means the older son is footing the bill for the party out of his part of the estate, which may explain some of his anger. But even with consequences comes reconciliation, as this father seeks to reintegrate both sons back into the family.
This father gives gifts of freedom to make mistakes and forgiveness with a second chance, and lastly he gives ...
3. Favor. He bestows unmerited favor. The father deeply loves both his sons, to the point that he takes the initiative to pursue each one, regardless of how it may affect his financial standing or his reputation. His sons matter to him most.
I wonder how our relationships might change if we could learn to bestow favor on people in our life who don’t deserve it. This is a radical agape kind of love, because human love tends to be conditional: “If you do what I want you to do, then I will love you.” But the best parents know a special God-given love for their children that defies logic at times. No matter what the kids do or don’t do—and it’s even worse when they’re adult kids and we no longer have a legitimate say—we choose to love them anyway.
Becky models this well for me: allowing our adult children who are grown and gone to make their own decisions, without meddling, just being there as an adult friend, bestowing favor. I’ll tell you one thing: when you decide not to meddle, it sure cranks up your prayer life! Because when you can’t do anything else, you can always pray!
That’s the other thing I told my mom we needed from her: besides encouragement, we needed her prayers. No one is too old to pray. And as we pray, we’re able to release the “fix-’em” tendency, or what therapy calls the “righting reflex.” We don’t have to fix our children; we can give them to God. We can give our friends and family to God as well. Instead of trying to force people to change, we can simply release them to be themselves, practicing healthy boundaries for self-protection when needed, and we can deeply bestow love and favor on them as image-bearers of God.
As Jesus told today’s story, he had people in mind for each part. The prodigal son represented all those in the crowd who had rebelled against God and recognized their need to come home. The older son represented the self-righteous ones who thought they above all else deserved God’s love. And the real hero of the story, the father, represented our amazing Heavenly Father.
Psalm 68:5 calls God a “father to the fatherless.” The Heavenly Father gives us freedom to fail and to freely choose to come home. And the moment we turn our steps toward him, he rushes out to meet us with open arms. John 3:16 includes the promise that “WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM shall not perish but have eternal life.” God gives us the freedom to believe, to choose him without coercion.
Our Heavenly Father also models forgiveness. He forgives all our sin as we bring it to him. The Bible says he throws it into the deepest ocean, he separates it from us as far as the east is from the west, and he chooses to remember it no more. Ephesians 4:32 urges us to, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
And this is a Father who bestows favor on us beyond belief, stopping at nothing—not even the sacrificial death of his only son—to grab us out of the clutches of the evil one. Romans 3:25 (TLB) says, “For God sent Christ Jesus to take the punishment for our sins.”
Now today’s story is often labeled, “The Prodigal Son.” The word “prodigal” means “reckless spendthrift,” one who spends out of control. But Timothy Keller wrote a book entitled, “The Prodigal God.” There Keller points out that God recklessly lavishes his grace and forgiveness on us, more than we ever deserve. He says, “God’s reckless grace is our greatest hope.”
Freedom, forgiveness, favor: great gifts to give our kids, but also to give to anyone: spouse, friend, neighbor, relative, staff member. And great gifts to receive from God, the giver of all gifts. Let us pray:
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for being the perfect Father. We are so honored to receive your love. Help us to share it with others as you have commanded. Help us to give others around us the freedom to fail and to learn from their mistakes, as you give that freedom to us, to freely choose you. Help us to offer forgiveness as you have forgiven us. Help us to give favor to others as you have given us favor. We love you, and we pray for this in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.
