Celebrating Marriage #101
MARRIAGE: A DEFINITION
Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that's too warm, beside someone who's sleeping in a room that's too cold.
1. Marriage made in Heaven -- So is thunder in lightening! 2. Love is a dream -- Marriage is an alarm clock 3. A honeymoon is a Short Pause - between - I Do and You Better
ILL. I'm told that if you go into some of the jewelry stores in Reno, Nevada, once known as the "wedding & divorce capitol of the nation," that you'll find a sign like this being prominently displayed, "Wedding Rings for Rent."
Now I suppose that most people who see that sign for the first time probably read it with amazement. Then some may even think, "Hm, that's an interesting idea. It certainly would be cheaper to rent than to buy!"
Sad to say, in our contemporary society, among an awful lot of couples, it really might be much more practical to rent their wedding rings for a period of time. Nationwide, 1 out of every 3 marriages ends in divorce.
On college campuses the question arises, "Is it right to impose a 50-year contract on two 20-year olds?" Is it really fair to insist that two youngsters, hardly dry behind the ears, should pledge themselves each to the other for the rest of their lives?
Those are not new questions. The world has always questioned the need for such commitment between two people. The world has seen unhappy marriages - it has seen domestic conflicts - it has seen spiraling divorce rates. This is not new & it is not unique to our times.
I'm somewhat surprised when I hear about a non-Christian couple who has a happy marriage because they are working against tremendous odds. Most people who fall into their category have made shipwreck of their marriages. One out of three marriages ends in divorce.
ILL. But did you know that a study made a few years ago discovered that church going families - where both husband & wife professed a strong personal faith in Christ & went to church together - experienced only 1 divorce for every 55 marriages? It really is true that "Families that pray together, stay together."
But I'm worried today because I'm afraid that many church-going people have gotten in step with the world & have come to believe that the sanctity of marriage is not all that important. Some are packing their bags & going in different directions without any twinge of guilt, believing that marriage is something you try out for a while, & then just leave by the wayside if it doesn't seem to be working out.
Marriage is not an invention of man. It is God's creation. So it seems to me that our great need is to dust off the instruction book & find out what God has to say about His creation. MELVIN M. NEWLAND
This morning we start an adventure that I trust will test what you believe and if necessary temper what you believe about marriage. We are going to put your belief system on trial where marriage is concerned.
"Our Convictions about Marriage"
Ephesians 5:1-32
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Introduction: How do we develop a conviction about anything?
I. The Development of Our Convictions
To begin our study today it would probably be helpful to discuss the difference between a conviction and a preference or an inclination or something like that. Difference between a conviction and a preference, according to the U.S. Supreme Court. "A preference is a very strong belief, held with great strength. You can give your entire life in a full-time way to the service of the preference, and can also give your entire material wealth in the name of the belief. You can also energetically proselytize others to your preference. You can also want to teach this belief to your children, and the Supreme court may still rule that it is a preference. A preference is a strong belief, but a belief that you will change under the right circumstances. Circumstances such as: 1) peer pressure; if your beliefs are such that other people stand with you before you will stand, your beliefs are preferences, not convictions, 2) family pressure, 3) lawsuits, 4) jail, 5) threat of death; would you die for your beliefs? A conviction is a belief that you will not change. Why? A man believes that his God requires it of him. Preferences aren't protected by the constitution. Convictions are. A conviction is not something that you discover, it is something that you purpose in your heart (cf. Daniel 1, 2-3). Convictions on the inside will always show up on the outside, in a person's lifestyle. To violate a conviction would be a sin." David C. Gibbs, Jr.
It has also been said that, "Many people are what they are by tradition, not conviction." If it shouldn't be a preference and it shouldn't be a tradition, and it shouldn't be a prejudice, then what should be the source for our convictions where marriage is concerned?
1 Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
a. The foundation for our convictions
It is obvious that a conviction must be based on something (truth) that is objective rather than subjective. If a conviction by definition is something that does not change then it stands to reason that it must have as its source something that does not change. The Scriptures are "forever settled in heaven," and the principles, precepts, statutes, laws and commandments do not change because the author of the Scriptures does not change.
Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: 5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. 8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. 9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.
b. The formation of our convictions
As we expose our hearts and minds to Scripture we are shaped by Scripture. When you add human models of these convictions that we can observe practicing and applying what the Bible says then you begin form convictions and to embrace and embody these biblical convictions.
c. The fruition of our convictions
As we get older the combination of the enlightenment of Scripture and the examples we see our convictions crystalize our convictions and they become more clearly defined.
II. The Definition of Our Convictions
a. The design for marriage
Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
ILL. Living together before marriage is nothing more than "playing house." It's being shown that living together is not best. Charles Colson sites the National Survey of Families & Households. In that survey they came up with some startling data. It found that almost half of all couples who cohabit break up before marriage. That even if these couples do marry, the divorce rate skyrockets, up to 80%! And this study found that in these "living together" relationships that women are 62x more likely to be assaulted by their boyfriends than by a husband. Why? Because couples who cohabit are reversing God's order, a relationship without the Godly principle of "to death do us part." Timothy Smith
b. The duration of marriage
On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no 'I' in the word 'marriage.' The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling." Paul Decker
Have you listened closely to most marriage vows? They say "till death do us part," but with 50% of marriages ending in divorce it is obvious that something is wrong. How long does God expect a marriage to last? What is the Bible say about the duration of a marriage? Is there something that gives us guidance in this matter of duration? Listen to this verse in Romans 7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
I know what the context of Paul's remarks are here but it seems to me that it would not be a stretch to see that God's original intention was that men and women are "bound" to their spouse as long as they live!
c. The dissolution of marriage
In first century Palestine there were two main Jewish religious groups, the Pharisee's and Sadducee's. Among the Pharisees there were two schools of thought concerning the subject of the dissolution of a marriage. One was led by a rabbi named Shammai and other was led by one named Hillel. The Shammai took a very conservative approach to marriage and the Hillel a very liberal approach. For instance Hillel taught that a man could dissolve his marriage for almost any reason. This may sound very frivolous to us today but if his wife "burned the biscuits" or messed up a meal he could "put her away" which means divorce. If he found a woman that was "fairer" or prettier, then he could divorce her. If she raised her voice during and "intense discussion" in the home so that the neighbors could her, he could give her a bill of divorcement. When Jesus was challenged on this issue He obviously took a very conservative position, even more so that the Shammai school. Here's what He said...
Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Jesus narrows the reasons for divorce to just one and in so doing He enhances the institution of marriage.
A SURPRISE ENDING FOR A COUPLE WHO MET ON-LINE
A couple from Zenica, Central Bosnia, are divorcing after accusing each other of being unfaithful following an online affair. "They met online, where he called himself "Prince of Joy," and she called herself "Sweetie." Their real names were Sana and Adnan. "The pair [each] thought they had found a soul mate with whom to spend the rest of their lives." [They] poured their hearts out to each other over their marriage troubles. . . . Sana, 27, said: "I was suddenly in love. It was amazing, we seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriages. How right that turned out to be." Finally they decided to meet in person, and they discovered that they were married to each other: When it dawned on her what had happened, she said: "I felt so betrayed."
Adnan, 32, said: "I still find it hard to believe that Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years."
From a sermon by Rick Boyne, Be Faithful To Your Spouse, 5/25/2012
III. The Dedication to Our Convictions
If we are to see biblical marriage preserved it will require a renewed dedication the founding principles of marriage laid out in God's Word. What are some of the challenges to our convictions that we are facing?
a. The social clash
Friends, this culture is at war with traditional marriage and when I say that I mean marriage designed according to God's plan. Federal and state governments and the courts are by and large the enemies of traditional marriage. Right here in Alabama the chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court was removed from the bench (illegally in my opinion) for daring to disagree with this cultures definition of marriage and we see this manifested all around us with florists and bakers being censured, fined and hounded out of business for their personal convictions about what constitutes a marriage. You and I are going to face ever increasing pressure to abandon or adjust our beliefs on the subject of traditional marriage. But like the three Hebrew children we must stand on the biblical position come what may. They wouldn't bow nor bend and their position went even further. They declared that even if they burned they would not give in!
b. The spiritual challenge
If you do not deeply held, very strong, and non-negotiable convictions you will face a strong spiritual challenge. Satan is not your friend and neither is he the friend of the home and family. If you recall His very first attack on the human race was an assault on the first family! He stirred up trouble for and between Adam and Eve and things haven't been the same since!
Ephesians 6:10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
*A note to all you singles out there; have you noticed that when you get to a certain age folks want to help you get married; and that, as you get older you start asking yourself is it worth the wait to find the mate that God has for you? Your family, especially your parents will start asking questions like, "when are you going to give us some grandkids, you're not getting any younger?" One by one your friends will get married and the pressure increases. Can I give you some advice that was shared with me by a dear widowed saint of God years ago? There are many things worse than living alone! Marrying the wrong person is worse! Compromising your convictions is worse! Marrying outside the will of God is certainly worse! If you are single right now I would challenge you to be a "sacred single." Make Jesus the greatest treasure of your life and let God take care of the rest!
Ephesians 5:1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. 3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
Application: What should be our convictions about marriage?
1. One man and one woman for life! It's God's plan!
2. No unequal relationships (yokes) Find someone who is at least on the same level of spiritual maturity as you are.
3. Keep yourself pure.
4. Don't live in the past. Start now! If you past has been forgiven and you are still living in regret, it's not coming from God! When He forgives, He chooses to forget!
