Secure Your Self-Esteem
The Habits of Happiness Part 4
Ephesians 5:1-7
We all want to be happy.
I bet there is no single person who intentionally chooses to be unhappy.
However, so many people in this word are not happy for one reason or another.
In order to be happy, this is what we have to realize.
Happiness is our choice.
Happiness is something that we choose.
In order to be happy, we must do things that will bring happiness.
Therefore, during this series, we are talking about habits that we must build to experience happiness in our lives.
And today we will talk about the importance of building our self-esteem.
Most of us have fallen for the temptation to use external symbols of significance to prove we matter.
For some, it is designer clothes.
For others, it is expensive jewelry.
For still others, it is fancy shoes or fast cars.
We see magazines that show models who are well dressed and look confident.
There are ads describing which watch, which tie, which shoes, which car will make us feel like that person.
And the advertisers say, “Just buy these symbols of success, and you can also feel important.”
They say, “Buy these symbols of significance, and you will finally solve your self-esteem issue.”
It is a plausible theory.
However, problem is this: It does not work!
All the symbols of significance offer some boost.
However, they do not last.
They are not permanent.
In fact, they usually put us on the treadmill of having to keep acquiring all the newest and latest symbol of significance.
This is why some people always have to upgrade to the newest stuff.
However, this turns into very expensive, time consuming, unsatisfying road to nowhere.
Today I want to talk about real substance, not symbols.
I want to talk about permanent cures, not short-term fixes.
I want to talk directly about how we can secure our self-esteem.
As with most real cures, the process of securing healthy self-esteem is not magical, instantaneous, or effortless.
But it is effective.
This one is guaranteed by God Himself.
The Apostle Paul tells us to follow these things if we want to secure healthy self-esteem.
I. We must believe the right thing (vv. 1-2).
Almost all of us grew up believing in Santa Claus.
However, at a certain age, we realized that they were not real.
Therefore, we adjusted our beliefs regarding Santa Claus.
Similarly, our self-esteem is largely based on how we were treated in the past.
During those early formative years, if we were loved, trusted, and accepted, we conclude that we are loveable, trustworthy, acceptable, and valuable.
And we developed a healthy self-esteem.
However, if we experienced disinterest, anger, rejection, embarrassment, and conditional love, we concluded that we are unlovable, unacceptable, unimportant, unable or incompetent.
And some of us continue believing in those early beliefs even though they are not true.
We kept on believing them.
The most important step in building our self-esteem is to subject our belief about our value to the evidence revealed in the Bible.
Then we must make a decision based on the evidence in the Bible.
We must cling to the truth and not believe the myths.
The Bible says that we matter so much to God.
One of the example is in Ephesians 5.
Verses 1-2 say this.
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
In verse 1, the Apostle Paul told us that we are dearly loved children of God.
In verse 2, he said that Jesus loved us so much that He gave Himself up for us to save us.
It tells us that every single person matters enough to God that He sent Jesus to die for our sins.
Jesus values us so much.
Therefore, we too must believe that we are valuable.
We have a choice to make.
What will we choose to believe about how much we value?
Will we choose to believe distorted, inaccurate things that others say or will we choose to believe what God says?
It is our choice.
This world judges us based on the degrees that we acquired, job that we have, money that we make, the house that we live in, the clothes that we wear, and the car that we drive.
But we must not believe what they say about us based on these.
We chose to give up believing in Santa Claus.
What about our worth?
Isn’t the biblical evidence absolutely overwhelming?
We must give up the myth that says that we do not matter, and begin to believe what the Bible says.
That is the foundational first step.
It is absolutely essential.
This is not a mere symbol.
This is a matter of substance.
People can steal our symbols of significance.
Everything we have can be taken away from us.
However, this is something that people cannot steal.
In order to secure our self-esteem, we must believe that we matter to God.
We must believe the truth.
We must believe the right belief.
II. We must do the right things (vv. 3-4).
It is so nice to receive God’s affirmation that we matter.
And we can feel good about ourselves until we do some things that are contrary to what we believe.
Let’s say… we lied.
Then we might tell ourselves: “I am not acting like someone who matters. God says I matter, but I am acting like someone who does not matter.”
Verses 3-4 say this.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
Paul listed a whole bunch of sins that people commit.
Sexual immorality, impurity, greed, obscenity, foolish talk, coarse joking…
He told us that as beloved children of God, we must not commit these sins.
In other words, if we are children of God, then we must think, talk, live, and behave like it.
Why?
It is because if we don’t, our self-esteem will suffer greatly.
How we act determines what we believe about ourselves.
How we act determines our self-esteem.
We have God’s word and God’s empowerment to make the right choices.
Every time we choose honesty when we are tempted to lie, there is little boost in self-esteem.
“I did it!”
It feels great.
Every time we speak truthfully or act responsibly, there is that sense of accomplishment.
“I did it.”
Every time we serve selflessly…
Every time we handle our money maturely…
Every time we care for our body properly…
Every victory is a self-esteem builder.
Every night when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we can say this: “God says that I am somebody and I am acting like somebody. I am acting like a child of God.”
But you guessed it.
Sins, mistakes, wrong choices destroy our self-esteem.
How do we feel when we tell a lie and get caught?
How do we feel when we lose our temper?
How do we feel when we mismanage our money?
How do we feel when we over eat?
We might ask ourselves: “What am I doing? What is wrong with me? God says that I matter, but I am acting like I do not matter. I feel like a failure.”
Sin destroys our self-esteem.
This is why our actions are so important.
Therefore, we must make up our minds.
We must pray little harder.
We must trust God little more.
We must rely little more on the Holy Spirit’s power.
And we must change our actions daily.
For some of us, this is one thing that is really holding us back.
Therefore, we must decide how will we act daily?
Will out actions show ourselves to be people who have no value or children of God?
In order to build our self-esteem, we must do the right things.
III. We must associate with the right people (vv. 5-7).
Verses 5-7 say this.
5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.
The Apostle Paul mentioned immoral, impure or greedy person.
And he told us not to be partners with them.
This does not mean that we must not associate with them at all.
If this was the case, we would have to leave this world.
Furthermore, if we are to be the salt and the light of the world, we must associate with them and influence them in positive ways.
Otherwise, we cannot help them to find Jesus.
Therefore, what Paul is telling us is this.
We must not be close partners with them in the way that they will influence us negatively.
We must not let their beliefs and actions influence our personal lives.
Rather we must associate with the right people who will build us up.
It is because the company we keep has a huge effect on our lives.
Some can influence us to do wrong things and destroy our self-esteem.
Others can influence us positively.
Therefore, if we are interested in building our self-esteem, we must choose the right people, who will help us to build our self-esteem.
For whatever reason, some people may treat us poorly.
They reject us, degrade us, and view us as unimportant and insignificant.
That can take a heavy toll.
It tears down our self-esteem.
This is why the Bible suggests that we do two things to combat this.
First, we must try our best to limit our exposure to those who tend to degrade us.
Some of us might say that this means that I would have to change my job.
You might have to do that if that is the place that destroy your self-esteem day in day out.
There are other ways to make a living.
Especially during the rebuilding period, we must try to limit our exposure to those people who always seem to degrade us.
Some of you might say, “But that is not possible because it is my spouse. It is my parents.”
Oh well, then that is too bad!
You are stuck!
No, I am just kidding.
The Bible tells you that you should go straight to your spouse or parent.
You must sit down with them and say: “I want to tell you something. This is coming straight from my heart. It is very difficult for me to think that I matter to God when you keep telling me that I do not matter. Do you know what you are doing to me?”
We must talk to that person directly.
And we must see what God can do.
We must trust God on this.
We must try to limit our exposure to people who degrade us or try to talk to them.
Second, we must be a part of a group that encourage us.
We must develop a little group of Christian brothers and sisters to build friendship to share struggles and to encourage one another.
Why is this so important?
It is because sometimes we will find ourselves doubting whether or not we matter to God.
Our friends can reinforce the truth that we do matter to God.
There is so much power in that.
All of us need it.
This is why we must be a part of a small group that build our self-esteem and tell us how much we matter to God.
We must associate with the right people.
Conclusion
The process of building healthy self-esteem is not magical, instantaneous, or effortless.
But it is possible.
The Bible tells us that building self-esteem is matter of what we believe, what we do, and who we associate with.
We must believe the right thing.
We must do the right things.
And we must associate with the right people.
We must do things to secure our self-esteem.
This is one of the very important habits that we must build to be happy.
