Introduction
Three weeks ago we began our current series and Josh talked about getting rid of the self-destructive lies that many of us think about ourselves. When we think that “we’re not good enough” or that “we’re not pretty enough,” or that “we’re not loved or valued or important,” we play right into the Devil’s hand.
The Devil only has evil intentions toward us—he wants to steal from us, kill us and destroy us. And one of the most effective ways he does this is by convincing us to believe life-sucking lies about ourselves. But instead of falling for Satan’s deceptive tactics, we need to allow God’s Word to be drilled into our soul—because Scripture tells us that we matter and that we are important, loved, treasured and valued.
Two weeks ago Brandon talked about getting rid of the anger that can poison our soul. Last week I talked about getting rid of bitterness. God wants us to be free from any root of anger or bitterness that can poison our relationships.
So this is the fourth week in our series “Soul Detox.” In this series we’re taking a careful look at some of the things that we allow into our lives that poison our soul and prevent us from experiencing the full and robust that God offers. Our hope is that as we begin 2017 we can experience a detoxing of our soul…much like the physical detoxing that’s popular today with health experts.
Today we focus on getting rid of lethal language—these are the words that hurt and destroy the people around us. Now, a long time ago I realized that one message would probably not change the world. Real life-change is complicated and takes more time than any one message can accomplish. But the more I’ve thought about today’s message, the more I think it could be a game changer. So I hope you’ll really dial in.
Now, as we consider getting rid of lethal language, I first want to focus on Ephesians 4:31 which says: “get rid of all…brawling and slander.” Brawling in the original language refers to a public outburst that reveals a loss of control. This describes someone who loses control and verbally vomits on the people around him.
Now this not only happens in person, it can also happen in social media. I never cease to be amazed by the hurtful and hateful outbursts that I used to see on Facebook. As a matter of fact, this is one reason I closed down my Facebook account. Too much of what I saw on Facebook was either verbal venting or unseemly self-promotion….and I discovered it was bruising my soul too much. So I decided to close down my account.
Slander is blasphemia in the Greek. We get the English word blasphemy from the same root. Literally it means to talk down. Slander is to impugn someone’s character by the way you talk about them. It’s speaking about someone in a way that lowers the person’s reputation in the eyes of others. Slander usually happens when the person being slandered is not present. Now, slander doesn’t mean that what’s being said is false. In fact, what’s being said may be totally true! But when you slander you speak with the intention of demeaning the person or impugning their reputation.
Both brawling and slander carry the idea of speaking poorly about others. The focus is on putting other people down. Brawling does this as a public outburst. Slander does this more subtly. But our passage in Ephesians says to get rid of this habit. “Get rid of…brawling and slander.” In other words, we’re to get rid of negative-speak. We’re to eliminate demeaning talk about other people.
Now, to do this we need to fill our soul with good and wholesome things. One reason so many of us struggle with negative-speak is because all day long the music we listen to or the things we read fill our soul with negativity. In Luke 6:45 Jesus says, “A good man bring good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” In other words, whatever is inside us will eventually come out. Garbage in—garbage out! What we allow to fill our heart will eventually seep out in our words.
This is why brawling and slander are so closely connected to bitterness, rage and anger. In Ephesians 4:31 Paul writes, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander…” He writes this because if we have bitterness, rage and anger buried in our soul, it will always be evident in how we talk about other people.
Now, lest you think that negative-speak is a minor issue, listen to Jesus in Matthew 15:19. “For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” Don’t miss that. Slander is not a small issue in God’s eyes. Bad-mouthing others is huge. It ranks right up with murder, adultery and theft.
One writer said: “The slanderer and the assassin differ only in the weapon they use; with the one it is the dagger, with the other the tongue. The slanderer is worse than the assassin because the assassin only kills the body, while the slanderer kills the reputation.”
Now one reason brawling and slander—and any other kind of negative-speak—is such a big deal to God is because of the power that words have. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death…” Words have the power to bless or to curse. Did you hear me? Your words have power to bless or to curse. Let’s repeat Proverbs 18:21 out loud. (Repeat) We’ve probably all seen this in our own lives. Most of us have been shaped (both positively and negatively) by words which people have spoken to us.
When I was in 5th grade I remember playing baseball with some friends. For some reason at one point I was the umpire behind the plate. I still remember a girl coming up to me and sneering out the comment: “You’re the umpire because you don’t know how to play.” Her words sank into my heart like a dagger. From that point on I never did think I could play baseball very well. Her words were like a curse that shaped how I thought about myself for the rest of my life. To this day, I still don’t think I can play baseball very well. Friends, our words can make a huge difference….positively and negatively. Your tongue has the power of life and death.
Singer Karen Carpenter died of heart failure at the very young age of 32. Before she died, Karen and her brother Richard were a singing duo known as The Carpenters. Karen’s untimely death was brought on by years of fighting an eating disorder. After her death it came out that the eating disorder was instigated by a comment made by a music critic. When referring to Karen, this critic called her “Richard’s chubby sister.” Now I’m sure there were other factors leading to Karen’s struggles, but that comment unleashed a flurry of self-doubt which eventually led to Karen’s death from anorexia.
I shudder to think how many of us have been shaped by negative words that were spoken to us. Someone says, “You’re dumb” and you begin thinking that you’re just a C student. You can’t do any better. Or someone says, “You’re ugly” and you begin thinking that about yourself. What does Proverbs 18:21 say? “The tongue has the power of life and death….” This is why the words that we speak are such a big deal to God.
This is why slander and negative-speak matter so much. And this is also why Jesus tells us in Matthew 12:36, “…everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.”
Listen carefully: we’ll be held accountable by God for every idle word, for every hurtful word, for every negative comment and for every swear word. We’ll give an account on the Day of Judgment for every word we have ever spoken. Let that sink in. For good reason James 1:19 warns us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”
So, how about you? Are you slow to speak? Do you choose your words wisely? Are you careful and disciplined with the use of your tongue? Now, I think if we’re honest most of us can improve in this area. And this can lead to monumental blessing in our lives. Why? Because since the tongue has the power of life and death…if we learn to use our tongue in a life-giving way it can change our lives and the lives of people around us.
You see how we use our tongue is one of the most visible expressions of the law of sowing and reaping. Do you remember the last time you planted a seed? Were you surprised by what grew? Probably not. You knew that the seed you planted already determined what would be produced. Cherry seeds produce cherry trees. Apple seeds produce apple trees. Why? Because God made it that way. It’s God’s law of sowing and reaping. And it applies to the natural world and to our spiritual lives as well.
Listen to Galatians 6:7&8. “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” We reap what we sow. It’s both a natural law and it’s a spiritual law that also applies to our tongue. If we sow slander, guess what happens? We reap slander. If we sow negative-speak, guess what happens? We reap negative-speak.
Years ago I had a close relationship with a man who often talked negatively about others. He was older than I was and he was a mentor who influenced me in many positive ways. Because of this, it took me a long time to realize what was happening. But after several years it began to dawn on me that almost every conversation with him ended up dwelling negatively on someone else.
And we reap what we sow. So it was not surprising that eventually people began speaking negatively about my friend. He had many fine qualities. He was gifted in many ways. But his tongue was his Achilles heel. My friend sowed negative-speak and, because of that, he eventually reaped negative-speak about himself.
Now the way to turn this around, the way to get rid of slander, the way to get rid of negative-speak and to become more positive with our tongue is also bound up in the law of sowing and reaping. In Mark 4 Jesus tells the parable of the sower. The sower sows seed on four different kinds of soil.
• Some seed is eaten by the birds and never takes root.
• Some seed falls on rocky soil. It grows quickly at first, but then dies off because of the scorching heat.
• Some seed falls among the thorns and is choked out by the plants.
• But some seed falls on good soil and grows and produces a healthy crop.
In the parable Jesus describes the seed as the Word of God. So, if we want our mouths to produce good fruit then we need to plant God’s Word into our hearts. When God’s Word is planted into our hearts, it will eventually produce good fruit in our words.
Now, one of the most amazing promises in the Bible is found in Joshua 1:8. “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Do you want to be prosperous and successful…which includes overcoming negative-speak? Of course you do! We all do! Well, what’s the key? The key to being prosperous and successful is directly related to how we interact with God’s Word.
If we fill our minds with God’s Word; if we mediate on it; if we’re careful to do everything written in it, then over the long haul of life, we will be successful...and this includes overcoming habits like negative-speak. Why? Well, once again, it’s the law of sowing and reaping. If we sow God’s Word into our heart, it will eventually produce good fruit that honors God. Because of this it’s vital to understand the process that allows a seed to grow. And this process involves three steps: receiving, retaining and reproducing.
Receiving
The first key to eliminating negative-speak from our vocabulary, the first step to end slander, is to receive God’s Word into our hearts. This is precisely what James 1:21 says. “Therefore get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”
So we need to humbly receive the Word of God. We need to allow Scripture to be planted into our heart. God’s Word is good seed that produces good fruit. If we begin to sow good seed into our heart, then we’ll increasingly begin to speak good things…which means we will begin to speak more positively.
But there are also bad seeds. Some of the words that have been spoken over us have not reflected the good seed of God’s Word. They’ve been hurtful words or slanderous words of the Devil. Now, a seed must be received before it can produce. A seed that’s not received cannot grow. We see this in the parable of the sower. Some of the seed fell along the path. It was snatched up before it could germinate or take root. That seed was not received into the soil. A seed that’s not received cannot grow.
Likewise, negative words—hurtful words or slanderous words—that are spoken to us or about us don’t necessarily have to be received. We don’t have to accept lies about ourselves or lies about how unworthy someone thinks we are or lies about our future. All those negative things that people may have said about us don’t have to be received by us. They can be replaced by the truth according to the Bible. Once again, this is why it’s so important to allow God’s Word to sink deeply into our soul.
Retaining
Now, once a seed has been received, it needs to remain in the ground to germinate and grow. In other words, a seed needs to be retained for it to grow. In the parable of the sower, some seed did make it into the ground, but didn’t survive the heat and was lost. In other words, the seed was received but it wasn’t retained. In a similar way, when words are planted into our heart, we retain them by believing them and meditating on them; allowing them to grow. This nurtures the seed and allows it to root more deeply.
If the words we receive and retain are good (for example, if they reflect truth from God’s Word) then the harvest will be likewise good. But if the words we receive and retain are bad (for example, if they’re slanderous statements someone made about us), then we will cultivate a destructive harvest.
Now, one way to retain the good words from God is by memorizing Scripture. This helps to push out the negative ideas we’ve accumulated and replace them with God’s truth. When we memorize a verse, it allows us to meditate and retain what it says. Sometimes when I swim in the morning a verse that I have memorized will pop into my mind. I can be swimming lap after lap and everyone around me might think that I’m focused on swimming. But in reality my mind is engaged with Scripture that I’ve memorized.
Now, if you don’t want to memorize, then another way you can retain God Word is to repeat it over and over again. Awhile back I was struggling with my thought life so I wrote out Philippians 4:8 on a 3x5 card. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
I kept the 3x5 card in my car for months and I repeated the verse several times a day. Doing that allowed me to retain God’s Word more deeply in my heart. Now, this happens to be our memory verse for January…and I hope you’ve committed it to memory. I say that because I’ve discovered that this one verse—Philippians 4:8 can get rid of negative-speak more than anything else! Would you repeat it out loud? (Repeat)
Reproducing
So, for a seed to produce, first it must be receive. Second, a seed must be retained. Once a seed has been received and retained, it will automatically reproduce. The words we have accepted and nurtured in our heart will always bring a harvest. Remember what Jesus said? “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” It’s either going to be garbage in—garbage out….or blessings in—blessing out. It will be one or the other.
But whatever seed we sow (whatever seed we plant in our heart) will bring forth a harvest. What we receive and retain will be reproduced. So, when we fill our heart with good and godly things it will be evident in the overflow of our words. Instead of our mouth being filled with negative-speak or sarcasm, instead of brawling and slander, our mouth will begin to be filled with blessing and encouragement.
Once again I want to remind you of Proverbs 18:21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death…” And if we fill our heart and mind with God’s Word guess what happens? The harvest will be amazing. The words that will begin to come out of our mouth will be wholesome. We’ll begin to pour life and love and grace into others. We’ll begin to encourage others. We’ll begin to be life-givers instead of life-takers.
(Underscoring begins) Now, in light of today’s message, I want to ask four questions:
1. Do you need to ask forgiveness for slandering?
Ephesians 4:31 says to “get rid of brawling and slander.” We’ve talked about this today. God doesn’t want us to slander anyone. We’re not to bad-mouth people. But some of us have already done plenty of this. In fact, for some of us putting people down is a way of life. As a result, some of us may have some fences to mend; people to apologize to.
Several ago Pam and I went back to Chile where we had been missionaries. It was right after we had resigned from our ministry in Wisconsin. The church was in turmoil and negative-speak was flying everywhere. Sometimes Pam and I would hear things that were being said and we’d scratch our heads and say to each other, “Is that us they’re talking about?” We were dumbfounded. Shocked. We had never been slandered so openly before. And it hurt!
But when we got to Chile on our mission trip something dawned on us. Years earlier we had spoken poorly about another missionary couple who lived near us. The more we thought about it the more we came to grips with the fact that we had slandered them. So while we were in Chile, Pam called them on the phone and apologized.
She said, “Now that we’ve been slandered we know what it feels like. And we are deeply, deeply sorry for what we did to you 15 years ago.” The missionary wife on the other end of phone burst into tears and couldn’t speak. That day a wound was finally healed that had been dormant for 15 years. So the first question I have is this: Do you need to ask forgiveness for slandering someone? The second question is…
2. Have you been listening to slander?
When someone slanders someone else, someone has to listen to it. You may not be doing the slandering. You may not be bad-mouthing anyone. You may not be doing the negative-speak…but are you listening to it? Are you an accomplice to the slanderer? If so, stop it! Politely excuse yourself. Tell the person that you won’t be party to those types of conversations any more. My third question is…
3. Will you hold a 48-hour fast from negative-speak?
How about it? What would your life be like if you did not say one negative word about anybody (which includes any former president or incoming president) for the next 48 hours? Not one word of sarcasm. Not one word of criticism. Not one word of slander of any kind. And, finally, instead of using your tongue as a tool of death to bring people down, my fourth and final question is….
4. Who can you speak words of life into?
“The tongue has the power of life and death…” You can speak life into others. You can encourage them, give them hope, build them up and give them vision. Your words have the power to bless. So, who can you speak words of life into?
Pastor Chuck Swindoll tells the story about a guy he went to seminary with. This man had a bright red birthmark that covered half his face. After Chuck got to know him, he finally had the courage to ask him what happened. His friend answered by telling him what his dad had told him. “Son, that birthmark is where an angel kissed your face. You have it so that I can always pick you out of a crowd.”
Swindoll’s friend turned to him and said, “You know, I almost feel sorry for those who don’t have a birthmark.” That dad spoke words of life into his son, and the son was still living off those words decades later. “The tongue has the power of life and death…” So, who can you speak words of life into?
