Sometimes newspapers have to publish corrections to previous stories. Occasionally, in their attempt to make amends, they make it worse. For example, one paper published a correction that said, "In a recent article we referred to the Chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. That was incorrect. His real name is Lee Iacaca."
What these people were trying to do with these corrections was to make right what they had got wronged. That's what we're going to consider today. How do we go back and repair some of the damage done to us and we have done to others. That's the next "E" in "recovery."
Evaluate all my relationships, offer forgiveness to those who've hurt me and make amends for harm I've done to others except, when to do so, would harm them or others. (READ TEXT)
1. I'm to forgive those who've hurt me. Why?
A. Because God has forgiven me.
If God has forgiven me, I should forgive others.
". . . forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." - Colossians 3:13 (NLT)
I'll never have to forgive others more than God has forgiven me. If I have a hard time forgiving it's usually because I don't feel forgiven. This is why we talked about step 4: "Come Clean." Lack of forgiveness is a sign that I need to come clean with God myself. Remember what we said? 1) Take an inventory; 2) Accept your responsibility; 3) Ask God's forgiveness; 4) Confide in others; then 5) Confess to others.
People who are forgiven are forgiving.
B. Because unforgiveness just hurts me.
"To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do." - Job 5:2 (Good News)
"You are only hurting yourself with your anger." - Job 18:4 (Good News)
Unforgiveness doesn't hurt the offender, it only hurts you.
Harboring unforgiveness is like trying to kill someone else by you drinking poison.
Dr. S. I. McMillan in his book, "None of These Diseases," says that the two greatest causes of physical problems are unresolved guilt (not receiving forgiveness) and resentment (not forgiving others).
"The verbal expression of animosity toward others calls forth certain hormones from the pituitary, adrenal, thyroid, and other glands; an excess of which can cause disease in any part of the body. Examples are: ulcers, high blood pressure, hardening of the arteries, heart disease, kidney disease, diabetes, colitis, strokes, headache, arthritis, and many mental disturbances." - Dr. S. I. McMillan
This reminds of the man who told his doctor, "I need more pills for my colitis." The doctor said, "Oh? Who're you colliding with now?" It's not what you're eating that's the problem; it's what's eating you.
C. Because I will need forgiveness in the future.
"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too." - Mark 11:25 (NLT)
The Bible says we can't receive what we are unwilling to give.
A man once told John Wesley, "I can never forgive that person." Wesley said, "Then I hope you never sin. Because we all need what you don't want to give."
So, how do I forgive those who hurt me?
"Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No, not seven times,' Jesus replied, 'but seventy times seven!'"
- Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
Jewish tradition said one had to forgive someone 3 times. Peter thought he was magnanimous by suggesting we forgive 7 times. But Jesus multiplied 7 times 70. He not only emphasized the need for us to forgive infinitely, but by using the numbers 7 and 10, the numbers for perfection and completion, He says that we're to forgive completely. He then told a parable on how, if we've been forgiven by our Master, we should forgive others. He says the servant in the parable was held captive because of his unforgiveness. He then concluded by saying:
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” - Matthew 18:35 (NIV)
It's important to know in Hebrew thought, the heart wasn't the center of the emotions but the intellect. The bowels considered the center of your emotion (I've got a gut feeling). Jesus was that teaching forgiveness is a choice. Four words can help us understand what forgiveness is.
1) Recognition. Admit it. Face it. I can't forgive people I'm not willing to blame. You can't get over it until you admit it - I've been wronged. It hurt. You've got some options when it comes to hurt.
A) You can repress it. You can pretend it didn't happen, but it will pop up as some other form habit or hang-up in your life.
B) You can suppress it. Just say, "It's no big deal, it doesn't matter, they did the best they could." No they didn't. It hurt.
C) You can express it. Admit that you've been hurt. There's no closure without disclosure. Make a list of those who've harmed you. Get it in black and white so you can look at it and face the hurt. You've got to recognize you’ve been wronged. Remember what Joseph said to his brothers? "You intended to harm me . . ." (Genesis 50:20).
Forgiveness requires recognition that we’ve been wronged.
2) Release. Forgiveness is letting go of a debt somebody owes me. And not because they asked or deserve to be forgiven. We forgive because of the forgiveness God extends to us.
3) Rest. Give the person or persons completely over to God.
"Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. 'I’ll do the judging,' says God. 'I’ll take care of it.'" - Romans 12:19 (The Message)
Rest in God. Trust Him with it. He will give you peace.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
This requires a daily choice to forgive. I reaffirm that choice again and again, until I find that the hurt is replaced with God's peace. How do you know when you have released an offender, fully? You can think about them and it doesn't hurt anymore. That's forgiving from the heart.
4) Refocus. Refocus on God’s purpose for your life. There is life beyond the hurt. In fact, God can take your experience with hurt and use it to help others. He might even have you go to the person who hurt you, but be careful to make sure God is leading you. You can be tempted to go to someone as an act of revenge, so you need to make sure you've worked through the forgiveness process first.
You don’t have to meet with someone to forgive them. Forgiveness happens in your heart when you release another from the expectation to make right the hurt they caused you and when you stop identifying them person by the offense. You can have boundaries for protection and that often is wise. But forgiveness doesn't have to happen in the context of a face-to-face encounter or even a verbal exchange. This is especially good in the event that my offender is deceased.
2. Make amends to those I've hurt.
You may also have to make amends to people you've hurt.
"So, what if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you? Leave your gift there and go make peace with that person." - Matthew 5:23-24 (Easy to Read)
How do we do this?
A. Assess who you've harmed and what you did.
B. Ask God for guidance on when and how to make things right.
"There is a right time and a right way to do everything . . ." - Ecclesiastes 8:6 (Good News)
C. Apologize as you would want someone to apologize to you.
"Do to others as you would have them do to you." - Luke 6:31 (NIV)
How would you like someone to apologize to you? Privately. Humbly. Sincerely. Simply - to admit what they did, without excuses. And you'd like them to make restitution if applicable and possible.
Conclusion: Because we're forgiven, we can extend forgiveness from others and request forgiveness from others.
"Christ bowed His head in death, so that we might hold our heads up in life."
Appropriate forgiveness, forgive others, and make amends.
