LOVE IN THE FAMILY
Study Text: 1 John 3: 10 - 12
Introduction:
- Families generally begin in love. A man and woman fall in love, they get married, and out of their love come children. . In the beginning, God established the family as the first of all human relationships.
- From that family, God built society. The family is still the foundational unit of society. In fact, no church, no community, or no nation is any stronger than the families that make it up.
- The problem is how to keep this love alive and growing, for love requires constant attention. Unless it is nourished by constant care, like a plant without water it will shrivel and die.
- Each of us should re-double our efforts to ensure that our families are all that they should be. Husbands and wives have a God-given obligation to love one another and to submit to one another for the glory of God. Parents have a God-given obligation to create a home that allows their children to become all they have been designed by the Lord to be.
- We shall discuss the topic under three subheadings:
1. The Expectation of Love in the Family
2. The Expedition of Love in the Family
3. The Evaluation of Love in the Family
1. The Expectation of Love in the Family
- Since the family is to live together in unity and oneness for the good of all, love must be present at all times. Where there is no love, there can be a family, and if there is, it cannot be a successful, progressing and profiting family.
- The most important thing we can do to nourish the love in our families is to live the first great commandment: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" (Matthew 22:37).
- Our Heavenly Father is the source of all truth and all love. By loving him we draw close to him and become more like him. As that happens, we receive from him the knowledge and power to love each family member, to better nurture their love, and to meet the daily challenges in our homes.
- The Saviour taught, "He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love" (1 John 4:8).
If we love God, he gradually teaches us and gives us the power to love as he loves.
- The Saviour defined the second great commandment as "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (Matthew 22:39). Our closest neighbours are the members of our own families. And yet we sometimes fail to treat them with the same courtesy and kindness that we grant to strangers.
- The family has been under attack ever since Satan first taunted Adam and Eve. So today, each must guard against the hazard of contention in the family, and pursue love according to the purpose of God.
- The home is the foundation of learning and love. Here, parents help children overcome the natural tendencies to be selfish that is rooted in every one, and to put on love which is patterned after Christ.
- Showing love for our own parents is also important to nourishing love in our families. We cannot expect our children to love and respect us if we do not show them that we love and respect our own parents. Loving our parents is necessary not only in nurturing family love and unity, but in loving God.
2. The Expedition of Love in the Family. Ephesians 6: 1-4
- Love is fully demonstrated in the family when each member fulfil their God-given responsibilities faithfully in the home.
- Since every family consist majorly of the Parents and the Children, it is necessary to consider the responsibilities given by God to each family group.
a. Responsibilities of the Children
i. Obedience to Parents
- Children are told to “obey” their parents. This word means “to submit to, to comply with, to heed, and to follow directions and instructions.”
- This means that a child is to listen to the voice of his or her parents attentively and they are to respond to what they hear with perfect submission. They are to do as they are told. This obedience in the home lays the foundation for obedience throughout life.
- As children learn to obey their parents; they are setting the stage for obedience throughout their lives. They are learning to obey the other voices of authority, school, government, etc., that will become part of their lives later on. Ultimately, they are learning to walk in obedience to the Lord when they walk in obedience to their parents.
- When the commands of a parent contradict the clear teachings of the Bible; the child, just like anyone else, has an obligation to put the Lord and His will first. Of course, this truth runs through every area of life. No parent, no spouse, no authority figure in our lives has the right to command us to do something illegal, immoral or that contradicts the Word of God. We are to always place God and His will ahead of the will of others.
ii. Honouring the Parents. 1 Tim. 5:4, 8; Pro. 20:20
- Children are also told to “honour” their parents. The word “honour” means “to respect, to revere, to hold in high regard.” This speaks about a child’s attitude toward what his parents tell him to do.
- A wicked child may obey the voice of his parents; but secretly despise them in his heart. He may obey outwardly; but while he is carrying out their orders, he may be talking about them, cursing them or talking back under his breath. That is the wrong attitude!
- Children should have great respect for their parents! They should be careful not to back talk their parents. They should never run their parents down to their friends. They should respect their parents, just as they would the Lord; even after they have grown up and married
- Again, when children learn to respect their parents in the home; they grow up with a natural respect for other people. Children who honour their parents have little trouble honouring the Lord, other authority figures, or other people.
- A child, however, who will disrespect his parents, will usually have little respect for others. This fact is plain to see as our world has become increasingly filled with rude, insensitive, self-centred people.
- God’s promise to obedient children is that they will enjoy improved Quality of life (“That it may be well with thee”) and improved Quantity of life (“and thou mayest live long on the earth”.) The Lord will bless that child who honours his parents.
- Children are not told to obey and honour so that they might please their parents; they are told to do so, because it pleases the Lord! You are to do this, not in an effort to please “the folks”; but in an effort to please your Heavenly Father.
- When your first thought is living a life that is pleasing and honouring to the Lord; your obedience to and honour of your parents will be an automatic outflow. When God is your first parent, and you obey and honour Him, you will have no trouble obeying and honouring your father and mother in the home.
b. Responsibilities of the Parents.
- There are two-sided responsibilities of the Parents that will demonstrate their love for the Children: They are not to provoke and they are to bring up.
a. Parents are told to “provoke not your children to wrath.” This phrase refers to a pattern of treatment that builds up resentment in the child.
- Parents are to avoid causing their children to “brood with anger.” When children are “provoked to wrath,” they may even act this anger out in open hostility to parents and other authority figures.
- So, how does a parent “provoke a child to wrath?” There are many ways, some of which include:
1. Being Overprotective: Often parents will refuse to allow their children to grow up and make decisions equal to their age and maturity. Young people resent being treated like they are more immature than they actually are.
2. Preferential Treatment: Comparing one child with another is always the wrong thing to do. Look at the problems caused in the lives of Isaac and Ishmael and Jacob and Esau. The problems that began then are still playing out today. You can place much of the blame at the feet of their respective parents.
3. Over-expectations: Children, who are always under pressure to achieve more, bigger and greater things, can become resentful.
Not every child is a brilliant student. They have their in-built abilities and we should let them be who God designed them to be.
4. Discouraging Words: Children resent constant criticism and nagging. No child should ever hear, “You are no good! You will never amount to anything.” Parents should seek to find an area where the child excels and find ways to compliment them on their achievements. Children need approval and encouragement far more than they need criticism and correction.
5. Hostile Environment: Children should feel loved and secure in their families. They should feel like they are a part of the home and that the parents are happy and thankful to have them there. A child that feels unlived and unwanted is a child headed for trouble later in life.
6. Separating Love and Rebuke: That is, we love our children when they are good and withdraw our love when they are bad. We make them feel unloved when they do wrong. They can be corrected, chastised and rebuked, but all must be in love. Heb. 12:6.
7. Physical and Verbal Abuse: Often we will overreact to the things our children do and carry their punishment too far. It is not wrong to use spanking; but no child should ever be spanked in anger. There are times when parents will say harsh, cruel things to their children that they would never say to any other person. We are wrong when we attack our children, either physically or verbally! When we do, we are causing them to be resentful and angry, and this is against the love in the family.
b. Parents are to “bring them up.” This praise has the idea of “nourishing” them. We are to tend to them like we would a tender plant. We are to help them reach their fullest potential in the Lord. We are to help them “be all they can be.”
- If we are to do this, then we are going to have to invest the one thing that most parents are not willing to give up: time. If your children are still young, give them the greatest gift of all: give them you, give them your time.
- Some of the way we bring them up include:
1. Educate the Children – The word “nurture” has the idea of “the whole education of the child.” It refers to the daily discipline of verbal instruction in the ways of life and the ways of the Lord.
We are to see to it that our children learn all that they need while they are under our care. Then, when they leave the nest and enter the word; they will be prepared for the things they will face.
2. Encourage the Children – The word “admonition” means “counsel, encouragement, and discipline.” It refers to the act of guiding children toward maturity. There are times when we must give them direction in life. There are times when we must give them encouragement. And, there are times when we must give them discipline. All of these things are used by the wise parents; in the right measure to help their children become the men and women God designed them to be.
3. Evangelize the Children – All of this nurture and admonition is to be “of the Lord.” We are to build and train them in the Word of God, not our opinions, our preferences or our prejudices. When we teach our children to believe like we do, they will be as messed up as we are. When we train them in the things of the Lord, they will grow up and live lives that glorify and honour God.
In all we do for our children, we give them no greater gift than when we point them toward Jesus Christ. If our love, our discipline, our encouragement and our instruction are centered in the Word of God; we will more likely than not raise children that are in the will of God. Keep God in the centre of all you do as a parent.
3. The Evaluation of Love in the Family
As a way of learning how to nourish and express the love we feel for the members of our families, we might ask ourselves the following questions:
1. Do I really listen to each family member? To be truly listened to is to feel loved. Do I listen to friends, neighbours, and co-workers more readily than to the most important people in my life —the members of my family? Do the concerns of my family receive as much of my attention as the concerns of others? Do I make time to listen to the members of my family regularly?
2. Do I spend time with each family member? Developing love, harmony, and unity in a family takes time.
3. Do I help each family member feel needed? To feel useful and appreciated is a basic human need. We can help family members fulfil this need by giving them opportunities to help us and then letting them know that we appreciate their help.
4. Do I have the pure love of Christ, or charity, described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8? "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things,
hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth."
- Examine your relationship with each member of your family in light of this scripture. Commit yourself each morning in prayer to your Heavenly Father to use these principles in dealing with members of your family that day.
Conclusion:
- First, to the children: God loves you and He has a wonderful plan for your life. In his time, He will make that plan known to you. In the meantime, you are encouraged to obey and honour your parents. They love and want the best for you. Get in line with them and do as they tell you.
- If you haven’t been as obedient and respectful as you should have been; you might want to come to the altar and ask God for forgiveness and then go back and ask your Parents for forgiveness too.
- Second, if you are a parent who has made some mistakes, you might need to come and make that right. You might even need to go to your children and apologize.
- God intends the family to be a reflection of the loving relationship between him and us that is centered on Christ. When you look at your family relationships in this light, it changes the way you show love and interact with others. Christ’s love is not just the model, but the motivation.
