Introduction:
A. Today, we are continuing in our series called: “Speak Life – Speaking Words that Heal, not Hurt.”
1. The Bible tells us that words have the power of life and death.
2. God’s desire is for all of us to learn how to control our tongues so that our words bring life.
3. So far in our series, we explored the truth about lying, and we have explored what we might call “malignant talk” – using our tongues to spread gossip and slander.
4. I hope that we are all experiencing the heightening of our awareness to the use of our words, so that we are speaking more truthfully and are not involved in gossip and slander.
5. Today, we want to explore what I am calling “ego talking” which has to do with speaking words of boasting, flattery and exaggeration.
B. The story is told of a man named Bubba who many years ago was bragging to his boss, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
1. Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?”
2. Bubba said, “Sure I know Tom, he and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”
a. So Bubba and his boss flew out to Hollywood and knocked on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!”
3. Although impressed, Bubba’s boss was still skeptical. After they left Cruise’s house, he suggested that Bubba’s knowing of Tom Cruise was just lucky.
a. Bubba said, “No, no, I really do know everyone, just name anyone else.”
b. His boss said, “Okay, how about President Clinton?”
c. “Of course, I know him,” said Bubba, “Let’s fly to Washington so I can prove it to you.”
d. When they arrived at the White House and began the tour, Clinton spotted Bubba in the group and motioned for him and his boss to come over. Clinton said, “Bubba, what a surprise, I’m really busy, but not too busy to have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”
4. Bubba’s boss was amazed by this, but was still not totally convinced.
5. After leaving the White House, the boss again expressed his doubts that Bubba knew everyone.
a. Bubba again implored him to name anyone else.
b. Bubba’s boss said, “How about Pope John Paul?”
c. Bubba replied, “My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time.”
d. So off they flew to Rome and while Bubba and his boss were assembled with the masses in Vatican Square, Bubba said, “This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”
e. So Bubba disappeared into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
f. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerged with the Pope on the balcony.
g. But by the time Bubba returned to his boss, he found out that his boss had fainted and was surrounded by paramedics.
h. Bubba asked his boss what happened and his boss said, “I was feeling fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and then this stranger in the crowd nearby shouted, ‘Who’s that on the balcony with Bubba?’ ”
C. Unlike Bubba, when most people boast and brag they are stretching the truth.
1. But even if what we are boasting and bragging about is true, boasting and bragging are not the kinds of words that should come from the mouth of a godly person.
2. As we will discover today, words of boasting, flattery and exaggeration are not words we should be speaking.
3. Words of boasting, flattery and exaggeration might be classified as ego talk.
4. Ego is something that all of us have – it is that part of me that is interested in me.
a. Ego is that inner drive to be recognized and satisfied.
b. It is one of the strongest driving forces in our beings, and it is no wonder that it shows up in our words.
5. Ego is not all bad, it is part of the way God created us.
a. Actually, we cannot function or survive without an ego.
b. Ego is designed to help us properly care about ourselves and our needs.
c. God does want us to love ourselves and take care of ourselves, and the ego is designed to guide us toward that end.
6. But ego needs a control factor, it must not be allowed to roam uncontrolled.
a. Scripture tells us that the proper control factor for our ego is the Word of God and the indwelling Spirit of God (Eph. 5:18).
b. The Spirit-controlled ego becomes a useful instrument in our lives as it leads us to care about both ourselves and others.
7. But when the ego is left unchecked it gets into all kinds of trouble, including sins of the tongue, like boasting, flattery and exaggeration.
a. Let’s spend some time exploring what the Bible says about each of these sins of the tongue and how we might avoid them.
I. The Ego Talk of Boasting
A. Boasting is a relatively popular social sport.
1. Otherwise dull parties or conversations often thrive on our bigger and better boasts.
2. The boaster is the guy or gal who keeps the conversation circulating around them and their accomplishments.
3. On the surface, boasting may seem like an innocent pastime.
a. After all, “If you got it, then flaunt it,” right?
b. Some people have come to realize that if we don’t praise ourselves, then no one will.
4. Unfortunately, the boaster fails to realize that boasting is both social and spiritual suicide.
a. Even the most basic rules of relationships and communication dictate that we should talk about the interests of others and not focus solely on ourselves.
b. Nobody enjoys spending time with someone who only talks about himself or herself.
B. Here’s what the Bible says about boasting:
1. They pour out arrogant words; all the evildoers are full of boasting. (Ps. 94:4)
2. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.(Pr 27:1)
3. In that long passage from Romans 1 that we looked at last week that lists the characteristics of the ungodly, we notice that the list includes: “They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful…” (Rom. 1:29-30)
4. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. (1 Jn. 2:16)
5. These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage. (Jude 1:16)
C. So why shouldn’t we be boasting and bragging?
1. First of all, because everything we are and everything we have accomplished is because of God’s blessing.
a. Paul wrote: For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not? (1 Cor. 4:7)
b. Certainly, we have had to study hard and work hard to accomplish what we have, but if God had not given us our abilities and our opportunities, then no amount of study or hard work would have gotten us anywhere.
c. This passage in Deuteronomy 8 is a helpful reminder that everything comes from God: When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today. (Deut. 8:10-18)
2. Secondly, we shouldn’t boast because we have no control of the future.
a. Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. (Pr. 27:1)
b. James wrote the same thing, saying: Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. (James 4:13-16)
c. In the old, wild, wild, west, covered wagons would roll into town, and some of those wagons would be sellers of cures and remedies for all that ailed us.
1. People gullibly bought those medicines and the wagon disappeared into the sunset.
2. Unfortunately, those early American medicine men claimed to deliver more than they could, and the Bible would classify them as braggarts.
d. The word translated brag in James 4:16 literally means a “wandering quack.”
1. A braggart boasts about things that he can’t control and promises more than he can deliver.
e. Those of us who are wise and spiritual realize that we do not have ultimate control over what we can or cannot do.
1. Because we know and believe that God is in control of our lives, we should say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
2. This puts God in His proper role and the true governor of the affairs of life.
3. Finally, we should not boast because it steals the credit from the one to whom it is due.
a. One of the lowest forms of egomania is taking the credit when it belongs to someone else.
1. “Give credit where credit is due” reflects a basic tenet of proper relationship and speech.
b. A primary reason for our existence should be to reflect God’s glory and to bring Him glory
c. Ultimately, Moses was not allowed to lead God’s people into the promised land because he had taken the honor that belonged to God alone, when he angrily said to the Israelites, “Must we bring you water out of this rock?” (Num. 20:10)
d. When King Herod accepted the praise of men who proclaimed him as a god, the Bible says, “Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down and he was eaten by worms and died.” (Acts 12:23)
e. Anytime we are given praise or are inclined to want to boast about ourselves and our accomplishments, we must immediately give the credit to God who deserves it.
1. My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. (Ps. 34:2)
2. In God we make our boast all day long, and we will praise your name forever. (Ps. 44:8)
3. But, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” (2 Cor. 10:17)
f. And even when it comes to our salvation, we must acknowledge that “it is by grace you have been saved, through faith,…and not by works so that no one can boast.” (Eph. 2:8)
II. The Ego Talk of Flattery
A. We familiar with the well-known saying, “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
1. There are few skills of the tongue that are more manipulative and more ego serving than the skill of flattery.
2. Flattery is the hypnotic power of the tongue to seduce and to conquer.
3. Flattery is the act of placing someone in debt to us by verbally commending some action, virtue, or aspect of their life – and the commendation may or may not be true.
4. Flattery differs from genuine praise or compliment because of its motive.
5. Ultimately, flattery is a compliment shared to manipulate another for personal gain.
B. So how is flattery used in a manipulative ways? Let me offer a few examples.
1. First, a person might use flattery to get attention from someone.
a. If I tell you what a great job you did in the Sunday School discussion, then you will pay attention to me.
b. If I compliment you, you will likely look at me, smile at me, and thank me.
c. Some people are so starved for attention that they will use flattery to get it.
2. Second, a person might use flattery to get a compliment in return.
a. Few of us would be so forward as to ask for someone to compliment our new clothes.
b. But if we flatter other people about their attractive clothes, they will likely notice our clothing and return the compliment.
c. So our real intent was not to compliment them, but to receive a compliment.
3. Third, a person might use flattery to seduce someone into all kinds of schemes.
a. If we want someone to buy something from us, we might say, “I know you’re smart enough to know a good deal when you see one.”
b. If we want to draw someone into an immoral relationship, we might say, “I wish my husband were as kind and sensitive as you are.” Or “Of all the woman in the world, no one is more beautiful than you!”
4. Finally, a person might use flattery to gain favor and to put others in our debt.
a. We might think that if we pour on the flattery, then others will have really good feelings about us, and then when we need something from them in the future, they will be more inclined to give us what we want.
C. What does the Bible say about flattery?
1. Psalm 29:5 says: Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.
2. Earlier we looked at Jude 1:16, but let’s look at it again: These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.
3. Psalm 12:1-3 says: Help, LORD, for the godly are no more; the faithful have vanished from among men. Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception. May the LORD cut off all flattering lips and every boastful tongue…
D. Ultimately, flattery is a reflection of a selfish and destructive spirit.
1. When we seek to control or use others for our benefit, then we begin to destroy them.
2. Someone has said, “Flattery corrupts both the receiver and the giver.” (Edmund Burke)
E. Perhaps like me, over the years, you enjoyed watching American Idol.
1. At the beginning of each of the seasons, they showed the tryouts for the show, and I was always amazed at the people who tried out for the show who really could not sing at all.
2. It was so sad to see people who were shocked when they were cut from the show.
3. They would often say that people had always told them they had amazing singing ability.
4. Simon Cowell, who was sometimes too harsh and rude to contestants, said: “The object of the competition is not to be mean to the losers but to find a winner. The process makes you mean, because you get frustrated. Kids turn up unrehearsed…singing out of tune and you can either say, ‘Good job’ and patronize them or tell them the truth, and sometimes the truth is perceived as mean.”
5. The Bible tells us to speak the truth in love and we should try to be as graceful as we can with the truth.
6. We must realize that “pretty words are not always true, and true words are not always pretty.”
F. None of what I have said about flattery means that we should never genuinely compliment, encourage or praise someone who is deserving or in need of a positive word.
1. The key to keep in mind is the motivation. Why am I complimenting the person?
2. If it is true and is truly is an act of love, encouragement, and support with no though of personal gain – then it is a compliment, not flattery.
3. One of the things that we might do that can safeguard both the one giving the compliment and the one receiving it, is to form the compliment in a way that gives the glory to God.
a. We might say, “I’m thankful the Lord has given you such a spirit of encouragement.”
b. Or, “The Lord has given you a special ability to minister to me through your teaching.”
4. Giving glory to God even in our compliments goes a long way to take the flattery factor out of our words.
III. The Ego Talk of Exaggeration
A. You may have heard someone say, “I don’t exaggerate – I just stretch the truth.”
1. Exaggeration is nothing more than lying about details to make the information more sensational, interesting or manipulative.
2. From fisherman to politicians to preachers, no one is exempt from this ego-serving tendency of the tongue.
B. Why do we exaggerate?
1. First, we might exaggerate to catch people’s attention.
a. Perhaps we are telling the story and we realize we are losing the person’s interest.
b. So by adding a little pizzazz, we recapture their attention.
c. The lightweight pickup truck that was barreling down on you becomes a 20 ton dump truck full of gravel.
d. The rainstorm becomes the worst monsoon in history.
2. Second, we might exaggerate to manipulate someone into doing what we want them to do.
a. Rather than just feeling a little under the weather, we say we feel like we are on death’s doorstep, so that we don’t have to go to school, or get out of a commitment we made.
b. Rather than admitting that something is just a minor inconvenience, we make it sound like it is the end of the world, just so we can get our way.
3. Third, we might exaggerate to feel better about ourselves and to make others feel better about us as well.
a. The fisherman whose largemouth bass was just three pounds ends up telling people it was at least three pounds, leaving the impression it may have been many more than 3 pounds.
b. The businessman who makes a $50,000 sale tells a friend that he made a sale somewhere under $100,000.
4. Fourth, we might exaggerate to win the argument or make our point.
a. We might say, “You always interrupt me,” or “You never do what I ask you to do!”
b. “Always” and “never” are usually not the truth, but they are more sensational and manipulative.
C. Carpenters have had the experience of cutting a board too short and then joking that they need a “wood stretcher.”
1. Unfortunately, wood doesn’t stretch and neither does the truth.
2. Some people think the truth is like silly putty that can be stretched for their own purposes.
3. But the problem with stretching the truth is it destroys it.
4. Exaggeration is just another form of lying.
5. It is a violation of God’s will for us.
Conclusion:
A. As we bring this lesson to a close, I want to emphasize the fact that ego talk – boasting, flattery and exaggeration – are words that bring death and not life.
1. The person who is prone to boasting, flattery and exaggeration will find that those things damage their relationship with God and with others.
2. In the end, the person who is prone to boasting, flattery and exaggeration will not be taken seriously – Their words will be taken, as we say, “with a grain of salt.”
B. One day a sightseeing bus was making the rounds through Washington, D. C., and the driver was pointing out spots of interest.
1. As they passed the Pentagon building, he mentioned that it cost taxpayers millions of dollars and that it took a year and a half to build.
a. While everyone was looking at the Pentagon, a little old man piped up: “In Peoria we could have built the same building for less, and it would have been completed even sooner than that!”
2. The next sight on the tour was the Justice Department building.
a. Once again the bus driver said that it cost so many millions to build and took almost two years to complete.
b. The old man repeated the same line: “In Peoria we would have done it for less money, and it would have been finished much sooner.”
3. The little old man made the same boast about every building on the tour.
4. The final stop on the tour was the Washington Monument, and the driver just passed slowly by it without saying a word.
a. The old man was curious. “Hey,” he shouted to the driver, “what’s that tall white building back there?”
4. The driver looked out the window, waited a minute and then said, “Sir, I have no idea. It wasn’t there yesterday!”
C. If we want to be in a right relationship with God and with others, then we will keep our ego in check and we will keep our tongue from ego talk, like: boasting, flattery and exaggeration.
1. If we want to please God and bless others, then we will speak humbly, graciously and truthfully.
2. That’s what speaking life is all about.
Resources: Tongue in Check, Joseph Stowell, Victor Publishing, 1994, Chapter Four.
