Introduction:
A. Today, we are continuing in our series called: “Speak Life – Speaking Words that Heal, not Hurt.
1. The Bible tells us that words have the power of life and death.
a. Words have the power for much good or much evil.
2. God’s desire is for all of us to learn how to control our tongues so that our words bring life.
3. Last week, we explored the truth about lying, and I hope we all have accepted the challenge of living and speaking truthfully.
4. Today, we want to explore what we might call “malignant talk” – using our tongues to spread gossip and slander.
B. One day a woman visited her friend.
1. While they were together, the friend’s five-year-old son pulled out his kindergarten class picture and began introducing his classmates.
a. “This is Robert; he hits everyone.”
b. “This is Stephen; he never listens to the teacher.”
c. “This is Sally; she is very grumpy and calls people names.”
d. Then, he pointed to himself, and said, “And this is me; I’m just sitting there minding my own business.”
2. Isn’t it amazing how effortlessly words of gossip and slander escape our lips?
3. It might seem funny coming from a 5 year-old, but it is far from innocent fun.
C. What is it about gossip and slander that is so alluring to us?
1. Not too long ago, the TV show “60 Minutes” tried to answer that question.
a. They sent a news team to report on the remarkable sale of the cheap grocery store tabloids.
b. They began interviewing people who were purchasing a tabloid at the checkout counter.
c. The reporter asked one buyer, “Do you really believe what you read in this paper?”
d. The buyer answered, “No, but I like to read it anyway.”
2. Listen to some of this week’s headlines in the National Enquirer.
a. Donald Trump’s Tax Returns Exposed – How much the candidate is worth and how much the IRS took!
b. Faith Hill Walks Out after finding Tim’s Secret Love Child!
c. Explosive Showdown in Court – Jen dragged into Brangelina divorce.
d. Bill Clinton Love Child Rocks Hillary’s Campaign
e. Hugh Hefner Trapped in Playboy House of Horrors
f. Pop Diva Adele’s Awesome Restaurant Meltdown
g. Janet Jackson’s Ex Begs to See His Secret Child
h. Dolly Parton: 70 Years of Secrets and Scandals
i. Denzel Washington Strangles Aretha Franklin – Plea deal in bizarre court case!
3. What is it about that stuff that draws people in? We will try to answer that question in a minute.
D. Once a frantic mother wrote to Ann Landers, the advice columnist, asking what to do about a rumor being spread that her 16 year-old daughter was pregnant.
1. The mother wondered if perhaps she should transfer her daughter to another high school.
2. Landers suggested that she shouldn’t switch schools; instead, she should let time prove the rumor to be false.
3. It sounded like good advice, but sadly, in reality, when she didn’t show signs of the pregnancy, the rumor changed to “she had had an abortion.”
4. Once rumors begin, it’s tough to win!
E. Rumors, whether true or false, are devastating for many reasons – one of them being that they are irretrievable.
1. The story is told of a young man during the Middle Ages who confessed to a monk that he had sinned by telling slanderous statements about someone, and wondered what he should do.
a. The monk told him to go throughout the town and put a feather on every door step, and then return to the monk when he had completed that task.
b. The young man did as he was told and returned to the monk.
c. The monk then told him to go back through the town and pick up all the feathers.
d. The young man replied, “That’s impossible! By now the wind will have blown them all over town!”
e. The monk then concluded, “So has your slanderous word become impossible to retrieve.”
2. Joseph Stowell writes: “Rumors are the vehicles that turn life into a demolition derby, and gossip and slander are the tracks on which they travel. The tracks of gossip and slander are paved with careless, idle chatter as well as the malicious, intentional sharing of bad reports. From where does the fuel for this demolition derby come? Malicious speech comes from the central source of all sin – the promotion of self.” (pgs. 35-36)
I. What Draws Us to Gossip and Slander?
A. First, there is the lure of curiosity.
1. Some of us look for and listen to “news” just because of our natural curiosity.
2. Just like with all things, Satan can use something that God created for good, like curiosity, and twist it for sinful purposes.
3. If our curiosity leads us to seek, bear and disseminate harmful information, then we have misused our natural instincts.
4. Paul describes this problem in 1 Tim. 5:13: Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.
B. A second reason we are drawn to gossip and slander can be linked to boredom.
1. In that passage we just read from 1 Tim. 5, Paul links idleness with gossips and busybodies.
2. People who are busy with good works don’t have time to sit around gossiping.
3. The old saying is true: “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”
C. A third reason we are drawn to gossip and slander can be the desire to be the center of attention.
1. For some it is a stroke to the ego to be known as the one who is in the know.
2. Some of us feed on the attention of others, and enjoy having others listen to us intently as we share the most up to date tantalizing news.
D. Fourth, the tendency to elevate ourselves over others often stimulates malignant speech.
1. Some people conclude that if they can say something bad about someone else, then they can feel better about themselves.
2. Will Durant said, “To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.”
3. It is implied that when I speak ill of others that at least I am not as bad as they are.
E. Fifth, malignant words of gossip and slander are often spawned by bitterness.
1. Gossip and slander can be tools of revenge as we seek to get even with those who have hurt us.
F. Finally, we may be drawn to gossip and slander as a way to sooth our own anxieties.
1. In other words, misery loves company.
2. Good news about others heightens our anxiety about our own problems.
3. But if we can share bad news about others, it takes the attention off our own problems.
II. What are Gossip and Slander?
A. All of us have wondered: “Am I gossiping and slandering right now as I am saying this?”
1. Or we have wondered, “Should I be listening to what this person is saying? Are the things they are sharing with me considered gossip or slander?”
2. A good measuring stick is to ask ourselves: “Would I be comfortable if this person were to walk in on our conversation? Would the conversation come to a screeching halt as they ask, ‘What are you two talking about?’ ”
3. If we are going to avoid gossip and slander, then it is important for us to understand what gossip and slander really are.
B. Rick Warren has given a good simple definition of gossip: “When we are talking about a situation with somebody who is neither part of the problem or part of the solution, then we are probably gossiping.”
1. In the most basic understanding, gossip involves simply talking about someone who is not present at the time.
2. It involves sharing information about someone that isn’t appropriate to share.
3. The Hebrew and Greek words for gossip are picturesque.
4. One Hebrew word describes the person who goes about one to another.
a. Another Hebrew word carries the idea of “whispering that is damaging.”
5. The Greek word for gossip continues the thought of “whispering.”
a. One linguistic expert describes it as “secret attacks on a person’s character.”
b. When you pronounce the Greek word for gossip psithurismos, you begin with the sound p-s-s-s. P-s-s-t is often how we characterize hushed communication.
c. That also the sound we link with a snake and picture the snake whispering in Eve’s ear.
C. Slander is the next of kin to gossip.
1. While gossip is often done in the context of idle, careless chatter, slander is the open, intentional sharing of damaging information.
2. Slander is speaking against someone to damage their reputation.
3. Slander is speaking negatively about someone to leave an unfavorable impression.
4. The intent is to undermine a person’s reputation and to turn people against them.
5. The Hebrew word for slander literally means “to blemish or to fault.”
6. The Greek word for slander is comprised of two words: one meaning “against” and the other meaning “to speak,” so a slanderer is one who speaks against another.
III. What does the Bible Say about Gossip and Slander?
A. First and foremost, the Bible speaks against gossip and slander.
1. Gossip and slander are sinful and should not be a part of the life of one who walks with God.
2. The first time in the Bible the word slander shows up is Leviticus 19:16, where God tells Moses to tell the people: “Do not go about spreading slander among your people.”
a. This verse brings to mind the picture of a person making their way through the ranks of the already murmuring and unhappy Israelite desert wanderers. As the person goes among the people, he whispers the latest news of the camp. “Don’t quote me on this, but I’ve heard that Moses may be on his way out. There are other men, you know, who could lead just as well as Moses, probably better. And by the way, have you noticed ow the Zuriel family is always the first group out to gather manna every morning? I probably shouldn’t mention it, but there’s no need to be greedy, you know what I mean? Oh, there go those rambunctious Azariah boys again! I do wish their parents would control them a little better. I don’t like to talk about people, but the way they let those boys behave is a shame!”
b. Does any of that sound familiar? It just keeps pouring out of that person doesn’t it?
c. But that’s exactly what God doesn’t want! God said, “Do not go about spreading slander among your people.” (Lev. 19:16)
2. In Romans 1, Paul talks about the wrath of God that will be poured out on the ungodly.
a. He talks about the kinds of sins that characterize those who have abandoned God.
b. Look at what is included in the list of sins that characterize those who have abandoned God: They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. (Rom. 1:29-31)
c. Gossip and slander are serious sins, just as all sin is serious.
3. In I Corinthians 6, Paul reminds the Corinthians of the kinds of sins they used to be involved in: Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Cor. 6:9-11)
a. Slander may have been a part of our sinful past, but that’s where it must stay – in the past.
4. Last week, we spent some time in Colossians 3, and it contains similar language: But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. (Col. 3:8-10)
B. There are many other things the Bible says about gossip and slander, but here are a few examples of other reasons why gossip and slander are so damaging.
1. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. (Proverbs 11:13)
2. A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. (Proverbs 20:19)
3. Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. (Proverbs 26:20)
4. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts. (Pr 26:22)
5. A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. (Proverbs 16:28)
6. He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. (Prov. 10:18)
7. Do not slander a servant to his master, or he will curse you, and you will pay for it. (Pr. 30:10)
8. LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman (Ps. 15:1-3).
9. So, we see that gossip and slander are destructive, but the person who speaks no gossip or slander are righteous and blameless.
IV. How Do We Justify Gossip and Slander?
A. First, We mistakenly believe that if the information is true, then sharing it is not wrong.
1. The issue is not whether the information is true or false, but whether it is harmful or confidential.
2. Last week we learned that lying is wrong, and we don’t want to be part of spreading false rumors, but neither should we be spreading true rumors.
3. Paul’s instruction in Eph. 4:29 is a great guide for us: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
4. So, even if the information is true, I have to ask myself why I am sharing the information.
a. Does the information need to be shared at all?
b. Does the person I’m sharing the information with need to know it?
5. Let me repeat Warren’s definition of gossip: “When we are talking about a situation with somebody who is neither part of the problem or part of the solution, then we are probably gossiping.”
B. Second, We sometimes justify gossip and slander under the disguise of “concern” for others.
1. We might say, “I hate to say anything about this to you, but I’m concerned about so and so.”
2. Or we might say, “Let me tell you something about someone so you can more precisely pray for them.”
3. Or we might say, “I’m very troubled about so and so, and I don’t know who else to talk to about it.”
4. Certainly, there are times when the truth about others must be shared with third parties.
a. But those times should be few and far between.
b. It should come after we have first discussed our concerns with the person themselves.
c. We should get their permission to share their specific prayer needs with others.
d. And if we feel the need to approach someone in leadership about our concerns for them, we need to tell the person we are going to do so, or ask that they be present when we do so.
V. How Can We Avoid Gossip and Slander
A. First, we need to maintain a humble and accurate view of ourselves.
1. I am a sinner who is saved by the grace of God, and I often fail to live up to God’s high standards.
2. Therefore, I have no right to pridefully look down on others or seek to bring them down.
3. Only God is perfect and only God has the right to pass judgment or put people in their place.
B. Second, we need to walk in prayer.
1. Like David, we can pray: Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD ; keep watch over the door of my lips. (Psalm 141:3)
2. We can pray about our concerns for others.
3. We can pray about approaching people with our concerns about them.
4. We can pray about when a matter needs to be brought to those in leadership.
C. Third, we need to resolve not to pass on gossip and slander.
1. Another thing my mother drilled into me was the statement: “If you can’t say something good about someone, then don’t say anything at all.”
a. Chinese proverb: “Speak only well of people and you need never whisper.”
2. If someone has confided in us, then we need to do our best to keep private matters private.
3. If we need to criticize someone, then we need to do it to their face with an intent to help.
4. If we keep in mind how we want others to treat us, then we will know that gossip and slander are out of bounds, because we don’t want others to gossip and slander about us.
D. Finally, we need to resolve not to listen to gossip and slander.
1. Some people like to think that just listening to gossip is okay, because they don’t pass it on.
a. But we need to understand that “just listening” to gossip is also wrong.
b. Proverbs 17:4 says: A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue.
2. Here are some things might say to someone who is about to pass on some gossip or slander:
a. “Have you talked to that person about this?”
b. “How do you know what you are about to tell me is true?”
c. “Can I quote you on this?”
3. Here are a few possible ways to change the subject:
a. “Before you go any further, let me tell you what I like most about that person, or what encourages me most about that person.”
b. “I’m really uncomfortable with this conversation, I would rather that we not talk about someone when they are not present.”
3. When all else fails, we can simply escape and avoid.
a. We can excuse ourselves from the conversation, saying, “I really need to get back to work, or go use the restroom.”
Conclusion:
A. I like this poem:
My name is Gossip.
I have no respect for justice.
I maim without killing.
I break hearts and ruin lives.
I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.
The more I am quoted the more I am believed.
My victims are helpless.
They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.
I am nobody’s friend.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.
I topple governments and wreck marriages.
I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion.
I make innocent people cry in their pillows.
Even my name hisses. I am called Gossip.
I make headlines and headaches.
B. Let me remind us about the THINK acronym from the first sermon in the series:
Is it true?
Is it helpful?
Is it Inspiring
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
If it isn’t, then don’t say it or repeat it.
C. Gossip and slander are malignant speech – they spread like cancer and they destroy and kill like cancer.
1. If we want to speak life, then we will resolve not to speak gossip and slander.
2. I pray that this sermon has heightened our awareness to these kinds of malignant speech that we can fall into so easily.
3. May God help us remove these bad habits of speech from our mouths so that our words can be a blessing.
Resources:
Tongue in Check, Joseph Stowell, Victor Publishing, 1994, Chapter Three.
