WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
(Part two)
Last week I asked what love had to do in some areas of our lives. First was salvation. Sending Jesus was how God showed his love for us. He was willing to let go of his Son and watch him get abused and mistreated and die-physically and spiritually-so that we would be able to have eternal life.
Jesus showed the extent of his love for us in being willing to become sin and have the Father turn his back on him and become completely separated from him.
Next I asked what love had to do with our relationship with God. If I have experienced God’s love for me it should compel me to live out my life in service to him. If my relationship with God is based in love then it will be a successful one.
What does love have to do with my relationship with others? Since we know God’s love for us and we are compelled to love God we should be compelled to love one another. 1st John 3 talks about how we ought to be laying down our lives for our brothers; and that means going out of our way to help them, be patient and understanding with them; doing to them as I would like to have done for me.
And lastly, I asked what love had to do with my service for God. If love isn’t the driving force behind what I do then it means nothing. It might benefit others to a degree but I will not be blessed because my motives are not pure and my attitude is not right. God is not pleased with what I do for him if it’s not done in love.
Today I’ll be focusing on what love has to do with various relationships in my life. What’s love got to do with it? Let’s find out.
What’s love got to do with my relationships?
1) With my family?
Think of how a person grows up and how it shapes them when they have been shown love vs. when they haven’t. Huge difference. Even when they’re in a home where they are shown love if it’s only by one parent and not the other there’s a big difference than if both are. And if the damage caused by the lack of love doesn’t get dealt with chances are that person will carry it over into their relationships with others. How can I conduct any of my relationships in love when I haven’t experienced it for myself? How can I show it when I haven’t seen it?
But, when I have been shown love that greatly affects all aspects of my life. When love is the foundation I will be shown encouragement, I will be shown mercy and forgiveness, I will be shown patience and understanding. All of these things will shape the person I become and will be carried into all my other relationships.
We learned last week that true love has to do with sacrifice; that’s what God showed us in sending Jesus and that’s what Jesus showed us in laying down his life on a daily basis for others. It’s no different when it comes to how I should treat my family. Love is rooted in selflessness while a lack of love is shown in selfishness. When we exhibit selfishness we bring harm to more than just ourselves.
Prov. 15:27, “A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live.”
Greed is rooted in self-I want what I want when I want it regardless of the price I will have to pay to get it. When I’m greedy for dishonest gain I conduct my affairs with no thought or regard for how this will affect my family. So, when it all comes crashing down I look up and see how my family became a casualty of my war.
However, if I am one who hates bribes then I love my family. If I hate greed then I love my family. If I am against looking out for my own interests only and instead give careful thought as to how this decision will affect my family then I am showing love towards them. If I’m showing love then I’ll be doing my best to take care of my family.
1st Tim. 5:8, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This might seem like an extreme statement but what Paul is trying to convey is the importance of showing love toward my family. If I’m focused on love then I’m focused on providing for my family. And that doesn’t mean just materially; it also means being there for a family member when they need us to help or talk. I have a responsibility to my family; it’s part of faith living.
If I neglect to show this love to my family then I am worse than an unbeliever because for one-you have a lot of unbelievers who get the concept of needing to provide for their families and they’re doing it without the benefit of having the Spirit of Christ living in them and therefore don’t have the understanding of how true love works.
But when we are acting out true love toward our family by caring for them, providing for them and being there for them then it will be a testimony to others who aren’t showing Christ-like love like we are with the same amount of joy we do. What’s love got to do with my relationship with my family? Everything.
2) With my spouse?
Eph. 5:22, “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”
Wives-how well are you able to relinquish control to your husband? Do you want to have everything your way? Do you think your way is the only way? How well do you do at letting him make decisions? How trusting are you of him?
“As to the Lord”. This isn’t easy to do when your husbands aren’t acting like the Lord. But I guarantee there are times when you even have these issues with Jesus. So, although sometimes submitting is a problem because of your husband’s behavior-it can also be a problem because of an unwillingness to submit-period.
Vs. 25, “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
The husband needs to see his wife as precious as Jesus does the church. What we as husbands need to do is look at what Jesus does for the church and do the same for our wives.
Jesus is sacrificial. When we give of ourselves in the best interest of our wife’s welfare then we are being like Jesus.
Jesus is passionate about the church. Are we passionate for our wives? Not just passionate towards her but for her. Are we passionate for her to become all that she can be? How well do we minister to them? How well do we exemplify Christ to them? Do we give them someone to look up to like we have Jesus to look up to?
Christ is protective of the church. How well do we protect our wives from enemy attack? How well do we protect the reputation of our wives? Do we stand up for her and defend her when she’s been attacked or persecuted?
Col. 3:19, “Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
Ouch-that verse is harsh! Sometimes it’s so easy to become irritated and elevated. It’s so easy to be snappy with the tongue. Some synonyms for harsh include abrasive, loud, cruel, unkind, unsympathetic, insensitive, inconsiderate, unforgiving. That’s quite a list. If we husbands are honest we would have to admit we’ve done some of these things towards our wives. Not too loving.
But you know, when it comes to these verses and we see what each spouse is supposed to be doing and we’re guilty of not doing it we can get defensive. We might find ourselves saying: ‘I’ll stop being harsh when she starts submitting’. And she in turn says, ‘I’ll submit when he starts acting more like Jesus’. Guess what-it will never get better this way. Someone has to step-up and be the bigger person.
When love is the driving force I’m doing my part even if my spouse isn’t doing theirs. That doesn’t mean we ignore the damage that’s been done; it doesn’t mean there are no consequences to our actions and behaviors; it doesn’t mean we have to continue to put up with the abuse but despite all that we shouldn’t stop doing what the Lord has commanded us to do just because someone else has stopped. Look how we treat Christ sometimes and yet he doesn’t change his love toward us.
When love is the basis for my relationship with my spouse I will be showing love when I least feel like it. I will be looking at things from her perspective. I will care about how things are affecting her. I will want to do my best to make sure she knows that I love her. I will make sure he knows that I need him and trust him and look up to him. I will make sure that I confirm his strengths and capabilities. I will be focused on my spouse’s spiritual growth and do what I can to nurture that by both affirming how I see Christ in them and lovingly challenging them when I don’t.
In all this the result will be a marriage that is rock solid; not perfect by any means but secure nonetheless. What does love have to do with my relationship with my spouse? Everything.
3) With my kids?
Eph. 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
To exasperate means to frustrate or infuriate. This might happen when we push them too hard to do something or punish them too harshly. We need to push and we need to punish but with limitations. But if we are bringing them up in the training of the Lord then we are handling them the way we are treated by God. We are doing everything with the motive of love; including discipline. When our discipline is loving the punishment fits the crime and the motive is always correction. Whenever we punish out of anger chances are it will be too severe.
If it’s done in love it will be appropriate; both in the way we conduct it and by the consequence attached to it. And when our actions are out of love, they might not be happy in the moment but they will come to respect us for it-especially in what it produces-which is a structured life.
When we are bringing our children up in the instruction of the Lord we are teaching them who the Lord is. If we love our kids we will be teaching them about Jesus. And we’re also instructing them on how to make decisions and handle situations according to how Jesus did/would. If we train and instruct our children in accordance to the Lord’s standards then we are loving them.
Col 3:21, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
To embitter means to make them bitter or to make them become disillusioned or cynical. If we have a negative attitude we can easily pass that on to our kids. If we are shooting down their hopes and dreams, killing their joy, giving them an attitude of, ‘what’s the use in trying’; this will embitter your children about life.
And what if we have this attitude regarding how we feel about God? When God doesn’t give you what you asked for and you respond with “What’s the use in praying; it doesn’t do any good?” When things go wrong and your response is “God’s out to get me”. When tragedy strikes and we lash out at God in anger; these are the things that will embitter our children towards God. And in so doing they will become discouraged. They will be made to feel like they can’t do anything right, life sucks and don’t bother going to God about it because he doesn’t care.
However, when we are acting in accordance with love we will see the opposite occur. We will encourage our kids to try; we will motivate our kids to succeed. We will give them hope and we will teach them that although life doesn’t always work out the way we would like God loves you; so cling to him and don’t give up.
Psalm 127:3 says that children are a reward from the Lord. Do we see our children as a reward? I know there are probably times when we might not be but over all do we look at our kids and see how precious they are? How are we responding to this invaluable gift? Are we affectionate toward them? Are we engaging with them; spending time with them?
I think the best way to show that we view our kids as a reward from God is to put Prov. 20:7 into practice.
Prov. 20:7, “The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.”
If we see our children as a reward then we will see that with the great blessing comes a great responsibility. One of the greatest ways we can show love to our kids is when we are living a righteous life. In doing so we are not only blessing ourselves but our children as well. They see our good example and will be inspired to follow it; they will not have to suffer the consequences of our poor choices. There will be joy and peace in the household. This is what results when love directs my relationship with my kids. What’s love got to do with my relationship with my children? Everything.
CONCLUSION: Love needs to be the driving force behind our relationships. When it is it will have a lasting impression. In New Man, Gary Oliver writes about a difficult decision made by professional baseball player Tim Burke concerning his family. From the time Burke can first remember, his dream was to be a professional baseball player. Through years of sacrifice and hard work he achieved his goal.
While a successful pitcher for the Montreal Expos, he and his wife wanted to start a family but discovered they were unable to have children. After much prayer, they decided to adopt four international special-needs children. This led to one of the most difficult decisions in Tim’s life. He discovered that his life on the road conflicted with his ability to be a quality husband and dad. Over time it became clear that he couldn’t do a good job at both. After more prayer and soul-searching, he made what many considered an unbelievable decision: he decided to give up playing professional baseball.
When he left the stadium for the last time, reporters wanted to know why he was retiring. Listen to his response. “Baseball is going to do just fine without me. It’s not going to miss a beat. But I’m the only father my children have. I’m the only husband my wife has. And they need me a lot more than baseball does.” Love is a costly investment; but its dividends are invaluable. What’s love got to do with my relationship with my family, spouse and children? Everything.
