Fruit Of The Spirit – Gentleness
Becoming A Gentle Person
Everyone wants friends. Everyone needs friends. Years ago Dale Carnegie wrote the number two bestselling book of the twentieth century, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Why has it sold so many copies? Because everyone wants to be liked by others. We all want friends.
We want people around us to be understanding, kind, and gentle. But what is gentleness? Based on the original Greek word used in the New Testament, the word gentleness literally means “strength under control.” The word was used to describe a wild stallion that had been tamed or broken. The tamed stallion still had as much power and energy as when it was wild, but it could now be controlled and made useful for its master. To be gentle does not mean to be weak and wimpy. It means to have strength – but to have it under control. Interestingly, only two people in the Bible were called gentle – Jesus and Moses – and neither of them were weak men. Both were very strong – masculine men.
Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruit of the Spirit – let’s go ahead and look at that verse now:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Gal 5:22-23 (NASB)
Philippians 4:4-5 tells us:
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.” Php 4:4-5 (NASV)
Gentleness is controlling your reactions to people. It is choosing your own response to people rather than simply reacting to them.
Let’s consider how we can practice gentleness in our day to day living.
In order to be gentile we need to:
1. Be Understanding – Not DEMANDING
When you come in contact with people – be understanding – not demanding. Philippians 2:4 says:
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Php 2:3-4 (NASB)
How do you respond to the people around you? Are you rude and demanding? Remember everyone around you is going through their day too. Just like you have good days and bad days – other people do too. Look beyond your own needs and agenda and notice that other people have needs too.
Be understanding – not demanding toward people who are around you and see what happens.
Next:
2. Be Accepting – Not REJECTING
Folks – when a person accepts Jesus as their Lord and Savior – do you know what happens? They become part of your family. They become part of your fellowship. They become part of the body of Christ. The truth is – none of us are perfect so we need to get along. We need to accept one another. Nothing feels worst then being rejected – and nothing feels better than being accepted.
Romans 15:7 says:
“Accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.” Rom 15:7 (NASB)
God puts up with a lot from each and every one of us. And if he puts up with our inconsistencies and weaknesses – we should learn to put up with others’ shortcomings too. Whenever you feel temped to judge another Christian – pause to remember how much God has forgiven you. God is consistently gentle with you and he wants you to be gentle with other believers. The more you recognize god’s grace to you – the more gracious you will be. Be accepting – not rejecting.
3. Be Tender – Without SURRENDER
When someone disagrees with you – be tender without surrender. You will never be able to get along with everyone. You will always meet people who like to argue and quarrel. Some people will contradict everything you say. How should you respond to them?
One of the tests of spiritual maturity is how you handle people who disagree with you. Some people have a need to devastate everyone who disagrees with them. If you challenge them or offer a comparison, complaint, or criticism, they respond with a full-blown personal attack. Then what do you do? You have three alternatives: you can retreat, you can attack, or you can respond in gentleness. Most people choose retreating or attacking. Few know how to respond in gentleness.
If you give in and retreat from argumentative people, you say, “Okay, have it your way.” “Peace at any price” brings many hidden costs to any relationship.
On the other hand, if you attack, you take the offensive and fight back when someone opposes you. Attacking is usually a telltale sign that you feel insecure and threatened by someone’s disapproval. And anger is a warning light that tells you that you are about to lose something – often your self-esteem. When people attack their most common reaction is to become sarcastic and attack the other person’s self-worth.
The third alternative – responding in gentleness – is the approach God wants you to take to opposition. This kind of response requires a fine balance between maintaining your right to an opinion while equally respecting another’s right to his or her opinion. It requires being tender without surrendering your convictions.
In The Message Bible Romans 14:1 says:
“Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.” Rom 14:1 (MSG)
Proverbs 15:1 says:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Pro 15:1 (NASB)
I am sure you have found that to be true in your experience. It has been true in mine. When someone asks you a question, if you respond arrogantly, the questioner will probably challenge you. But if you respond quietly, the questioner will be more likely to be open to your answer. When you shout at people in a loud voice – they get very defensive.
James 3:16-17 says:
“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.” Jas 3:16-17 (NASB)
James pinpoints the cause of quarrels and arguments; selfishness – wanting our own way and demanding that others agree with us. But he goes on to say that wise persons are peaceful, pure, gentle, and friendly. I know many people who are very intelligent – but they are also obnoxious. They know it all. They are not friendly, peaceful, or gentle. They go around trying to impress everyone with their knowledge. If you are a truly wise person, you are gentle.
Gentleness is the ability to disagree agreeably. You can walk hand in hand with someone without seeing eye to eye. You can agree to disagree and still be agreeable.
Writing to Timothy, Paul said:
“The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth.” 2 Tim 2:24-25 (NASB)
Paul is saying that gentleness is a qualification for spiritual leadership. If I am a leader – I am not to get swept into arguments. You and I are not to get involved in petty disagreements and pointless conflicts.
So far we have discussed three aspects of gentleness: be understanding – not demanding; be accepting – not rejecting; and be tender – without surrender. You don’t have to give up your convictions, but you do need to be tender in the way you express them. Let’s look at a fourth aspect.
4. Be Teachable – Not UNREACHABLE
When someone corrects you, be teachable – not unreachable. James 1:19 says:
“So then, my brethren beloved, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Jas 1:19 (YLT)
If you are quick to listen and slow to answer back – you are going to be slow to lose your temper. If you want to be a gentle person use your ears more than your mouth and be willing to accept correction.
The Greek word translated “gentle” is sometimes translated “meek”. I don’t like that word because people tend to equate meekness with weakness. Yet Jesus called himself “meek” (Matt. 11:29, KJV) and he certainly was not afraid of anyone. Moreover, Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” (Matt. 5:5) The meek – the gentle – will inherit the earth because they are God’s kind of people – they are like Jesus Christ.
But I would say that those who are gentle – those who are meek – are teachable – not unreachable.
The wisest people I know are the people who have a “teach me” attitude and are willing to learn from others. You can learn from anyone.
Next:
5. Be Proactive – Not REACTIVE
The apostle Peter recalled how Jesus acted at his trial before Pilate.
“While being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.” 1 Peter 2:23 (NASB)
When Jesus went trial he could have commanded all the angels in heaven to come down and rescue him in an instant. But Jesus endured the trial in silence.
Who was really in control of that situation – was Pilate or was Jesus? The psychological dynamics of that confrontation are fascinating. Pilate was threatened by the simple fact that Jesus wouldn’t speak up and defend himself. It made Pilate nervous. Rather than react to Pilate, Jesus assumed control of the situation by choosing to remain silent. He didn’t need to react to Pilate’s insults because he knew exactly who he was – the Son of God.
When someone hurts you are you reactive or proactive? Gentleness is the ability to handle hurt without retaliating. It is the ability to absorb the blow without striking back. You may say, “That’s not easy to do.” You’re right – it is almost impossible. To respond that way is not natural – it is supernatural – it is the fruit of the Spirit.
When someone stabs you in the back – when someone hurts you – what do you do? Do you pull out your big guns and react? Maybe you say, “You make me so mad!” When you say that, you are admitting that someone else is controlling your emotions. You are acknowledging that you have given that person the power to determine your feelings and reactions.
Remember this: no one can take that control from you.
You give it away the moment you start reacting. Lear to be proactive not reactive.
God’s Word tells us:
“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.” Rom 12:17 (NASB)
Later on in the same chapter it says:
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Rom 12:21 (NASB)
That is the power of being proactive rather than reaction. To retaliate is to react. To forgive is to be proactive. It is saying, “I choose the way I respond.”
Gentleness is strength under control – choosing the way to respond to people.
Proverbs 16:32 says,
“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit [is better than] he who captures a city.” Pro 16:32 (NASB)
The person who can control his moods is strong – he is gentle.
If you take on gentleness – you will have a more relaxed lifestyle. You will become more adaptable – more able to roll with the punches. One reason many people experience emotional burnout is that they are not gentle. They are always demanding. They judge others. They always have to prove their point. They are unwilling to learn from others. They react to situations – going from one reaction to another.
But God wants us to have healthy and happy lives. That is why He has told us:
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Gal 5:22-23 (NASB)
Let us strive to live out the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.
(I would like to thank Rick Warren for the sermon starter ideas.)
