ENGAGE
Whether or not you were alive on January 20, 1961, you are probably familiar with this line from President John F. Kennedy’s inaugural address:
Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.
I don’t think that as a nation we’ve done a very good job of heeding those words, which is why our country has added over 18 trillion dollars in debt over the last 55 years – much of it to pay for the ever increasing list of things that people ask the country to do for them.
We now live under an unsustainable system where 60% of the people in this country receive back more in benefits from the federal government than they pay in federal taxes and where only those with the top 20% of incomes pay more in taxes than they receive in benefits. As long as that imbalance continues, our country will just continue to rack up more and more debt and eventually that will lead to an economic collapse.
And frankly I’m not real optimistic that we’ll ever turn that around because people have gotten so used to getting what they can from their country rather than thinking about what they can give. Politicians from both parties may give lip service to the problem but very few are really serious about it because they know that taking things away from people who have them now will cost them votes.
TENSION
Unfortunately, that “me-first” attitude seems to have spilled over into all of our personal relationships as well. Our natural tendency is to try and use other people in order to benefit us rather than to think about what we can do to benefit others. And the only antidote to that kind of thinking is to look at the way Jesus loves and to make a conscious effort to follow His example in all our relationships. That is certainly not easy, but I’m convinced that the results are certainly worth the effort.
TRUTH
This morning we’re going to follow the same pattern we established last week. So once again throughout the message I’m going to suggest some practical action steps for all of us to consider and I’m going to ask everyone to commit to taking at least one of these steps in response to this message.
Let’s begin in 1 Corinthians 13, with the second phrase that Paul uses to describe Biblical love:
…love does not envy or boast…
(1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV)
Once again Paul describes love using verbs because love requires action. But this time, he tells us what love is not. So before we take a look at one example of where Jesus loved like this, let’s take a moment to define the terms Paul uses here:
“envy” =
“to be eager for”
That term can be used in either a positive or negative manner. In fact, Paul uses it several other times in this letter where it is translated “earnestly desire” when he writes about spiritual gifts. But here, it clearly has a negative connotation. Paul uses it to describe a situation when a person frets because of the real or perceived superiority of another person. Rather than delighting in the welfare of another, the person who envies desires to diminish what the other person has, often by taking that for himself.
“boast” =
“play the braggart”
This is the only place in the Bible we find this particular word. It conveys the idea of feeling superior to others and looking at them with contempt or disdain. It involves boasting about the qualities in my life that I view as superior to others.
This morning we’re going to look at the account of one of many times where Jesus exercised love that did not envy or boast. It’s found in chapter 10 of Mark’s gospel and I’ll begin reading in verse 35.
And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came up to him and said to him, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” And he said to them, “What do you want me to do for you?” And they said to him, “Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.” Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” And they said to him, “We are able.” And Jesus said to them, “The cup that I drink you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized, but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.” And when the ten heard it, they began to be indignant at James and John. And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
(Mark 10:35-45 ESV)
In this passage there is certainly plenty of envy and boasting going on. But Jesus not only addresses those issues with His disciples, He reminds them that His love does not operate like that. We could summarize this aspect of loving like Jesus like this:
When I love like Jesus loves
I set aside my rights
to make things right for others
This was not the first time, Jesus has had to address this issue with His disciples, nor would it be the last. In the previous chapter of Mark’s gospel, we read that the disciples had been arguing about which of them was the greatest as they travelled the road to Capernaum. Jesus sat them down and reminded them that the way to be first in the kingdom of God was to be last and to be a servant of all. But apparently they hadn’t learned that lesson very well. So here they are again fighting for positions of prominence in Jesus’ kingdom.
But even after this incident, the disciples still don’t seem to get it
because at the Passover meal on the night before His resurrection, Jesus has to give them another object lesson on what it means to love by giving up one’s right and becoming a servant by washing their feet. And then after the meal, Jesus commands them to love one another in that same way.
But Jesus had given up His rights in order to make things right for others long before that. The apostle Paul writes about that kind of love in this familiar passage:
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
(Philippians 2:5-8 ESV)
I’ve read this passage literally hundreds of times in my life, but every time I read it, I am astounded by the extent of Jesus’ love for me. Think about it, Jesus did not cease to be God, but for a period of about 30 years or so, He willingly set aside His right to receive the glory that He deserved, He set aside His right to exercise many of His powers as God. He set aside His right to live in heaven, where there is no sin, to come and live as a man in this world that is full of sin. And He did all that to make it possible for me to be made right with God. So let’s see what we can learn about loving like that.
APPLICATION
HOW TO LOVE WITHOUT ENVY OR BOASTING
1. Remember life is not a competition
I listed this principle first because it is one that I really struggle with. By nature, I am really a competitive person. And so is my wife. I think I’ve shared with you before that when Mary and I were dating, we often used to play tennis, primarily because I was a cheapskate and that was a date that didn’t cost me anything, at least not monetarily. And Mary was a very good tennis player so our matches were always very competitive and neither one of us liked to lose.
I found out later that apparently Mary’s mom had told her that if she really like me she should lose on purpose for the sake of our relationship, but that was one piece of advice from Billie that Mary chose to ignore. And I’m glad she did, because if I had found out that I occasionally beat her because she let me, I would have been quite disappointed.
Nearly 40 years later, we no longer play tennis, but if there is something we can make into a competition we still often find a way to do that.
I’m not suggesting this morning that all competition is harmful. A lot of times healthy competition spurs us on to achieve more than we would have otherwise. But that was not the kind of competition that was going on here among the disciples.
Matthew’s account of this same event reveals that James and John actually brought their mother along with them. And when I read that, I want to ask why. Why bring your mother along to fight your battles? I can’t answer that question dogmatically, but perhaps it was kind of like today when parents compete with each other through their children – you know, the ones who have this bumper sticker prominently displayed on their vehicle [My child is an honor student at…]
But in any case, James and John apparently thought they had an inside track to those coveted places of honor and they weren’t about to let that opportunity go to waste. After all, they were, along with Peter, part of Jesus’ inner circle. They had been with Jesus during the transfiguration and had been privy to a number of private conversations with Jesus. So sensing that Jesus was about to establish and earthly kingdom, they decided to seek out privilege among the disciples.
But the other disciples are not without guilt either. Look at verse 41. The other 10 were indignant when they became aware of James’ and John’s request. But I don’t think they were upset so much because of what those two had requested, but rather because it hadn’t occurred to them earlier to ask for exactly the same thing. They were worried that Jesus wouldn’t pick them because they hadn’t asked first.
But Jesus calls all 12 of them together and He rebukes them for making this into a competition in the first place. He points out that this is the way that the pagan Gentiles live life, but that is not the way things work in the kingdom of God.
And Jesus had earned the right to rebuke them for their competitive spirit because He had consistently refused to make His ministry into a competition with either the Roman government or with the Jewish religious authorities.
While it is certainly true that Jesus often rebuked the Jewish religious leaders for their failure to have the right kind of hearts toward God, He never did anything to try and win their followers to His cause merely so He could say that more people attended His worship service than attend theirs. In fact, His teaching was so challenging that it probably had just the opposite effect.
When many of Jesus’ followers tried to forcefully make Him an earthly king, Jesus withdrew from the people so they could not do that. And when He appeared before Pilate, having been accused of trying to establish and earthly kingdom, here is how He replied:
“My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.”
(John 18:36 ESV)
So Jesus consistently taught and demonstrated by His life, that life is not a competition.
If I view life as a competition, I will constantly be looking for ways to get a leg up on other people. I will be focused on my rights rather than focusing on what I can do to make things right for others. And there is no way I can love like Jesus if I view life like that.
Possible action step:
• Ask God to reveal to me relationships that have been adversely impacted by viewing life as a competition. Ask God to help me change my mindset and to take whatever action I can to repair those relationships.
When I love like Jesus loves
I set aside my rights
to make things right for others
And the first step in that process is to remember that life is not a competition.
2. Rejoice in the success of others
A few months ago I got to witness an amazing event while refereeing a middle school basketball game. There was a young man on one of the teams who had been in a serious accident that impacted his motor skills. He had been going through physical therapy in order to regain the use of his body. With less than 5 seconds left in the game, the coach put this young man into the game. His teammates inbounded the ball at the other end of the court and somehow got it to him and he caught it and shot from three-point range. As the buzzer sounded that shot hit nothing but net.
I’m man enough to admit that, along with pretty much everyone else in the gym that afternoon, I got a little teary eyed as everyone, including the opposing team, rejoiced at the success that young man enjoyed.
But, unfortunately, that kind of rejoicing at the success of others is not very common in our culture. When we view life as a competition, one of the inevitable results is that we find ourselves unable to rejoice in the success of others. And over the years I’ve seen that even the church isn’t immune to that. Because some wrongly view other Bible-centered, Christ exalting churches as our competition rather than our allies, we become envious of their success rather than rejoicing in it. And that tends to be true in our other relationships as well.
It is interesting to note that in this passage, Jesus didn’t tell James and John that they would not have positions of honor in His kingdom. Here merely pointed out that it was not His place to determine who got those places of honor. In Matthew’s account of this same encounter, we get a little more detail when Jesus says that those places of honor are for those for whom the Father has prepared them. So it’s certainly possible that James or John or any of the other disciples could possibly be given places of honor by the Father. But instead of rejoicing in that possibility, there is so much jealousy and envy among the disciples that each of them have the attitude that if they can’t have a place of honor, they certainly don’t want any of their fellow disciples to have it either.
The apostle Paul writes about the importance of rejoicing when others rejoice, especially those within the body of Christ.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
(Romans 12:15 ESV)
If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.
(1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV)
I think if we’re honest, we’d have to admit that we’re a lot like those disciples at times. Rather than rejoicing in the success of others, we think “If I can’t have the success I desire I certainly don’t want anyone else to have it either.” But that is certainly not the kind of love that Jesus has toward us or the kind of love He wants us to exhibit toward others.
Possible action step:
• Make a list of times I have envied the success of others in my relationships. Ask God to help me genuinely rejoice in those things. If possible, let the other person know I am rejoicing with him or her.
When I love like Jesus loves
I set aside my rights
to make things right for others
I will be much more successful in doing that when I genuinely rejoice in the success of others.
3. Serve others without expecting anything in return
As I developed this principle this week, it caused me to think back to all the times in my life that I have served others with the wrong motives. I’ve served my wife because I wanted something from her. I’ve served my kids because one day I will be old and I might need them to take care of me. I’ve served my employer because I wanted a raise or a promotion. I’ve given money to people and organizations because it made me feel good. I’ve served others in the church because I needed them to help me out somewhere else.
But Jesus’ love for the disciples, and for us, was nothing like that. Jesus reminds the disciples here that He did not come to be served, but rather to serve. He didn’t come to earth to set up a physical kingdom where others would honor and serve Him. He will do that one day in the future, but the first time He came to earth He came to serve others by giving up His life to pay the penalty for their sins. He did that even though there is absolutely nothing that we can do for Him in return.
The related words “serve”, “servant” and “served” here in this passage all come from the same root word from which we get our English word “deacon”. It is a word that describes those who waited on tables, which was considered to be the most menial service in that culture. It is the kind of service that Jesus engaged in when He washed the feet of the disciples on the evening before His crucifixion. And once again, He did that without expecting anything in return from His disciples other than His desire for them to love each other in the same manner.
As the words of Jesus remind us, that is the kind of love that can be extended even to those we consider our enemies:
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
(Luke 6:35-36 ESV)
Once again, we are reminded that we are to love others like that because that is how God loves us.
Possible action step:
• Write down a specific way that I can serve someone this week who I know either can’t or won’t repay me
When I love like Jesus loves
I set aside my rights
to make things right for others
And one way I do that is to serve others without expecting anything in return.
INSPIRATION
As human beings, we are prone to envy and boasting. Instead of asking what we can do for others, we tend to focus on what others can do for us. But if we’re going to love like Jesus we have to develop a whole new mindset in which we set aside our own rights in order to make things right for others. That is certainly not easy, but the results of doing that are certainly worth the effort.
Do you want a better marriage? Then serve your spouse rather than expecting him or her to serve you. Do you want to raise godly children? Then be willing to give up your rights to satisfy your own desires so that you can serve them. Do you want better relationships with your boss and your co-workers? Then seek to serve them rather than constantly figuring out how they can serve you. Do you want better relationships within the body of Christ? Instead of always focusing on how someone else can feed you, look for ways to feed and serve others.
ACTION
Once again this week, I’m going to give you a minute or two to think about and pray over the possible action steps I’ve suggested and pick one or more that you’ll commit to do this week. Or perhaps God lays something else on your heart. If so, write it down. My prayer this morning is that everyone will leave here today with at least one practical step you’ll take this week to put into practice what we’ve learned together this morning.
