Introduction:
A. The story is told of a little boy who got into an argument with some boys twice his size.
1. He drew a line in the dirt and dared the bigger boys to cross the line.
2. The bigger boys accepted the challenge and crossed the line.
3. Immediately, the little boy smiled and announced, “Look, now we’re on the same side!”
4. Don’t you wish conflict resolution was that easy? Let’s just be on the same side!
B. There is a story told about a sharp dispute that divided worshippers of an ancient synagogue in Eastern Europe.
1. The disagreement surrounded whether they should stand or sit during the reciting of the Shema, which is that wonderful prayer from Deuteronomy 6:4-9, “Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength…etc.”
2. Half of the worshippers insisted on standing and the other half just as adamantly remained seated during the prayer.
3. Those who were seated often yelled at the others to sit down. The ones on their feet screamed at the pew-sitters to rise out of respect for the Almighty.
4. You can imagine how this created a wonderful worship experience for everyone!
5. This groups’ rabbi was a renowned scholar and a wise man, but this fuss had him at his wits’ end.
6. Someone suggested that they consult a 98-year-old member of the synagogue, the only surviving founder of the group.
7. So, with a representative of each faction in tow, the rabbi set out to the nursing home.
8. Quite sure that his position would be affirmed, the leader of the Standers asked the old man, “Is it the tradition to stand during the Shema?”
9. “No,” the old man answered quietly, “that is not the tradition.”
10. “So,” beamed the Sitters’ top man, “the tradition really is to sit during the prayer!”
11. “No,” the old man countered sadly, “that is not the tradition.”
12. The rabbi then said with tears of frustration, “My congregants fight all the time about this. Every time we gather to worship, they begin yelling at each other to sit or to stand…”
13. “Ah, yes,” the old man interrupted him, “that is the tradition!”
C. I think we would all agree that that is not the tradition that God wants for His people.
1. God doesn’t want His people to be characterized by conflict and division.
2. God wants His people to be characterized by peace and unity.
3. Jesus prayed for the unity of His followers in John 17.
4. In many of Paul’s letters to the churches, he pleads with them to be of one mind and heart.
5. And in his letter to the Philippians, he even pleads with two women who are in conflict to agree with each other in the Lord, and he calls on the entire congregation to help these women get along with each other.
D. One of the characteristics I find most attractive about the Bible is its raw realism.
1. When God paints portraits of His servants in the Scriptures, He resists airbrushing away all the warts and blemishes.
2. We learn from the Scriptures that:
a. Moses was a murderer.
b. David has adultery and hypocrisy on his record.
c. Abraham lied more than once.
d. Jacob had deceitful ways.
e. Jonah was a proud, stubborn and disobedient prophet, who nearly missed the assignment of a lifetime because of his prejudice and bigotry.
f. Peter waffled when the pressure was on.
g. And even John the Baptizer struggled with doubt, as did the apostle Thomas.
3. Since Scripture doesn’t hide the faults of spiritual leaders, we shouldn’t be shocked when we come to a part in the story of Paul when Paul and Barnabas face an interpersonal conflict, right?
a. When the curtain closes at the end of Acts 15, Paul and Barnabas are parting company.
b. Let’s look at the story of how something like this could happen.
I. The Story
A. In the last sermon from our series, we saw that Paul and Barnabas finished their first missionary journey.
1. Together, they had planted numerous churches, and became known throughout Asia Minor and points beyond for their remarkable giftedness, their ministry savvy, and their partnership.
2. During a lengthy rest-and-recovery period in Antioch, they were summoned to Jerusalem to help settle a debate over circumcision.
3. Acts 15 records the issues and events surrounding the Jerusalem Council, which was a meeting of Jewish Christian leaders to resolve the matter, once and for all, about whether the Gentiles who wanted to become Christians had to follow the requirements of the Jewish Law.
4. Almost the entire chapter is devoted to the hammering out of this emotionally charged debate.
5. Finally, after careful consideration of the Scriptures and calm counsel from Peter, James, Silas, and Paul, a decision was reached.
6. Gentiles would not be required to be circumcised and follow the Law.
7. I wish the next disagreement in Acts 15 could have ended so amiably.
B. Let’s pick up the story in Acts 15: 35 But Paul and Barnabas remained in Antioch, where they and many others taught and preached the word of the Lord. 36 Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” 37 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, 38 but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. 39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. (15:35-39)
1. Who would ever expect such a rift would fracture the time-tested friendship of Paul and Barnabas?
2. The powerhouse ministry team of Paul and Barnabas is almost without rival in Scripture.
3. And keep in mind the kind of men these two were – they were men of godly character and enormous faith and commitment.
C. The rift began with a visionary idea – Paul suggested they return to the places they had visited on their first missionary journey.
1. This was indeed a good idea – new Christians can use good follow-up, as I have said before.
a. Barnabas responded, “Great idea, Paul, let’s do it, and let’s take John Mark with us again.”
b. Paul replied, quickly and emphatically, “No, John Mark won’t be joining us.”
c. “Oh, yes, he will,” Barnabas shot back.
d. “Oh, no, he won’t, absolutely not!” Paul retorted.
2. And so their conversation likely went.
a. The longer they argued, the more the heat intensified in their verbal debate.
b. Neither party gave up ground.
c. Finally, the resolution was to part company and go their own ways.
3. The idea of going on the trip wasn’t the problem, both of them wanted to go.
a. Their conflict was over one important detail about the trip – who would accompany them.
4. On the one hand, we hate to see this conflict between them, but on the other hand their argument also brings a measure of relief.
a. Well-known preacher G. Campbell Morgan writes of this encounter: “I am greatly comforted whenever I read this. I’m thankful for the revelation of the humanity of these men. If I had never read that Paul and Barnabas had a contention, I should have been afraid. These men were not angels, they were men.”
b. Morgan is correct – Paul and Barnabas were good men; godly men; but it is important to remember that they weren’t perfect men.
D. Before we move on in the story, we need to pause and learn some lessons about strong disagreements.
1. I’m guessing that you have probably had a few strong disagreements in the past, and I’m no prophet, but I predict that you will face a few in the future, and these insights might come in handy.
2. First, it is helpful to remember that in every disagreement, there may be one issue, but there can be several viewpoints.
a. Take this argument between Paul and Barnabas – there is one issue, whether to take John Mark, but there are differing viewpoints about that issue.
b. We must realize that viewpoints are subjective.
1. You look at it one way and your wife (or husband) looks at it another.
2. You view the situation from one perspective, and your son or daughter sees it quite differently.
c. Viewpoints are subjective.
1. The way we look at it has a lot to do with how we’re put together.
2. Keeping this in mind will help us to regulate the heat and void a complete meltdown.
d. It may help to work with this definition: a disagreement is a conflict that involves an issue seen from opposing points of view.
3. Second, it is helpful to remember that in disagreements, each side has validity.
a. Usually, in disagreements, both viewpoints have their strengths, and both viewpoints have their weaknesses.
b. In most cases, neither side has what we could call a “slam dunk,” unless, of course, you’re doing the dunking, and you think yours’ is a slam dunk.
c. The point is, there are strengths on both sides of most legitimate disagreements.
4. Third, it is helpful to remember that in heated disagreements, someone usually gets hurt.
a. The more intense the heat, the deeper the wounds.
b. Sharp words strike like shrapnel, and they get imbedded in the brain.
c. That’s especially true when character assassination occurs.
d. When someone calls you an insulting name or attacks your character, then the result is the inflicting of a wound that is slow to heal, or in some cases, never heals.
e. For that reason, when we find ourselves in a disagreement, we must with God’s help keep the heat low and keep the words and everything else in a godly fashion.
E. Now what I would like us to do for just a moment is to try to be neutral and understand both sides of the conflict between Paul and Barnabas.
1. If we can try to be objective with their conflict, then maybe we can be more objective in the conflicts we face.
2. Let’s present their issue in the form of a question: Should a person who once walked away from a serious responsibility be given a second chance?
a. Or to word it another way: Should someone who leaves people in the lurch later be allowed to go on a similar mission?
3. That is the question or the issue that faced Paul and Barnabas.
a. How did each of them answer the question?
b. Barnabas said, “Yes, by all means.” Paul answered, “No, absolutely not.”
c. The men possessed opposing viewpoints and they drew their lines in the sand.
4. First of all, let’s try to see things from Barnabas’ viewpoint.
a. Barnabas was interested in building the character of John Mark.
b. Barnabas was concerned about the man.
c. Acts 15:37 says, “Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them,”
d. The word translated “wanted” appears in the Greek in the imperfect tense, meaning “to will something forcefully.”
e. Barnabas not only willed it, the text suggests he may have even demanded it.
f. Can you hear Barnabas saying, “The young man is going. He has every right to take the trip with us. Yes, he failed. Admittedly, he walked away. No one’s denying it. But, Paul, nobody’s perfect. He was young and inexperienced then. And remember, the mission got accomplished. He walked away, but we still made it. His leaving, I agree, made it harder, but we made it. He not only needs our encouragement, he could also benefit from our endorsement. What else are mentors for, if not to give encouragement and affirmation to the weak? This is our opportunity.”
g. Keep in mind there may have been something else that was also influencing Barnabas’ viewpoint – John Mark was his cousin (Col. 4:10); they were related; he was blood.
5. Now let’s try to see things from Paul’s viewpoint.
a. Paul’s viewpoint and opinion was just as passionate as Barnabas’s.
b. Acts 15:38 says, “but Paul did not think it wise to take him…”
c. The Greek verb “did not think it wise” is also in the imperfect tense which means that Paul kept on insisting that it is not wise to take him.
d. Can you hear Paul saying, “John Mark has proven himself a quitter. Faithfulness is job one in God’s eyes and in mine as well. Therefore, he is not going with us, we just can’t take another chance on him.”
6. So if Barnabas was concerned about the man, then Paul was protecting the mission.
a. Barnabas was looking to the future, but Paul wasn’t over the past.
b. For Paul the issue boiled down to a lack of dependability.
c. They needed someone with a proven track record that they could count on – John Mark had a track record, and it was not good.
F. So who was right? Paul or Barnabas?
1. Both viewpoints have strengths and weaknesses.
a. There is no quick-and-easy answer or solution.
2. Perhaps you are feeling overly generous at this point.
a. Perhaps you are asking yourself, “What was Paul thinking? Give the kid a break!”
b. But before you get too magnanimous, let me ask you: would you loan money to a person who didn’t pay off the first amount he borrowed from you?
c. Or would you loan your car out to a friend who wrecked your car the last time you loaned it to him?
d. Funny how the perspective changes! Do you feel the tension?
3. That’s why such a “sharp disagreement” arose between those two men.
4. Does it help to look to the Scriptures for guidance? Most of the time that helps.
a. Paul could have quoted Proverbs 25:19: Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble.
b. Barnabas could have come back with Psalm 103:1-4: 1 Praise the LORD , O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the LORD , O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion…
c. So, no doubt about it, God offers second chances, but He also holds us accountable.
5 The good news is that John Mark ultimately did succeed in the ministry and Paul came to appreciate what he had to offer (“Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry” 2 Tim. 4:11).
a. Isn’t it a wonderful thing to have someone in your life who believes in you, supports and encourages you?
b. God, of course, plays that role in all of our lives, but isn’t it wonderful when a godly person, with flesh and blood, can speak the words of encouragement, and place their loving hand on our shoulder and pick us up after we have fallen or failed?
c. I would encourage all of us to be that kind of person for someone. Let’s make a wonderful investment of encouragement in the life of someone else!
6. Renowned NT scholar A.T. Robertson wrote about this situation: “No one can rightly blame Barnabas for giving his cousin John Mark a second chance nor Paul for fearing to risk him again. One’s judgment may go with Paul, but one’s heart goes with Barnabas.”
a. And that’s where we have to leave it.
b. The story aches for a good solution and resolution.
G. Let’s see how the story concludes in Acts 15: 39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches. (Acts 15:39-41)
1. The pair who just two chapters ago enjoyed the pleasure of partnership, have now parted ways.
2. They head in opposite directions.
a. Barnabas and Mark sail southwest, and Paul and Silas travel north on foot.
3. The one team is now two teams armed with the Good News of Jesus.
4. I wish the conflict had ended differently, because it feels like a victory for Satan, doesn’t it?
5. However, I’m encouraged by the fact that though Satan may divide, God can multiply.
a. Only God can take something that seems like defeat, and transform it into a victory.
b. Some significant and effective churches have been birthed because of conflict.
c. Mercifully, God is able to work around and even through some of our own imperfections and sinfulness.
II. The Application
A. As we close this sermon, I want to share a few strategies to employ when we find ourselves in the midst of a disagreement.
B. First, When in a disagreement, work hard to see the other point of view.
1. This begins with good listening.
2. We need to work hard to understand the heart and the head of the person with whom we are in a disagreement.
3. None of this comes naturally, but can come to fruition through the work of the Holy Spirit.
C. Second, When both sides have validity, seek a wise compromise.
1. Compromise doesn’t have to have negative connotations.
a. David Augsburger said, “Conflict is natural, and everyone should be willing to come part way in an attempt to resolve things…Compromise is a gift to human relationships. We move forward on the basis of thoughtful, careful consensus and compromise in most decisions in conflict.”
2. I wonder why Paul and Barnabas couldn’t find some reasonable compromise.
a. They could have taken Mark, but had him on probation.
b. They could have taken Mark and a few others, in case Mark didn’t work out.
c. They could have given Mark an assignment in Antioch and if he did well, he could join them later in the journey.
3. Would it be considered a good thing, if we are someone who never bends or who refuses to negotiate toward resolution? Would that be a good thing? Not usually!
3. Wouldn’t it be better to be someone who willingly and graciously seeks a suitable solution to disagreement, without in any way compromising biblical principles?
D. Third, When conflict persists, care enough to work it through rather than walk out.
1. Hanging up on a person or heading out and slamming the door in the middle of the conversation solves nothing.
2. Nor does a lengthy, manipulative silent treatment benefit either party.
3. In a patient and controlled manner, we need to stay at it and work it through.
4. It is some of the hardest work we will ever do, but it is also the most rewarding.
5. And let me add, be the first person in the conflict to say, “I’m sorry we are at odds with each other. I’m sorry for what I’ve done that has gotten us here, but I want us to work out our disagreement.”
E. Fourth, When it cannot be resolved, graciously agree to disagree without becoming disagreeable.
1. I think Paul and Barnabas did that.
a. I don’t see Paul ever taking shots at Barnabas when he later wrote letters to the churches they had planted.
b. And, as far as I know, there is no evidence of Barnabas licking his wounds or launching attacks against Paul.
3. And can I add three more important words: Get over it.
a. Brooding over past injustices is not helpful…with God’s help, we need to let it go.
b. Perhaps the most helpful of all examples is the example of Jesus, who while hanging on the cross, looked at his opponents and said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
4. As we stand at the foot of the cross and we look up to our Savior, we can release all the things that have held us in bondage.
a. We can embrace the forgiveness that God gives to us and to our enemies.
b. And as we forgive others for what they have done to us, we realize that by forgiving, we are not condoning what they did.
c. Rather, we are simply leaving it in God’s hands – it is God’s business, not ours.
5. We must receive God’s grace and then offer it to others.
a. None of us deserve grace, but we all need it.
b. Because of our sin, all of us deserve punishment, but mercifully, God forgives, and so we must forgive others as we have been forgiven.
6. I hope that all of us will be able to experience peace and unity in our relationships – in the home, at work, at school, and even in the church!
a. But none of us will achieve it perfectly – even Paul and Barnabas couldn’t!
b. With God’s help, we can work through our disagreements in a godly fashion.
c. And if we must go in our separate directions, may we do so with mutual love and respect.
Resources:
Paul: A Man of Grace and Grit, by Charles Swindoll, Word Publishing, 2002, Chapters 12.
