What Really Counts
Father’s Day 2016
Scriptures: Matthew 6:3-4; 16:21-26
Introduction
The title of my message this morning is “What Really Counts.”
I want to say to all of the fathers present and who might be reading this message, “Happy Father’s Day!” Being a good father is one of the most important assignments that we can have here on this earth because through it God entrusts us with a life other than our own. If I have gotten nothing else correct, I hope to stand before God and hear Him say that I was a good father to my children as my father was to me. But even more important, I want my daughters know how much I have been blessed to be their father as that outweighs everything else I’ve done. And to all of my informal adoptive kids, I am blessed to be one of your fathers also. Although being a father carries a great responsibility, it is not one of the things listed as an achievement of “great” men.
In preparing this message, I went on to Google’s search engine and type in the search request “Great Men of History.” What came up were the 100 most significant figures in history, a list of the top 25 great “self-made” men, great men who changed the world and so on. I clicked on the link for the list of the Top 100 Significant Figures in History to see who made the list. The person holding the number one position was someone we all know well, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. After Him the list held some names of people that I had read about and knew of and even more names of people that I had never heard of. This list was comprised of individuals who left statistical evidence of their presence behind. All of these individuals were considered great figures of history. I was a little confused though when I saw that Elvis Presley made the list but Dr. Martin Luther King did not. I also looked at the top 25 self-made man list. While I totally disagree with the idea that any man is “self-made” I understand what they were saying. Their definition of a self-made man is anyone who “attains far greater success that his original circumstances would have indicated was possible.” On this list were people who had accomplished what we would consider great things from a financial viewpoint. Some individuals who made this list talked about why they were successful and how they made it – taking full credit for their success. But then, how could they be self-made men if they did not take credit for their success? My point is this, the world has a standard for greatness that does not necessarily match up to what God thinks about greatness.
As I read through what made these men great I did not see one reference to their role as a father (if they had children.) I am not disparaging any of these men because chances are if you asked them, some of them would have stated that being a father was their greatest accomplishment. However, by the world’s standard greatness comes through your accomplishments in the world and the legacy you leave behind when you leave here, not the impact you have on your children. For this reason I want you to think about what’s really important – what really counts in the eyes of our heavenly Father, the best example of a true father.
I. Gain Versus Loss
I want to share a few verses with you from the book of Matthew which hopefully will give you some insight into how God thinks. As Jesus began to prepare His disciples for His impending death, at one point Peter told Him that what He was telling them would never happen – Peter actually rebuked Jesus. Matthew 16:23-26 captures Jesus’ response. It reads, “But He turned and said to Peter, Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's.’ Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” In verse twenty-six, Jesus asks the key question of this text – “what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul or what would a man give in exchange for his soul?”
Jesus wanted His disciples to know what was important. It is not the things that we do on this earth that brings us fame and wealth; it’s the things we do that impact the lives of others for the kingdom of God. What Jesus spoke about was the reasoning behind what we do. If I live my life to gain as much as I can here on earth and I have no relationship with Him, in the end I lose. Why? Naked I entered into this world and naked I will leave. When I was born I brought nothing into this world and when I leave here, regardless of how much money I may have in the bank, I can take none of it with me. It’s only what we do for Christ that will last. If we understand this premise, then it changes how we measure greatest and what actually counts. Now think about what Jesus said about forfeiting our souls and use this same analogy and relate it to forfeiting our children.
II. Gain The World, Forfeit My Child
What does it profit me if I gain the world and in the process forfeit my children? What does it profit me if I spend all my time at work and very little time with my family, especially my children in their formative years? What if my worldly accomplishments, job, community activities, social friends and hobbies were more important to me than spending time with my children? The world would think I was great but I think God would have a different opinion because I did not take care of those He had entrusted to my care. My children would possibly be proud of my accomplishment, but in the end I think they would easily trade those accomplishments for some of my time. In the eyes of our children what really counts is what we give them of ourselves!
My father died in 2008. My father grew up in a home without his father present. Although he knew and had a loving relationship with his father, they never shared the same roof. My father did not graduate high school although he later completed his GED. The most my father earned in a given year was around $45,000, what some “great” people would spend on a brief shopping trip or a vacation. My father did not own a large home. There were seven individuals living in the home. Before my parents added on the addition when I was in high school, we had a living room, kitchen, three bedrooms and one bathroom. The living room was for company so we actually lived in our bedrooms. The “family room” was our parent’s bedroom and that is where we gathered and watched television. As small as this house was, it was bigger than the home my father grew up in. The home that he grew up in had three rooms total with no running water. At one point there were more than seven individuals living in the house. My point is this, according to the standards/requirements of what it takes to be great or a self-made man, my father was neither by the world’s measurement stick. However, by God’s measurement stick I think he did pretty well in what really mattered. I cannot speak for my siblings, so I will speak for me.
My father gave me the opportunity to have a relationship with Christ: My father had a total of eight children, seven outlived him. Six of these he had with my mother and two prior to marrying my mother. Unlike in some homes, my two half siblings were always treasured and accepted by all of us and were always welcomed at our home. My father never denied them as he did not deny us. Of his seven surviving children, six have had a relationship with Christ since we were young with two of us being in the gospel ministry. One of my brothers-in-laws grew in his relationship with Christ after witnessing my father studying his Bible and living his faith every day. My father prepared us to have a relationship with Christ simply by how he walked before us. When people spoke of God being a wonderful Father I could accept that because of my relationship with my father. My father was the father that I wanted to emulate when I had kids.
My father gave me his time. One of the most important things my father gave me was his time. Some of the best times that I can remember growing up were spending time with him. When he had the time, we would play catch out in the street (my father loved baseball) and even though I did not, I did not really like the sport, I enjoyed being with him. As a teenager when most of my friends were hanging out at school dances, parties and clubs, I was at home. I spend many Friday or Saturday evening in our kitchen playing cards with my father, mother and uncle (we could not play on Sundays for some reason.) When we play cards, I was no longer his son, but his competitor and he treated me as such. All of my siblings at some points learned to play spades with my father and whoever was on the opposite team, he had no problem talking smack and disowning us until the game was over. I remember one game when my uncle and I were losing bad and my mother showed pity on me. My father “carefully” scolded her for taking pity on me. In his mind if I was big enough to enter the game I was big enough to lose and take it like a man. (I will confess that he knew if the tables were reversed I would not have given them any pity.) We also spent many evenings at the bowling alley. I think one of his proudest moments was when our 5 member team (made up of my father, brother, our childhood friend, a friend of his and myself) won several trophies at the end of the season. He had named us the “Misfits” and we were the losers of the league that first year. Daddy would tell my brother and me that if we did not score at least a hundred we would have to pay for our own games that night. When our team began to rise in the rankings people took notice. As I grew older my father and I would go bowling whenever we got together and we loved to talk smack. When my father was diagnosed with COPD prior to the cancer, he was no longer able to bowl although he was still willing to accompany us to the bowling alley when we went as a family. Because he could no longer bowl, my brother Delrick and I brought him a Wii so he could bowl in his room at home. (Of course I had to get one so that we could compete.) He spent hours bowling on that Wii. He would call me and tell me his scores and I would tell him mine. I have not played with my Wii since he died as that was something we shared. I also spent time with time with him watching boxing. We watched boxing together long distance and would call each other and talk about the fights especially if there was a heavyweight fight. My father took some of his time and shared it with me. I miss my time with my father!
My father was always there for me when I needed him. If I needed my father he would be there. When I was in the Air Force and was stationed 6 hours away, I got sick and my father came. On another occasion my wife got sick. I called my father from the hospital to let him know what was going on and the next day he showed up because he felt Nikki and I needed him there – and I did. My father had my back and I know all of my siblings can confess to the same.
My father taught me to be a man of my word. Once I borrowed some money from my father and I told him that when I paid him back I would give him back 10% more than I borrowed. I was borrowing the money for a short term investment so I was willing to share the profits with him. When the investment was finalized I did not net as much as I had planned. I explained the situation to my father and you know what he did? While some fathers might have cut their child a break, my father let me know that he expected his 10%. I paid my father back what I had borrowed plus his 10%. Two things happened after that; I never borrowed money from him again (because I did not need to) and when I gave my word I kept it. This lesson was about integrity.
My father taught me that we should learn from our experiences and exercise some common sense. When my brothers and I would do or say something stupid, my father loved to tell us, “Boy, the older you get just the older you get!” He was telling us to grow up (mentally and not just physically.) My father made a lot of mistakes in his life but he accepted and learned from them and he really wanted us to also.
Give even when you don’t have much and don’t embarrass the person you’re helping. I told you how much money my father made in his best year and that was after all of us had left home and had jobs of our own. When we were young and he worked three jobs to make the non-meeting ends get closer, he still gave. Whenever we visited the sick, my father would slip them a few bills when he would shake their hands as he was leaving. I asked him once why he did that versus just giving it to them and he said he did not want to embarrass them. It was a private moment between him and the person. I never heard my father talk about anyone he had helped, but I witnessed him doing that on many occasions. He believe what Jesus said as recorded in Matthew 6:3-4. "But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” Today if we do something for someone we want them to praise us and get up on Sunday morning and testify about it. (That testimony is much better if they also just happen to mention our names.) I cannot recall one testimony when I was growing up in Church where someone talked about helping someone else or someone being helped talked about the person who helped them. These things were expected from Christian brothers and sisters but were also very private.
Don’t make happy twice. I have shared with you before that the only advice my father ever gave me as I entered into the ministry was this: “Don’t make them happy twice.” The first time he told me this I was getting ready to preach a sermon. I looked at him strangely and asked him what he meant. He told me, “You have two opportunities to make people happy when you preach. The first is when you get up and the second is when you sit down. Only make them happy once.” I think I have made some of you happy twice on more than a few occasions but I am your pastor!
III. What Really Counts
Jesus asked His disciples, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” I want to ask you, what will it profit a man to gain the world and lose his children in the process? Although our children will grow up and make their own choices we continue to have the opportunity to show them what really counts. We continue to have the opportunity to show them that they matter. We continue to have the opportunity to give them part of us. It’s never too late. As others have said, when we stand before God I do not think He is going to ask us about how much money we have earned or the property we left behind on earth for others to enjoy. He’s not concerned about those things I did for my own ego. I do believe that He will be interested in what we did with the relationships we were involved in while we were here on earth. God entrusted our children to us – what are we doing to prove that He made a just and wise decision? Happy Father’s Day to all the men and ladies, “thank you” for choosing one of us to be the father of your child.
Until next time, “The Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)
