When C. S. Lewis’ wife died, he explained to his friends that the pain of her loss was not localized in one particular area of his life but that it made everything about his life different. You who are members of Sherry’s family know what C. S. Lewis meant, for you too have gone through an experience that makes everything different in your life.
One of the most difficult tasks in life to accept is the death of a child. Nothing can prepare us for such a task. Children are not supposed to precede parents or grandparents in death. The death of an elderly person or an adult brings pain and sometimes leaves us with many questions. But the death of a child just crushes us with total surprise, deep grief and a sense of hopelessness. The words I’ve heard so many times in the last few days are true – “It’ not fair”. It is one of the worse “unfairs” of living in this sinful world.
As I have sought the Lord for words to share with you this afternoon in this painful time He brought a story to my attention. A minister had an opportunity to spend an enjoyable week in Denmark. One day he took a short bus trip from Copenhagen to a small town on the bay, where a festival was going on. Without knowing a word of Danish, he enjoyed the music, the street dancing, the open-faced sandwiches and the strong coffee. Eventually, just as the sun was beginning to set, he found himself in a courtyard of an old stone church.
The courtyard was a mixture of garden and cemetery, unspeakably peaceful. Walking among the tombstones he came upon one that marked the resting place of a boy who had lived just six years, from 1907 to 1913. The legend on the stone read: “Tak For Alt”. An elderly lady, who was evidently visiting the grave of a loved one, translated the words for him: “Thanks for Everything”. A man and woman had lost a son, at the age of 6, but on his tombstone they had engraved: “Thanks for everything”.
His first reaction was “How beautiful”. It was only right to Thank God for the deceased’s life. And it is only right for us to thank God for Sherry. Though He loaned her to us for only 11 years we all have been blessed by her life. Though her life was a rough one – from day one seizures – to liver disease – to frequent hospital stays – to having a time watching her diet – she was a joyful and delightful child. The sidewalk chalk messages and notes on balloons at our local elementary school on Friday give an indication of how well she was loved and how she touched other lives for good. She loved butterflies. I think she would love the necklace you made her, Doris. I also think she would have loved the poem you wrote for her, Ben. Sherry loved the color purple. She loved country music. She loved to sing in the chorus that you heard just a few minutes ago; even going to the county honors chorus. She…well, let your mind fill with the thought of her. Think of one of the best things you loved about Sherry. Do you have that firmly planted in your mind? Well turn to the person to your left and to your right and share with them what you are thinking right now. Go ahead, tell them! Was she a tremendous blessing to you? Then join me in saying, “Thank You Lord for Sherry!” Let’s say it out loud, “Thank You Lord for Sherry”. It’s only right to thank God for the deceased’s life.
After the minister thought about how sweet it was for the parents to put such a thing – “Thanks for Everything” on their son’s tombstone, he started to have a different reaction. He thought, “Isn’t this sentiment too noble to be real? Could any father or mother possibly feel totally thankful to God upon the death of a beloved child?” It is only natural to Be honest with your feelings to the Lord for taking a child. Anger is almost always a part of the grief process, but even more so in a situation like you find yourself in this afternoon. But God is Big Enough to handle your questions and your anger.
Only the Lord knows how difficult Sherry’s death is to you Ben and Linda, she was your life‘s joy. And Ralph you were her private chauffer and Betty you were her private nurse. Henry and Selma, you sought to share Bible stories with her when she came for a visit. Her going leaves you and the rest of the family with such heartache and emptiness.
Steve Brown, a minister, tells of meeting a young lady whose mother had recently died. Steve told her he knew this must be a difficult time for her. The daughter replied, “Not at all. Mom is in heaven and our family is praising God. I’m not sad at all. I’m a Christian.” The wise pastor told her this, “Sara, don’t give me that kind of balderdash. If your mother is dead and you’re happy about that, you’re not playing with a full deck”
Her spiritual façade shattered. Sara fell apart, allowing the release of tears for the first time since her mother had died, a release of tears which began the process of washing away her grief.
Oh the Lord would have all of us readily accept the death of those we love and just trust that He is doing what is best. Yet how many of us can do that fully? I bet not anyone in this room. On the outside we may fool each other, but inside there are questions, there is disappointment, there is possibly anger. Some of the great prophets in the Old Testament cried out to God with their questions. It was only through their honesty with God that he was able to bring them finally to a peaceful position of trust. Did not the Lord Jesus Christ cry from the cross, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me”. We’re not told whether God the Father ever answered Him, but Jesus, already knowing He was there to pay for your sins and mine, needed to express His pain and loneliness. And I’m sure you too have questions. If we approach God with respect as Jesus did, “My God, My God”, then we too can ask our questions. I can’t guarantee that God will give us an answer or give an answer we want to hear, but He can help you to move on with unanswered questions. He will never take the place of the emptiness that Sherry’s death has left, but eventually he will help you live with that hole in your heart.
But then the minister in our story had another reaction about those words, “Tak For Alt”. He remembered that it takes time to have a tombstone made. The legend on that stone did not arise out of the parents’ first, raw grief. Between their little son’s death and their selection of those three words, they had some time – time to express their true feelings to God. And believing them to be solid Christians, he felt that they were developing a growing trust in God to see them through. God had walked with them thus far in their valley and He would continue to do so. I’m praying that you, Sherry’s family and friends, will be able to move toward the stage where you can Trust God despite your unanswered questions.
I’m talking about trusting the One who has stood where you are now…at the graveside of a beloved child; His innocent Son who had done nothing wrong and did not deserve to die. I can’t tell you that I understand, because I can’t possibly know your grief. Yet God understands and He cares.
Didn’t the Lord give you His rainbow sign in the sky on Friday as the balloons were released? And interesting enough it was upside down, looking much like a smile. Just as God gave Noah reassurance of His care after the flood, He wants to give you reassurance now that though Sherry is not with you, He is. And with each day that passes He’s hoping you will acknowledge, “God has gotten me through another one”. And eventually as you rely on Him you’ll be able to look forward to each new day and not be totally tied to the past.
Tragic situations like you’ve experience can make you bitter or better. The difference in the spelling of those two words gives us indication of the difference that can take place in your life. After tragedy, life can become bitter when everything revolves around “I”, when we try to handle it ourselves. But it can become better if we rely on “E”, El Shaddai or our Eternal Father. Your tragedy is bigger than you are but it’s not bigger than God. He can help you handle your grief, emptiness, and hopelessness just as He helped shepherd boy David handle the giant Goliath. Will you give Him your grief and emptiness? Will you give Him your life? In your hands, you are in for a bitter future. In His hands, you’ll see Him eventually turn this awful situation into something far better than you can imagine now.
Though we’d like to hold on to Sherry, we can’t. We must release her into God’s hands. And it is the same with our own life and our deep grief. We must release them into God’s hands. Our opportunity to know Sherry better is over, but there’s no better opportunity to get to know God better than now. He is here – He will go with us to the cemetery – He is waiting for you to turn to Him – He is the only One who can enable you to handle what you are facing – He is the only One who can take you to heaven. Jesus said about Himself, “I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” [John 14:6] For the sake of your now and for the sake of your eternity why don’t you turn your life over to the Lord this afternoon? .
