Loving Others
• The Word of God is the most powerful thing that exists in the earth
• Consistent attention and with full attention
• It is our education
If you want to be a doctor you need to be educated. If you want to be a carpenter you need to be educated, if you want to be a teacher you need to be educated. It is the same with being a Christian, you need to be educated. The Word educates us on how to love God and love others.
Two things the Word tells us when it comes to loving others:
1. Our enemy is NOT other people
2. Loving others starts with US
1. Our enemy is NOT other people – Ephesians 6:12
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
2. Loving others starts with us – Luke 10:27
“And he answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself.’”
We are in a war with the enemy and the enemy uses other people as weapons!
How des the enemy work?
• The enemy uses our weakness against each other
• One of the enemy’s greatest tool is to pit us against each other
Story
There was a few years ago a woman who used to go around and say something to one person and off and say something else to another all with the aim of causing confusion and conflict. I was the recipient of one of her endeavours one day and by delivering the truth in a certain way, by leaving out certain facts she caused someone to get rather irate. He then come and gave me a piece of his mind and I was initially confused and then upset.
This is exactly how the enemy works!
confusion and upset
• Our enemy is a liar. There are areas of vulnerability that we have that the devil will use against us and anyone else he can involve.
We will look at four of his tactics which I believe are commonly used:
1. Fairness –
Story
A bored rich lady sits between two strangers—call them Robert and Juliette—on a plane. For entertainment, she offers to give Robert $10,000, with the proviso that he must make a one-time binding offer to give some of it to Juliette. If Juliette accepts Robert’s proposed split, they divide the money accordingly. If she rejects it, the rich lady keeps her money, and Robert and Juliette get nothing. So how much does Robert offer? In theory, he could offer Juliette only $10. A rational person would accept it because it was, after all, free money. In practice—and the experiment has been conducted repeatedly—people in the Juliette role regularly reject any offer that they deem unfair.
A powerful moral principle, fairness, plays a big role in decision making, often stronger even than self-interest.
We can see this in the Word of God over and over as people struggle with the concept of fairness
• Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard - Matthew 20:1-15
“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. Now when he had agreed with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And he went out about the third hour and saw others standing idle in the marketplace, and said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you.’ So they went. Again he went out about the sixth and the ninth hour, and did likewise. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing idle, and said to them, ‘Why have you been standing here idle all day?’ They said to him, ‘Because no one hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right you will receive.’ “So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, ‘Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first.’ And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius. But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius. And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner, saying, ‘These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.’ But he answered one of them and said, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?’
‘That is not fair!’ What is fair? Fair is based on individual perceptions and the enemy creates jelousy envy and strife by using the fairness concept. How do we fight it? By declaring the truth:
• God is our supplier – Philippians 4:19
“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
2.Biases –
Story
A study was done with politicians 15 from one party and 15 from the other. There was in the audience supporters for each party. The politicians were asked to explain some contradictions that had been revealed about their stand and policy. When the explanations were presented the people that supported the party believed their explanation however, the opposing party’s explanations were seen as misleading.
When we struggle with someone we can struggle with more than the initial issue that caused the conflict. The enemy gets into your head and says things like ‘see you knew you couldn’t trust them’ or ‘they are like that and they will continue to be like that’
The pharisees viewed Jesus through bias. They thought the Saviour would come as the lion not as the lamb. When we are biased it scews our perception, our view of things. Our filters filter incorrectly.
The Pharisees filtered out scriptures like:
• The Deer of the Dawn - Psalm 22
“My God My God why have You forsaken Me?”
• The Suffering, Praise, and Posterity of the Messiah - Isaiah 53:3
“He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”
Because of their bias. Our biases will distort our view.
3.The Measuring Stick –
What do we measure people against? What benchmark? It is called and judgement.
Story
Years ago there was a women in the church called Ellie. She has gone on to be with the Lord but when I met her she was brash, tactless and often sometimes rude. She was definitely what you would call a porcupine. When you get near people like that you come away stuck with holes. Anyway I asked another church member why she was that way and he said, ‘she is really good now compared to what she was like a couple of years ago.’
If measuring her against seasoned Christians then my measuring stick would not be valid. She had grown a lot and that is what she needed to be assessed against. But we don’t we grab a measuring stick and jam that up against someone, their behavior and make a judgement.
An example of this is in the bible:
• The Widow’s two mites - Luke 21:1-4
“And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.”
If the widow was measured against others who gave more her gift would look poorly. The enemy will be only too willing to thrust a measuring stick in your hand that is not valid for us to use against each other.
4. Overconfidence in the natural -
When we are well skilled at something it is easy to become confident and that is okay as long as we remember that God is and will always be our source, our supply. Against the enemy ourselves we will loose, with God with us we are gaurenteed victory.
Overconfidence effects not only us but those around us and the enemy can bring about conflict in this type of situation. Even shy and insecure people can be overconfident in different areas.
An example is:
• Nebuchadnezzar’s Humiliation - Daniel 4:28-33
“All this came upon King Nebuchadnezzar. At the end of the twelve months he was walking about the royal palace of Babylon. The king spoke, saying, “Is not this great Babylon, that I have built for a royal dwelling by my mighty power and for the honour of my majesty?”
While the word was still in the king’s mouth, a voice fell from heaven: “King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is spoken: the kingdom has departed from you! And they shall drive you from men, and your dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field. They shall make you eat grass like oxen; and seven times shall pass over you, until you know that the Most High rules in the kingdom of men, and gives it to whomever He chooses.”
That very hour the word was fulfilled concerning Nebuchadnezzar; he was driven from men and ate grass like oxen; his body was wet with the dew of heaven till his hair had grown like eagles’ feathers and his nails like birds’ claws.”
The enemy is ugly and in Luke 4 Jesus dealt with the enemy when he was tempted in the desert as we should today. ‘Get behind me satan. It is written… those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength...I lift my eyes to the hills, from where my help comes from, my help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.’
The mind is the battle ground where the enemy plants negative thoughts about others
Our enemy is NOT other people ! and Loving others starts with US!
• The responsibility to love others is ours and we have control over us
• The whole concept of loving others only becomes an issue raised when the person we are to love is acting unlovable
• We finger point – if they behaved better or in such and such way…
• Conflict occurs when your carnal nature meets the carnal nature of another – even if they are behaving badly we are still part of the process. How we respond is important.
• Our carnal nature is shaped by a lot of things:
1) Early life experiences e.g. biting dog
2) Our own prejudices e.g. children of parents who fought the japanese
3) Our personality e.g. extravert or intravert
4) Our insecurities e.g. favouritism with siblings
5) Ours stresses e.g. we are overloaded with busyness
6) Pressures e.g. deadlines or financial pressures
7) Concerns and worries e.g. family or other circumstances
8) Our humanness e.g. our sin nature
We cannot be perfect that is why we need a Savior.
How are we vulnerable?
a. We have buttons
Buttons are emotional triggers, sensitive spots. When we hurt ourselves physically we have a tender spot and sore may develop. The same thing happens on the inside when we get upset or experience something emotionally painful - a tender spot and sore develops.
When someone presses on that sore spot we react.
Examples may be:
Your weight so if someone mentions something about activity or food you react - a person with no issue will not notice the comment
Insecurity so if they say you did something wrong because you are insecure your button is pressed and you react - a secure person will be own the error and be solution focused. What can I learn?
• The more we grow up and mature, the fewer active buttons we have and the more we can separate the enemy’s attacks from people. The enemy knows our buttons and he will use people to push them.
b. We get offended
Rat trap example
When someone says something that could be taken offensively shake it off. 1 Peter 5 resist the devil immediately – instead take control of what you are thinking and aim it in God’s direction.
Story
I do this, sometimes at work if something unsettling has occurred. I start to address my negative thoughts and replace them with scripture.
1) The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want
2) No weapon formed against me shall prosper
3) His Word is at work in me
Love others – we may not always make it but we need to keep getting back up after a fall, dust off and go again.
How do we live the victory that God has given us and love others?
In the natural:
• Manage ourselves (6 points)
1) Know your buttons – what makes you respond?
Words like ‘never’ ‘always’ ‘you’? (28 Days Bullock and Grant ‘you are the most frustrating man in the whole world’ ‘that’s just silly do you know everyone in the whole world’
Reference to your appearance
Reference to your skills / or lack of
Your buttons will generally come back to our own insecurity and / or inferiority
2) Recognize when you are responding through emotions
We can speak and injure or speak and regret
We can defend by attacking
‘yeah but you never…’
‘I’m always the one…’
It’s always me…’
Our emotions rush in like a river but like water and tide they also wash out again. Wait for that before responding
3) Consciously calm
The more our emotions rule us the more tools we need to have ready to deal with them
Count to ten / get up and walk around / go to the loo – whatever it takes to regain calm
4) Take time to respond – prayer and reading the Word
We often think that things need to be dealt with immediately and some things do, but a lot do not
Question – ‘Can this wait?’ most things can and you can pray and if need be seek councel
5) Seek council
Sometimes we are confused and it is okay to go to someone who is wise in the Word and ask them
They will have a view detached from the situation and can point us to a scripture that will aid us
6) Leave it with God
Often times we think we need to fix things / control the situation
God is the best fixer of situations there is, so leave it to him
In the natural continued…
• Communicate
Communication is our greatest God given tool. Looking at Jesus we see:
I. All things calm – when the Pharisees wanted to kill Jesus he left Luke 4:28-30
II. Active listening – Jesus was an active listener – the woman with the issue of blood Luke 8:40
III. Communicate your needs – Jesus was a master communicator e.g. woman caught in adultry John 8:1
IV. Flexible / negotiating – Jesus changed with the needs of others John 4:40 shows us they urged Him to stay and He did and in Mark 6:48 He would have passed them on the water but they called out
It is initially in our mind, through our thoughts, where we will have to deal with the action of loving others
• Empathy
1) Think on purpose, choose our thoughts espesically when it comes to others
2) Mind -> emotions -> actions
3) Thomas Mann aptly put it: “People’s behaviour makes sense if you think about it in terms of their goals, needs and motives” and their relationship with God.
4) Romans 8:5 set mind on fleshly things or mind on spiritual things
5) Our mind has to be renewed – Romans 12:2 and we have to be aware of the tools of the enemy
Do you really know the Word – the more you know the more protected you are as you are not so vulnerable and are not as easy to be deceived e.g. bank teller knows the real note from a fake one.
In the spirit:
• God has given us Spiritual weapons:
1) Belt of truth
2) Breastplate of righteousness
3) Gospel of peace
4) Shield of faith
5) Helmet of salvation
6) Sword of the Spirit (Word of God)
7) Praying in the Spirit
8) Worship
9) Prayer
• Using prayer and worship
Story
One night I was laying in bed confused about what to do about a situation so I put on a worship song and began to pray. I felt totally out of answers. I can’t but God can and the answer came like a knowing and I knew what to do.
Andrew Wommack received an answer about printing by praying in tongues. Not all of us receive in the same way. There is no formula.
We receive because we seek with our whole heart.
The scripture sums it all up.
• Tasteless salt is worthless - Mark 9:50b
“Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another.”
If there is conflict we are part of the conflict, that is, no matter where the fault blame responsibility lies. We have the command from God to love others church. Let’s do it.
