Summary: This sermon is a spoof. It's really about people's mistakes recorded in the Bible, but is put in this form to grab people's attention. It was well received and liked.

MISTAKES IN THE KING JAMES BIBLE

INTRODUCTION

A. HUMOR: HE LOVED DRIVING TRAINS

1. In the early days of Texas, there was a man who drove trains for a living. He loved his job, but he was too reckless and caused a crash. He lived, but a one person died. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

2. As his last meal he requested a single banana. Then he was strapped into the electric chair, “Old Sparky.” The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

3. An obscure old Texas law said that if an execution failed, it was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was to go free. Somehow, the man got a job again driving trains, had an accident, this time killing two people.

4. Again he was sentenced to execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, but nothing happened!

5. Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. It all happened a third time – wreck, 3 deaths, sentenced to execution. This time at his last meal he requested 3 bananas.

6. "No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you walking out of here unharmed. No bananas!” The man was strapped into the electric chair, the switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- but the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

7. The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

B. THESIS

1. My subject tonight is “Mistakes In The King James Bible.”

2. Now some of you are saying to yourselves, "Oh! Our pastor has done it now! He has finally gone too far, saying bad things about our beloved King James Bible!"

3. Now, before you call Springfield, or get on Facebook and say, "Did you know that our pastor has departed from the faith?", you need to hold your horses until you hear me out!

4. I state emphatically that there are mistakes in the King James Bible! And by the time I get finished, you will be convinced the King James Bible is full of mistakes!

I. EVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF LISTENING TO THE DEVIL

A. WHAT HE SAID

Genesis 3:2-6 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. 4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: 5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

B. IT’S ALWAYS A MISTAKE TO LISTEN TO DEVIL

1. Lying is his native language, John 8:44.

2. He is a master of twisting things, even taking truth and twisting it around to be error.

3. He never has your good in mind, but only harm.

4. We should be careful who we listen to because bad company corrupts good character. 1 Cor. 15:33.

5. We should listen only to God’s Word and other godly sources when forming opinions, making choices, and deciding a direction.

II. ABRAHAM MADE THE MISTAKE OF TAKING LOT WITH HIM

A. WHAT HE DID

Genesis 12:1,4-5 Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee…. 4 So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him….5 And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.

B. GOD: ‘COME OUT FROM AMONG THEM’

1. The Bible talks a lot about evil associations. Prov. 13:20, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

2. Usually we’re supposed to try to convert our families, but sometimes it’s necessary we leave our families.

3. Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” Abram was told to leave his family.

4. Lot caused Abraham a lot of trouble:

a. Strife between their servants (Gen. 13).

b. Had to fight 4 kings to rescue Lot & family Gen. 14.

c. God’s promises couldn’t come till Lot left (Gn. 14-15)

d. Abe had to intercede so God wouldn’t destroy Lot in Sodom (Gen. 17-19).

e. Lot’s end: wife died in unbelief; two daughters committed incest with Lot & had godless offspring.

III. MOSES MADE THE MISTAKE OF SMITING THE ROCK

A. WHAT HE DID

Numbers 20:7-8,10-12 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 8 Take the rod, and gather thou the assembly together… and speak ye unto the rock before their eyes; and it shall give forth his water…so thou shalt give the congregation and their beasts drink. 10 And Moses…said unto them, Hear now, ye rebels…11 And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice: and the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts also. 12 And the LORD spake unto Moses… Because ye believed me not, to sanctify me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall not bring this congregation into the land which I have given them.

B. WHAT IT COST HIM

1. This mistake cost Moses dearly. He was denied the opportunity to go into the Promised Land.

2. He had gotten angry and let his anger cause him not to be careful to observe the commands of the Lord.

3. Be careful to govern your anger so that you don’t fall under the same condemnation.

IV. SAMSON MADE THE MISTAKE OF GOING TO THE BEAUTY SHOP

A. SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN AT DELILAH’S

Judges 16:19-21 And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head… 20 And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him. 21 But the Philistines took him, and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house.

B. COMPROMISE WAS HIS DOWNFALL

1. Sin and compromise dulled Samson to be unaware of his danger.

2. Sin has penalties. “The end of sin is death.” Sin looks pleasurable. It sounds & looks good, but it’s all a deceptive front. The ultimate goal of sin & Satan is your destruction.

3. The devil is a MASTER HUNTER, who will give you sugar cubes to get you to walk into him trap. Then he springs the door shut and gets out his knives tear you limb from limb.

4. Never forget the devil is out to get you and you must never let down your guard!

V. THE JEWS MADE THE MISTAKE OF NOT RECOGNIZING THEIR MESSIAH

A. THE SCRIPTURE

John 1:11-12 He came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name

B. THE OUTCOME

1. It cost them a lot because they “didn’t recognize the time of their visitation.”

2. The whole destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D. and the Jews’ dispersion over the world might have been avoided had they accepted their Messiah!

VI. THE DEVIL MADE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING THAT HE COULD HOLD JESUS IN THE GRAVE

A. THE DEVIL’S MISTAKE

1. Acts 2:24, “But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.”

2. John 14:30, “I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me…” NIV 1984.

B. THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION

1. JESUS CONTROLS HIS LIFE & DEATH. John 10:18, “No one takes [my life] from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.”

2. JESUS HAS POWER OVER DEATH OF EVERYONE. “Do not be amazed at this, for a time is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice and come out…” Jn. 5:28-29.

3. JESUS HAS WRESTED THE KEYS TO DEATH & HELL FROM THE DEVIL! “I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.” Rev. 1:18.

VII. THE SCOFFERS MADE THE MISTAKE OF SAYING HE ISN’T COMING SOON

A. WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS

2 Peter 3:3-4 Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts, And saying, ‘Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.’”

B. A TERRIBLE DAY FOR THE ARROGANT DOUBTERS

1. Oh what a terrible day it will be when God repays the mockers for their mocking. God specifically warned that he is not mocked, whatever a person sows, that will they reap! Gal. 6:7.

2. This means that God is taking careful notes of who is mocking, and will pay back their mocking to their faces! It’s fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God!

3. Revelation says they will hide in caves and dens of the earth when they see Him coming. They will grab their stomachs, as women who are in labor.

4. Woe be it that sins must come, but woe to him by whom they come!

VIII. YOU MADE THE MISTAKE OF JUDGING ME BEFORE YOU HEARD ME OUT!

1. Now, do you understand why I say that there are mistakes in the Bible? Notice that I didn't say WITH the Bible.

2. So let this be a lesson to you not to “rush to judgment” when you hear something about someone!

CONCLUSION

A. ILLUSTRATION MATTERHORN SYNDROME

1. In Zermatt Switzerland, there’s a cemetery full of men who climbed Mt. Matterhorn. Many died on the way down.

2. They had done excellent preparation and great exertion to get to the summit. The joys of triumph filled their hearts, standing at the top of the world.

3. But on the way down many of them became careless, thinking the bitterness of difficulty was past. Their carelessness cost their lives, and they were laid in the same cemetery together.

4. How like many Christians, who run a great race for many years, and then as they approach the finish line, they become careless and lose out with God!

5. Let’s be careful that we don’t also slip!

B. THE CALL

1. You and I must learn from the mistakes of others. We won’t live long enough to make them all for yourself.

2. Let’s pray that God will forgive us of our mistakes!

[This is a rewrite of a message of the same title by Johnny Campbell]