I commend you for getting this far in our journey for an extraordinary family. Some readers might be past the childbearing age. Others don’t have children, and yet you still love God’s Word and know there is always something to be gained from the Bible. The Bible teaches that ALL scripture is given by God and is profitable. Sometimes we’re not sure what “profit” we are getting, but we can be sure there is some.
It has been stated that Susanna Wesley was the mother of the Methodist church. She raised two firebrands for God named John and Charles, and 17 more. John Wesley was a strong personality with definite ideas on how things should be run for a church to become great. Where do you think he got those ideas? You guessed it – mom! She was a mom with purpose. Each of the children learned Greek, Latin as well as classical literature from mom at home. At a certain point in her life she even wrote an extended commentary on the Ten Commandments; what an incredible woman of God! That doesn’t mean that every mom or dad has to home educate, teach Greek or write commentaries to be successful. The point being, that this amazing parent created an environment that fostered growth for children with purpose.
A peaceful home is like heaven on earth. No Feng Shui could bring about the peace that is in a home where there is Christian order. There is a soothing quality in a family where Christ reigns. A peaceful home is a place where children can grow and be healthy. It is a place where spirits can flourish. Could any thing be greater than that?
Unhappy people will give anything for some peace. Many would gladly give up all their money and go to a deserted island and live on coconut juice, just to have peace and serenity. Peace is one of the highest goals in nations and individuals as well.
Loving correction brings emotional, physical, mental and spiritual rest. It is amazing how restful a well-ordered family is. More than just restful, God says it is delightful! Many families would be happy just with a few moments of quiet, let alone spiritual peace. Solomon states that if a parent will bring his family into alignment with the word of God, a delightful peace will ensue.
Let’s examine what it takes to have peaceful homes:
1. Parenting Is to Be a Joy
Correct your child and then you, as the parent, will be able to rest. Parenting is to be a restful experience. Correct thy son and he shall give you rest. The Bible doesn’t say that the child gets rest…no, it is you, the parent, that gets the down deep rest and delight. What a beautiful promise this is!
God says that parenting is meant to be a wonderful thing.
There is a common attitude today that children are a burden, especially if you have several. To be sure, the sheer logistics of coordinating a large family is exhausting. It really is. There is no other way to say it. It is mentally exhausting to try to coordinate the education of several children. It is emotionally taxing to deal with your daughters and sons issues. It is physically taxing rising up in the middle of the night with infants. I mean, there’s no two ways about it, parenting has stress. Pastor Charles Spurgeon, who would know something about stress as the leader of thousands, stated about being in the ministry, “A good minister gets tired in the work but never gets tired of the work.” There’s a big difference between being tired in parenting and tired of parenting.
In today’s modern world, it seems as though there is the common idea that parenting is a terrible strain. On the contrary, one of the most gratifying journeys of all is to have wise children. The more I’m around senior people, the more I hear these words repeated again and again, “My life now is all about my children and grandchildren.” If children are wise and turn out to be outstanding citizens, trustworthy, well-behaved, polite, courteous, respectful, pleasant and skilled, parenting then becomes a delight. In fact, nothing comes close to the sheer delight of having wise and obedient children.
I’m confident that God wants children and parents to have a wonderful and peaceful relationship. Here’s some personal insight I’ve gained on this matter; if one child can bring joy, then two children can bring double joy and three children can bring triple joy! People often assume that large families are a burden and too much trouble when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth! Large families that are obedient and orderly just increase the joy. There are certainly some exhausting times, but while we’re tired in parenting we’re certainly not tired of parenting. Peaceful parents realize that while it’s a burden, it is a blessed burden.
Homes with many children are blessed homes. Nothing could compare to the sheer delight of a peace filled home. Not a trip to Disneyland, not an island vacation for two, not a beautiful home on the river…nothing could compare. A home where love and peace is it is just plain beautiful. It is the most glorious of all delights. People all over the world would give anything to have delight such as that.
2. Good Parenting Has its Ups and Downs
Solomon said to “correct” your son. If someone needs correcting then that would imply that there’s something going wrong, doesn’t it? You might be surprised to know that all of my children were kids without any errors, all of them were beautiful, all of them were wise and good kids and I’ve never had any trouble with them. HA! Did I have you fooled? We all know the truth – every child is born a “fool” (that’s the Bible word, I’m not being mean here). Every child will need correction, so while there are always problems they can be followed by a time of solutions. We should not be discouraged. Prior to rest is weariness. God is acknowledging that even in the best homes there are going to be incorrect actions that need to be addressed. There will be incorrect attitudes that will need to be adjusted. Before delight comes grief. If all you ever had were good times, you wouldn’t know what joy is. The presence of a need is the foundation of joy. The foundation for rest is weariness and the foundation for delight is grief.
I talk with some parents that almost seem bitter, that somehow they got the lemon and other parents got lemonade. The point I’m making is that every home has tough times. Parenting by its very nature is leading a bunch of “fools” and bringing them to wisdom. If you only have one child to deal with, then there will be a little unrest and a little weariness, but if you have two, there’s going to be double unrest and double the weariness and so on. Don’t throw in the towel, don’t quit church, don’t quit the Bible and don’t quit the high standards. The answer is not in backing down or limiting family size; the answer is in limiting foolishness!
Scripture doesn’t say delight will happen when you lower your standards to the behavior of the children. No, it’s says to correct them and bring them up to the standard and then you will have rest. Keep the pedal to the metal, that is, don’t let off of the truth. God says eventually you will have such a delight that it will be worth it all. I’ve seen many people quit church, quit the Bible and quit high standards because it’s too much “stress” on the family. The stress they experience is because the correction is inconsistent and that just confuses everybody. If we are one way one day and another way the next day, everybody gets congloberated (my word). Consistent, high standards in loving homes, is they key to bringing forth delight. The Bible reminds parents that if they want peaceful homes then never quit lovingly correcting sons and daughters.
3. “Unhappy” Kids Makes for Happy Parents
Notice how the word unhappy is in quotes. That’s because we’re not saying we’re trying to make their life miserable. It just means that they are going to be temporarily unhappy when under correction. In today’s world, it is commonly thought that happy kids make for happy parents, but actually it’s the opposite. Parents think if they take their children to Disneyland then they will be happy and obedient. Nope. Some of the most trying moments of misbehavior you will ever have are at the happiest place on earth!
Notice what Solomon says, “Correct thy son…” (Proverbs 29:17). I’ve never really liked getting corrected, have you? I never liked it when I was a child, I didn’t like it as a youth and I still don’t like it. I don’t like it when the policeman stops me and corrects me. I seem to always have an attitude problem. I may smile at the policeman, but I grumble about it later. I’ve never really enjoyed correction.
I have also never enjoyed giving correction. Unfortunately, scripture says that parents have to correct children before they can get rest. It doesn’t mean that the correction itself is restful. It is certainly not restful for parents and it’s not restful for the child either. However, it is more important that the parent be happy than that the child is. When the parent is at peace everyone is at peace. Someone may say, “I just want my children to be happy.” I’ve got news for you. You’re going to have a tough existence. Have you seen the little statement, “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” It’s sassy, but true! If mom and dad don’t have peace, then that’s the worst thing for a home. If one child isn’t happy because they’ve been disciplined, that shouldn’t affect the home’s atmosphere, in fact, often it is just the opposite. Proverbs 19:25 says to, “Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware…” Homes are made better when a scorner is disciplined.
Has anybody ever enjoyed being chastened? God points out that His justice is more important than our temporary happiness, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby” (Hebrews 12:11). A life that is right is the fruit of some pain. Notice the little phrase “exercised” in this verse. God exercises His children. I don’t especially like to exercise, and I don’t think I am alone on this. I see health club ads in which people are jogging with a smile on their face. Have you ever seen anybody really looking that enthusiastic while working out at the gym? I’ve been going to the gym for a long time and I haven’t. It’s just not any fun. Exercise is not easy but it sure does make you feel better.
When I was in high school we switched from class to class. I noticed we had different kinds of teachers. Certain teachers like Mrs. Winston, my 9th grade English teacher, came on really strong. She was one tough cookie and took no gruff from anybody. She was the iron lady. As the months wore on, however, you know what I found out? I found out that she actually had an interesting sense of humor and was extremely fair. I also found out that pretty much anybody who was even half way serious about school actually liked her class, because you could learn without distraction. We had another teacher who was “Mr. Cool.” He wanted to impress all of us teen guys (and gals). He was determined to be our friend above all else. Most everybody eventually saw through it and he lost respect. Mrs. Winston, “Iron Lady” was always voted one of the most popular teachers. I’m sure that Mrs. Winston ran a tight ship as much for her, as for the students. It’s okay to make life easier on the parents. Discipline is the for parent’s sake as much as the children.
Susanna Wesley had 16 practical rules for her home that were, as we will see, as much for the parent as for the child.
1. Eating between meals is not allowed. Why is that a good rule for parents? Because there’s a lot more cost and housework when people are just eating any time they want.
2. Children are to be in bed at 8 o’clock. This guideline is almost totally for the parent. Is an early bedtime “good” for the child? No, they would rather stay up and have fun. But a happy child makes for an unhappy parent. The truth is, however a consistent bedtime does help the child as well.
3. Children are required to take medicine without complaining. She didn’t want to hear any bellyaching. Just take your medicine and hush up, that’s for the parent as well as the son.
4. Subdue self-will in a child and work together with those who are working to save a child’s soul. God points out, and Mrs. Wesley clarifies, that once you’ve subdued a child’s self-will, then (and only then) can you begin to be lenient. Until they can learn to submit cheerfully in everything, 100% of the time, there can be no mercy. You’ve got to keep the screws tightened down.
5. Teach a child to pray as soon as they can speak. When the peace of God is in a heart it comes to the surface.
6. Require all to sit still in family worship. They had family Bible times several times a week or more, where the children had to be attentive and not disruptive. Parents are able to enjoy family life more when they feel respected.
7. Give them nothing that they cry for and only when asked politely. This rule is helps a parents mental wellbeing for sure!
8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed or repented of. There is no use creating drama unless it is necessary.
9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished. One act of leniency results in ten times to get them back to a good beginning point. In a child’s mind it’s like this, “they gave in once they may give in a second time.” If parents give an inch it takes ten inches to get it back.
10. Never punish a child twice for a single offence. That’s just good justice.
11. Compliment and reward good behavior.
12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended. Don’t grind them into the ground. Yes, expect perfection, but accept humanity.
13. Preserve property rights even in the smallest matter. Parents, this is for your own good. Children that destroy property can be a real source of financial setback. Leniency is going to come back and bite you if your children do something that’s destructive.
14. Strictly observe all promises.
15. Require no daughter to work before she can read. She wanted her daughters to get a good education (which was not considered practical in her day). Why? Is it for the parent’s benefit if a child gets a good education? Yes! Because they’ll get a good job and they’ll leave the home and be productive adults. Children need to leave at some point. That’s what’s supposed to happen, and that’s for the parent’s sake.
16. Teach children to fear the rod. When children fear the rod then parents don’t have to keep repeating themselves. One of the problems with having to repeat yourself to inattentive children and youth, is that every time you have to repeat yourself, emotional equity goes up one point. A stressed parent says, “I told you once, I told you twice, I told you four times, I told you five times.” By the time it gets up to a hundred times there is so much emotion in that situation, hormones and adrenaline are just pumping, and will soon be surging through the parent. Putting some bite behind that bark will make for a much more peaceful parent.
