It is my personal passion to do what I can to build strong homes in a culture where the family is being redefined and its importance is undermined. David lamented the same thing in Psalms 11, where he posed the poignant question, “…if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?” If the foundations of our nation and of our churches and of our homes are destroyed, what will be left? I commend you for your interest in growing wise homes.
In this chapter will be talking about the power of casting a vision for your sons and daughters through the modeling of Biblical character. Every mom and every dad wants to provide the best for their family. We do our best to provide a good education, lifestyle and nice home. But the greatest provision of all is the provision of God’s favor on a family through godly living.
The Hebrew word for proverbs means, “a comparison.” Many of the verses in Proverbs are just that, a comparison between the wise way and the foolish way. Like many of the Middle Eastern cultures, the Jewish people did a lot of their teaching through proverbs. Proverbs are short, catchy, even pithy sentences that are easy to remember. They are condensed wisdom. Here is another one of those catchy little phrases that relates to parenting.
Two Attributes of Blessed Moms and Dads:
1. Having A Life of Godly Integrity Towards God and Man
Blessed moms and dads have integrity. The word integrity in this verse means, “complete.” For example, in the building and construction world they often reference “structural integrity.” Meaning that the facility is whole and without faults. The Ten Commandments, as found in the Old Testament, are some good rules for moral “integrity.” The Ten Commandments are divided into two parts, the first four talk about our rightness with God and the last six talk about our rightness with man. Some of the Commandments on the first table talk about how we need to love Him, honor Him, and put Him first. As parents, if we’re not careful we can allow other things to become gods to us. Godly parents who bring a blessing to their generations are those that have God as their god. Not money, or fame, or work, or pleasure, or beauty, or entertainment, or possessions or social position…but the God of the Bible.
In another one of the Commandments, the Bible warns against taking the name of the Lord in vain. The reason that God’s name is important to Him is because it is how we refer to God. This says a lot about how we feel about God. When we are cursing, we are actually saying what we think about God. When moms and dads curse, even if in private, or are not serious about serving God, they hurt the integrity of their family.
Keep on going down the first tablet and you will find another commandment that is required to maintain our moral integrity. It is the command to reserve one day each week to do nothing but honor God. Also known as the Sabbath day. This was not a legalistic thing where somehow they were not going to get to heaven if they didn’t go to church every week, it was about respecting God enough to set aside a time to worship Him. When our children see that we set time aside for God, this shows them that we respect and obey Him. God is asking on the Sabbath day, “How much you do respect Me?” When we respect God, it trickles down to our family. A respect of God in our lives builds respect in the lives of our family.
The second section of the Ten Commandments is about our responsibility towards man. For example, one very key principle in this section is that we must honor our parents. It’s interesting to me that God uses the word “honor.” This is a powerful concept. You are not saying that your parents are perfect. You are not saying that they are sinless. It’s about showing respect for the position. Courtesy is really what it comes down to. Courtesy for all they’ve done for us and meant to us. When parents honor their parents, children sense this. They see the importance of everyone honoring authority.
In the Ten Commandments, God also states that we should not bear false witness. Lying is speaking with an intent to deceive. It is leaving necessary truths out of stories. When we twist the facts or speak half-truths, our children pick up on that. God is saying that if you’re going to bring a blessing to your family, then you must be honest in your dealings with mankind. Good parenting begins with dynamic spiritual lives on the personal level. If I have a dynamic spiritual life, then almost automatically I’m going to be able to be a good parent.
2. Having Consistency
“The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him” (Proverbs 20:7).
The just man “walketh.” Day by day, year-by-year, decade after decade, these moms and dads keep a steady hand on the wheel. They know how to govern themselves. They’re self-starters in their spiritual life. They know how to keep hanging in there and keep doing the right thing. They don’t need a bit or a bridle to keep them in line as it states in Proverbs 26:3, “A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool’s back.” We should not be the kind of person that always has to be brought under control from outside sources. God wants parents to maintain strong standards day after day. As a Pastor, I’m especially blessed by the consistency of the people who show up at church, on their own, without prompting, week after week. We can’t babysit people’s spiritual lives, as it doesn’t do any lasting good. God’s people should not have to be begged or enticed to do right. The same is true with children. Consistently spiritual parents make a difference.
Your steady, consistent life provides a benchmark by which children can judge their own spiritual condition. I’ve noticed something about steadiness. When mom and dad display consistent spiritual lives, sons and daughters have a standard to get on either side of. For example, when standards are set in a church, people take a look at those standards and agree or choose not to. They can follow them or not. They may have a stronger standard, or they may have a weaker standard. This is also what happens in a family. When a father or mother provides a standard, they provide a stable set of values. These values become the basis for which children can judge where they are at in life. They have a living example right before their eyes of what the Bible really means. Children can read the Bible, but sometimes it’s hard to figure out how everything works in real life. A parental model allows them to recall, “Here’s how my dad handled it, here’s how my mom handled it.”
When a mom or dad is not consistent, it destroys the stability of the home. Consistent integrity means having a good conscience. This is absolutely one of the greatest treasures in the world. We should live in such a way that if negative actions from our past come to light, we will be able to say that we have made it right as far as we can. Parents must live with clear consciences. They must never be practicing anything illegal, immoral, unethical or unbiblical. Everybody has somebody they influence. We can only live as positive influencers when we live confidently. Confident living does not come from a perfect life, but from a cleansed life.
When parents have integrity there is a favor, a special power that God puts on children. He shines His face on them. God proclaims clearly in the theme verse that some children have favor and some don’t. There is a unique favor that God places based on the clarity of our lives. At the semi-rural location in which I live, gaining access to the internet can be tricky. Having a good connection is vital! This is what every Christian parent wants for his or her child’s life – a good, clear connection with God. I want my “modem” to connect to God, without anything in between! I don’t want to live in such a way that I fear someone is going to find out something that I’m doing something illegal or compromising.
Notice next what Proverbs 20:7 states, “his children are blessed after him.” What an amazing product it is that integrity produces. It is the best possible thing we can do for our family. We sometimes get so caught up with all of our children’s activities that we neglect the greatest thing for our family – godliness! Why would you spend $3,000 to take your kids to Disneyland, but then rob God of the tithe in order to do so? How is that going to bless your family in the end? That’s like giving your kids little candy canes, instead of meat and vegetables, which are so important for their growth and health. I can bear witness that my life is better because of the godliness of my parents. Just about everything good in my life has been because my parents got me into church from day one. I didn’t know what was going on when my parents placed me in the church nursery as a baby, or when they had me memorize scripture as a child…but their obedience and integrity caused me to be blessed.
In our home, it wasn’t if we were going to church, we simply went. It wasn’t if we believed the Bible, we believed the Bible. It wasn’t if we were going to go out witnessing, we went out witnessing. It wasn’t if we were going to have prayer before our meals, we had prayer before our meals. My life has been incredibly blessed because of my parents’ faithfulness. I have tried to follow in their steps. Both my parents were raised by good people, but certainly not dedicated Christian people and perhaps not even Christians, but they said it’s going to be different for our family. That choice began a whole new generation of Christians who are following the Lord. My life, and the lives of my children have been changed because of their godly integrity.
It says in Psalms 147:11, “The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.” When we fear the Lord, God takes pleasure in us. Psalms 147:13b says, “…he hath blessed thy children within thee.” When you fear God, He will bless your children! Does that mean that all my children are going to have six figure salaries and beautiful homes (not that this would be wrong)? No. God gives us an example of the “blessings” He means in Psalms 147:14, “He maketh peace in thy borders…” What kinds of blessings happen to my children because of my integrity? Peace! Peace is invaluable. It is said that a queen of England once lamented, “I would give all that I possess for just a few moments of peace.” Nothing is more valuable than peace. If we give our children peace, they won’t go to bed worrying what’s going to happen or who’s going to come in the door.
A Godly father gives security to his sons and daughters. There is incredible tranquility that occurs in the home of godly parents. I want my children to grow up with peace. Whatever else they achieve in life is between them and God, but at least I can give them peace while they are in my home. I love the truth and poetry in the statement in Psalms 23 where David, so assured of the blessings of God writes, “…SURELY goodness and mercy are going to follow me.” Due to the life that God’s grace has given me, I can look behind me and all I see is goodness and mercy!
I am inspired by that little promise in Isaiah 61:9, “And their seed shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people: all that see them shall acknowledge them, that they are the seed which the LORD hath blessed.” People will take notice of blessed seed. It’s very clear in this verse that there is a seed that is blessed and there is seed that isn’t blessed. It’s saying that when parents live a life of integrity, there will be this glow about your sons and daughters that even the heathen will recognize. How incredibly wonderful it is to provide for our family through public and private integrity. What could be more valuable than being a person who has a good name?
I love to tell this story that illustrates the importance of having a good name. Alexander the Great, one of the world’s greatest warriors, conquered most of the known world in his day. In Alexander’s army there were many young courageous men who would go out into battle and return only to prepare for the next battle. It is told, that after one particularly fierce battle, a soldier, also named Alexander, who was really no more than a boy, got frightened and hid himself in a cave. When they found him they brought him immediately before the emperor, Alexander the Great. This young man was terrified, and came in begging for mercy from this great leader. Alexander the Great looked at the young man and asked says “Son, what is your name?” The young boy whispered “Alexander.” The king, startled, looks at him and asks again, “What is your name?” “Alexander!” he said. Alexander the Great looks at him and says, “I will ask you one more time, what is your name?” And with that, the young man cried out, “Alexander, Sir!” This great emperor stood to his feet, looked that young man in the eye and said, “Son, you either change your name or you change your ways!” What could be of any more importance than having a good name and passing that on to our family?
