There are some pretty good movies out there (I always liked The Sound of Music), but there is one thing for sure, Hollywood has distorted the truth about romance and marriage! The entertainment industry has not only messed with true love but it has also affected parenting concepts. Families seen on television, such as the hit sitcom “Modern Family”, really warp the image of good parenting.
If you want to get some advice that really works, ask someone who has been there and done it successfully. There is a Reader’s Digest story, written by an educational psychologist who was flying on a plane, that explains what I am talking about. “I was on my flight to Florida preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars that I conducted regularly. There was an elderly woman sitting next to me who explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, eighteen grandchildren, and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. She inquired what I did for a living and so I told her. I fully expected her to question me for free professional advice. Instead, she sat back, picked up a magazine, and said, Well, if there’s anything you want to know just ask me!”
As valuable as experience is, however, sometimes even that can be off base. There is one thing is never amiss – the blessed Word of God! The Bible is the greatest book on parenting.
The truth of this chapter has a rather serious tone. While it’s serious, I believe you will find a great message of hope on the following pages. The world’s way leaves us looking for answers. What seems to work upfront ends up at the back end, not working at all. God’s way is always the wise choice. We are going through the book of Proverbs and calling out practical family life principles that we can settle down with.
To repay evil for evil is foolish. Revenge, contrary to the popular quote, is not sweet. To give back evil when people have done us good, however, is just plain demonic. This is essentially what happens when family members are unthankful. An ungrateful spirit is truly the devil’s work. In fact, ungratefulness is such a stronghold that God says that if it is not cast down, it will follow generation after generation. An ungrateful spirit touches our entire family tree.
What are Symptoms of an Ungrateful Spirit?
1. The “Poochy Lip Disease” - The never satisfied spirit. If there’s anything that relates us to Adam and Eve, it is this. When our sons and daughters are never satisfied, and when they always have to have more – it’s a sign of an ungrateful spirit. Greed is an ungrateful spirit.
2. Negative Personalities - Children that are constantly complaining about everything from big to little display a heart problem. Moodiness is also a sign of negativity.
3. Looking Down on Ourselves - When we lack positive self-acceptance, strangely enough, we are actually displaying unthankfulness. We are not realizing all that God has done for us. If we are not thanking God for how He made us, we have an ungrateful spirit.
4. Not Taking Care of Things – When our sons and daughters don’t look after toys or equipment they use, it is neglect. Neglect is ungratefulness. The same could be said for personal grooming. Grateful people appreciate what they have.
When one or more of these symptoms occur, we need to break that spirit! How do we break the spirit of ungratefulness? We must look at ourselves first. We get upset when our children exhibit some of these symptoms, but do we come home from work and whine and grumble ourselves? Do we have the “poochy lip disease?” Our own attitude of gratefulness has a huge effect on the attitude of our family.
Fellas, do you take your wife for granted? Here is this beautiful, precious lady washing your stinky, dirty underwear and keeping the house clean. Are we grateful for that? Do we complain or compliment? Wives your husband works hard to try and provide, your husband does so much to try and oversee the finances – do you express your gratefulness for that?
If you sense an ungrateful spirit in your children’s life, have you looked at yourself first? Have you thanked God for your spiritual leaders? Do we show them esteem for the time that they labor in the Word for us and over us? Remember, if you have fried preacher today, it will be sautéed Dad tomorrow! If we don’t break this ungrateful spirit, trouble follows our home.
I don’t think that gratefulness is a character trait that can simply be taught or trained into them. I get the sense from Proverbs 17:13 that God is saying something has to be broken, not just counseled. We need God’s help to pull down this stronghold.
A tragic example of ungratefulness is that of the Jews during the time of Christ. John 1 states that Jesus, “came unto His own and His own received Him not.” Pilate queried the nation of Israel after the unlawful arrest of Jesus and said, “Do you want me to release Barabbas or Christ?” “Barabbas!” they cried, “…let His blood be upon us and our children” (Matthew 27:25). Trouble follows an ungrateful spirit into future generations. An ungrateful parent produces an ungrateful child. Ungrateful children will someday produce ungrateful grandchildren. We need to break this spirit or risk burdening our posterity with the consequences of our sin.
One practical way to develop a culture of gratefulness in the home is to write thank you notes. Thank you cards are amazing and powerful instruments of influence. Just taking the time and effort to say a heartfelt thank you can have long-range benefits. Much of the New Testament, as you may know, are actually letters. The Epistles (letters) continue to have a long lasting impact after all these years. I once heard a Bible teacher say that daughters never forget a compliment their dad gives them…wow. Love letters can be like that. We will put them in a box and keep them for years. These letters become the substance of our memories.
2 Important Tips When Writing a Thank You Note:
• Be Prompt – If you should write a letter, then do so NOW. Have you ever been driving down the road and thought to yourself, “I should really thank that person”, then do it! One of the great things about these new “Smart Phones” (mine is smarter than me and I’m bitter) is that there are so many reminder mechanisms. Use the phone or get sticky notes but find a way to do it…and the sooner the better. The longer we wait, the less sincere our gratefulness appears. If someone does something for us, and then within a few days they receive a thank you letter, they will recognize just how much they blessed us. Of course, thank you letters are always appropriate, even if late, but one of the great keys of a good thank you letter (besides actually doing it), is to be prompt. I encourage each of you to spend a little money and time and buy some nicer stationary cards. A handwritten note makes a powerful statement in today’s electronic world. With all of the social media today, (of which I am, for the most part, very grateful for) it is really a long-lost meaningful gesture to receive an actual physical letter.
• Be Specific – If someone gets us a gift or does something for us, then we should try mention it specifically and how God used it to meet a need or desire in our life. It is also a nice touch to be specific about the character trait that it took on their part to bless us. For example, if someone cleans my house then I might say, “I’m so grateful for your generosity in taking your time to come and tidy up my house.” When we are specific about praising character, what do I think it will do for them the next time? It will make them want to do it again! Every time I can praise good character in my children, grandchildren and others it has a long lasting and beautiful result.
Sadly, we live in an ungrateful society today. There are school teachers who have taught for twenty, thirty or fourty years and that have had thousands of students during that time, who have gotten only two or three letters from adults who have now gone on in life. What a wonderful thing it is when a person takes the time to write back and express gratefulness to their fifth grade teacher who perhaps said one statement that gave direction or provided help for a lifetime! I think we ought to sit down and ask, “Lord, tell me whom I should write a letter to.” Then, as God gives me the strength (even if it is writing just one letter a month), write them! You might pick up a whole new ministry for the rest of your life that only takes half an hour a week, but has a huge impact! Proverbs 17:15 tell us that if we break an unthankful spirit, we will take away trouble from our house. If there is anything I want removed from my house, it’s trouble. How about you?
