Greed is one of humanity’s crowning sins. Greed destroys relationships and homes. In fact, greed can destroy an entire family. “House” in the Hebrew language means more than just a structure, it means a home. And it even means more than just a home, it’s talking about multiplied generations, an entire family tree. Not only does greed for money destroy a home, but an out of balance desire to be famous or anything that diverts our hearts from the Lord. Becoming a slave to anything or anyone but Christ is going to have an adverse effect on a home and on a marriage.
One of the most common causes of divorce and family dysfunction is when one or more of the parents become preoccupied with a career, hobby, money or success. The word “greedy” comes from a word that means to cut something, that is, to want something so bad that you are willing to cut corners to get it, even if that means cutting off people or the Lord.
It’s not easy to balance everything you have to do in life, but becoming a slave to sports, possessions or careers is just asking for trouble. God does not want us to live stressed-out, over stretched lives that are in hot pursuit of temporal things. Over-pushing for gain can take a serious toll on a relationship. God calls us to have a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy homes.
Consider a parallel truth from Habakkuk 2:9, “Woe to him that coveteth an evil covetousness to his house, that he may set his nest on high, that he may be delivered from the power of evil!” If there is an “evil” covetousness then there must also be a “good” covetousness. We certainly ought to have a “good” covetousness for our home. Without dreams or visions for our homes, lives, or marriages we would never accomplish anything. In contrast, there is an “evil” covetousness that we may, as the prophet laments, “set our nest on high.” This picturesque language likens some people to an animal that tries to put its nest high above others away from danger and maybe higher so that others can see how big they are. The prophet Habakkuk goes on to say, “Thou hast consulted shame to thy house by cutting off many people, and hast sinned against thy soul” (Hab 2:10). God said that there is a way that we can “cut off” our family. I believe we can cut off others by becoming workaholics or sportholics or funaholics. You name it, we can pretty much get addicted to it, and any kind of an addiction is hard on a family.
There is nothing wrong with gain or prosperity. Many of the Bible’s most spiritual and wonderful Christians were favored with much worldly gain. Abraham for example, was very well to do, as was Joseph and David. However, when my pursuit of gain involves anything that is illegal, immoral, unethical, or unbiblical it does exactly the opposite. We noticed, in Habakkuk 2:9 that this person wants to, “set up their nest on high to be delivered from the power of evil.” Now, why would that be a bad thing? Why is God warning us about setting our nest on high for what seems to be a good motive? I believe God is warning us that sometimes, even our desire for safety or a nice home, for example, can come between God and ourselves. We never want to get to a place where we think we have enough money in the bank or enough insurance that we really don’t need to pray much. He’s reminding us to never get outside of our need for God. Stay desperate for God.
Notice the wonderful promise connected with Proverbs 15:27, “He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.” Wonderful, life-giving relationships happen when we promote a spirit of giving and not getting. What does it mean to “hate a gift?” First of all, this is a clear warning about bribery. Secondly, we need to have a holy hatred for anything that troubles our house. If something is hurting my family, even if it appears as gain, it is to be rejected.
I remember reading the story of Benjamin Franklin and the wooden whistle. When he was a young boy he saw a whistle in the window of a store. He came back home and took out all of his savings and went in and purchased that beautiful whistle. Ben was so excited. He came home and the first person he showed was his brother. Not only was his brother not impressed, but also he laughed him to ridicule and said, “How ridiculous to pay so much money for a whistle.” The moral that Benjamin Franklin pointed out was that many people pay way too much for their “whistle” – whether it is riches, fame or whatever. We may get what we want, but pay too high of a price.
For example, being the best runner in the area costs a lot of time and effort in training. This is not a bad goal, but if it’s hurting my relationship with my wife, then the value of being number one in the region goes way down. If I want to be the manager of a company, that’s a good thing. However, it may require having to spend unreasonable hours at work to accomplish this, and that’s not good. God is reminding us that it isn’t worth it to be a workaholic, if you are troubling your house at the same time.
What Are Symptoms of Greed?
In Ourselves:
1. Irritability
If I am always on the phone or always busy on the computer doing things or my attitude is touchy and I’m constantly getting mad at my children or mate, something isn’t right. Irritability is a sign that priorities are not right. It might be that my drive to be the best at something is really just the illusion of trying to be something that I think will make me somebody important.
I remind you reader that your self-worth ought to be found in Christ. You are worth something because you are made in the image of God! I don’t need to have the word “manager” next to my name or a certain kind of car or name brand clothing to make me accepted. Sometimes our lust to get something is based on the fact that we are not satisfied with our selves. That’s not going to be solved by having a title or by having forty acres on the river. Self-acceptance is something that happens inside of you. It is something that Christ puts there!
2. Prayerlessness
A lack of serious prayer means I think I can do life by myself; I believe that I can achieve my goals on my own. We need to come down to the point where we are trusting God to give us our dreams while we invest our time in our wife and children and in the Lord’s work. As we do that, we can be assured that God will take care of the desires of our heart.
3. Choosing Tasks over Relationships
Tasks are important. There are things that simply have to get done. Without getting tasks accomplished, our houses are going to be mountains of mess. Schoolwork will never get done. We have to get tasks done. It’s naive to think that all we should do is spend our time fostering relationships. It is equally unhealthy to think that all we need to do are tasks. For sure, trying to balance both tasks and relationships is not always easy. Over the years, this issue has been one of the most challenging for me personally. When do I push for a task and when do I have to give up a task for a relationship? This seems to be a question I am always asking myself. I heard someone wisely say once, “If there is a fire in the building, its task first...if I’m at a party, its people first.” That is another way of saying, “If there’s an urgent need, then its task first. If there’s no fire and I’m still running from one thing to another ignoring people, then there’s a problem.” I have to constantly ask myself the question, “what’s more important in this moment, getting my to-do list taken care of or spending a few moments chatting warmly about how good the Lord is?”
What Are Symptoms of Greed?
In Those Around Us:
1. Withdrawal
There is sort of a natural recoil effect when someone feels neglected. They become wounded because they feel like we could have spent time with them, but instead we were into something of lower value. It’s terrible to feel ignored, isn’t it? We have a tendency to start creating our own reality when we are lacking connection with each other. We start to muse, “maybe they don’t like me.” I can recall visiting in a home once where the mother became rather short with her teenage daughter in words and expressions. I could almost see this little flower of a young lady shriveling and withdrawing before my eyes. I’m thinking in my soul, “That mother doesn’t even realize the false reality she created.” I know this because I’ve been there before, on both sides of the street!
2. Bitterness
Rebellion can be a symptom that we have “troubled our house” through greed. At times you can hardly blame some children or mates for their actions and sour attitudes, as they feel like they are missing out. Being neglected creates a bitter spirit. Wrong friends are the natural result of neglect. It is uncanny to me how the devil will make sure that wrong “friends” will be there to latch onto a hurting person who may have a well meaning parent or mate, but who, in a moment of weakness or even sinfulness, lost sight of their priorities. If we see our mate or child developing unhealthy connections with someone, we need to ask, “What’s going on?” We need to look at ourselves and say, “Why are they doing that?”
3. Immorality
Another symptom of our greed could be the immoral behavior in the lives of those around us. Why do people fall into immorality, even though they have committed to a husband or wife? Because they are confusing lust with love and are desperately craving love or respect. When someone needs love that much, it’s easy for them to get confused by lust. Hollywood is very good at painting lust as love to help fill the emptiness of lonely people. They sell romance (not that romance is especially wrong), as love. When you read 1 Corinthians 13 (the greatest definition of true love), the concept of romance is not found anywhere. According to this wonderful chapter, true love can bear all things, endure all things and retain hope in all things and more. If we find our child choosing lust over love then perhaps they’re missing out on something.
4. Worldliness
If I see a worldly spirit displaying itself within those in my home, I might consider that it is because they are seeking attention or missing something. For example, why would they want to have tattoos? Why would they want to drink alcohol? Why would they get into extreme hair colors and styles? Why would they be drawn to crazy subculture groups? Well, because they’re in pain and just looking for anything to ease the pain. Tattoos will give them a happiness buzz for a few days or weeks. It’s a rush they get from being “cool” or whatever, but it doesn’t last. They are just trying to ease the pain of relationship dysfunction.
When we see those around us with extreme desires for worldly things, then maybe we ought to question ourselves, “There’s more to this...maybe I’m troubling my family. Perhaps they are troubled because I’m so busy or greedy for success in sports or work that I’m neglecting my son or daughter, husband or wife.”
7 Practical Steps Towards Untroubling Your Home:
#1 Do Things That Are Not Your Favorite to Do
There are people that may admit that the reason they spend so much time at work is because they feel more capable in their role at work than in their role as a father. A mother I knew had a large, but dysfunctional home. She had six beautiful children, but worked full-time outside of the home. She once told me, “I’m just not good at home.” It’s true that you may not be a natural homebody or maybe you never had a good mother model to follow, BUT there are a lot of times in life you have to do something that’s not your favorite. Being an attentive mom or dad is not an easy thing but we still must do it.
Another precious lady who I spoke with worked as a professional and made six figures a year, but her marriage was a mess. She once made excuses for herself, “Pastor, I’m just not a matronly woman.” Well friend, I’m sorry you don’t like to cook and I’m sorry that it’s just not your thing or that you get more jazz out of the professional work force, but in life sometimes you have to do the hard thing! If you value your husband and desire an intimate marriage relationship than you may have to compromise and challenge yourself to grow in areas that you may not naturally prefer. It doesn’t mean that God won’t satisfy those desires to work, but choosing to do things that aren’t your favorite is a step in restoring a healthy home.
#2 Rethink Outside Involvement
We all know there are seasons when we have to spend less time in the home. For example, farmers know that when it’s harvest time and ripening crops are out there, you must put off most fun times and even some necessary things, because of the urgency of the season. Harvest time is not really the time we are going to be able to spend a leisurely vacation at the beach. Our families and spouse need to expect and accept that. However, if it’s the middle of winter and there’s no harvest that has to be brought in, then it’s time to rethink excessive outside involvement. It’s okay for the wife to hang out with good quality friends at times, but when this leaves her husband sitting at home by himself a lot, then it’s not okay.
Fella’s, it’s okay to go out fishing with your buds, but if it’s Saturday morning and your son would benefit from having you at home doing things with him, then maybe that’s not the right season. There is nothing wrong with outside involvement and there are seasons of work and seasons of needs that have to be accommodated for, but we must always examine what we’re doing in light of what we could be doing. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
#3 Wherever You Are, Be There
This is the heart the matter. If you’re a driven person, one who is working for success in ministry or a job, you need to make sure that when you are with family you have not checked out mentally. You could be a homeschooling mom that is driven by educational ideals. While this is a positive goal, you must focus on people and not tasks when you are with them. When I read through Scripture I find examples of driven people – Jesus was driven. I find passionate people throughout the Bible. David was a passionate man. Yet, both our Savior and David knew the importance of people time.
I really think this matter of my troubling my home is more about where my heart is than where my body is. Actual face time is necessary of course, but if I am unable to be at home physically because of work duties, my family is secure because they know and feel that my heart is in my home. That’s the key thing, is the heart in the relationship or is the heart somewhere else? I think we can live with extreme circumstances, I think we can live as driven people, but where’s the heart? Is your heart in the home or at work? Is your heart in the home or with your friends?
#4 Set Reasonable Time Allotments and Live Within Them
Imagine your time as a pie. A delicious, warm, raspberry pie with whipped cream on top. Yes! Everything needs to get a slice of that pie. As we budget our slices of time between work, church and ministry obligations, recreation and family we may not be able to give everybody all the time they want. The key question to ask as we schedule our time is, “In our drive to accomplish things, are we doing any damage to our children or our marriage?” There may not be twelve hours to give but there is one hour. There may not be an hour, but there are thirty minutes. If we are wise with our time allotments and are conscious about where our heart is, then we maximize our opportunities to accomplish tasks and maintain our important relationships.
I have also learned that it might be okay for some husbands to spend six hours golfing on their day off, but it didn’t work for my family. We must know what our unique mission is as a family is, and when I know that, then I will have a better idea of how to balance what I can do and what I can’t do.
#5 Carefully make Promises and Keep Them
This matter has gotten me into trouble inadvertently on my part. Let me explain. I like to dream out loud. For example, I will walk into a restaurant sit down. While I’m sitting there I begin to think, “They really should paint this wall this color, and they should probably change the lights, and they should redo the menu and they should put this item on the menu.” By the time I’m done I have restructured their whole business! Often, I will then talk to my tablemate about it…just talking, that’s all. I tend to do the same thing with my wife as I start dreaming out loud about vacations, for example. I will begin to talk about how we could go here and do this or that. However, I found out that my dreaming sounded an awful lot like a plan to my wife…as if it were something guaranteed to actually do. After one such occasion, Lynette came to me and basically said, “Honey, you’re driving me crazy. I tell you what, when you have got it all figured out what we are going to do, THEN let me know, but in the meantime, I’m not going to get my hopes up.” Let’s be careful about what we say. Words at the dinner table can be construed as promises.
#6 Do Work and Life Together
This is a very helpful way to build relationships. We have to work in this life. That’s what dads and moms have to do, and to think anything else is not realistic. That means that face time is limited. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have “side by side” time. For example, if you have to get a project done, then spend time working together on the project. Learning to work together can turn out to be a very pleasant time. We must have some face time of course, (daughters seem to especially like this). I once heard my friend, Pastor Mike Ray say that he never drives alone. His plan was to always have someone with him, which increases opportunities for connection and mentoring.
#7 Volunteer
I have watched some Christian people make the mistake of saying, “I’ve got to spend time with my family” and so they quit church and serving God. Obviously there are times when ministry involvement can be changed, there’s nothing wrong with that. There have been too many times over the years, however, that I have heard some brother say, “We’re pulling out of ministry so we can spend time with family”, and then I notice how he “spends time with family” - on the golf course or in the garage with buds! Serving the Lord together by going out calling or working on the church building for a few hours or laboring in nursery are actually wonderful times of labor without troubling our home.
