The family has been called an institution, and like any institution it needs rules. Rules serve as guides, guards and goads! In order to have peace and harmony in the home, everyone needs to be on the same page. Imagine how confusing it would be if a nation did not have a constitution to go by. In the same way, if our families don’t have some guidelines, or if there are selectively enforced rules, there is going to be chaos. It is wise and valuable for both parent and child to have consistent guidelines so that each family member can know what’s expected. Family rules are wonderful guidelines that reinforce character traits, establish healthy boundaries, and encourage life skills.
Setting up family rules is like establishing a constitution for the home. In America there are a lot of different local codes but there’s only one constitution. The constitution has remained a core curriculum, a set of values, and away to keep its people going in the same direction. The guiding principles of the home become the basis by which families can make good and wise decisions.
We notice in these verses that God is attempting to inspire good direction in life. He reminds families that there are great rewards in having principles, commandments and laws for your home.
3 Positive Attributes of Family Rules:
1. They GUIDE Us
“When thou goest, it shall lead thee...” (Proverbs 6:22).
It will lead us into the things that we should do. Every family should have good, positive and redeeming things in it like quality education and worshipping God. Besides leading into good things, godly rules also lead us away from destructive things as well.
We once rented a little fishing boat and went out onto the lake. As we were getting into the boat, the deck hands reminded us of areas that we might like to visit. They also told us of little buoys in the water that will mark areas that are off limits. These were areas that were very rocky and shallow, and if you got too close, you would mess up the propeller and get stranded. The buoys were there to tell us where to go, but they were also there to tell us where not to go. In order to have an enjoyable time you need to follow the rules. It is easy to apply this illustration to the ways family rules provide a guide to a happy home.
2. They GUARD Us
“When thou sleepest, it shall keep thee” (Proverbs 6:22).
As you sleep, your conscience will be clear. Having a clear conscience is the world’s greatest sleeping pill! There’s something amazing about that divine anesthetic called a clear conscience. Going to sleep every night sensing that as far as you know, your conscience is void of offence towards God and man, is a sweet way to live.
3. They GOAD Us
“…For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:” (Proverbs 6:23).
Family rules prompt us a higher standard. For example: I, for one, have never understood why some people get all bent out of shape at the Pastor when they go to church and hear morals preached. Honestly, that’s what I want to hear when I go to church. I want to be convicted, or goaded, into good choices. I want to know how I can change and honor Christ more. I want to get rid of the junk that’s keeping me from following the Lord. I want to hear about the right way to live. That’s why Christianity is called “that way” in the book of Acts (Acts 19:9). Christians are the only people I know that can come down to an altar and weep their eyes out, feel like dirt and then walk home excited and believing that God is wonderful and life is good! God’s Word has a wonderful way of speaking to us.
One of the best things to do as you establish family rules is to do so early (when you “awake” as Solomon says here). We should make a family constitution at the “awakening” of our marriage (wedding) or at the “awakening” of having children. Having family Bible time in the morning (when you awake), several days a week, was always a great time for us to establish and go over these family rules. You might say, “I don’t think we need more rules.” I would agree that we don’t need more meaningless codes. What we do need, however, is a core “curriculum” as it were, to keep us all going in the same direction.
In a furniture store, I once saw a nice wall decoration that had the words “Family Rules” on it printed in a nice decorative way. It was handsomely done with some good insights. It did not contain any Christian values, nor was it the most important truths for a family, however the decoration brought up a wonderful concept to me, and that is to keep your “constitution” visible. It would be good if every family would decide on and then purchase or make a Family Rules sign. As we come up with these family rules they must be:
First-Religious. Notice the thought here in verse 20, “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:” The word “law” is the word Torah in the Hebrew language. The Torah usually refers to the first five books of the Bible – the law. This certainly implies that a father’s and mother’s words, directions and principles are on the same page, and that page is Biblically-based. The firm stand of every Christian home should be, “The principles of this family are Christ centered. All we do and say is for the glory of God. In this home, Christ is Lord. In this home, Christ is the head. In this home, the Bible is the final authority.” What is the final authority? It’s the Word of God! Our home is established on the commandments and the laws as contained in the Bible.
It seems that more and more in today’s world, we find young people not listening to parents. I think one reason they don’t listen to parents is because parents don’t command attention. When Samuel in the Old Testament spoke, it says, “And Samuel grew, and the Lord was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground” (1 Sam. 3:19). This is what I desire when I speak to my children, I don’t want my words to fall to the ground. I don’t want them to be brushed off as though they mean nothing. When I talk to my sons and my daughters, I am praying that they’re going to listen. Children and youth listen when we speak Bible-based words in our home.
The father’s words are “commands”, and the mother’s words are “laws.” We’re not talking about just “preferences” here. We’re talking about someone who speaks the Word of the Lord. Biblically-based commands are ones that are going to get the job done. Parents ought to know the Bible so that the words that they speak, though they are not exactly word for word what the Bible says, are based on Scriptural truths. Some commentaries have suggested that the use of two different Hebrew words, “commandment” (precepts) and “law” (instruction), may suggest that the father’s role is to be more principle oriented and the mother’s words might be more practical and individualized – a great thought. I know this much for sure, that whatever we do, our commands must be Biblical. For example: In my home, we do church, that’s just what we do. We don’t wake up on Sunday mornings and say, “I wonder if we should go?” We don’t look at each other on Sunday afternoons and say, “Do you want to go back tonight?” We do church. Never once did my children say on Sunday night, “Can I stay home tonight and watch TV?” Not once! Because they already knew dad’s answer!
True religion should be parentally initiated. There is a blight of child-centered education nowadays. We can see in these verses that it ought to be the parents command. The Bible doesn’t say to, “keep the children’s commands.” It’s not, “keep the teenagers commands.” These fearful public school Administrators who let the teenagers establish the rules, are just plain cuckoo! I can remember being in a progressive class as a child in public school, and our teacher somehow was sold on the idea of having a democratic society in the classroom, the result – chaos! The classes that were traditional and solid offered a much better education. We simply cannot allow the children and youth in our home to make their own rules.
One of the things I’ve said to our children over the years when they don’t keep doing what I asked was, “You don’t get to rewrite the rules.” There may be some additional information that I need to know so that we can adjust some things of course, and that’s fine. And there certainly ought to be an appeal process for those occasions. But that doesn’t mean the rules have changed. They’ve been spoken and that’s that. They’re the father’s commands and the laws of mom.
Family Rules Must also be Relayed. In verse 20 it states, “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:” It’s clear to me that the father has spoken the command and the mother has spoken the law: they have laid it out plainly. We can’t just assume that everybody knows the rules. I am amazed at how often that I as a father, even with all my effort, fail to communicate doctrine, principles and manners. My adult children will share something “new” they learned, and I will think to myself, “Hey, I told you that 20 years ago!” My point is this – fathers, keep laying out the commands and mothers, keep laying out the laws, clearly and relevantly.
We’re not talking about just constantly harping or nit-picking. We’re talking about principles that seem to rise above the others. God had about six hundred laws in the Bible. However, when it came to putting some on a sign, He only chose ten. By the way, the “Ten Commandments” are a pretty good set of family rules! The point is, laying out commands publicly, is vital. Relaying is actually more than even just speaking them. We must show them how. We must physically demonstrate and model what we are requesting. Then, we must come back and follow up to commend or instruct further. Speak it, show it, and then follow it! Follow it until a pattern is established. Character is the subconscious doing of right. It’s the default setting of our moral conscience. When you find children who have character and are polite consistently, it is because somebody is working with them. Manners don’t come naturally! Parenting is a big challenge, but I will say this, it is an even bigger challenge not to teach, and then to have to deal with the problems afterwards.
Finally, family rules should be Repeated. Notice how Solomon says to, “Bind them continually upon thine heart…” God is speaking to those under authority and saying, “you have a responsibility to obey until it comes from the heart.” Members of a family need to get their hearts right. There needs to be internal power that follows these rules. Notice it also says, “to tie them about thy neck.” Not only are we to have internal obeying of the rules but also, we should have external means of reminding us about them.
Here I am, a pastor trying to serve the Lord, and after all these years I still have to give myself reminders to be a good Christian, husband and father! Thank God for iPhone’s and calendars – they have so many reminder mechanisms. We ought to have reminders every day: at 10 o’clock it’s time to pray for the power of God, at 11 o’clock it’s time to pray for my wife, at 12 o’clock it’s time to pray for my community. That is how we “bind them” (principles) into our lives. Our children are like little computers and we as parents are just programming them. It’s true they should be doing right from their heart, but the word here is about external reminders. God said to put the rules on your walls and doorposts. Jewish homes to this day have a little insignia of Old Testament scriptures as they enter the house.
You might say, “Am I supposed to constantly be harping on them?” No, I’m not saying parents should sound like a broken record. Way back “in the day” we would take vinyl records and put them on a player and drop the needle in place and it would begin to play. But every once in a while the vinyl record would get stuck. You would be sitting there enjoying the music, when it would start to repeat over and over at the same place! Parents shouldn’t be a broken record, but rather a repeating record. You might ask, “How do I repeat?” Here’s how; you repeat it like a coach does. Develop one-liners that are basics for life. You are not harping on them, but rather giving them principles that stick in their brain because they have heard it repeated so often that it has almost become part of their DNA!
Our children know that there are certain things that are important to Dad or Mom, guidelines that keep coming to the surface. Things that are just part of who we are. The following is our list of our basic family rules:
15 Pollock Family Rules
#1 Love Jesus – Spend time in prayer, walk with God, defend Jesus, and be loyal to the kingdom of God.
#2 Read your Bible – Every day. No Bible, No Breakfast.
#3 Do right – Never violate any scripture.
#4 Go to church- It’s never an if.
#5 Love each other – Look for tangible ways to express love.
#6 Have a plan- Plan your work then work your plan.
#7 Work hard – Don’t do anything halfway.
#8 Speak kindly – To each other and about others.
#9 Be a blessing – Look for ways to serve somebody.
#10 Keep your promises – Do what you say and if you can’t, you must say something about it.
#11 Be respectful – Respect people’s successes, age, or someone who has position.
#12 Have manners – Burping to express your satisfaction for a meal might be ok if you live in Bohemia, but we don’t live in Bohemia, so no potty talk.
#13 Obey your parents – When children are young, parents direct almost every step of life. I thanked God when our children got past that stage and I was able to move into more of a coaching style. Yet even as their self-government increases sons and daughters need to follow the family principles until they are on their own.
#14 Smile – Don’t make us pay because you’re having a bad day. Don’t sour this family because of your bad attitude. Smiling even when you’re not happy is a ministry. We do it because God is good and because it blesses people.
#15 Tell others about Christ – Always share by word or print, what God is doing and the gospel.
