John 21:1-19
Can You Forgive Yourself?
Self-forgiveness is the big rage in pop psychology today. I did a quick search on Amazon.com this week, and came up with over 12,000 hits on the subject of self-forgiveness. Yet, the interesting thing is, the Bible has absolutely no mention of it at all! There are no verses telling us we need to forgive ourselves. Sure, there is the second great commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” which implies some self-love and self-care. And yet the whole of the biblical message seems to be to deny yourself, to focus on God and others and to practice humility—not by thinking less of yourself, but by thinking of yourself … less.
But don’t we struggle with something like self-forgiveness? We’ve all had those moments when we’ve absolutely cringed over what we said or did, or didn’t say or didn’t do. We know we were wrong. We’ve talked to God about it. We’ve admitted it, confessed it, and received God’s forgiveness. And yet sometimes something still lingers on in our conscience, casting blame deep down inside, telling us we are worthless, that we no longer matter to God, that he really hasn’t forgiven us. We know we’re forgiven, but we still punish ourselves. How will we ever find forgiveness?
A Veteran shared with my moral injury group about an unauthorized personal revenge mission prompting him to flee the military for fear of discovery. He turned to forty years of mechanic work to avoid thinking about it, that is, until his recent retirement left him all the time in the world to think. He never lost faith in God but he was certain God had lost faith in him. He knew in his mind that God had forgiven him, but he was having trouble allowing the message to soak into the core of his being.
I’ll suggest to you from Peter’s story that we find our forgiveness—including any notion of self-forgiveness—in God. As we bask in God’s forgiving love, we will be able to let go of those pesky regrets and persistent doubts, and finally accept ourselves again, as creatures who are flawed but still precious in God’s sight.
Today we’re looking at the second half of Peter’s story of betrayal and forgiveness. The story begins right after Jesus’ arrest. Peter follows at a distance and finds himself at the outer courtyard of the Jewish high priest. After all his bravado earlier, with comments like, “I’ll stay with you to the death!”, Peter now finds himself doing exactly what Jesus predicted he would do. When asked if he knows this Jesus who is on trial, Peter takes the safe way out and denies knowing his Lord, not once, not twice, but three times. And then the cock crows, and Peter catches Jesus’ glance from across the courtyard, and Peter remembers. His failure must have overwhelmed him, as he contemplates how he—like Judas—has betrayed his Lord. We don’t see much of Peter in scripture for the next couple of days. He is conspicuously absent at the cross, along with most of the other disciples. Only the Apostle John and Mary the mother of Jesus and some other women stay by Jesus’ side. On Sunday morning, that first Easter, Peter is back, along with John, racing to the tomb after Mary Magdalene announces it empty.
Now fast forward a week later. Jesus has appeared to the disciples, but not to Peter individually. Now Jesus shows up as a stranger on the coastline throwing out some unsolicited advice to expert fishermen. His guidance leads to an enormous catch—John notes it as 153 large fish! John identifies the stranger as Jesus, at which point the always impulsive Peter dives in and swims to shore.
After breakfast Peter and Jesus have a little 1-on-1 where Jesus questions Peter’s devotion to him and Peter answers in the affirmative. William Swartley describes the interchange as “both gut-wrenching and soul-redeeming, a story of God’s graciousness and Jesus’s forgiving love.”
Note how Jesus sets the stage: three denials before, and now three questions of Peter’s love; a charcoal fire in the servant’s area of the High Priest and a charcoal fire on the seashore. Did you know that these two occurrences are the only mentions of a “charcoal fire” in scripture? Do you think Jesus might have been making a point? He has brought Peter right back to the setting of the betrayal, but this time with an important twist: As Peter affirms his love, Jesus challenges him to serve. As we said a few weeks ago, true love acts, true love serves.
The message to Peter is unmistakable: “Not only do I forgive you,” Jesus says, “but I have important work for you to do. The time for pity parties is over. Get off the bench and back in the game!” Jesus restores Peter to his team.
So to answer the question of our sermon today: “Can you forgive yourself?” Biblically, no. God forgives your sin, and you are to forgive others, but the Bible never tells you to forgive yourself. But you can let Jesus’ forgiveness wash over you until you finally believe it, until it sinks in, until you know without a doubt that Jesus forgives you, and even gives you new ways to serve him.
Think about this: If you have honestly brought all your sin to the foot of the cross, given it to Jesus, and repented of it—i.e., turned the other direction vowing with God’s help to do it no more—then where do you think those messages of guilt are coming from? Not from God! He promises to throw your sin into the deepest ocean, to remove it from you as far as the east is from the west, to choose to … remember it no more! Your guilt is not from God. It comes from the evil one, who would love to see you wallow about helplessly in your guilt and shame, thus robbing you of joy and rendering your testimony worthless. So stop buying it! Once you confess and repent of your sin, act on faith as if you’re forgiven, because God says you are!
Do consequences from our sin remain after we’re forgiven? Sure! Even though God forgives us, he doesn’t necessarily remove all the consequences. He forgave Adam and Eve but still made them leave the garden, work hard, start aging, and have babies in pain. Sometimes our sin might damage a relationship or remove an opportunity or ruin our health. For Peter, he had to live with today’s story recorded in scripture, most likely with his humble consent. It must have been embarrassing for all to know how quickly he turned to self-preservation mode. But his story is important because we can identify with him. We also seek self-preservation. And Peter’s story gives us hope of forgiveness, hope of recovery from guilt and shame and a healthy shift to serving God by serving others.
Peter could have been like Judas, you know. He could have allowed himself to be so full of sorrow and remorse that he went out and committed suicide. But he didn’t. Even when he was full of shame, Peter kept coming back to Jesus. And that’s what we need to do, when we’re overwhelmed with guilt and shame: come back to Jesus. Peter is kind of like that Prodigal Son we talked about a few weeks ago: Even though he knew he didn’t deserve it, he came home to ask for a hired hand position. But what did the father do in that story? He rushed out to meet his son; he gave him a big bear-hug; he put a ring on his finger, a robe on his shoulders, and sandals on his feet; he threw a big barbeque for his son, because that son was lost but now he’s found; he was dead but now he’s alive.
What about you? Jesus’ last words to Peter in today’s story are simply, “Follow me!” The US Army Infantry motto! And Peter did follow Jesus, all the way to an eventual death on the cross himself. This scripture points to that manner of death, when Jesus talks of Peter spreading out his arms when he is old. Peter followed Jesus to the end of this earthly life and into heaven itself.
Are you ready to follow Jesus, regardless of the price? Are you ready to be accepted by One who recognizes you as flawed but precious? Are you ready for him to forgive all your sin and put you back into service? Let’s pray about it.
Heavenly Father, we are humbled by Peter’s story. We find ourselves in it, as we contemplate the failures in our own lives. Yet, you are a God who consistently uses flawed people to do your work, from angry Moses, to prideful Joseph, to scared Esther, to timid Gideon to us today. God, you used them all, despite their flaws. Use us, Lord. Forgive us as we bring our sin to you, and help us to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are forgiven and called to serve out of our brokenness, relying on your Holy Spirit power, in Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
