SOME IMPORTANT INGREDIENTS FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
2 KINGS 4:8-25 8 One day Elisha went to Shunem. And a well-to-do woman was there, who urged him to stay for a meal. So whenever he came by, he stopped there to eat. 9 She said to her husband, “I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God. 10 Let’s make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us.” 11 One day when Elisha came, he went up to his room and lay down there. 12 He said to his servant Gehazi, “Call the Shunammite.” So he called her, and she stood before him. 13 Elisha said to him, “Tell her, ‘You have gone to all this trouble for us. Now what can be done for you? Can we speak on your behalf to the king or the commander of the army?’” She replied, “I have a home among my own people.” 14 “What can be done for her?” Elisha asked. Gehazi said, “She has no son, and her husband is old.” 15 Then Elisha said, “Call her.” So he called her, and she stood in the doorway. 16 “About this time next year,” Elisha said, “you will hold a son in your arms.” “No, my lord!” she objected. “Please, man of God, don’t mislead your servant!” 17 But the woman became pregnant, and the next year about that same time she gave birth to a son, just as Elisha had told her. 18 The child grew, and one day he went out to his father, who was with the reapers. 19 He said to his father, “My head! My head!” His father told a servant, “Carry him to his mother.” 20 After the servant had lifted him up and carried him to his mother, the boy sat on her lap until noon, and then he died. 21 She went up and laid him on the bed of the man of God, then shut the door and went out. 22 She called her husband and said, “Please send me one of the servants and a donkey so I can go to the man of God quickly and return.” 23 “Why go to him today?” he asked. “It’s not the New Moon or the Sabbath.” “That’s all right,” she said. 24 She saddled the donkey and said to her servant, “Lead on; don’t slow down for me unless I tell you.” 25 So she set out and came to the man of God at Mount Carmel.
INTRODUCTION
Illustration: John 4:18 (You Have Had 5 Husbands) & 1 John 4:18 (There Is Fear In Love For Perfect Love Casts Out Fear. The History Of Valentine: "Valentinus was the name of a young man who lived in Rome during reign of Claudius II when Christians were being persecuted. Although he was not a Christian, he helped them, but he was caught and put into prison. In prison he became a believer in Jesus. Because of this, Valentinus was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs, stoned and finally beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate on February 14, 269. After his death, this gate was known as Porta Valentini. While he was in prison he sent messages to his friends saying, "Remember your Valentine!" and "I love you." So Valentine’s Day like Halloween has Christian beginnings, but the world has simply commercialized them like it is trying to do with Easter and Christmas as well. Valentine’s Day is intended to celebrate our love for our friends, spouses and families. Do you know that you are God’s Valentine every day?
The Bible Has A Lot Of Love Stories But This Passage Does Not Appear To Be One Of Them – But It Is: Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine. Song of Solomon 2:3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. Song of Solomon 2:4 He brought me to the banqueting table, and his banner over me was love. Song of Solomon 4:5 Your two breasts are like two young twin deer which feed among the flowers. Song of Solomon 2:6 I can feel his left hand under my head and his right hand embraces me! Song of Solomon 2:2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women. Samson & Delilah, Adam & Eve, Isaac & Rebekah, David & Bathsheba, David & Abigail, Jacob & Rachel & Leah, Abraham & Sarah, Aquila & Priscilla, Ananias & Sapphira, Mary & Joseph, Zechariah & Elizabeth, Hosea & prostitute Gomer, Ahab & Jezebel, etc.
4 TYPES OF LOVE WE SEE IN THE BIBLE
In the Bible, at least 4 Greek words translated as the English word ‘love’. Each is different:
1. Eros: Refers to sexual or romantic love between two individuals.
2. Storge: Signifies the natural affection between relations – fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters.
3. Phileo: The emotion that one Christian must have for another Christian – brotherly love.
4. Agape: Selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the 4 types of love in the Bible. Generally means to love the undeserving, despite disappointment and rejection.
INGREDIENTS FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE FROM THE PASSAGE
You Have Probably Heard Preaching On This Passage. It is famous more for how God used Prophet Elisha to raise the son of the Shunamite couple from the dead than for the great relationship between the Shunamite couple. If not for this great relationship between man and wife, the devil would have stolen their son from them. What made this Shunamite couple exemplary?
1. The Woman Has The Money But Does Not Control The Home (V. 8): We can read this passage many ways but the Bible says she was a well-to-do woman meaning she was the rich one and had the money. Unlike Nabal, she did not use her wealth to abuse her spouse. Wealth can drive couples apart if they are not careful how they use them. Illustration: My Wife Told Me To Stand Here.
2. Jealousy Is Not An Issue In Their Home (V. 8, 21-23): This woman of substance asked Elisha to come in and eat, built him a room in their home. Her husband did not know him. Then on the death of her boy, informed her husband that she was going to see Elisha first, never told husband the son was dead. If you were the husband, you would probably question her fidelity at this critical moment. You would probably ask why she was going to see the prophet instead of taking the dead boy to the hospital. You would probably exhibit some jealousy which the Bible says is as cruel as the grave and its flames are flames of fire. Some characteristics of a grave are that it is always devouring, it decomposes and destroys. There are many graveyards filled with marriages murdered by jealousy. Jealousy turns conversations into inquisitions. If the Shunamite man had questioned the integrity of his wife, she probably would not be able to get to Elisha and they would have lost the child.
3. They Trusted Each Other (V. 21-23): The Shunamite man trusted his wife enough to let her go to see Elisha without asking for details, even when their son was dead. I know many of us want ALL the details ALL of the time before we take decisions. If Abraham waited for details he wouldn’t have left his country like God asked him to. If Peter waited for details he wouldn’t have walked on water. If Ezekiel waited for details he wouldn’t have been able to prophesize on the dry bones. If Samuel had waited for details he wouldn’t have ordained David as king. Trust is weightier than details, just like grace is weightier than the law. Woman trust your husband, even when you can’t trace him. Trust your husband even when you can tell for sure where he is at a particular time. You need to praise him, even when you can’t trace him. You need to defend him, even if you are unsure of the details of his whereabouts. Husband, your default mode should be that of trust, even if your wife talks too much. And the church said: Amen.
4. They Were A Very Hospitable Couple (V. 8-10): What did this couple do? The woman invited Elisha over for a meal without talking to her husband about it. Then she suggested that they build a house for the man of God. Amazing. The man agreed. Some couples feel that if it is not their idea, then they should argue about it though they know it is the right idea. Some couples are very mean. When last did you invite someone over? They are too busy to have people over or to go out to eat with anyone. They do not give neither are involved in projects that helped others.
5. The Shunamite Man Was A Leader, Not A Boss (V. 8-25): A leader is aware that his success can be measured by the success of his team. A boss wants to control every action of team members. A leader knows his team is in harmony when he leads by example, while a boss leads by coercion. A woman wants a leader not a boss, a leader who knows who he is, where he is going and how he is going to get there. She wants a man with confidence in himself and in her, to believe in her to know her worth, a man who believes in their relationship. She wants him to lead her and the children with compassion. She wants him to be firm and gentle. She wants him to consult God and her before any major decisions are made. Flexibility to let his wife do things. She is smart and sensitive and know what to do in crises. Illustration: Come From Under Bed & Fight Like A Man.
6. There Was Mutual Respect In Their Home (V. 22-25): Respect can be defined as ‘to feel or show honor for, to think highly of, or to look up to, to have regard and to be thoughtful of, to show consideration and concern for another individual’. Note how the woman addressed her husband in verse 22 of 2 Kings 4: Then she called to her husband, and said, “Please send me one of the young men and one of the donkeys, that I may run to the man of God and come back.” Even though she was rich, and successful, she respected him enough to consult him, addressed him politely. There are many career women in the church today with more regard for their careers than their husbands. The devil is a liar! Despite the tribulations they were facing, she was calm. If it were you how would you have reacted?
7. Their Problem Is Not Written Over Their Faces (V. 11-16): Couples must learn to carry their problems on their inside and in their homes. Do not think that by telling outsiders that they will feel sorry for you. This couple had a problem but did not advertise it. The servant noticed it and told Elisha. Even when her child dies on her lap, she is distraught but acts in faith, not erratically. Many couples are sooner destroyed when they face problems.
8. They Were A Couple Of Godly Contentment: 2 Kings 4:13 And he said unto him, Say now unto her, Behold, thou hast been careful for us with all this care; what is to be done for thee? wouldest thou be spoken for to the king, or to the captain of the host? And she answered, I dwell among mine own people. Contentment makes a difference between a good mom and a great mom. One that covets won’t give anything away. 1 Timothy 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. 9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. 10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. She would never have been given a child had she been willing to accept a financial alternative in response to Elisha’s question. Many women would have asked for a career or for money.
9. The Woman Was Contented With Her Old Husband’s Sexual Weaknesses (V. 14): The Servant noticed that the man was very old. The underlying meaning here is that he was not that sexually strong. Some even surmised that he was sexually dead. Such a rich woman with such a dead husband is not a match in our days. But she did her duty as a wife in whatever way and God blessed them the following year. Work with what you have in your marriage and let God do the rest. When Hebrews 11 talks about “women receiving their dead back to life”, she is one of such.
10. They Were Good Communicators (V. 8-25): They understand and respect each other. We are in a high tech age where all sorts of communication devices are being invented. It is the age of the blackberry, the age of sophisticated mobile phones, of satellite navigators, of broad band, of fiber optic lines, of Bluetooth, and the likes, an age where you can carry huge volumes of information in the palm of your hands. While there is progress in communication gadgets, there is retrogression in the area of face-to-face communication in the home. Today, a man is finding it increasingly difficult to talk to his wife across the breakfast table, while a woman can’t hold a two minute discussion with her husband. Communication is the lifeline of any marriage. Amos 3:3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? Communication breeds agreement. Prayers are hindered if you are not in agreement with each other (1 Peter 3:7).
11. The Woman Knew How To Deal With Storm (V. 18-20). Her son that she was promised died. Have you ever felt like God gave you something and then took it away? This happens all the time. But we need to learn by the example of this woman. She kept the Faith (Vs.21-24). She did not lay the body of her son in his bed. She did not take him and put him in her bed. She did not call the undertaker. She placed him in the bed of the one that had promised him thus showing her faith. We also need to take our problems to God also. We need to put our faith in Him. God will never bring you to it without making a way for you to get through it. She kept her faith even through hard circumstances. (Vs.23). When her circumstances around her looked grim, she still said, “It is well”. She didn’t let her circumstances slow her down (V. 24). She kept on going. Often times when things go bad, we lose faith. Do like Paul says and press on. Keep our faith.
12. Even When They Lost Everything, They Still Hold To Each Other And God (2 Kings 8:1-6): When there is a famine, Elisha asks the lady and her husband to leave Israel and she goes to the land of the Philistines. People take over her land and property. After the famine, they come back and have no possession. Because of what she did for Elisha, the King restored her land back to her with interest. A family that invests in God cannot lack. But it takes a sensitive heart to God and His Word to make that happen. Let God come first… This leads to the final statement.
13. The Couple Loved God And Honored Him: We are in a world that says take care of yourself first. Humanism says you are Number 1. The New Age Movement says we too are gods. All we have to do is work hard at it. Well, let us keep on dreaming about who and what we are when we cannot even find a missing plane in the ocean. We must put God first in everything. His grace carries us. The woman and her husband honored God. They sacrificed and built a place for the man of God. Thus they were given a child. When the devil touched their gift, they went right back to the maker. The presence of God in your marriage does not mean it will be easy but it will work. The Song: “It Is Well” comes from here.
CONCLUSION: MARRIAGE KILLERS
Marriage Is Not Just About Finding The Right Mate, It Is About Being The Right Mate.
1. Marriage Killer #1: Over-Commitment To Your Job And Physical Exhaustion.
2. Marriage Killer #2: Selfishness And Immaturity. Marriage Is Not A 50-50. It Is Giving 100%.
3. Marriage Killer #3: Spiritual Disobedience.
4. Marriage Killer #4: Ineffective Conflict Resolution.
5. Marriage Killer #5: Unrealistic Expectations. 100% Of Marriages Are Imperfect?
6. Marriage Killer #6: Alcohol Or Substance Abuse.
7. Marriage Killer #7: Excessive Debt And Overspending.
8. Marriage Killer #8: A Lack Of Physical Intimacy.
9. Marriage Killer #9: Pornography.
10. Marriage Killer #10: Lack Of Commitment.
CONCLUSION: THE 15 QUALITIES OF LOVE (1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8)
1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.
INTERCESSORY PRAYERS
Prayer For Sick Relationships. Life Support Relationships. Brain Dead Relationships. Comatose Relationships. Dead Relationships. Unhealthy Relationships. No Relationships. Too Much Relationships. Jealous Relationships. Abusive Relationships. Starving Relationships. Conflict Relationships. Unchristian Relationships. Broken Communication Relationships. Failed Relationships. Materialistic Relationships. Power Struggle Relationships. Selfish Relationships. Poisoned Relationships. Uncertain Relationships. Visionless Relationships. Pretending Relationships. Good Christian Relationships Where We Will Be Ready To Work Together To Change Things Around.
