Divine Guidelines for Marriage – Part I
Chuck Brooks, Pastor-Teacher, GraceWay Church February 14, 2016
Today, all across the world, biblical marriage is in the state of being abolished and decimated. Historically, marriage was considered the union between a man and a woman for life and the violation of the marital vow was considered by many cultures as a serious crime. Many cultures considered adultery as a very serious crime and incurred a severe penalty or punishment.
But many countries, especially those in the West, have changed their perspective on marriage and infidelity and although adultery may still have legal consequences, particularly in divorce cases, there is no punishment and social shame associated with it.
As of 2012, adultery was still illegal in 23 states although it is rarely enforced and fornication is still a crime in a couple dozen states and even more when it comes to having sex with a minor but there are those who are seeking to strike down those laws.
And most of us know of the Supreme Court’s ruling on June 26 or 2015 that orders States to allow same-sex marriage.
Yet people continue to want to get married so what is the church supposed to do? Marry people according to the dictates of the people and of the courts and of the States? Last time when we looked at worship we learned that God requires that we worship Him on His terms and it is the same way when it comes to marriage. We need to know that marriage is not a civil institution created by man; marriage is something that God created and ordained…He is the Architect and Designer who wrote the blue prints for marriage.
The Bible says in Genesis chapter two:
Gen 2:21 And Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof:
Gen 2:22 and the rib, which Yahweh God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
Gen 2:23 And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
In verse 24 we find God conducting the first marriage ceremony:
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Just in case you think that this was something that was restricted to those under the Old Covenant, Jesus reaffirms this idea of marriage in Matthew 19:5-6 and tightens it up a bit (He is God and can do things like that):
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
And dare we think that this was just a Jewish thing, Paul writes to the Gentile church in Ephesians chapter five and affirms the truth that Jesus taught:
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” (vs 31)
But then Paul, under the inspiration and direction of God the Holy Spirit, adds to this idea in verse 32: “This mystery is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church.”
Paul uses the word “mystery”. If you are familiar with Paul’s use of this word in his epistles you would know that he is using the Greek word musterion, (moos-tay'-ree-on) which is referring to a truth or a “sacred secret” that was hidden in times past but now made know through revelation to the church. It is truth, that has now been manifested to God’s saints, was hidden from the past ages and generations, namely the Old Testament era and people.
The truth concerning the church was hidden in the Old Testament. What was it about marriage that was hidden in the Old Testament? The truth that was hidden was that marriage was a picture of Christ and His bride the church. This mystery was revealed in the words of Paul to the wife and husband in Ephesians chapter five:
Eph 5:21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Eph 5:24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Eph 5:26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
Eph 5:27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
Eph 5:30 because we are members of his body.
Eph 5:31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
Eph 5:32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Eph 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
So when you get married you are supposed to be a reflection of this picture…Christ loving His bride the church and the church honoring and reverencing Christ as her Bridegroom!
And whether you know it or not you have this image-expectation built in you if you have a desire for marriage:
The woman longs for a “Prince Charming” to come in riding his white stallion and whisk her off her feet…loving her and cherishing her. By the way women, there is a picture of Jesus doing just that in Revelations 19:11 where it says, “Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war.”
The man longs for a beautiful woman who is chaste and pure so that he can pursue her and woe her and win her…a woman who will reverence him and respect him. We see this image of the woman in Ephesians as the Bride of Christ who reverences her husband. We see this picture of the wife in 1 Peter 3, the woman who willingly placed herself under her husband’s authority.
If you want to get married, you have this image-expectation in you unless you have let your mind and heart become defiled by the world’s distorted depiction of romance and marriage (We will talk about that in another message).
But in today’s church as well as society you have singles who want to get in marriage and married couples who want to get out of marriage. So I will first talk to the singles and as I talk to the singles, there will be some truths that will be invaluable to the married folk.
I made lots of mistakes after I became a Christian and before I got married but I would like to share with you two of the major mistakes I made.
1.) The first mistake I made was that I started out looking for the right woman. I was consumed with looking for the right woman. Every relationship I got into I was always wondering if she “was the one.” I would size her up and down and imagine that this woman was my wife. This didn’t happen too many times because I didn’t get into many serious relationships before I got married.
2.) The second mistake I made was that I was looking to get married. I sold my fire-engine-red 1974 souped up Chevy Nova for a four-door, gray-colored Ford Granada because I said, if I was going to get married I had to have a four-door for my family.
There were a few people in my life that served as my mentors and I always would take the “candidates” to them for an evaluation. If they passed my mentor’s test (which few did) I would let my mother meet them as well.
Those were my mistakes: I was looking for the right woman and I was looking to get married until I heard a message from a radio preacher, pastor or friend (I can remember). The message was based on a passage of Scripture found in Genesis 2:19-22:
Gen 2:19 The LORD God had formed all the wild animals and all the birds out of the ground. Then he brought them to the man to see what he would call them. Whatever the man called each creature became its name.
Gen 2:20 So the man named all the domestic animals, all the birds, and all the wild animals. But the man found no helper who was right for him.
Gen 2:21 So the LORD God caused him to fall into a deep sleep. While the man was sleeping, the LORD God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.
Gen 2:22 Then the LORD God formed a woman from the rib that he had taken from the man. He brought her to the man.
Before Adam got married to Eve, he was minding the Lord’s business. He was fulling the command of the Lord to “subdue the earth”. God gave Adam an assignment and he was in the process of fulfilling it when God saw that he was ready for Eve. In fact, God gave Adam the assignment of naming the animals, the male and the females so that he would come to the realization that he didn’t have a female counterpart.
The rest is history, God put Adam to sleep, did some surgery and created Eve. Adam awakened from his sleep and looked up and saw his bride.
This is what happened to me. I made up my mind to start attending church and jump headlong into ministry. I was appointed at 20 years of age as the Superintendent of the Central Baptist Church Sunday School. I was appointed as an assistant scout master of a Boy Scout troupe that was active at this church and I joined the choir and the young adult ministry, among other things.
Just as sure as it happened to Adam, one day I looked up and saw Debbie! Here is the difference between the old Chuck and the new Chuck: The old Chuck was looking for a wife and looking to get married. The new Chuck was looking to please the Lord and to fulfill the ministry tasks that was assigned to him. The new Chuck followed the principal of Scripture that says in Matthew 6:33, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.”
In other words, rather than seeking to find the right person, I sought to become the right person. If you’re not the right person, you’ll never meet the right partner. So instead of looking for the right girl, start being the right man. And, women, instead of looking for the right man, start being the right woman – and then the right man will recognize the right woman.
And how hypocritical men are these days who want a woman who is chaste and pure yet they, themselves are running around jumping in bed with as many women as they possibly can. And many women today are just as hypocritical. They want a man who is faithful yet, they are unwilling to save themselves for him.
Singleness is a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7) and if you have a desire to get married and having difficulty controlling your desires, then singleness is not for you. This is what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians chapter 7:
1Co 7:7 I would like everyone to be like me. However, each person has a special gift from God, and these gifts vary from person to person.
1Co 7:8 I say to those who are not married, especially to widows: It is good for you to stay single like me.
1Co 7:9 However, if you cannot control your desires, you should get married. It is better for you to marry than to burn with sexual desire.
How can I, as a single person who is waiting for the fulfillment of my physical desire, waiting for the right mate, how can I control myself?
Number one would be channel your energy through physical work and spiritual service. Redirect yourself to good physical work and spiritual service. This gives your energy an outlet.
Secondly, don’t seek to be married, seek to love and let marriage come as a response. People who are always wanting to get married will marry the wrong person more often than not. But people who are seeking to find the fulfillment of love will marry the person they fall in love with. Don’t seek to get married. You know, that’s when you go out and you go home, and immediately you take out your notes – let’s see, A on this one, and B on this one, and C on this – you check them off, see. “Well, he’s close enough; I’ll take him if he asks,” see. What you’re doing, you see, is you’re letting marriage be the issue rather than the right person becoming the issue. Seek to be loved and to love, not to be married. Don’t worry; marriage will take care of itself.
Thirdly, let go of a sex-mad, adulterous world. And what I mean by that is watch what you absorb of the system.
Fourthly, program your mind with divine realities – program your mind. It’s amazing, but your behavior is a direct result of the programming of your mind with divine truth.
Fifth, recognize that for now God has chosen for you to live without sex; and recognize this: “there’s no temptation that has taken you but such is as common to man. God is faithful, will not allow you to be tempted” – what – “above that you’re able, but will with the temptation make” – what – “a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”
Sixth, avoid potentially dangerous situations. That’s like Joseph; he just ran.
Seventh, thank and praise God for the state you’re in, and be content.
You have to approach it from these standpoints. All right, Paul then says, “If you’re single, great. If you can’t handle it, get married.” So there is not command that everybody has to marry, or that spirituality is being single. No.
