“The Perversion of Love”
The Abused
• This morning I want to preach a sermon to shed a different light on why Jesus came to die on a Cross for sin!
II Sam 13:6-
So Amnon lay down, and pretended to be ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Pray let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” 7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out every one from me.” So every one went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her, and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me; for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this wanton folly.
• I would rather people hear the truth from the pulpit than to buy into a lie from the world! X 2
• As we are in the midst of the season of Lent; I was asked why would I deal with such a story. Because Lent is all about making preparation in receiving.
• But Church it is imperative that we not only make preparation to receive Christ as the Church, but we seek to prepare ourselves to receive the brokenness of people whose idea of love is so perverted.
• It is really important to catch this thought this morning.
• It is so difficult for anyone who has been the subjected to the abuse at the hand or hands of a man to be able to conceive the idea that Jesus being a man would be anything different.
• JB Phillips wrote a book entitled “Your God is to Small” and in the book he says somethething that is so prolific. He said “The way that you view your earthly father is the same as you will view your Heavenly Father.”
• If your father was distant,then your Heavenly Father is distant
If your father was condemning, then God will be condemning
If your father was angry, then God is always angry
If your father was verbally, physically or sexually abusive
The God’s way of relating to you will follow suit!
• And you will react the same way towards your Heavenly Father because it is an involatary response
• But this morning, you can be healed from the wounds of being abused because Jesus went to the Cross of Calvary to die for the sins of man both the sins we commit and the sins committed against us.
• We as the church need to be prepared in how we receive people in a broken world! I believe that God wants to “pull the veil back” and allow us to see the brokenness and perversion of what the world identifies as love that exists in the lives of people. And we as the church need to learn how speak to them and make connection that reveals the real love of Christ that was demonstrated on the Cross of Calvary.
• 5 Identities: Jon-adab; Ammon; Tamar; David, and Absalom
• This morning I want to deal with Tamar- The Abused
II Sam 13:11-12
But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her, and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me; for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this wanton folly.
• Church; this is some heavy stuff. But whether we like it or not; this is God’s Word; and God speaks to the issues at hand whether it is uncomfortable or not. This is the message of the Gospel, this is why Jesus had to die for sin
• The uncanny truth here is that Jesus was present in the Old Testament, His sacrifice was made available in the NT, and Jesus is still relevant for the sin committed today.
God want us to respond to those that have been abused by…..
1.) Listening to the No!
• She said “NO!!!!!” x3
• According to The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network: 44% of victims so sexual assault happen to those who are 18 years old and younger. 80% are under the age of 30. Every 107 seconds someone is sexually assaulted; 293,000 people are as assaulted every year; 68% of sexual assaults are never reported to police; 98% of perpetrators never spend a night or day in jail; 4/5 assaults are committed by people that the victims know and 47% of rapists are a friend, family member or acquaintance.
• This is a present reality in the life of the Church
• In the OT women were not thought of as being equal to a man, and in many cases they were seen as property primarily because of the rule of a dowry.
• A Dowry is the money or goods that the bride's family gives to her new husband when they are married. And in the ancient culture women were seen as an object rather than a person.
• But Ammon couldn’t marry his sister Tamar, and he didn’t want to. So Jonadab makes a plan, Ammon executes the plan, and Tamar is commodity of the plan.
• Listen to Tamar this morning…..
II Sam 13:12
“No, my brother, do not force me; for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this wanton folly.
• Wanton- perverse Folly- foolish act
• Tamar says “ Do not do this Perverse foolish act to me”
• Ammon didn’t love her, he saw her as an object!
• The world in which we live objectifies everything in its sight. Superbowl Commercials are the pinnacle of this act. Car advertisements – what you drive is who you are Restaurants- Objectify foods but cause overeating. Even when Beyonce sang during the SUperbowl in her Black Panther outfit she perverted the real cause of the Black Panthers and was clothed scantily which put the women watching at risk.
• On SuperBowl Night has one of the highest rate of domestic violence in the US.
• Objectification- happens when we see a person as an object for a purpose and not as a human being. That’s what pornography is all about. And it is perverted! It is a sexual assault against both men and women. It is sin!
• And Tamar says “NOOOOOOO!
• Jonadab knows it is wrong, Ammon knows it is wrong, even Tamar knows it is wrong and yet even when Tamar says NO! Ammon ignores her pleas and rapes her!
• When a woman says “NO” it means NO!!!
• But what if Tamar was not a woman, what if Tamar was a boy?
• Sexual assault, abuse or incest can happen to anyone, and that means men are included.
• Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused may have many of the same feelings and reactions as other survivors of sexual assault, but they also face some additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and masculinity.
• If something happened to you, know that you are not alone.
• Church, we have to Know how to Hear those who are saying NO!
God want us to respond to those that have been abused by…..
2.) Acknowledge to the Signs
II Sam 13:17-19
Ammon called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence, and bolt the door after her.” 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves; for thus were the virgin daughters of the king clad of old.[b] So his servant put her out, and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent the long robe which she wore; and she laid her hand on her head, and went away, crying aloud as she went.
• Church, people wear signs!
• People wear signs of abuse. When he took ahold of her I am sure she had bruises! Black eyes, busted lips and brusies are obvious. But abused people don’t go around wearing neon signs that identify how they were abused.
• Many don’t talk about it, cause its to painful or they are afraid of the one who is abusing them or afraid what you might think. So they try to hide it. But regardless the signs of abuse cannot be hidden; it will come out in some way.
• And guess where the most likely place it comes out in? It comes out in the Church. Why? Its because in many ways the Church identities itself as a spiritual family and we respond to one another out of the context in which we were raised.
• So if we have been the victim of abuse, whether it be neglect, whether it be physical, emotional and yes even sexual it is going to come out in other forms in the life of the church.
• A person that cowhers away from someone who yells at them is a sign of abuse. The yeller is a sign of a person who didn’t have a voice when they were abused. The person who talks about other people behind their back, is a person who has experienced neglect. The one who has to be right not matter how wrong, is one that has been subject to chaos and had no control of what happened in their life previously.
• We have to See to the signs!
• But if we are the sign bearers of abuse we have to be willing to see our own signs!
• I am going to do something I have never done before in 21 years of ministry. I have never publically wore my sign
• Kevin, put on your sign….Molested
• When I was 7 years old, I spent the night at my Aunt and Uncles house and one of my cousins who was much older than me did something to me that scarred me.
• Those scars affected my relationships and up until 2001 I never knew that they were affecting my relationships. Not just in my family, but it was affecting my relationship with God and His Church.
• See, I knew I had a sign. I wore this sign. But I thought I had it covered up, I thought I had buried it, but what I didn’t know is that it had created a systemic loss and that lead to my addiction to drugs, because I wanted to feel whole again.
II Sam 13:19
And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent the long robe which she wore; and she laid her hand on her head, and went away, crying aloud as she went.
• Tamar wore her sign; publically.
• The Bible doesn’t say that it happened to her again. It does tell us that Absalom took her in and Ill talk more about that next week, but Tamar was broken after her assault
• The sin of Ammon that he committed against his sister
• The sin of Jonadab in his scheming against Tamar
• The shame and brokenness that Tamar embodies
• Jesus’ heart greives for the Tamar’s of this generation
• Jesus came to live as a man, to teach us how to love one another, to receive one another, and he came to die for all sin.
• Not just the sins that we have committed. But for the sins that have been committed against us.
• Jesus died for the perverse sexual sins, the physical abuse sins, the emotional abuse sins and the effects of those sins that have so many of us bound in. Jesus said….
John 8:36
So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.
• Jesus wants to set the Church free and all that inhabit it.
• He wants to set you free from the abuse and the effects of that abuse. But you have to be willing enough to give your life to him so that He can heal you.
• Giving it to Jesus is simply telling Him about it. Giving it to Jesus is about telling someone else about it.
• If you are being abused tell me about, or someone else. I can help you get out of it, there are counselors available to help you overcome the abuse and the effects of the abuse, but you have to be willing to let Jesus. It is the first step in healing.
• Jesus wants you to take off your signs and give it to him because He died for your sighns.
• And we as the church must be willing to stand beside and encourage the sign bearers. We must be willing to hear them and listen to them. INV
