Biblical Advice On Love
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
I am going to do something today that I do not normally do. I don’t usually preach theme message. I don’t feel compelled to preach a message tied to every holiday that rolls around. I believe that Bible exposition is the way to go. But today, given that Valentine’s Day falls on Sunday, I thought I preach on the “Biblical Advice On Love.”
The thirteenth chapter of Corinthians is the finest description of love that exists. And although 1 Corinth-ians 13, in what is often called “The Love Chapter” - the love that is being described is not romantic love. The New Testament was written in Koine Greek, a rich language that has four different words that describe four different types of love. There are four major words for love: agape, phileo, eros, and stergo. Phileo (and Philos) (emphasizes the affection, emotion, a fondness one person has for another) occur only 54 times. Eros – (which refers to love between a husband and wife. It is more than sexual ecstasy because it also includes embraces, longing, and caring) and stergo – (which is primarily refers to love between parents and children) do not occur at all in the New Testament. Agape (the god kind of love) is the most common word for love in the New Testament occurring some 259 times. The word used in 1 Corinthians 13 is the word “agape,” and is best described as “unconditional love.” The love of which Paul speaks is of a behavior we exercise even when we do not feel loving or lovable.
First, What Love Is! (13:4a)
“Love suffers long and is kind…”
• Love is Patient. – “Love suffers long”
Love is described by two action words. Paul is not talking about love as some kind of warm affectionate feeling, but how love is seen in action. The first characteristic of love is that it is patient. The Greek word used here (makrothumei) is always used in the New Testament to describe patience with people rather than circumstances. It does not mean to feel patience but to act patiently. It is a word literally meaning to be inconvenienced, yet to endure it, and to not want to strike back when you are inconvenienced.
One of the greatest stories of patience is the story of Abraham Lincoln. One of Abraham Lincoln’s earliest political enemies was Edwin M. Stanton. He called Lincoln a “low cunning clown” and “the original gorilla.” He said, “It was ridiculous for people to go to Africa to see a gorilla, when they could find one easily in Springfield, Illinois.” Lincoln never responded to the insult, but when, as president, he needed a secretary of war, he chose Stanton. When his incredulous friends asked why, Lincoln replied, “Because he is the best man.” Years later, as the slain President’s body lay in state after his assassination, Stanton looked into the coffin and said through his tears, “There lies the greatest ruler of men the world has ever seen.” His animosity had been broken by Lincoln’s long–suffering, non-retaliatory spirit. Patient love won out.” [John MacArthur. MacArthur New Testament Commentary:1 Corinthians (Chicago: Moody Press, 1984) p.339]
• Love is Kind. - “Love…is kind”
This describes active goodness that goes forth on the behalf of others. Love acts in a way that is useful and gracious.
If we apply this truth to marriage we have understand that sometimes you will be stressed out. Sometimes you will be frustrated. Sometimes you might want to give harsh criticism when your spouse does something foolish or hurtful. But remember “Love is patient and kind.”
Second, What Love Is Not! (13:4b-6)
“…love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; (5) does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; (6) does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.”
• Love is not Envious - “love does not envy” (4b)
Envy is when someone wishes they could have what another person has. It may be a possession, a talent, a job, a house, a family, appearance, or even a spiritual experience. We tend to think of envy as a small, inconsequential thing, but not for envy murdered Abel (Gen. 4:3-8), envy enslaved Joseph (Gen. 37:11).
Envy at its worst reveals itself when we start diminishing the accomplishments of another, or we rejoice when we learn that this person struggles, or when we actually do (and say) things to undermine a person’s success.
We are most likely guilty of envy when…
1. We find ourselves unable to celebrate with those who have something good happen to them.
2. We begin to diminish the accomplishments of another
3. All our talk is negative or a qualified positive (“He certainly is a nice person even though he wears a hair piece”) which is actually a putdown in disguise.
4. We dislike someone because they are attractive, popular, or successful (even though we have a hard time admitting that this is why we don’t like them).
5. We relish hearing about the fall or failure of someone who has spent time in the spotlight.
6. We are upset because someone (even in the church or in families) seems to be getting more time and attention than we are. [Bruce Goettsche. “Love is Not.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. www.unionchurch.com/archive/050408.html]
Even in marriage we sometimes we try to make ourselves look better than we really are. We may even criticize and put down our partner in an effort to make us feel better about ourselves. Such selfish behavior in a marriage will prove to be unproductive, even destructive.
May I suggest an alternative that is much more worthwhile and enjoyable? Be proud of each other, never expect of each other the perfection that belongs to God alone. Learn to minimize each other’s weak-nesses and praise and magnify each other’s strengths.
•Love is not Proud – “love does not parade itself, is not puffed up” (4c)
Real love does not brag about it sacrifices, or draw attention to itself or what it is doing. A person who must be the center of attention and is hurt when they are not is not walking in love.
• Love is not Rude.
“does not behave rudely” (5)
Paul’s next advice is to “avoid arrogance and rudeness.” Love always treats others with compassion and respect. Love controls its moods, not friendly one day and distant the next. Paul knows that sometimes we treat those we love with less courtesy even than a stranger. We may take our spouses for granted. Occ-asionally we may be rude to them in private. Paul would urge that we strive to treat our spouse with reverence and respect just like we would want them to treat us.
• Love Is Not Selfish. - “does not seek its own”
Love does not consider itself first, it is actively interest in what will be of help to others. Perhaps the hardest to practice of all the ideals that Paul holds up before us is, “Love does not insist upon its own way.” If you in a relationship there will be times in your rela-tionship with each other, that one or both of will insist on having your own way. Such behavior is present in most relationships. But it is not helpful. Marriage is intended to be a journey in which “Me” and “My” are replaced by “Us” and “Ours.”
• Love Is Not Easy Irritated. – “is not provoked”
It is worthy of considering that it is this sin that kept Moses out of the Promised Land (Num. 20:2-11). The Greek word translated “not provoked” (paroxunetai) or “easily angered” means to arouse to anger. Anger is not always bad. Notice that our text does not say that the loving person is never angered. It says we are not to be easily angered. Paul in Ephesians tell us “to be angry, but don’t sin.” (Ephesians 4:26) So when is Anger sin?
First, anger is sinful when it causes us to feel ill-will toward another person. Second, anger is sinful when it is without cause. Third, anger is sinful when it is disproportionate. There are two wrong ways that people respond to irritating and stressful situations in different ways. First, we may explode. Some seek to justify there explosive anger by saying, “Yes I sometimes lose my temper, but it’s all over in a few minutes.” So is a nuclear bomb, but a great deal of damage can be done in a very short time.
A second incorrect way of reacting rather than exploding is the opposite which is to stuff our anger and stew. Some people actually say nothing at the time they get angry but they stew on it for the rest of their lives. When you stuff your anger it will come out in other ways; and anger that is not dealt with will turn in to bitterness.
Paul then tells us that love “is not irritable or resentful.” Most of us struggle with this reality. Rather than being pleasant, we are sometimes easily irritated or angered. Rather than politely answering a simple question of a spouse, we may respond with by being sharp or defensive. (I don’t suffer with that but my wife does. That’s a little joke, sweetie.) I realize that especially when I am tired or sick, which seems to be a lot of the time lately, I can be sharp and defensive.
I believe that Paul would urge of all of us, that when we fail to live up to this ideal, we avoid making excuses for our behavior and simply admit we are wrong. However, if both of you live by this advice there will be peace in your home.
• Love Does Not Hold A Grudge - Keeps no Record of Offenses. – “thinks no evil”
The word translated “store up” is an accountant or bookkeeping term and it is used for entering up an item in a ledger so that it will not be forgotten. That is precisely what so many people do. There are many marriages and other relation-ships that are handicapped or destroyed because of the past. One man said to a counselor, “Every time we have a discussion my wife gets historical.” The counselor said, “Do you mean hysterical?” “No,” he said, “I mean historical! She brings up everything I’ve ever done wrong, even though that’s not what we are talking about!” When we forgive someone it is not somehow miraculously erased from our memory, we just decide that we will not allow what has happened to affect us in the present.
•Love Does Not Rejoice In Evil.
Love does not rejoice in sin, one’s own sin or the sins of others. Love does not rejoice when others fall into sin.
Third, What Love Does! (13: 7)
“bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
• Love Bears All Things.
The verb (stego) can also be translated “to cover” or protect. When you hear gossip about another do you rise to their defense (even if it is only to say, “we don’t know the whole story”) or do you lean in closer to get more of the dirty details? Peter describes it this way, “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins." (1 Pet. 4:8)
• Believes All Things.
Love always places the best possible interpretation on everything that happens. Love trust that good will win out.
• Hopes All Things
“When he was an old man, the master painter Henri Matisse was crippled by arthritis. Wrapping his fingers around a brush was painful; painting was agony. Someone asked him why he kept painting. He answered, “The pain goes away; the beauty endures.” That’s hope!” [John Ortberg. If You Want To Walk On Water You’ve Got To Get Out Of The Boat. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2001) p. 156]
• Love Endures All Things.
Paul sums up his beautiful description of love with these words, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” In other words, love never gives up. It hangs in. It holds on. You can count on it. This is the type of love you are to have for one another - love that can be trusted.
When we love agape style we demonstrate the self -sacrificial love of Jesus that made Him willing to leave His Heavenly throne to die on the cross for us “while we were still sinners,” when we were at our worst, when we were most unlovable.
Someone has suggested that the best way to evaluate your own walk in love is to substitute the word “I” for every time the word “love” or “it” (referring to love) is used. In other words, can you say, “I am patient, I am kind, I do not envy, I do not boast, and I am not proud. I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered, I keep no record of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always protect, I always trust, I always hope and I always persevere (in my relationships with others).”
When you do that does it sound a little far-fetched or totally ridiculous?
Fourth, Love’s Enduring Character. (13:8, 13)
“Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. … (13) And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Verse thirteen, “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” When Paul says “the greatest of these is love:” “Love is greatest because it will continue, even grow, in the eternal state. When we are in heaven, faith and hope will have fulfilled their purpose. We won’t need faith when we see God face to face. We won’t need to hope in the coming of Jesus once He comes. But we will always love the Lord and each other, and grow in that love through eternity.” [David Guzik. “David Guzik’s Commentary On the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13. www.studylight.org/com/guz/view.cgi?book=1co&chapter=013
Conclusion
There was a man who only had an eighth-grade education. But this man wanted to be a soul-winner. God had laid a brilliant attorney on his heart. Obeying the Lord, he went to talk to the lawyer about Jesus Christ. But no sooner had he begun when the attorney used his legal training and brilliant mind to turn the man inside out. The man finally apologized for coming and for taking the attorney's time. He left with tears in his eyes as he said to the lawyer, "I just want you to know that I came because I love you.
Dejected, he went home to his wife and said, "I don't want to be bothered. I don't want to talk to anyone the rest of the day. I just want to go to my room and be left alone; I feel such a failure. About an hour later, the lawyer came and knocked on the man's door. He told the man's wife he would like to see her husband. She said, "I'm sorry, but he is not seeing anyone today."
"Oh," he said, "I think he will see me. Just tell him who I am." So the husband allowed the attorney to come into his room. He said, "Why have you come? Have you come to make fun of me? Have you come to argue with me again? You know I cannot argue with you." The lawyer said, "No, I haven't come to argue with you. I have come to ask you to tell me how to be saved." The man replied, "I don't understand. What changed your mind? Every time I tried to tell you about Jesus you came up with an argument that I couldn't answer." The lawyer said, "Yes, I did. But you came up with an argument that I couldn't answer." This soul-winner looked at him and said, "What was that?" The lawyer replied, "When you looked at me and told me you loved me, I couldn't argue with that." Nothing will win the victory over others and over circumstances like love! It is love that makes the difference.” [Alan Carr. “God’s Greatest Gift To the Church.” 1 Cor. 13:1-13. http://www.sermonnotebook.org/new%20testament/1cor%2013_1-13.htm]
Biblical Advice On Love
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
First, What Love Is!
• Love is Patient. – “Love suffers long”
• Love is Kind. - “Love…is kind”
Second, What Love Is Not!
• Love is not Envious. - “love does not envy”
• Love is not Proud. – “love does not parade itself, is not puffed up”
• Love is not Rude. – “does not behave rudely”
• Love is not Selfish. - “does not seek its own”
• Love is Not Easy Irritated. – “is not provoked”
(Ephesians 4:26) So when is Anger sin?
Anger is sinful when it causes us to feel ill-will toward another person.
Anger is sinful when it is without cause.
Anger is sinful when it is disproportionate.
• Keeps no Record of Offenses – “thinks no evil”
Third, What Love Does.
• Love Bears All Things.
• Love Believes All Things
• Love Hopes All Things
• Love Endures All Things
Fourth, Love’s Enduring Character. (13:8-13)
Biblical Advice On Love
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
First, What Love Is!
• Love is ______________. – “Love suffers long”
• Love is ___________. - “Love…is kind”
Second, What Love Is Not!
• Love is not _______________. - “love does not envy”
• Love is not ____________. – “love does not parade itself, is not puffed up”
• Love is not ____________. – “does not behave rudely”
• Love is not _____________. - “does not seek its own”
• Love is Not Easy ________________. – “is not provoked”
(Ephesians 4:26) So when is Anger sin?
Anger is sinful when it causes us to feel ________________ toward another person.
Anger is sinful when it is without _________________.
Anger is sinful when it is disproportionate.
• Keeps no Record of ___________________ – “thinks no evil”
Third, What Love Does.
• Love ____________ All Things.
• Love ________________ All Things
• Love __________ All Things
• Love _______________ All Things
Fourth, Love’s Enduring Character. (13:8, 13)
