How To Overcome Loneliness
Loneliness is one of the most miserable feelings a person can have. When you’re lonely you may feel that nobody loves you. You may feel that nobody cares. Loneliness can make you may feel that nobody even cares if you exist.
But here is a fact: You don’t even have to be alone to feel lonely. You can feel lonely in a crowd.
It’s not the number of people around you that determines your loneliness – it’s the relationship you have with them. In the United States the population has more than doubled in my life time. Yet people still feel lonely.
Can you be wealthy and still feel lonely? Of course you can. Can you be popular and still feel lonely? Yes. Can you be beautiful or handsome and still be lonely? Yes. Can you be married and still feel lonely? That can happen too – just ask the people who marry because they are lonely – only to divorce a few years later because they are lonely.
The fact is – everybody experiences loneliness at one time or another. But there are distinct causes and cures for loneliness. There are times that we bring loneliness on ourselves – but there are other times when situations or circumstances are unavoidable and uncontrollable. That’s the condition in which the Apostle Paul found himself as he wrote his second letter to Timothy. Paul was a dying old man as he wrote from a prison in Rome. He was writing to his good friend Timothy and he urged Timothy to visit him because he was lonely. Let’s read our text now:
“But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing. Make every effort to come to me soon.” 2 Timothy 4:5-9 (NASB)
Four Basic Causes of Loneliness
The first cause of loneliness is the transitions of life.
1. TRANSITION
Life is full of transitions or changes. Growing older is a series of changes and each change can produce loneliness. When you were conceived you were inside your mother’s womb. There was warmth in there. You could hear the heart beat of your mother every minute of every day – but then you are born. You came out into a different world – a different environment. There were times when they would lay you down in a crib and no one was touching you or holding you. You seemed to be by yourself – no one seemed to be around. But you get use to that. But then you grow and your parents take you to a strange place called “school” and leave you there with a bunch of strangers. Some of the people are adults but many of them are the same size and age as you. This is frightening at first but then you get use to it. But then the day comes when graduation comes – what next? More school? A new job? Marriage? Family? Changes – changes – changes. Retirement? Failing health? Death of a loved one? Changes – changes – changes. Life is one transition after another and many of those transitions can be lonely.
Paul knows about the changes in life – he knows about transitions. He is nearing the final transition of life. He knows that his time is short – and he is lonely. He says, “I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure” (2 Tim. 4:6). As Paul spends his last days alone he says, “I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness” (2 Tim. 4:7-8).
The first cause of loneliness is simply the transitions of life. Any new experience that we have to deal with can be frightening and lonely.
The second cause of loneliness is:
2. SEPARATION
Separation happens when you feel isolated – apart from your friends – apart from your family – apart from those people who you know – apart from the people who you love. In the Army there are times of separation – and when it does a person can feel lonely. But even if you’re not in the Army there can be times of separation – job – school – hospital stay. These can be times of loneliness.
Paul says to Timothy, “Make every effort to come to me soon.”
(2 Tim. 4:9)
In other words he is saying, “I miss you. I want to see you soon. I’m lonely.” Paul is in a foreign country and he is in prison. He misses Timothy. Today you can pick up a phone and call somebody. But in those days Paul couldn’t talk to him. He couldn’t hear his voice. He was lonely.
Most of you know that I am a Desert Storm Veteran. When I went over to the Middle East in 1991 – after the ground war was over – tents were set up that were full of telephones. You would wait in line for a couple hours and you could make a ten minute phone call. A small group of soldiers at a time were allowed in the tent. When the ten minutes were up they would blow a whistle for you to say your goodbyes so that the next group of soldiers could come in and for their phone calls. I loved it when I could hear Cathy’s voice – when I could talk with her. Even though I was over there – with thousands of other soldiers – I was lonely. I needed hear her voice.
I returned to the Middle East in 2008 and lived in Baghdad for a year. By that time I did not have to make a phone call – I could use my computer from the room I was staying in. Not only could I hear Cathy’s voice – I could see her as well. There were no long lines and we would talk almost daily. This really helped in dealing with the loneliness.
Paul did not have the luxury of modern technology. He was separated from his friends and he was lonely.
Another cause of loneliness is:
3. OPPOSITION
Further down in Second Timothy we find this:
“Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching.” 2 Timothy 4:14-15 (NASB)
We don’t know exactly what Alexander had done. But one thing we know for sure is that he opposed the preaching of the gospel. For whatever reason – he did not want the gospel to be preached.
How he opposed it – we are not sure. Maybe he slandered Paul’s name – maybe he attacked his reputation. Maybe he was saying that the gospel was false teaching. Maybe he was turning people against Paul.
But we do know that he “vigorously opposed” Paul and his teaching.
They were on opposite sides.
Have you ever been on opposite sides with someone? Have you ever felt alone because of the opposition? As kids we would get mad at someone and we would say things like, “You’re not our friend anymore! I don’t like you.” Today we just avoid them – or take them to court – or get a divorce. It’s a lonely feeling to be misunderstood – when you feel someone doesn’t like you.
When this happens the temptation is to draw yourself into your shell and to build up walls. But doing that only makes you lonelier.
The fourth cause of loneliness is:
4. REJECTION
The fourth basic cause of loneliness is the most serious one, the one that causes us the most pain. It’s the loneliness of rejection. It’s when you feel as though you have been isolated by the ones who should stand by your side. You’ve been betrayed – you’ve been forsaken – you’ve been abandoned. In your greatest time of need – no one – not even our closest friends stand by your side.
Paul felt this way – he felt deserted. Look at what it says down in verse sixteen:
“At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me.”
2 Timothy 4:16 (NASB)
You can almost hear the pain in Paul’s voice: “When things got tough, everybody left me. When the trial got warmed up, nobody was there.” Nobody spoke in support of Paul – everybody copped out. Rejection is one of the most difficult things for a human being to handle.
But now let’s move from the causes of loneliness to:
Five Steps to Deal with LONELINESS
There are good ways and there are bad ways to deal with loneliness. One bad way is to become a workaholic. You spend all your time and energy working, working, working. You get up in the morning and work all day until finally you just flop into bed exhausted at night. But eventually that takes its toll on you physically and emotionally.
Some people try materialism: They buy everything they can. “If I can just get a lot of things around me, I’ll be happy.” But things don’t satisfy. If you were put on an island and told, “You can have anything you want except human contact,” how long do you think you’d be happy? Not very long, because things don’t satisfy. You can’t purchase happiness. The most devastating form of punishment is solitary confinement because people need people. We need interaction. We need acceptance and love.
Others turn to alcohol or drugs. Still others lose themselves in a fantasy world by reading novels, playing video games or watching a lot of TV. Some people do nothing – they just sit around, and hold a pity party.
But Paul did four things to combat loneliness, and they are just as appropriate today as they were when Paul went through his days of loneliness. These five things are the concepts recognize, maximize, utilize, empathize and glorify. These four concepts are found in verse seventeen. Let’s read the verse together:
“But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished, and that all the Gentiles might hear; and I was rescued out of the lion's mouth.”
2 Timothy 4:17
A. RECOGNIZE God Is There
The first way to deal with loneliness is to recognize God’s presence. Paul said,
“the Lord stood with me”
Where is God when you’re lonely? He is right there.
Jesus said,
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”
John 14:18 (NASB)
God says:
"I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU," Hebrews 13:5 (NASB)
There is no place where God is not. He is everywhere at every time, and you can constantly talk with Him. As long as you understand that, you’re never really alone. Prayer is a fantastic tool that you can use in lonely times. Talk to God and let Him speak to you.
B. MAXIMIZE God’s Strength
Paul said,
“the Lord stood with me and strengthened me”
The second way to deal with loneliness is to rely on God’s strength to make it through. God is stronger than your loneliness. He is more powerful than your problems. Approach your problems with God’s power. The Bible says:
“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13 (NASB)
Walk in God’s strength – walk in God’s power and you can make it through.
C. UTILIZE Your Time
Paul said,
“through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished,”
Paul did not sit around and do nothing – even though he was in prison. He wrote – he studied – he utilized his time. Loneliness has a tendency to paralyze a person – but not Paul. He took advantage of his situation. At least four of the books that we have in the Bible were written by Paul while he was in prison.
If life gives you a lemon – make lemonade. Whatever you can do – do it. John Wesley once said,
“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.”
Paul refused to sit around and mope. He didn’t say, “Poor me – poor me.” Often lonely people don’t take care of themselves. They don’t eat right, they don’t exercise, and they ignore their personal needs. But Paul said, “Bring my coat and my books, and I’ll capitalize on this lack of interruption; I’ll use it for writing and study time.” He utilized his time – no matter what his situation was.
D. SYMPATHIZE For Those In Need
The fourth way to deal with loneliness is to sympathize for those in need. Paul said,
“through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished, and that all the Gentiles might hear”
Instead of focusing inward on himself – Paul focused on the needs of others. His greatest desire was that people could hear the gospel. All people – not just the Jews but the Gentiles also.
Folks there are still a lot of people in this world who not hear the gospel. They may be neighbors. They may be your friends. They may be your family. Are you concerned about their spiritual state? Are you concerned where they will spend eternity? We should be. We should not just be looking out for our own needs but also the needs of others.
E. GOLRIFY God’s Deliverance
Paul said,
“I was rescued out of the lion's mouth.”
As I was studying this week over this passage of scripture – I came to this portion of our text and I had to ask, “What is the lion that is being spoken of here? Is it a real lion – or is it something else?” Some would say it was a real lion with real teeth. Others would say it was Nero – the ruler of Rome at that time. But no matter if it be a real lion or the political powers of Paul’s day the truth of the matter is that Paul was rescued. He was saved – he was delivered from powers that could tear him to bits.
Loneliness can do that – you know. It can eat you alive. It can tear you to bits. But God can rescue you. He can deliver you. He can save you.
(I want to thank Rick Warren for the sermon starter ideas)
