Series: I Am a Church Member
(based on and adapted from Thom Rainer’s book by the same name)
“I Will Not Let My Church Be About My Preferences and Desires”
Mark 9:33-35; Philippians 2:5-11
Open
We are in the third week of our book study together. We’ve been studying the material in Thom Rainer’s book I Am a Church Member. I pray that you’ve found this material helpful and have been able to participate in our adult Sunday school classes as they discuss the study questions at the end of each chapter. If for some reason you don’t have a book, we ordered more copies and they are on the small white table between the last pew on the north side and the sound booth.
Our chapter for today is “I Will Not Let My Church Be about My Preferences and Desires.” People who always want their way are selfish. There is hardly ever any consideration for the wants and needs of others.
The dictionary defines selfishness as being “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.” Everything generally centers on a selfish person’s wishes and favorite things. People who generally want their way will go to great lengths to get it and they don’t care about how they treat others in the process.
They can act out in a variety of ways. They can stomp and yell. They can become sullen and withdrawn. They can boohoo like nobody’s business. And they can also resort to bullying other people to get what they want. Here is a classic example.
(Video: Opie and the Spoiled Kid in 5 Mins.)
It’s sad to say but Christians can sometimes act just like demanding children who want things their way. Temper tantrums in churches may not include church members lying on the floor kicking and screaming, but I’ve seen them come close.
We don’t live in Mayberry. Problems don’t usually resolve themselves. It takes a lot of love, work, and patience to resolve most of the problems within a church.
The strange thing about church membership is that you actually give up your preferences when you join. Church membership is not all about you. It’s about serving Christ and serving others.
There may be some things about our church that you might really like. But you’re here to serve others. You’re here to give and not just receive.
How do we keep ourselves from being selfish? How do we follow the example of Jesus who prayed in the garden the night before he went to the cross: “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matt. 26:39)
The answer is simple. Instead of seeking to serve myself, I should seek to serve others. Instead of trying to be first, I should strive to come last. My motivation should not be to get my preferences moved to the top of the list. Instead, I should seek to subordinate my wants to meet the needs of others. That’s easy to say but difficult to do.
The Servant Motif
Mark 9:33-35 – They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” 34 But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest. 35 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
Selfishness and pride does not just affect a few. It is something that plagues all of us. Our sinful nature drives those desires. Even Jesus’ closest followers were susceptible to the pull of selfishness and pride. This was not just a onetime incident. There were several of them in the little over 3 years they walked with Jesus.
I can just see the band of 13 traveling by foot on the way to Capernaum. Jesus is in the lead and the others are quite a few steps behind. These foolish disciples had forgotten that Jesus is God in the flesh and that he knows everything. They think that by hanging back, they can debate the most important things on their minds. Which one of us is the best disciple? Who is the one closest to Jesus? When Jesus isn’t around, who is in charge? Which one of us is top dog?
When they arrived at Capernaum, Jesus confronts them over their behavior on the road. What could the disciples do? They knew they had no defense for their behavior. They thought Jesus couldn’t possibly know what they’d been doing.
Can you imagine how they felt when Jesus sat down and called them to gather around? Teachers in the 1st century sat while they taught. Jesus had taken the position of the teacher.
He spoke words that seem so at odds with what our human nature urges us to do. He said if you really want to be the greatest, you have to be the least. If you want the real position of honor, then you have to be a servant.
The word “servant” occurs 57 times in the New Testament. The word “serve” occurs 58 times in the New Testament. Jesus said that we must be last of all and servant of all.
A Survey That Said a Lot
Rainer cites a study done by his research team on churches that are inwardly focused. They are only concerned with their preferences. They want people to join their church but only if those people will comply with what is already being done to benefit current members. There is no desire to be outwardly focused – finding ways to reach those outside of the church with the gospel of Jesus.
These churches are largely self-serving. Rainer gives ten dominant behavior patterns of members of inwardly focused congregations. A behavior pattern is something that is consistent behavior and not just isolated incidents. These behavior patterns are not ranked in order. They’re just a list.
The first listed behavior pattern is worship wars. One or more factions in the church want the music to only be the way they like it. The desire might be for all traditional hymns or swing the other way to include only the newest worship songs. It might even involve a mixture of the two. Certain instruments are required and some are prohibited. For the traditionalists, it would usually only include a piano and organ. For the more contemporary side, no traditional piano or organ but only electronic keyboards, guitars, bass, and drums.
Col. 3:16 – Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs – that gives us quite a wide range of musical styles that God finds acceptable. If God says it’s acceptable, how can we say otherwise?
The second thing listed is prolonged minutia meetings. Minutia means small or trivial. Most of the meetings deal with the most inconsequential things while the Great Commission and Great Commandments are basically ignored.
Third is facility focus. One of the highest priorities is the protection and preservation of rooms, furniture, decorations, and other visible parts of the church’s buildings and grounds. It’s more important to preserve the past than to find feasible and functional ways to further the spread of the gospel.
Number four is program driven. Every church has programs whether they admit to it or not. When we start to do a ministry a certain way, it takes on programmatic status. Programs are not the problem. The problem is when we become more concerned with continuing a program past its usefulness. The program almost becomes an object of worship – an idol, you might say.
Fifth is inwardly focused budgets. A disproportionate share of the budget is used to meet the needs and comforts of the members instead of reaching the community with the gospel.
Number six is inordinate demand for pastoral care. Every church member deserves care and concern, especially in times of need or crisis. The problem is that some church members develop unreasonable expectations for the pastoral staff and leadership. They expect pastoral visits just because they have membership status.
Seven is attitudes of entitlement. This issue is probably a catch-all for most of the issues in an inwardly focused church. You can’t be an inwardly focused church unless a large number of the members have an overarching attitude that their membership status demands their preferences get met. They think they should receive special treatment.
Number eight is a greater concern about change than the gospel. Even the slightest change evokes the ire of self-serving, inwardly focused members. They’re passionate about not changing pretty much anything. Sadly, while they’re passionate about their preferences, there is a very noticeable lack of passion about the work of the gospel.
Ninth is anger and hostility. They’re almost always mad at the leaders or at other members. Usually, they use anger and hostility to try to corral others into giving into their preferences. Basically, they try to bully others into doing things their way.
Number ten is evangelistic apathy. Very few members share their faith on a regular basis. They’re more concerned about their own personal desires, preferences, and needs than they are about the eternal needs of the people who live around them and who live across the world.
The problem with inwardly focused churches is summed up with three words: I, me, and myself. I want the music my way. I want the building my way. I’m upset because the leadership didn’t spend enough time with me. They didn’t do things my way or make my preferences the highest priority.
There’s a very important principle in 1 Cor. 10:23-24 – “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 24 No one should seek their own good, but the good of others. Church membership is about putting others first.
There are two major bodies of water in the land where Jesus walked. One is the Sea of Galilee, a beautiful lake 13 miles long and 7 miles wide filled with fish and surrounded by lush foliage.
The other body of water is the Dead Sea, 50 miles long and 11 miles wide. Its shoreline is 1300 feet below sea level. Seven million tons of water evaporates from the Dead Sea every day. The saline or salt content of the water ranges from 26-35%, making it 10 times saltier than the oceans of the world. There’s no seaweed or plants of any kind in or around the water. There are no fish or any kind of swimming, squirming creatures living in or near the water.
As a matter of fact, what you’ll see on the shores of the Sea is white, crystals of salt covering EVERYTHING.
According to extremescience.com, fish accidentally swimming into the waters from one of the several freshwater streams that feed the Sea are killed instantly, their bodies quickly coated with a preserving layer of salt crystals and then tossed onto shore by the wind and waves.
Both the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea are fed by the Jordan River. There is only one difference between these two bodies of water, only one thing that causes the Sea of Galilee to be beautiful and alive while the Dead Sea is barren and lifeless. The Sea of Galilee has an outlet; the Dead Sea does not! Water flows through the Sea of Galilee. It comes in and then goes out. Water flows into the Dead Sea but not out. If we’re only receiving and not giving, we become stagnant, lifeless, bitter, and caustic.
The Mind of Christ
At the church at Philippi, there was a problem. There was disagreement and disunity because two members of that congregation – two ladies named Euodia and Synteche – were at odds with each other. These two ladies had at one time worked together with each other and with the apostle Paul in furthering the work of the gospel but something had happened and they were having contention with each other.
As is usually the case in any congregation, I’m pretty sure that there were others in the Philippian congregation who sided with one or the other of the ladies. Along with the two chosen sides are usually those people who are just generally disturbed that there is dissension. It can divide a congregation.
Paul writes this advice to this church in Phil. 2:1-4 – Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
I think those are wise words for any congregation. Instead of fighting for my preferences, I should be humble, valuing others above myself. I shouldn’t be just concerned with my interests but with the interests of others within the congregation.
Paul then illustrates this idea by the example of Jesus Christ. Phil 2:5-11 – 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! 9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
What marks the example of Jesus?
1. He did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage.
2. He emptied Himself by taking on the form of a slave.
3. He humbled Himself.
4. He became obedient to the point of death – even death on a cross.
If we approach church membership from the perspective of entitlement, we have it upside down. We’re to be servants. We’re to be obedient to Christ. We do whatever it takes to keep the unity in our church without compromising the principles of the word of God.
On January 21, 1961, John F. Kennedy delivered his inaugural address when he was sworn in as President of the United States. In his closing statement he spoke these famous words: “Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.”
We could state today’s message in a simple idea: I should not be asking what my church can do for me. I should be asking, “What can I be doing for my church?”
The church is the body of Christ. He is the head of the church. When we serve the body, we serve the head. The body is comprised of its members. I serve the members, I serve the church. I serve the church, I serve its head – Jesus Christ. When we put Christ and others first, we find the joy that comes with being last. To sum it all up, it’s not about what I get but about what I give.
Close
It’s time to take the third pledge. I need to give you a warning before you take this pledge. It won’t be very long after you commit to these words that you will encounter a church member whose attitude is not the attitude of Christ.
It will be tempting to give that person a piece of your mind. It will make you feel superior when you chew them out and tell them to lose their lousy attitude. Guess who would then have a lousy attitude? While a gentle rebuke may be in order, you need to remember something about your commitment. This cantankerous and ornery church member is one of those whom you have pledged to serve.
The Third Pledge:
I am a church member. I will not let my church be about my preferences and desires. That is self-serving. I am a member in this church to serve others and to serve Christ. My Savior went to a cross for me. I can deal with any inconveniences and matters that just aren’t my preferences or style. If you have made that commitment today, please sign the corresponding page in your book.
These commitments are not easy. Without God’s help they are nigh unto impossible to keep.. Continue to pray for strength and wisdom. When you think you’ve had it with making sacrifices for others, remember the cross. As you’re overwhelmed by Jesus’ undeserved love for you, that caused Him to sacrifice everything—including His preferences—then you will be able to do the same for others. Christ’s sacrifice puts it all into perspective.
Mk. 10:43-45 – “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
