Series: I Am a Church Member
(based on and adapted from Thom Rainer’s book by the same name)
“I Will Be a Unifying Member”
Ephesians 4:1-6
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Last week, we started a six week series based on Thom Rainer’s book I Am a Church Member. I said that this will be a journey. It’s a journey designed to discover and in some cases rediscover the privilege and joy of church membership. It’s also a journey that will lead us into better church health. If even one of our members becomes healthier, there will be a greater impact on our community and even across the world.
The second step in the journey to determine that “I Will Be a Unifying Church Member.” God desires for Christians to get along.
Just a few years ago there was a problem on the Miami Dolphins football team. Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin had every reason as teammates to be friends, but they were not. Incognito harassed and bullied Martin. He called him a racial slur in a voicemail played by every media outlet in the country. He threatened to kill Martin and his family. Incognito claimed all of this was just locker room talk. He said it’s just the way the guys talk to one another in the NFL. Apparently, Martin didn't get that memo. He left his lucrative job citing emotional issues and fear for his life.
Though we don't know all the details, it appears as if Martin has some culpability, as well. He was far too passive in dealing with Incognito's threatening behavior. As a teammate, it appears, he should have expressed how troubling Incognito's threats were to him. These two men had many more reasons to get along than to have a toxic relationship.
Consider all the reasons they had to be friends. They were both football players. They played on the same team. They had the same head coach. Both played on the offensive line. They even played next to each other on the line. Both men were starters and they both had the desire to win.
Yet somewhere along the way one or both of them forgot they played for the same team and began to treat the other like someone from a rival team. They forgot the enemy was across the field seeking to prevent them from winning football gamers.
Just like those men, we as church members have plenty of reasons to work together for the same goal. Eph. 4:4-6 – There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
We share those important things: the same body of believers, the same Holy Spirit, the same hope of eternity with Jesus Christ, who is our same Lord. We share the same faith, the same baptism, the same God and Father of all. Yet, disunity and division is common among our churches.
Jesus said in Jn. 13:34-35 – “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” The world will know if we are Christians or not by the way those who are believers act toward one another.
When you become a Christian, God expects you to be a part of His church. But when you become a part of His church, He wants you to be a unifying presence there.
That Thing Called Unity
Michael Jordan: “Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships.” Sports teams with average talent can win championships. It doesn’t matter how many superstars you have on the team if they can’t play together as a team.
Unity is important. It is critical. William Barclay said, ““The gospel cannot truly be preached in any congregation which is not one united band of brothers.”
When church members don’t work well together, the church is weaker as a whole. Jesus says in Mk. 3:24-25 – “If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. 25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”
Unity is vital to the health of a church. One of the meanings of vital is absolutely necessary or essential. You can’t get along without it.
Eph. 4:1-3 – As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Paul says, “I urge you” to do something. What is that? To live a life worthy of the calling you have received. The word “live” literally means “as you walk around.” “Worthy” points to behavior that is suitable to the calling received. How do we behave in a way that is suitable or worthy of our calling? Paul gives us five ways that we’re to do that.
First, we’re to be completely humble. We place the needs of others above our own. We don’t insist that we have rights that need to be met.
Phil 2:1-8 – Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! We’re to be humble.
Second, we’re to be gentle. The idea here is that of meekness. Meekness is not weakness or timidity. Both Moses and Jesus are referred to in Scripture as being meek. The term here in the original language was used to refer to a large animal, like a horse, that had been trained to be restrained. The power was still there. It was just channeled to be useful for the task at hand. It was a term that referenced power under control.
Third, we’re to be patient. A better translation is longsuffering. Longsuffering is when having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people
The idea is that of a long fuse as opposed to a short one.
Have you ever seen an older dog and a puppy interact with each other? The puppy is hyperactive – constantly nipping the older dog out of the immaturity inherent in a puppy. What does the older dog do? He just lays there and takes. No matter what kind of behavior the puppy exhibits, the older dog is longsuffering in dealing with the puppy.
Fourth, we’re to bear with one another in love. It means that we put up with other peoples weaknesses and shortcomings. And we do it out of Christ-like love.
What is Christ-like love? Paul uses the same term here – agape – that he uses in 1 Cor. 13:4-8a – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Fifth, we’re to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. “Make every effort” translates the idea that we should make work quickly and diligently to keep the unity of the Spirit. It’s something that is important to maintain. We do it through the bond of peace. The word “bond’ signifies being tied together.
Every church member, you and I included, must contribute to the unity of the church. You have a responsibility as a church member. You are to be a source of unity. Never be a divisive force.
You are to love your fellow church members unconditionally. That doesn’t mean that you agree with everyone all the time. It does mean that you are willing to sacrifice your own preferences to keep unity in the church. We will spend more time on this idea of preferences next week.
When we seek unity, we demonstrate love. Col. 3:14 – And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Unity is really important in our church. Are you doing your part?
Gossip and Other Negative Talk
Gossip is bad. Gossip is destructive to our church. Few things can destroy the unity of a church like gossip. Gossip is when we talk about people behind their backs. We pass along tales that might or might not be true. The goal of gossip is to damage someone’s reputation. It seeks to do harm to the person being gossiped about.
Our author gives us two important ways to handle gossip. Number one, don’t be a source of gossip. If you have any doubt whether something is gossip or not, don’t mention it. Keep your tongue under control. Eph. 4:29 – Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Number two is if someone begins to share gossip, gently rebuke them. You don’t have to be harsh in your response to them. Kindly say that you would rather not hear any gossip and you hope it wouldn’t continue to spread. And if there are a few more members like you, word will begin to travel. Other church members will know that gossip is not tolerated. The congregation will be a place of joy and unity. The best way to defeat gossip is not to listen to it. Prov. 20:19 – A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.
Another destructive element is constant criticism. Some people are just never satisfied. Something is always wrong. These are known as hypercritical people. They’re excessive in their disapproval of people and programs. They condemn and complain all the time.
Phil. 4:8 – Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Gossip and overly critical statements come from the evil within our hearts. Lk. 6:45 – A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Forgiveness and Unity
Unity will not happen if the members have unforgiving hearts. Too many times, members have anger and hurt because of something another member has said or done. Some members are angry and hurt over something that a leader has said or did or failed to do.
Col. 3:12-13 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Jesus tells a parable about forgiveness in Matt. 18:21-35 – Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. [Some translations have 70x7]
[Here is Jesus’ answer to Peter’s question] 23 Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold [10,000 talents] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. 26 At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.”
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. [100 denarii] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29 His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
31 “When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
[Then Jesus makes this application of the parable] 35 This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
There are three important principles about forgiveness in that parable. The first principle is that true forgiveness goes beyond any reasonable human limits. I’ve got hard enough time forgiving someone seven times. By then, I’m exasperated with that person and ready to be finished with them altogether. Jesus is saying, “Don’t keep score!” He’s telling us that we can’t place limits on forgiveness.
The second important principle is that we have to remember just how much God has forgiven us. How much did this servant owe the king? 10,000 talents. One talent was approximately 6,000 denarii. A denarius was a day’s wage. 10,000 talents would therefore be the equivalent of 16.5 years’ wages for 10,000 men.
We could say that the servant represents you and me. The king represents God. And when we realize just how completely God has forgiven all of our sins, it ought to produce an attitude of forgiveness toward other people.
The last important principle is that we should forgive others as completely and lavishly as God has forgiven us. What happened with this forgiven servant? He went and chased down another of the king’s servants who owed him (the already forgiven servant) what would amount to a paltry sum when compared to the debt the king forgave.
When his fellow servant asked for mercy, the servant that had been forgiven by the king had him thrown in jail. However, other servants of the king saw what happened and they immediately went to the king to tell him about it. The king was extremely angry at the first servant and sent him to prison after all. The king said, “Shouldn’t you treat other people the way that I treated you?”
Here’s what Jesus wants us to learn. If you want to be forgiven by God, you have to forgive others. Matt. 6:14-15 – “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Each local church is made up of imperfect members and imperfect leaders. Church unity is torn apart when members refuse to forgive. Christ loved us so much that he died on a cross to forgive us. And now, as he has forgiven us, so we must forgive others.
Close
J.R.R. Tolkien wrote a trilogy of fantasy books called Lord of the Rings. In his first book, Tolkien describes the camaraderie of a diverse group, banded together by a common cause. They are called “The Fellowship of the Ring” which is also the title of the first book. Their quest is to destroy the power of the Dark Lord lodged in his ring. Though they differ in nearly every way – racially, physically, temperamentally – they are united in their opposition of the Dark Lord.
In a section omitted in the movie adaptation of the novel, a heated conflict breaks out among the fellowship. Axes are drawn, bows are bent, and harsh words spoken. Disaster nearly strikes the small band; but when peace at last prevails, a wise counsellor observes, “Indeed, in nothing is the power of the Dark Lord more clearly shown than in the estrangement that divides all those who still oppose him.” Today, the Dark Lord of this world still shows his power when there is discord among believers.
Second pledge:
I will seek to be a source of unity for the sake of the gospel. I will create unity by serving others remembering that Christ served me by going to the cross. It is not about my preferences and desires. I know there are no perfect leaders, staff, or church members. I will not be a source of negative talk instead I will forgive those who hurt me. My church is about more than me.
David Levite pointed out to me that we should consider the title of the book we’re studying together as a question: Am I a church member? Good question. When you submit to Jesus Christ as Lord and receive his grace so that he becomes your Savior, you become part of the church – the body of Christ on earth. Are you a church member?
