Series: Amazing!
“GRATEFUL LIVING IS GRACIOUS LIVING”
EPHESIANS 4:17-5:2
I enjoy studying the backgrounds of words. I like seeing how we got certain words and how they relate to each other.
Take the word “grace.” It comes from the Latin word gratis. The Greek word translated as “grace” in our Bibles means “gift.” The Latin word gratis means “free or a gift.” When you look at how we use the derivatives of the words “grace” and gratis in our everyday language, you begin to get a deeper understanding of its meaning.
When we pray before we eat, we are saying grace. We’re acknowledging that our food is a gift from God. When someone does something kind, we’re grateful. When we hear good news, we’re gratified. When we’re successful, we are congratulated. When someone invites us to their house, we say that they’re gracious. At a restaurant, we show our gratitude to a server by the size of the gratuity we give.
Composers can add grace notes to their music. These notes aren’t essential to the melody – they’re gratuitous. They add an amount of ornamentation to the score. Grace notes season the music like flavorful spices do a soup.
The British capture the theological meaning of the word “grace.” They address royalty as, “Your grace.” Students at Oxford and Cambridge may “receive a grace” which releases them from certain academic requirements. Parliament declares an “act of grace” to pardon a criminal.
Magazine and newspaper publishers also mirror the biblical meaning with their policy of gracing. When your subscription reaches its end, they may send a few extra issues even when the account has reached zero. They refer to these extra issues as “grace issues” – sent free of charge (or, gratis) to entice the former subscriber to re-subscribe.
We also learn a lot about a word from its opposite meaning. Reporters have referred to the demise of celebrities, politicians, and religious leaders suffering “a fall from grace.” When someone shows a lack of grace we call them an “ingrate.” If the lack of grace is severe, we might call them a “disgrace.” Someone who is contemptible could be said to have no “saving grace.” A person who commits an act of treason or treachery can be declared persona non grata – “person without grace.”
We’re in this series of messages called Amazing! We’ve been learning about grace. Here’s a summary of what we’ve learned so far.
God offers us grace. We need grace because we don’t deserve nor can we earn God’s favor. Salvation is a free gift from God. It doesn’t start with us. It all starts with him. He reaches out to us because he cares for us. We should be encouraged when we accept his offer of grace.
When we accept God’s offer of grace, the work of grace begins to change our lives. We begin a lifelong journey wherein we become more and more like Jesus. This work of grace brings healing to our hurts. We are then called to live according to grace – toward God and to others.
The problem is that many of us live as a persona non grata – a person without grace. Because we have received God’s grace, we should then extend it to others. We show our gratitude for God’s grace by being gracious to others.
Grateful living is gracious living. The greatest expression of gratitude is to live as a person who has received God’s grace and then extends it to others. The easy part is receiving God’s grace. The difficult part is extending grace to others.
How do we do that? How do we live our lives so that they are an extension of God’s grace to others? We’re going to look at some of the dos and don’ts of gracious living.
Eph. 4:25-5:2 – Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
5:1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
DON’T
What things do we need to avoid so that we can live in grace and live graciously towards others? Number one, Paul says don’t behave dishonestly. Eph. 4:25 – Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
A literal translation of “put off falsehood” would be “get rid of the lie.” Any falseness, any half-truth, any distortion of the truth shows not Christ but Satan. Heb. 6:18 tells us that for God “it is impossible to lie.” Jesus refers to Satan in Jn. 8:44 as “the father of lies.”
The word here translated as “falsehood’ in the NIV is where we get our adjective – “pseudo.” You hear about pseudo-intellectuals. They spout a lot of big words and put forth ideas that at first glance seem to have merit but are really meaningless. You hear that someone has a pseudonym – they’ve taken on a name that is not real.
“Pseudo” denotes “false; contrived; fake; counterfeit.” Paul is saying, “Don’t be fake. Be the real thing.” We’re not to lie with either our lips or our lives.
Number two is don’t sin when you’re angry. Eph. 4:26-27 – “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
Paul here is quoting Psalms 4:4 from the the Septuagint – the Greek translation of the Old Testament. Anger is not inherently wrong. There is a righteous anger that is opposed to uncontrolled emotional anger. James 1:20 tell us that “man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Paul is saying to watch how you behave when you’re angry. Don’t let your anger control you.
He also says not to hold on to your anger – to not let the sun go down on your anger. He says that if we do, then we’re giving the devil a foothold. When we lose control of our emotions, we open ourselves up to an eventual takeover by the unholy spirit rather than the Holy Spirit of God. Things said and done in anger can certainly lead to allowing the devil to exploit out-of-control emotions and behaviors.
The third thing that keeps us from being graceful is when we take something that doesn’t belong to us so don’t steal. Eph. 4:28 – Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
There are those who can work but refuse to work. They draw a check and live off the work of others. There are others who do work but steal while they work. They’re engaged in dishonest or illegal practices. Maybe they work for someone else but utilize tools or services provided for the job for their own personal benefit or enjoyment.
What is the purpose of work? So you can legitimately provide for our families but also for those that have a genuine need. Paul says that we’re to work so that we “may have something to share with those in need.”
Number four: don’t tear others down. Eph. 4:29 – Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
The word here for “unwholesome” in the original language means “rotten.” In Mt. 12:33 it’s used to refer to “rotten fruit.” In Mt. 13:48 its used to refer to “spoiled fish.” When food is rotten, it’s no good for nourishment. It can only lead to disease and discomfort. Rotten words in this context are those that tear down instead of buildup.
Number five, Paul says, is don’t grieve the Holy Spirit. Eph. 4:30 – And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
The term “grieve” denotes deep sorrow and pain. Nothing hurts God more than when we claim to have received His grace but don’t offer grace to others. God is hurt when we hurt others through ungracious living. Paul tells us how to avoid that in Eph. 4:31 – Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Bitterness is a reference to words and actions that are acidic or poisonous. Rage is when anger gets all bent out of shape. Anger in the original language is the term from which we get the word “orgy.” It symbolizes excessive and uncontrolled behavior. Brawling refers to fighting with words – words that are contentious and stir up strife. Slander is a reference to spreading false and harmful stories about others. Malice is the intention of bringing harm either through thought, word, or deed. It desires to malign the reputation of others.
J. R. Packard wrote a short story entitled, “The Trouble Is.” In that story there is one very
moving scene. A riot is in progress with blacks and whites fighting each other. The narrator of the story is a young black boy whose mother has been hurt. Her family has just gone down and picked her up off the ground and carried her upstairs and placed her in bed.
The little black boy is standing by the window with his grandmother viewing what is going on below. They notice a white boy running away from a group of blacks. It seems that he’ll get away until he makes a fatal mistake. He turns down their alley, not knowing that it is a dead end. Too late, he realizes his mistake and he turns with a look of horror on his face towards the black youths who are coming after him.
As the little boy looks on, he sees a door open below and his grandmother standing there
beckoning the white boy to escape through the open door. The little boy says, “At first I was glad because my grandmother had opened the door so the white boy could escape. Then I remembered my mother bleeding and suffering on the bed, and that white people had done that to her. Then I was angry at my grandmother for opening the door.”
The young black boy makes an astute observation. He says, “The trouble is that when people hate each other, the people who are the objects of the hate want to hate the people who hate them, and hurt the people who hurt them, and insult the people who insult them. Soon we find ourselves in a vicious cycle of hating, hurting, and insulting. And nobody opens the door. So we just keep on hurting and hating and insulting.”
When our words and actions dishonor God, when we are disgraceful, we contribute to a cycle of contention and conflict. We only interrupt the cycle by living a gracious life.
DO
A few years ago a cosmetic company sponsored a promotion in which people were asked to submit letters along with pictures that told the most beautiful women they knew. Thousands of letters and pictures poured in.
There was one particular letter from a young boy that captured a lot of attention, and it was shown to the president of the company. From what he wrote it was obvious that the boy was from a broken home, staying with his father, and living in an old and run-down neighborhood.
Writing about the woman, he said, “A beautiful woman lives down the street from me. I visit her every day. She makes me feel like the most important kid in the world. We play checkers and she listens to my problems. She understands me, and when I leave she yells out the door that she’s proud of me.” He enclosed her picture and wrote, “This picture shows you that she is the most beautiful woman of all.”
Intrigued, the president asked to see her picture. His secretary handed him a photograph of a smiling, toothless woman, well-advanced in years, sitting in a wheelchair. Her sparse gray hair was pulled back in a bun, and the wrinkles on her face seemed to fade away beneath the twinkle in her eyes.
Smiling, the president said, “We can’t use this entry. It would show the world that our products aren’t necessary to be beautiful.”
What indicates that we live gracious, beautiful lives? What is the demonstration that we are truly thankful for God’s grace? We live and model that grace for others.
The first thing is that we’re to do build others up. We go back to a verse we looked at earlier. Eph. 4:29 – Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Notice that the reason we’re to use wholesome nourishing words instead of unwholesome rotten words is for the benefit of others. While wholesome talk may be beneficial to us, it is certainly beneficial to those around us.
Paul says that our words should build up and not tear down. There’s a big difference between a construction crew and a demolition crew. It doesn’t take much to destroy but it takes time and concentrated effort to build.
Here are ways to speak to build rather than destroy. Speak words of encouragement and praise. We put too much emphasis on the negative. We tend to be very good at criticism but not very good at encouragement.
One of the important maxims of leadership in the workplace is: “Catch your employees doing something right.” That holds true for your spouse, your children, and the people at church. Instead of focusing so much on someone’s weak areas, let’s spend some timed focused on their strengths. Let them know when they’ve done something right.
Another way is to speak words of gratitude. Tell someone you’re thankful for them. Express your gratitude to your parents, your spouse, your teacher, your co-workers, your boss, or your employees. Tell them how much you appreciate all that they are doing. They won’t know it if you don’t put it into words.
Second, do be kind. Eph. 4:32a – Be kind. The term here means more than being gentle and polite. It also includes the idea of being “useful” and doing what is necessary. Paul writes earlier in this letter to the church at Ephesus (2:7) that God showed his kindness when he did what was necessary to save us through his son Jesus.
Third, we’re to do be compassionate. Eph. 4:32b – [Be] compassionate to one another
It’s a reference to deeply-felt compassion. The term was originally a reference to the heart, lungs, liver, and kidneys. In the ancient world, this is what they perceived to be the center of our emotions.
These strong or deep feelings also convert to feelings of pain during experiences of tragedy.
Paul says that gracious living involves gut-level feelings of hurt and distress when we encounter
someone who is suffering physical, emotional, or spiritual pain.
Fourth, we’re to do be forgiving. Eph. 4:32 – Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
This word in the original language is the word for grace. It’s usage here denotes extending grace. When others deserve our wrath and our hatred, those of us who are touched by God’s grace – his free gift of salvation even though we deserve God’s wrath – those who are touched by God’s grace extend grace to others.
Some upper elementary age school kids were asked the question: “How do you show grace to mean people?”
1. Ben, age 11 – “I just think about beating them to the ground, but then I just ignore them.”
2. Taylor, age 10 – “You kind of feel sorry for mean people because nobody wants to be
their friend.”
3. Megan, age 11 – “God showed grace to everyone even if they were as mean as a snake.
He loved everyone and treated everyone equally with loving kindness.”
4. Mary, age 11 – “Jesus still loved them, and he forgave them. We should forgive those
who trespass against us. Sound familiar?”
5. Jessica, age 11 – “Even if people are not nice to you, you should still show grace to them
because that’s what Jesus would do.”.
That just leads us into number five: do be imitators of God. Eph. 5:1-2 – Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
It’s been said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. We show our thanks for God’s grace by living according to that grace and extending it to others. We live by grace and we should live in grace. We do it because God has given us grace and now lives in us.
A missionary returned to the United States after serving for many years in the jungles of New Guinea. Someone asked, “What was it like?” He replied, “I found a mission field that looked more hopeless than if I had been sent into a jungle of tigers.”
Confused, the person asked, “What do you mean?” The missionary said, “The people there were so fierce and degraded that they seemed utterly devoid of moral sense. If a mother was carrying her little baby and the child was crying and wouldn’t stop, she would throw it into the ditch and let it die. If a man saw his own father break his leg, he would just leave him to suffer by himself. They had no compassion whatever. They didn’t even know what the word meant.”
The person asked, “What did you do? Did you preach to them?” The missionary said, “No, not at first. I thought it better to show them my faith by my works! When I saw a baby
crying, I picked it up and consoled it. When I saw a man with a broken leg, I sought to mend it.
When I found people distressed and hungry, I took them in, comforted and fed them. Finally they began to ask, ‘What does this mean? Why are you doing this for us?’ Then I had my chance. I told them about Jesus, and many of them came to know and love Jesus, too.”
If you really want to make a difference in someone else’s life, then work on becoming an imitator of God. Demonstrating grace is much more effective than talking about grace.
CLOSE
I mentioned at the beginning of this message how I like to study the background of words. The Spanish word for thanks is gracias and the Italian word is grazi. Grace, gracias, and grazi all come from the Latin word gratis – signifying “free; no cost attached.”
The Greek word translated as “grace” is charis – indicating a gift. You don’t earn or win a gift. It’s free. The Greek word for thanksgiving includes the word for grace eucharisteo – literally “good gift.” The word Eucharist is used to refer to the Lord’s Supper. When we experience the power of God’s grace, we receive a good gift and are therefore thankful. The Greek word for joy is chara – a derivative of charis or “grace.” When we receive a good gift, it makes us joyful.
Are you starting to get the idea? Grace and gratitude are closely linked. True thanksgiving has to be translated into thanksliving. We live a thankful life when we lead a gracious and graceful life demonstrating God’s free gift of salvation.
(Material in the opening section of this message comes from Phillip Yancey. Other materials in this message come from Jeff Walling)
