SERMON OUTLINE:
(1). Instructions to Wives (vs 22-24)
• Submit because of the Lordship of Christ (vs 22).
• Submit because of the headship of man in Christ (vs 23)
(2). Instructions to Husbands (vs 25-33)
• A husbands love should be sacrificial (vs 23)
• A husbands love should be purifying love (vs 26-27)
• A husbands love should be a caring love (vs 28-30)
• A husbands love should be an unbreakable love (vs 30-33)
SERMON BODY:
Ill:
Some anecdotes & quotes regarding marriage!
• Quote: Groucho Marx
• "Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Some marriages are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can't live without each other."
‘The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.’
‘A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.’
"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status."
Quote: Here is a sensible one from Martin Luther:
‘Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave’
We are currently working our way through the New Testament book called Ephesians:
• Ephesians is a letter in the New Testament that gives instructions;
• On how to live the Christian life.
• Originally written to the churches of Ephesus in Turkey.
• But its content is applicable to all Christians everywhere;
• Which is why we are reading and studying it today.
The section we are studying is called ‘Signs you are filled with the Holy Spirit’
• Now you may not call it that;
• And the Church website teaching plan describes the title of this talk as ‘Love & Respect’
• Other descriptions for this talk might be:
• ‘Instructions for Christian Households’
• ‘New Relationships
• ‘Relationships That Work’
• Or my favourite:
• ‘Are you sure, I’m Supposed To Love This Man/Woman?’
• TRANSITION: The reason I called it ‘Signs you are filled with the Holy Spirit’
• Is because of verse 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”
• In the English translation of the Bible:
• This looks like a stand-alone sentence or verse.
• But it is actually the last clause of a long sentence that Paul began in verse 18,
• And it is about the fullness of the Holy Spirit.
• Let me give you that whole sentence starting at verse 18:
“Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
So the apostle Paul is describing the normal Christian life:
• A Christian filled with the Holy Spirit;
• Will not be getting drunk on alcohol,
• And then using that as an excuse for immoral behaviour.
• Instead the Christian will have an attitude of praise and thanksgiving;
• And they will want to put other people before themselves!
Notice:
• That the apostle Paul does not change the subject matter in verse 22;
• When he gets on to the topic of marriage.
• Please note that there is no change.
• The apostle Paul doesn't say,
• "That is enough about the Holy Spirit. Now let's talk about marriage."
• No!
• What the apostle is describing in these verses (21-33);
• With regard to the relationship of a husband and a wife,
• Is just a subheading that is part of or under the broader heading that is:
• ‘What life in the Holy Spirit looks like. ‘
• So if you are filled with the Holy Spirit of God;
• Then this is what your marriage should looks like!
• And I suppose the flipside is,
• If our marriage doesn’t look like this;
• Is it because we are not being regularly filled with the Holy Spirit!
Now in the next three paragraphs of this letter to the Ephesians:
• The apostle Paul gives to us examples of Christian submission:
• Wives are addressed first (vs 22) and are told to be subject to their husbands.
• Husbands are also addressed (vs 25) and are told to love their wives.
• Then in chapter 6 children and parents are mentioned;
• As well as slaves (workers) and masters (employees).
Now, remember the earlier connection!
• If we are filed with the Holy Spirit;
• We will display submission in our relationships with others!
• Do not miss the fact that the big picture is we are submissive to Jesus Christ;
• If that is right we will be right in other relationships;
• i.e. wives & husbands, parents & children, workers and employers.
• And if we are not submissive to Christ we will not be right in other relationships!
Question: What do we mean by ‘submission’?
Answer:
• Most people do not like the word, ‘Submission’.
• It is often a negative phrase meaning; ‘to supress, to defeats and to subdue’
• And none of us want to be suppressed, defeated and subdued by someone!
Ill:
• Submission is a word we rarely use;
• As a child remember watching Saturday afternoon TV.
• A programme called ‘World of Sport’.
• The sport they covered was wrestling and a key phrase was;
• “The winner will be the one who gets two falls or a submission!”
• TRANSITION:
• Submission is normally a negative word or experience;
• So these verses may well will appear unattractive to us!
I was thinking this week that there must be a more modern expression;
• That illustrates what the Bible means when it uses the word ‘submit’.
• The best I could come up with is the expression ‘put the good of the other person first’.
• I Corinthians chapter 11 verse 5, reminds us that; ‘love is not self-seeking’
• KJV: “Love…seeketh not her own”. ESV: “Love…does not insist on its own way”
• Anybody who wants to express true, biblical love;
• Will not insist on getting their own way or demanding their own rights.
• True love is always putting the good of the other person first!
Ill:
• Now we live in a culture that is overrun with a sense of entitlement and egocentrism,
• We even live in the age of the ‘selfie’.
• (A selfie is a self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a digital camera or camera phone)
• Which is again is a sign that our culture that is infested with a sense egocentrism.
• Yet, “Love is not self-seeking”
• True love is always putting the good of the other person first!
• Note: I would suggest we would solve nearly all the problems we encounter in Church life;
• If as Christians we lived with this attitude!
• The trouble is of course none of us do!
• And any marriage, ANY marriage can be transformed into a happy marriage;
• IF both people lived with this attitude!
• N.I.V.: “Love is not self-seeking” ESV: “Love…does not insist on its own way”
I love the fact that the way of Jesus is always, so very different!
Ill:
• When the disciples were arguing over who was the greatest;
• Jesus got a bowl of water and started washing their feet!
• The Jesus way is not dictatorship – ruling over people.
• Rather it is servanthood – meeting the needs of others.
Now the next three paragraphs of this letter to the Ephesians:
• Give to us examples of Christian submission:
• Wives are addressed (vs 22) and are told to be subject to their husbands.
• Husbands are also addressed (vs 25) and are told to love their wives.
• Then in chapter 6 children and parents are mentioned;
• As well as slaves (workers) and masters (employees).
• So today we are looking at the first paragraph in Ephesians chapter 5;
• And is talking about marriage.
Ill:
• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
• Next day he received a hundred letters.
• They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
• TRANSITION: sadly the world in which we live can often view marriage that way!
• In negative terms.
• While marriage is probably the most challenging relationship that we will ever have.
• It is also the most rewarding; the most satisfying, but it's also tough!
• Quote: Somebody has said that;
• “The toughest job that you will ever have in this life, is to stay happily married!”
• Marriage is about two people with two wills;
• And unless those two people, those two wills are moving in the same direction;
• You going to have constant conflicts, tension and unhappiness!
Quote:
• Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III:
• (Intimate Allies: Rediscovering God's Design for Marriage and Becoming Soul Mates for Life)
"We must never be naïve enough to think of marriage as a safe harbour from the Fall…The deepest struggles of life will occur in the most primary relationship affected by the Fall: marriage"
• So the result sin & selfishness (Genesis chapter 3) has affected all our relationships.
• Because all of us are flawed (sinful) people.
(1). Instructions to Wives (vs 22-24)
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
• The Message paraphrases it:
• “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.”
Please note the apostle Paul is not having a go at wives in this verse;
• Let me remind you of where you finished your studies last week.
• You finished with verse 21:
• “Submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence for Christ”
• What the apostle Paul says to the three groups of people in these chapters;
• The wife, the children and the worker.
• He says and applies to EVERY Christian.
• Submission also applies just as much to the other three groups of people;
• To the husband as well as the wife;
• To the parent as well as the child;
• And to the employer as well as the worker.
• All Christians are called to live on the principle of;
• Not self-seeking but rather to benefit the other persons.
Religious men who use this verse to suppress and subdue their wives;
• FIRST:
• Have not read the verse in its context;
• And as we often say; “A text taken out of context leaves a con!”
• SECOND:
• Should not be reading this verse anyway;
• It wasn’t written to them but to their wives!
• Their verse is #25
• THIRD:
• Remember what wives are asked to do in verse 22;
• Husbands, are also asked to do in verse 21;
• That is, “Honour Christ by submitting to each other.”
Now to put some ‘meat on the skeleton’, the apostle speaks to specific groups of people:
First: we are told what submission for a wife look like (vs 22-14):
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Note:
• The apostles Paul says; “Wives submit to your OWN husband”
• He is not saying; “Women to submit to all men!”
• He says; “Her own husband”;
• Not, “Every man!”
• The Bible never commands a general submission of women to men in society.
• This order is commanded only in the spheres of the home and elsewhere in the church.
• There is no reason a woman cannot be involved in politics,
• Or sport or have a career in the workplace etc.
• This instruction is in the sphere of the home and elsewhere in the church.
Ill:
• This instruction regarding submission in the home;
• Is not male chauvinism, it is true love;
• And is in fact what every Christian wife promised when she got married!
• In our marriage vows we pledge everything to the other person;
• The bride says;
“to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part”
• In those poetic words the bride is pledging to submit to her husband;
• To look out for his good whatever the circumstance may be.
• The key in making such a vow is love for the other person!
• Then submission is not a burden it is a delight.
Ill:
• I did hear about the groom who during the wedding rehearsal,
• Approached the minister with an unusual offer.
• "Look, I'll give you £500 if you'll change the wedding vows.
• When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to ‘love, honour and obey'
• I would appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out.”
• On the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom;
• Were at that of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
• When it comes time for the groom's vows,
• The minister looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to love her always monetarily and physically,
Obey her every command and wish,
Serve her breakfast in bed every weekend of your life;
And promise to spoil her rotten whenever you get the opportunity?"
• The groom gulped and looked around at the full Church;
• And said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
• Then the groom leaned toward the minister and said in a whisper;
• "I thought we had a deal."
• The minister whispered back, "We did, but she made me a much better offer."
• TRANSITION:
• The key to making any such vow is love for the other person!
• Then submission is not a burden it is a delight.
• Remember, that your submission is not to anyone;
• But to the man you chose to love,
• The man you chose to marry,
• The man you chose to spend your life with!
• That is the one you are asked to submit to!
• Not just any old bloke in a pair of trousers;
• But the love of your life, the father of your children, your choice!
Note: The apostle Paul gives two reasons for this command.
• Note his reasoning has nothing to do with inferiority or superiority.
• But rather he teaches principles found throughout the Old Testament.
• FIRST: The Lordship of Christ (vs 22).
• SECOND: The headship of man in Christ (vs 23)
• Can I remind you men, that headship is not dictatorship!
• The Greek word translated as ‘head’ also means ‘cornerstone’;
• It also means ‘responsibility’ or ‘responsible for’.
• Headship does not man is the boss and the woman is the slave;
• Rather it means the man is responsible,
• He is answerable to God for his family.
• And one day he will stand before God and give an account;
• Of how he provided for, cared for (physically & spiritually) and lead his family.
Ill:
• Think of football club.
• When a football club hits bad form and keeps on losing matches.
• Question: Who gets the sack?
• Answer: The manger, the coach.
• Question: Is the manager, the coach the boss?
• Answer: No!
• The owner of the club is the boss.
• But the manager, the coach has been given responsibility;
• To make sure the team are performing well!
• And if the team are not doing well;
• They owner or the board of directors meet with the manager, the coach;
• And hold him responsible!
• TRANSITION: In a family;
• The man is responsible and he is answerable to God for his family.
• And one day he will stand before God and give an account;
• Of how he provided for, cared for (physically & spiritually) and lead his family.
(2). Instructions to Husbands (vs 25-33)
• Now it’s a shame we don’t have time to look at these verses now!
• Only a joke!
Quote: The Message:
“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage”
Question: In these verses who has the harder task – the man or the woman?
Answer: I would suggest the man!
• Let me explain;
• The woman can submit to a man outwardly but be inwardly rebellious.
• But a man is told to be like Christ who gave everything;
• He held nothing back, but gave his life as a ransom for sinful people.
• You can make that sacrifice half-heartedly;
• It is all or nothing!
• Which is the reason why I say this instruction to the man;
• Is harder to put into practice than the words given to the woman.
• Men are to love their wives sacrificially!
Notice: in these verses the apostle gives four insights:
FIRST: A husbands love should be sacrificial.
• Verse 23: “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
• Men are to love their wives sacrificially!
• Jesus gave everything! He laid down his life.
SECOND: A husbands love should be purifying love (‘Holy’ or ‘Set apart’) – (vs 26-27)
“…to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
• Just as the Word of God cleanses and keeps pure the Church;
• So a husband is to be ‘set apart’ ad pure for his wife.
• ill: Wedding ceremony; “Forsaking all others”.
• Note verse 27:
• Just as Jesus Himself shares His prospects, His future with His bride.
• A Christian husband should also share his prospects and future with his wife.
THIRD: A husbands love should be a caring love (vs 28-30 )
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – 30 for we are members of his body.”
Ill:
• Most of us are overweight because we feed our bodies well!
• We spoil ourselves,
• We give into our physical desires, we don’t just eat bit we over indulge!
Ill:
• We do love ourselves;
• That is why in a group photo we always look for ourselves first!
• TRANSITION: Husbands and wives become one flesh, one body in marriage;
• Therefore the man should satisfy, should meet the needs of his wife.
FOURTH: A husbands love should be an unbreakable love (vs 30-33)
“for we are members of his body. 31 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ 32 This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
• This verse takes us back to Genesis chapter 2 verse 24:
• And reminds us of God’s ideal.
• Quote: Thomas Adam
• “As God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two.”
• God’s ideal.
• One man and one woman committed to each other for life.
• We know at times things go wrong and couples do separate & divorce;
• But the ideal must always be as revealed in God’s word.
Ill:
• Paul wrote these words at a time in history when divorce and remarriage was common;
• He wrote when men changed their wives as often as they changed their clothes!
• Quote: The Roman historian Seneca wrote:
• “Women were married to be divorced and divorced to be married”
• i.e. In the Greek world, prostitution was an essential part of Greek life;
• One person summed up the Greek attitude to marriage this way;
• “Divorce was by nothing else than caprice (whim or impulse)”
• The only security a Greek wife had was that her dowry be returned.
• TRANSITION: Because the Christian view of marriage has become so widely accepted;
• We forget how radical these Christian values and attitudes towards women were!
• They were liberating and not suppressive!
• To make his point;
• The apostle takes these Ephesian Christians all the way back to Genesis chapter 3;
• To God’s ideal.
• One man and one woman committed to each other for life.
• In the same way: We are secure and safe in Jesus Christ.
• We are his bride for life – never to be separated!
• And likewise our wives men;
• Should also feel and know that they secure and safe in our love.
Conclusion:
• The apostle Paul is talking about Christian marriage;
• His premise of argument is ‘in the Lord’.
• And that relationship grows and develops in the power and enabling of the Holy Spirit!
• In Christian marriage there are not two partners but three!
• And the third is Jesus Christ!
Quote: Wayne Mack:
“According to the Bible, the marriage act is more than a physical act. It is an act of sharing. It is an act of communion. It is an act of total self-giving wherein the husband gives himself completely to the wife, and the wife gives herself to the husband in such a way that the two actually become one flesh.”
SERMON AUDIO:
https://surf.pxwave.com/wl/?id=l84npkX4xVelloZHa29NVMpSmMtpIuYO
