How To Reach Your Unsaved Spouse
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Many years ago a man named Martin Ross found himself more in love with a bottle of alcohol than anything else. Despite the earnest prayers of Bertha, his deeply committed wife, he had no interest in Christianity. But Bertha was faithful to God and faithful to her husband. She never gave up on him. She prayed and trusted the Lord. And in His timing, God did a great work in Ross' life. he was born again, He submitted his life to the Lord, gave up alcohol and entered the ministry. Eventually he became a preacher at a Baptist church in Brooktondale, New York. He was always ready to share his testimony with others. Often he said that he would rather have Jesus than anything the world offered. His daughter Rhea had heard him make this statement many times and when she was twenty-eight while walking through the fields near her home reflecting on her father’s changed life, She wrote a poem which eventually became George Beverly Shea's signature song "I'd Rather Have Jesus". All of this was possible because of the influence of a godly Christian wife who loved her Lord and loved her husband.
Today marriage is a topic that is at the forefront of the news. Recently our government has attempted to redefine marriage. Marriage is not nor will it ever be defined by any national government. Marriage is defined by God... Marriage was ordained by God . God has a specific plan concerning marriage.... One man, one woman...FOR LIFE!!! Jesus said in - Mark 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
God's ultimate plan is not just for a man and woman to be together forever. God wants a couple to bring honor and glory to His name. In order for this to happen, both the male & female must have Christ as their first priority. As individuals and as a couple your life should be focused on bringing honor and glory to your Father in Heaven. Paul gives us some important information about how to choose a spouse in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Do you see that? Ladies, your goal should not be to find a man who is financially stable. You should not be searching for the strongest... most handsome man. If you are here and you are single you should not settle for anything less than a man of God!! - Men, as tempting as it may be, looks are not the most important aspect in a prospective mate. Don't spend your time trying to find a woman who can cook like your mother. If you are here and you are single you need to make sure that your first question to that special lady is "Are you a Christian"?
When a couple comes and asks me to perform their wedding the first thing I ask is "have you both been born again?" And you would be amazed at how many ladies cannot tell you if their fiancé has ever been saved... and visa versa. No matter how much you "love" someone, if they are not born again they are not for you! You can do all that you can to try to justify it, but the Bible says "not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers" .
Maybe you are here and you are already married to an unsaved person. This happens in many marriages today. Sometimes a couple will get married and they are both lost. Then later on one of the two gets saved. Sometimes a believer will marry a nonbeliever simply because they have not been taught the precepts that we will cover in this sermon. And there are those occasions when and individual knows better and they are so "in love" that they will ignore biblical teaching and marry a lost person anyways. And usually this is done with the hope that somehow...someway they will be able to lead that spouse to faith in Christ.
Regardless of the reason, I know that there may be some of you in that situation. So, What should you do? How should you act? What would God have you to do if you are in this situation? Peter addresses this predicament in our selected text. He tells the wife specifically how she should act toward her unsaved husband.
In the preceding verses Peter examines Christ's submission at the cross...He now states that the wife should have this same sort of submission to her husband even if he is an unbeliever. We also see in these verses the motivation and the possible consequences of this submission. If these instructions are followed there is a chance that the unbelieving spouse may be converted. The ultimate goal of scripture is to bring lost men and women to salvation. And this text shows one way that can be accomplished.
Let's look to the text and see "How To Reach Your Unsaved Spouse"....I would like to begin in verses 1-6 and see:
I. A Word For The Wives - v1 ¶Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Peter tells the wife to "be submissive" unto her husband. This is not some out of date Neanderthal mindset. In our day the concept of a "submissive wife" is no longer politically correct. But it is still BIBLICALLY CORRECT!!! God has a divine order for the home. And God says that the Man is to be the leader!
- Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
- Colossians 3:18 ¶Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
- Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, (are to be) in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Submission does not mean that the woman is inferior to the man, this is just the divine order that God has established for the home. Peter is not just telling the Christian women to submit to their Christian husbands. In fact, the context speaks of a Christian woman who is married to an unbeliever. When he says “If any obey not the word”- this refers to a lost man. In the culture of those that Peter was writing to, women were viewed as inferior to men. At this point in history the wife was expected to follow her husband in his religion. If her husband was a Jew she was expected to be Jewish.
But the Gospel was spreading all over the world. Countless lives were being changed And many women were being saved. This caused great conflict for many couples. So much so that God inspired Peter to write about the proper response when confronted with this situation. So, how should the Christian wife should act toward her unsaved husband. Notice in verse 1:
a. Your Are Not To Retreat From Your Husband - "they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives" ---- Leaving your husband is not the answer. Peter reveals that there is the potential for the Christian wife to point the lost husband to Jesus. Paul covers this in - 1 Corinthians 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
If you truly love your husband, your greatest desire will be for Him to receive salvation though Jesus Christ. Leaving may be the easiest option but it is not the best option. And biblically is it NOT an option!! Throughout church history many women have had a great influence and reached their entire families for Christ. - Not only are you not to leave your husband:
b. Your Are Not To Rebel Against Your Husband - "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands" - Many Christian wives will stay married to an unbeliever but they do not show him the respect that is demanded in the Bible. Some have a self righteous attitude. Don't think for a minute that you are somehow better that he is because you are saved and he is not. Don't put your husband down or act like you are better than he is. Are you critical of your husband? Do you point out his faults and failures? Do you run him in the ground because he is not what you want him to be?
What you should do is love him, honor him, cherish him and obey him!! Remember, you stood before God and vowed to do these things! The Bible does not say "respect your husband if he deserves it”. The Bible does not say "respect your husband if you feel like it”. The Bible does not say "respect your husband if he is a Christian". No... the Bible says "wives submit to your husband!"
Listen to this testimony of a precious lady named Deanna who has been married to an unbeliever for 28 years : My focus was on my circumstances. I focused on the negative attributes of my husband. I focused on my pain and heartache I felt when I was sitting in the church pew alone…again. Looking around with envy at all the couples wishing my husband was next to me. I focused on the burden of being the spiritual leader in my home. I focused on not having the spiritual under girding from him because sometimes moral support was not enough. I focused on my children not having a godly dad. I focused on the weight of teaching and nurturing the spiritual upbringing of our children. I focused on the pain and despair I felt when my teenage son decided not to go to church and his excuse was “Dad doesn’t, so neither am I” I focused on the fear that would well up inside of me when I faced the reality that my husband may never accept Jesus Christ as his Savior. This fear fueled my tactics of manipulation and scheming in an attempt to get my husband to see his need of a Savior! Before I knew it, I felt responsible for his salvation!!! I focused on my loneliness and spiritual isolation. I focused on the deep, deep heartache of not being able to share anything spiritual with my husband. Yes, I could tell him how God answered prayer or how God’s word touched my heart, but he does not understand. (1 Corinthians 2:14) I focused on the longing I had for the day we could worship and rejoice together over God’s blessings to us. All these desires and strong emotions are valid and real, but my focus was wrong. My focus had to change from my circumstances to Jesus. I was tired of being miserable. I wanted that abundant life that I read about in the Bible. I began to cry out to God and asked Him to change my heart. I asked God to help me die to self and began to consciously choose to yield and be submissive to God. This allowed me take on a submissive attitude with my husband also. (Source:http://womenlivingwell.org/2011/02/thriving-in-spiritually-mismatched/)
I know some of you have been praying for many years and maybe you are ready to give up... DON'T!!! Deanna concludes her testimony this way - "After 27 years of prayer my husband accepted Christ as his Savior!!!!!". Don't rebel against your husband, SUMIT TO HIM!! - Another issue we must address is that:
c. You Are Not To Repel Your Husband - We have already seen that the answer is not for you to leave for husband. It also must be stated that you are not to push him away either!! It may sound simplistic but you must put your husband into God's hands!
Billy Graham’s wife Ruth, said it was a great day in her life when she realized it was not her job to change her husband. She said, “It was my job to love Billy, and God’s job to change him.”
Why don't you try that??? Simply trust God to do His job. Ladies, you can have a tremendous impact on your lost husband. You can and should witness to him. The manner in which you live your life will go a long way. But you are not supposed to preach at him. You are not to nag at him The bible has much to say about nagging! It is probably no coincidence that it was all written from a man who had over 700 wives.
- Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
- Proverbs 19:13 …a wife’s nagging is an endless dripping.
- Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.
- Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.
A lady named Nancy Kennedy says that she "wrote the handbook on how not to win your spouse to Christ". She says: I didn’t just share my new faith with my husband: I pushed, I forced, I shoved. I didn’t speak, I preached. I prayed loudly in (his) presence and made sure he knew he was a sinner destined for hell. I even packed gospel tracts in his lunch and added a Bible verse at the end of all my love notes to him. I would blast my Christian music and scatter opened Bibles around the house; Then something unexpected happened. I’d been reading a book about intercessory prayer when I had a sudden flash of insight. I told myself, That’s it! I’m going to pray for Barry for the next 80 years, if that’s what it takes. And I’m going to love him. Period. That was 25 years ago—and I’m still praying and loving. I’ve decided that if it takes 80 years, then I want those years to be as enjoyable as possible for the both of us, despite our spiritual differences.(Source - http://powertochange.com/experience/sex-love/husbandsfaith/)
Do you want to reach your husband for Christ? Are you willing to do it God's way? You can and should witness to your husband, but it is not your job to preach at him or run him down. The bible says that you are to submit to him!! - The overriding theme of these verses is the fact that:
d. You Are To Respect Your Husband - Show your husband the love that is in you through Christ. Live as an example of what Jesus can do in a life that is surrendered to Him. When you obey, submit, and reverence your husband you are honoring the Lord! Peter gives the example of Sara in verse 6 - "Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."
This, again, is speaking of the authority the husband has over the wife in the family. Sara obeyed Abraham, because he was her husband. The Lord uses Sara as an example to teach others. Based on the way you treat your husband could He use you as well? You may be married to a mean old drunk. You may live in very difficult circumstances. Or you may have a husband who is a good man according to man's standards. He may love you and treat you like a queen. Regardless of your situation you are called to submit to your husband's authority!
We find some great encouragement for those who will obey God's Word. Notice:
e. You Are Able To Reach Your Husband - 1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
You cannot save your lost husband, and he may never turn to Christ. But you can reach him with the truth! You can have a positive impact on his life. What we see is that there is potential for your husband to be saved! And your pure and reverent lifestyle may be what points him to Jesus. In verses 3 and 4 Peter gives examples of what will reach him and what will not! He declares what is important and what is irrelevant! Notice that:
1. You Will Not Reach Him With Outward Beauty - v3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
Simply put do not be overly concerned with outward beauty. You will not win your husband to faith in Christ By the way you fix your hair...By wearing thousands of dollars worth of jewelry or By wearing a particular kind of clothing.
This does not mean it's wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jewelry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs during that time period. In those days women spent hours and hours working on their hair, makeup, and finding the perfect outfit. (wait THAT STILL HAPPENS TODAY!!!!) There is nothing wrong with a lady looking nice But God wants you to put more effort into becoming beautiful on the inside. Inward beauty is the kind of beauty that lasts forever.
I am thankful that I am blessed to go home to a beautiful woman everyday! My grandmother looked at my wife one day and said "son she sure is pretty" my response was "of course grandma, I wouldn't have married an ugly woman!! But what makes my precious wife even more beautiful is the light of Christ on the inside that shines through on the outside!! Your outward beauty may be what drew your husband to you, but your inward beauty is what will point him to Christ. Notice:
2) You Will Reach Him With Inward Beauty - v4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
You can point your lost husband to Jesus by living a pure, faithful and reverent life. You are to clothe yourself with beauty that comes from within. When you have a gentle and quiet spirit, this is precious to God. There is no guarantee that you will see your husband born again. But you can live with peace and assurance that you are living in a way that would point him to the Savior. Ultimately you can live with peace and assurance that you are honoring your Lord and obeying His word when you submit to your husband. - Not only does Peter share a "Word To The Wives"... in verse 7 we see:
II. Help For The Husbands - v7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Men... we must be sensitive to the needs, fears and feelings of our wives. This is the case if your wife is saved or not. Just as the wife is called to submit to her husband, the husband has a biblical responsibility to honor his wife!!! -- Consider what Paul said in - Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Brother... you are called by God to love your wife in the same way that Jesus loved the Church! Jesus' love for His bride was special, selfless and sacrificial! Love is not just a feeling. Love is something you do. Love is a choice! You make a conscious decision to love your wife. Honoring your wife is a matter of Christian obedience!! Peter describes the woman as "the weaker vessel”. This does not mean that she is spiritually inferior. It means (in a general sense) that the female is physically weaker. And the husband should be a source of protection, provision and strength for her!
When two Christians are married, that marriage is a holy union. The marriage symbolizes the relationship with Christ and His church. That is what God wants in every marriage. Does your marriage line up with the word of God?
This text can be summed up in two sentences: 1. Wives submit to your husbands! 2. Husbands love and honor your wives! Submit to your husband whether he is saved or not. Love and honor your wife whether she is saved or not. When you do these things you will be in a right relationship with your heavenly Father! Even when these things are difficult you can rest in the fact that you are being obedient to Him. And when you live according to the Word of God you will have a much better chance of pointing that unsaved spouse to the Savior!
LADIES: Love your lost husband. Submit to your lost husband. Pray for your lost husband Live a faithful and consistent Christian life in front of him! Study your bible, Spend time in prayer. Faithfully attend worship. When you do these things he will see that what you have is real. And it will have an impact on him!
MEN: Love your wife. Honor your wife. Cherish your wife. Provide for her, Protect her, Pray for her, Pray with her, Lead her and be an example for her. And if she is lost, she will see that Jesus is in control of your life and she may be converted!
Do you know Jesus are your personal Savior? If Not I would like to introduce you to Him today. If you are saved... what about your spouse? Maybe you know that your husband of wife is without a doubt lost and on the road to Hell. Are you willing to reach them the way THE BIBLE TELLS YOU TO? If you have the desire to see them born again, then you must heed the words of I Peter 3:1-7 in order to "Reach Your Unsaved Spouse"?
