ISSUES IN AGING: PART II
ROMANS 12:9-18
TODAY WE ARE GOING TO CONCLUDE OUR SERIES ON ISSUES IN AGING, BY LOOKING AT THE CHALLENGES THAT WE WILL FACE, IF WE HAVEN’T ALREADY, AS WE GROW OLDER.
ONE PERSON I READ COMPARED OUR SENIOR YEARS TO THE FOURTH QUARTER OF A FOOTBALL GAME. YOU COULD PROBABLY SAY TO THE FINAL PART OF ANY SPORTING EVENT, BUT WE’LL STAY WITH FOOTBALL.
IN THE FOURTH QUARTER ONE OF TWO THINGS WILL BE EVIDENT. IF THE GAME IS A ONE-SIDED BLOWOUT PEOPLE WILL REACT WITH RESIGNATION. YOU WILL SEE THEM LEAVE THE STADIUM IN DROVES. PLAYERS WILL HAVE THEIR HEADS DOWN. THE END IS KNOWN BEFORE THE FINAL WHISTLE GOES.
IF THE GAME IS CLOSE, THEN YOU WILL SEE MUCH ACTION TAKE PLACE. COACHES WILL PLAN STRATEGIES, TIME OUTS TAKEN APPROPRIATELY. THERE WILL BE NERVOUS ANTICIPATION ON THE PART OF THE PLAYERS. EVERYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE TO WIN WILL BE DONE BEFORE THE FINAL WHISTLE.
THE SAME IS TRUE AS WE AGE. MOST OF THE CHANGES WE SHALL SEE IN LIFE WILL HAPPEN IN OUR SENIOR YEARS. MANY WILL NOT BE PLEASANT AND WILL BRING ABOUT A MIXED BAG OF RESPONSES, WHICH WE MAY QUESTION AT TIMES AS TO THEIR APPROPRIATENESS ESPECIALLY FOR CHRISTIANS.
THE CHALLENGES THAT WE FACE AS WE GROW OLDER WILL FALL FOR THE MOST PART INTO TWO GROUPS: 1. PHYSICAL CHALLENGES
2. EMOTIONAL RESPONSES TO THOSE CHALLENGES
PEOPLE MAY HAVE OTHER GROUPINGS BUT AS I SEE IT MOST OF THE CHALLENGES WE WILL FACE WILL FALL INTO THESE TWO AREAS. I BELIEVE THAT AS WE BECOME MORE AWARE OF THESE AREAS, WE WILL BE IN A BETTER POSITION TO MINISTER TO THEM.
POINT ONE: WHAT DO WE MEAN BY “PHYSICAL CHANGES?”
THROUGHOUT OUR LIVES WE WILL ALWAYS FACE PHSYICAL CHALLENGES. WHEN WE ARE IN OUR EARLY YEARS, WE VIEW THESE CHALLENGES AS STEPPING STONES TO INDEPENDENCE AND ADULTHOOD. IN OUR SENIOR YEARS THOUGH, THESE CHANGES ARE VIEWED AS STEPPING STONES TOWARD DEPENDANCE ON OTHERS AND EVER-PRESENT REMINDERS OF OUR OWN MORTALITY.
IF WE COULD VIEW OUR LIFE SPAN ON A CURVE, OUR EARLY YEARS WOULD BE CONSTANTLY GOING UP TOWARDS INDEPENDANCE. AS WE ADVANCE INTO OUR SENIOR YEARS, WE DESCEND THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CURVE TOWARDS PERSONAL DEPENDANCE ON OTHERS.
PHYSICAL CHALLENGES CAN INCLUDE: 1. CHANGES TO OUR BODIES
2. CHANGES IN OUR LIVING CIRCUMSTANCES
3. DEATH OF FRIENDS OR SPOUCE.
4. OUR OWN DEATH.
CHANGES TO OUR BODIES CAN TAKE MANY FORMS, FROM INCREASED ACHES AND PAINS, TO ALSHEIMERS. THEY CAN BE THE DETERMINING FACTOR IN OUR LIVING CIRCUMSTANCES, AS WE FIND WE CAN NO LONGER TAKE THE KIND OF CARE WE WANT TO OUR PROPERTY, OR LIVING IN OUR PRESENT PLACE BECOMES A HEALTH CONCERN.
AS WE ADVANCE IN AGE OUR MORTALITY BECOMES EVER-MORE PRESENT. AS WE CHECK THE OBITUARIES, AND WE SEE THE NAMES OF PEOPLE WE GREW UP WITH ON A MORE FREQUENT BASIS WE BECOME MORE AND MORE AWARE THAT OUR TIME IN THIS WORLD IS GROWING SHORTER.
DEATH IS NEVER SUBTLE. IT RIPS AND TEARS AT INDIVIDUALS INDESCRIMINATELY. IT HAS NO MERCY. THE DEATH OF A SPOUCE FOREVER CHANGES OUR LIVES. FINALLY WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH OUR OWN DEATH.
NOW I KNOW THAT I’VE JUST PAINTED A BLEAK PICTURE OF LIFE. BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THAT THERE WOULD BE FEW WHO WOULD CHALLENGE ME ON THESE FACTS. BY ACKNOWLEGING THEM WE CAN ALSO BEGIN THE PROCESS OF MINISTERING TO THESE NEEDS.
POINT TWO: EMOTIONAL RESPONSES TO THESE PHYSICAL CHANGES.
THERE CAN BE A WIDE RANGE OF EMOTIONS THAT HAVE TO BE DEALT WITH WHEN MINISTERING TO SENIORS AND THE FAMILIES OF SENIORS. EMOTIONAL RESPONSES CAN RANGE FROM: ANGER
FRUSTRATION
DEPRESSION
FEAR
LONLINESS
RELEASE
GUILT
GRIEF
HAPPINESS
JUST TO NAME A FEW.
THE IMPORTANT THING TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT SATAN CAN AND WILL TRY TO MANIPULATE YOUR FEELINGS, IN AN ATTEMPT TO DESTROY YOU.
1 PETER 5:8:
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
WHEN WE’RE CALLED ON TO LOOK AFTER A LOVED ONE FOR A PRO-LONGED PERIOD OF TIME, WE MAY FEEL EMOTIONS SUCH AS:
ANGER: BECAUSE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS ARE NOT HELPING AS WE FEEL THEY SHOULD.
FRUSTRATION: WHEN WE HAVE TO DO THE SAME THING TIME AND AGAIN.
THESE CAN BE NATURAL FEELINGS TO HAVE FROM TIME TO TIME. WE DON’T STAY THERE LONG, BUT EVERY ONCE AND AWHILE THEY ARE THERE.
SATAN THEN WILL ADD THE EMOTION OF GUILT BRINGING THOUGHTS LIKE “ YOU’RE A BAD LOVED ONE FOR FEELING LIKE THIS”. THE FEELING OF GUILT WILL STAY WITH US A LONG TIME AFTER THE INCIDENT. AND THAT IS WHAT SATAN WANTS. HE WANTS US TO CARRY BURDENS, THAT IN REALITY ARE MOMENTARY IN NATURE.
WHEN MY DAD DIED, HE WAS IN THE FREDERICTON HOSPITAL. HE WAS THERE FOR TWO WEEKS AND WE DROVE EVERY DAY TO BE WITH HIM. LOOKING BACK I THINK THE LAST DAYS IT WAS MORE FOR US THAN HIM. THE LAST NIGHT I REMEMBER MY SISTER ASKING IF I WAS GLAD THAT I CAME THAT NIGHT, AS IF SHE KNEW SOMETHING WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. I SAID I WAS. HE DIED LATER THAT NIGHT.
I REMEMBER A FEELING OF RELEASE AND RELIEF GOING THROUGH ME WHEN THE HOSPITAL CALLED. DAD WAS NOT SUFFERING ANY LONGER. MOM WOULDN’T HAVE TO MAKE THE TRIP TO FREDERICTON EVERY DAY, AND COULD DEAL WITH HER OWN HEALTH ISSUES, FOR AT THE TIME SHE HAD CANCER AS WELL. IT WAS A TIRING TIME WORKING 8-4 AT THE STORE AND THEN GOING TO THE HOSPITAL AFTER THAT.
MY STORY IS NO DIFFERENT THAN MANY OF YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH. YOU KNOW THAT SATAN WILL USE SITUATIONS LIKE THAT TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT AN EMOTION THAT IS NATURAL TO FEEL. IT IS NOT WRONG TO FEEL RELEASE AND RELIEF IN THAT TYPE OF SITUATION. IT OFTEN OCCURS AND IS PART OF THE GRIEVING PROCESS.
POINT THREE: GRIEF
I THINK THE GREATEST EMOTION THAT WE DEAL WITH IN THE AGING PROCESS IS GRIEF. GRIEF COMES IN MANY FORMS AND FOR DIFFERENT REASONS, BUT WE ALL HAVE TIMES OF GRIEF, AND WE MAY NOT EVEN REALIZE IT.
CONSIDER THESE SITUATIONS:
1. LEAVING A JOB AT RETIREMENT, ESPECIALLY ONE YOU LIKED.
2. HAVING TO LEAVE YOUR HOME FOR HEALTH REASONS.
3. NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THE THINGS WE ONCE COULD.
4. THE HEALTH SITUATIONS OF PEOPLE OUR AGE, AND OUR OWN SITUATION.
5. THE DEATH OF A SPOUCE, OR LOVED ONE.
6. OUR OWN DEATH
YOU MAY WANT TO PUT THEM IN A DIFFERENT ORDER AND THAT’S ALL RIGHT, BUT THE FEELING OF GRIEF IS REAL.
GRIEF IS A STRANGE EMOTION AS IT IS A COMBINATION OF THE PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE. THE VERY THINGS THAT GIVE US COMFORT AT A TIME OF LOSS ARE ALSO THE THINGS THAT CAUSE US PAIN.
IN PREPARING THESE MESSAGES I STUDIED BILLY GRAHAM’S BOOK “NEARING HOME”. PART OF THAT BOOK HE TALKED ABOUT HIS LIFE AFTER RUTH DIED. HE TALKED ABOUT HIS LOVE FOR HER, HER BIBLES, AND THEIR HOME. ON A GAITHER SPECIAL HE SAID OF RUTH “THIS IS 90% HERS. SHE IS EVERYWHERE I TURN HERE. SHE MADE IT A HOME.”
HE WAS COMFORTED BY SO MANY REMEMBERANCES OF HIS WIFE. AT THE SAME TIME, THE THINGS THAT BROUGHT THE MOST COMFORT TO HIM, ALSO REMINDED HIM THAT SHE WAS NO LONGER THERE, AND THAT BROUGHT PAIN AND HEARTBREAK.
I’M SURE MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN IN A POSITION SUCH AS THIS.
GRIEF HAS NO TIME LIMITS AND IN SOME WAYS IS ALWAYS WITH US, ALTHOUGH WITH THE COURSE OF TIME IT’S IMPACT MAY BE LESSENED.
POINT FOUR: HOW THEN DO WE MINISTER IN THESE SITUATIONS?
THIS IS WHERE WE TURN TO OUR TEXT.
1. BE SINCERE IN YOUR MINISTRY:
“9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WE WANT TO HELP SOMEONE BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR WHAT TO DO. PEOPLE KNOW YOUR HEART. SOMETIMES A HUG (IF YOU KNOW THE PERSON WELL), SOMETIMES A HOT MEAL BROUGHT TO THE HOSPITAL, IS A GREAT ACT OF MINISTRY. THE KEY IS TO BE AUTHENTIC. DON’T BE MINISTERING ONE MINUTE AND BRAGGING ABOUT WHAT YOU DID THE NEXT.
2. CONSIDER THE GOLDEN RULE “DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU”:
SHOW KINDNESS TO OTHERS BECAUSE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER ALL OF US WILL NEED KINDNESS SHOWN TO US. HWJD SHOULD BE ASKED AND ANSWERED MANY TIMES.
3. BE HOPEFUL, BUT ALLOW PEOPLE THE RIGHT TO FEEL AND DEAL WITH THEIR GRIEF. COME ALONGSIDE THEM AND WALK WITH THEM.
11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
4. REMEMBER THAT SOME MAY NOT BE READY TO DEAL WITH THEIR CHALLENGES, OR MAY NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING WITH YOU ABOUT THEM. WE MUST ALLOW PEOPLE THIS RIGHT AND NOT TAKE IT TO HEART.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
5. IN SOME CASES THE ONLY THING THAT IS NEEDED IS TIME. JUST A VISIT TO HELP MAKE THE DAY GO FASTER IS A WELCOME CHANGE FOR PEOPLE. IT CAN HELP WITH THE LONLINESS THAT COMES FROM TIME TO TIME.
6. KNOW YOUR BIBLE AND KNOW WHAT TO PRAY FOR: THE BIBLE BECOMES A ESSENTIAL RESOURCE IN MINISTRY. TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO A SENIOR ABOUT THE HOPE OF HEAVEN AND LESSES SOME ANXIETY IS SO PRECIOUS.
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
7. KNOW THE RESOURCES OF YOUR CHURCH. PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME SITUATION, PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE SUCH AS LAWYERS AND ACCOUNTANTS, CAN BE VALUABLE RESOURCES IN MINISTRY AS WE AGE.
THE RESOURCES THAT WE JUST TALKED ABOUT ARE FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND THEIR SITUATION. BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO CANNOT. HOW DO YOU MINISTER TO SOMEONE WITH ALZHEOIMERS?
AGAIN LETS GO TO THE BIB LE FOR THE ANSWER. THIS TIME THE OLD TESTAMENT:
WHEN GOD CREATED HUMANITY WE FIND IN THE BIBLICAL ACCOUNT THESE SPECIAL WORDS.
GENESIS 1:26-27:
“26 ΒΆ Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
WE HONOUR THE IMAGE OF GOD WHEN WE MINISTER TO THOSE WHO CAN’T RESPOND OR CAN’T UNDERSTAND. THEY ARE STILL A CREATION OF GOD.
TALK ABOUT THE RETIRED MINISTER AND HIS WIFE IN A HOME.
HOW CAN WE MINISTER TO THESE PEOPLE?
LET’S BEGIN WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT AS THE CONDITION PROGRESSES OUR MINISTRY WILL BE MORE WITH THE FAMILY THAN WITH THE PATIENT.
1. IN THE EARLY STAGES, WE CAN MINISTER TO THEIR FEELINGS OF GRIEF, AND ANXIETY OF WHAT IS TO COME.
2. AS THE CONDITION PROGRESSES WE CAN MINISTER TO THEIR EARLY MEMORIES. READ FAMILIAR PASSAGES OF THE BIBLE AND LEAVE OUT WORDS. SOMETIMES THE PATIENT WILL BE ABLE TO SAY THEM RIGHT OFF.
CONCLUSION: THERE IS A LOT WE CAN DO AS A CHURCH TO MINISTER AS WE AGE. WE CAN MAKE SURE OUR CHURCH BUILDING IS FRIENDLY TO THE PHYSICAL NEEDS OF OTHERS. THE MINISTRY OF PRESENCE CAN BE A MIGHTY FORCE AT THIS SPECIAL TIME.
MOST IMPORTANT IS WHAT PAUL SAYS IN THIS PASSAGE:
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
I WANT TO CLOSE WITH A SONG BY THE BOOTH BROTHERS. I PLAYED IT TO THE ADULT SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS A FEW MONTHS AGO. IT’S ABOUT THEIR GRAND-MOTHER AND HER ALSHEIMERS CONDITION, AND THE SPECIAL TIMES THEY SHARED WITH THE WORD AND WITH THE GREAT HYMNS OF THE FAITH.
THE NAME OF THE SONG IS: "SHE STILL REMEMBERS JESUS' NAME".
