This morning I’d like to begin with a quote from one of my favorite theologians – Theodor Geisel, probably better known to most of us as Dr. Seuss. In his book Horton Hatches an Egg, Horton the elephant utters these words:
I meant what I said,
and I said what I meant
An elephant's faithful,
One hundred percent.
This morning, as we conclude our four week series on Building Blocks for Authentic Relationships, we’re going to look at the account of a relationship that is characterized by that kind of commitment to be true to what we say.
Obviously in just four weeks, we can’t possibly cover every single building block that is necessary to develop authentic relationships. However, I am convinced that if we’ll just apply the four that we’re covering in this series, we will be able to significantly enhance our relationship with God and with others.
Before we get to our fourth and final building block, let’s take a moment to quickly review the first three building blocks that we’ve developed:
Three weeks ago we looked at the relationship between Abram and Lot and developed the first building block of selflessness, which we summarized like this:
Authentic relationships are enhanced when
I yield my rights in order to prevent unnecessary fights
Two weeks ago we developed the second building block of forgiveness from the account of Joseph and his brothers and summarized that building block like this:
Authentic relationships are enhanced when
I give up my right to hurt you for hurting me
Last week, we looked at the relationship between Naomi and Ruth and developed the building block of loyalty, which we summarized like this.
Authentic relationships are enhanced when
I am faithful to others regardless of what’s in it for me
The fourth and final building block that we’ll look at in this series is demonstrated by how David treats Mephibosheth. When I first envisioned this message I planned to focus on the building block of kindness – and we could certainly do that today. But the more that I looked at the account of this relationship, the more it seemed to me that the real building block here is that of integrity – especially as it relates to keeping my word. So this morning we’ll develop that final building block, which we’ll summarize like this:
Authentic relationships are enhanced when
I say what I mean and mean what I say
Many of you probably aren’t real familiar with Mephibosheth. Perhaps you’ve even avoided studying his life just because you don’t want to have to pronounce his name. But David’s relationship with him is a great illustration of the kind of integrity that is crucial to the development of authentic relationships.
That relationship covers a pretty good chunk of Scripture in 1 and 2 Samuel so you’re going to need to have your Bibles handy.
The relationship begins with a covenant between David and Jonathan in which David promises to protect Jonathan’s family in return for Jonathan revealing his father Saul’s plans to harm David. That covenant is reaffirmed at the end of 1 Samuel chapter 20:
Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.
(1 Samuel 20:42 ESV)
Shortly thereafter, Jonathan is killed in battle, along with his father, King Saul. Even though God had anointed David to be king of Israel, another of Saul’s sons, Ish-bosheth takes the throne of the ten northern tribes by force and ruled over that portion of Israel for two years. It is during that time that we are first introduced to Mephibosheth:
Jonathan, the son of Saul, had a son who was crippled in his feet. He was five years old when the news about Saul and Jonathan came from Jezreel, and his nurse took him up and fled, and as she fled in her haste, he fell and became lame. And his name was Mephibosheth.
(2 Samuel 4:4 ESV)
Mephibosheth was five years old when his nurse heard the news of his father’s death. As she fled with him in her arms, she dropped Mephibosheth and he became lame. Shortly thereafter, Ish-bosheth is murdered and David becomes the king of all Israel.
We next see Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel 9. So go ahead and turn to that chapter in your Bibles and follow along as I read beginning in verse 1:
[1] And David said, “Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan's sake?” [2] Now there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba, and they called him to David. And the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” And he said, “I am your servant.” [3] And the king said, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?” Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.” [4] The king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “He is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar.”
David remembers his covenant with Jonathan and he actively attempts to keep his word by seeking out any Jonathan’s descendants who are still alive so that he can show kindness. The word kindness in verse 1 is the same Hebrew word that we looked at last week – chesed – which describes God’s loyal love for His people. Because God had manifest His chesed toward David, David desired to pass that on to Jonathan’s descendants.
So David calls in one of Saul’s servants to ask if there is someone to whom he might extend that kindness. He discovers that Mephibosheth is still alive. But, because the normal practice at that time was that a new king would have the entire family of the previous king put to death in order to prevent any kind of rebellion, Mephibosheth had fled to a place called Lo-debar, where he undoubtedly live in fear for his life.
[5] Then King David sent and brought him from the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, at Lo-debar. [6] And Mephibosheth the son of Jonathan, son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, “Mephibosheth!” And he answered, “Behold, I am your servant.” [7] And David said to him, “Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always.” [8] And he paid homage and said, “What is your servant, that you should show regard for a dead dog such as I?”
When Mephibosheth is summoned by David, he probably thinks he is going to be killed. So, not surprisingly, he humbles himself before David. But instead of the punishment he fears, he is surprised by grace! David not only spares his life, but he also promises to restore all the land that had belonged to his family. And even better, Mephibosheth would now become like one of David’s sons and eat at the king’s table for the rest of his life.
Although we don’t have time to explore the idea in detail this morning, the account of David’s chesed toward Mephibosheth is a beautiful picture of how God extends his grace to us. Even though we are not deserving of His grace, God is faithful to the promises that He makes throughout Scripture to call to Himself a people through whom He will bless the entire world. And he does that even though we have nothing to offer to Him and we are completely undeserving of that grace.
But David is not yet done with his kindness toward Mephibosheth. He takes that kindness to an astonishing extreme:
[9] Then the king called Ziba, Saul's servant, and said to him, “All that belonged to Saul and to all his house I have given to your master's grandson. [10] And you and your sons and your servants shall till the land for him and shall bring in the produce, that your master's grandson may have bread to eat. But Mephibosheth your master's grandson shall always eat at my table.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. [11] Then Ziba said to the king, “According to all that my lord the king commands his servant, so will your servant do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David's table, like one of the king's sons. [12] And Mephibosheth had a young son, whose name was Mica. And all who lived in Ziba's house became Mephibosheth's servants. [13] So Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, for he ate always at the king's table. Now he was lame in both his feet.
In addition to his life begin spared and getting to eat at the king’s table – which is confirmed two more times in these verses – David also commands Ziba and his family and servants to work the land David was giving to Mephibosheth and to give all the produce from the land to him. We’ll see in a moment that Ziba understandably wasn’t very happy about that arrangement.
We next see Mephibosheth mentioned in 1 Samuel 16. David’s son, Absalom, has tried to mount a coup against David and David has to flee from Jerusalem. Ziba, Saul’s servant who we saw earlier, brings David some provisions. David is surprised that Mephibosheth is not with Ziba so he asks about him:
And the king said, “And where is your master's son?” Ziba said to the king, “Behold, he remains in Jerusalem, for he said, ‘Today the house of Israel will give me back the kingdom of my father.’” Then the king said to Ziba, “Behold, all that belonged to Mephibosheth is now yours.” And Ziba said, “I pay homage; let me ever find favor in your sight, my lord the king.”
(2 Samuel 16:3-4 ESV)
As we’ll see in a moment, Ziba is not telling the truth here. Mephibosheth has not turned against David in order to get back the kingdom of his grandfather Saul. But apparently Ziba isn’t real happy that he has been forced to work Mephibosheth’s land all this time and when he sees a way to get his revenge, he takes advantage of that.
Unfortunately, David doesn’t take the time to verify Ziba’s account and orders that all of Mephibosheth’s land be given to Ziba.
When David returns to Jerusalem he confronts Mephibosheth about Ziba’s accusations:
And Mephibosheth the son of Saul came down to meet the king. He had neither taken care of his feet nor trimmed his beard nor washed his clothes, from the day the king departed until the day he came back in safety. And when he came to Jerusalem to meet the king, the king said to him, “Why did you not go with me, Mephibosheth?” He answered, “My lord, O king, my servant deceived me, for your servant said to him, ‘I will saddle a donkey for myself, that I may ride on it and go with the king.’ For your servant is lame. He has slandered your servant to my lord the king. But my lord the king is like the angel of God; do therefore what seems good to you. For all my father's house were but men doomed to death before my lord the king, but you set your servant among those who eat at your table. What further right have I, then, to cry to the king?” And the king said to him, “Why speak any more of your affairs? I have decided: you and Ziba shall divide the land.” And Mephibosheth said to the king, “Oh, let him take it all, since my lord the king has come safely home.”
(2 Samuel 19:24-30 ESV)
Mephibosheth certainly doesn’t look like a man who was trying to retake the kingdom. Because of his genuine concern for David, he hadn’t trimmed his beard or washed his clothes the entire time David had been gone. In response to David’s questioning he recounts how Ziba had deceived him into not going to see David. And Mephibosheth reaffirms his loyalty to David.
One of the things that I love about the Bible is that it is so realistic in the way it portrays even those who are faithful to God. David, who the Bible tells us is a man after God’s own heart, doesn’t demonstrate a lot of patience or good judgment here. First, he gives all the land to Ziba without every confirming what Ziba told him. And now, not wanting to be bothered with the whole matter any longer, he just splits the land down the middle.
I think that Mephibosheth’s response here is a pretty good indication that he, and not Ziba, is telling the truth. He is a lot more concerned with David’s wellbeing than with his material possessions, even after David has treated him unfairly.
But even though David didn’t use real good judgment here, the last mention of Mephibosheth in the Bible reveals that he still kept his word when it came to the promises he had made to Jonathan.
In 2 Samuel 21, we find that a famine had come upon Israel because Saul had been guilty of putting the Gibeonites to death in violation of the promise of the people of Israel to spare them. So, based on God’s instruction to him, David went to the Gibeonites in order to make atonement for Saul’s transgressions. The Gibeonites asked for seven sons of Saul that they would put to death and David agreed to give them up. But, he did that in a way that would not violate his oath with Jonathan:
But the king spared Mephibosheth, the son of Saul's son Jonathan, because of the oath of the LORD that was between them, between David and Jonathan the son of Saul.
(2 Samuel 21:7 ESV)
In the way he treated Mephibosheth, David illustrates that…
Authentic relationships are enhanced when
I say what I mean and mean what I say
There are three significant aspects of that kind of integrity that we see in that relationship:
Integrity means keeping my word even when…
• No one else will know
As far as we can tell, no one except David and Jonathan knew about the promise that David had made. And now that Jonathan was dead, it was likely that no one else would ever know about that promise. But David knew. So when God brought that promise to mind, David immediately sought to be true to his word.
Perhaps the area where this principle is most relevant to our lives is when we promise to pray for others. Unfortunately, we’ve probably all been guilty of telling someone we would pray for him or her and then we don’t ever follow through on that promise. And in most cases, the other person will never know whether we kept our word or not. But integrity demands that if I make that promise I follow through regardless.
Integrity means keeping my word even when…
• It is of no benefit to me
King David didn’t need anything from a lame, crippled man like Mephibosheth. There was no tangible benefit for David in keeping his promise to Jonathan. Ziba certainly expressed that idea in his reply to David in verse 3 in 2 Samuel 9:
There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet.
Ziba is essentially saying to David, “What do you want with this guy? He’s a cripple who has nothing to offer you.” And that was certainly true. But for David, keeping his word was a matter of principle, not a matter of what he was going to get out of it.
For David, it was a matter of passing on the chesed that God had shown to him. We don’t have time to look at it this morning, but in 2 Samuel 7, we find the prayer of David in which he expresses his gratitude to God for the chesed that God had consistently manifested in his life. And, just like we saw with Ruth last week, David understood God wanted him to be a channel for passing on that unmerited favor to others.
In your marriage, and in your relationship with your children and grandchildren and in your job and even in the church, are you committed to keeping your word even when it is of no benefit to you, even when you’re not going to receive anything in return? Are you willing, in those relationships, to take the chesed that God has shown to you by keeping His word and to pass that on to others by keeping your word?
Integrity means keeping my word even when…
• It is inconvenient or costly
David didn’t just do the minimum that would have been required to keep his word. He didn’t just wait until Mephibosheth showed up at his doorstep – he sought him out. He didn’t just offer not to harm him – he made him a part of his family and made provisions to return his family’s land and to have others tend that land on his behalf.
In order to keep his word, David was willing to suffer inconvenience and he was willing to give up resources that he had the right to keep for his own benefit.
Often, keeping our word is inconvenient. And keeping our word is often costly to us in terms of our time and our resources. But if we are to be people of integrity we must be willing to keep our word regardless of the cost.
We have seen this morning that…
Authentic relationships are enhanced when
I say what I mean and mean what I say
Like we’ve done with each message throughout this series, I’d like to leave you with some very practical ways to apply what we’ve learned. So let’s close with three real-world things we can all do in order to say what we mean and mean what we say.
How to say what I mean and mean what I say
1. Think before I commit
This is a lesson that I’ve hard to learn the hard way. At one point in my life, often because I wanted to please others, I would almost always say “yes” when someone asked me to do something. I often did that without considering how that might affect other people in my life or without fully thinking about what it was going to take to fulfill those commitments.
Over the years, I have learned, however, that in most cases, it is not necessary to give someone an immediate answer when they make a request of you. Although I still am too quick to make commitments to others at times, I’ve learned to tell people that I’ll have to check with Mary and get back to them later or that I need time to check my schedule first or that I just need some time to think it over or pray about it.
I’ve also learned that if I know I’m not going to be able to fulfill a commitment that it’s better to politely decline the request or to not make the commitment in the first place and risk disappointing the other person than it is to make a promise that I can’t or am unlikely to be able or willing to keep.
2. Don’t give myself an option to back out
Obviously, there will be times when we make a promise that becomes impossible to fulfill. That’s why it is so important to think before I commit. And in those instances we need to just own up to our mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
But much of the time, it is possible for us to keep our word, but to be real honest, we just don’t want to do that for some reason. In our minds, the inconvenience or the cost are just more than we are willing to bear.
But if living a life of integrity is important to me, then it means I need to resist the urge to make excuses or to find ways to back out of the commitments I make. I need to develop a mindset in which I refuse to find a way to back out of any commitments or promises that I’ve made.
3. Take care of any unfulfilled commitments
Finally, this morning, I want to encourage you to sit down with God in prayer and ask Him to reveal to you any unfulfilled commitments in your life. Think about the promises that you’ve made to your spouse, your parents, your children and grandchildren, your employer, even commitments that you have made to your church or to the people in this body.
I can almost guarantee that if we do that diligently and prayerfully, we are going to remember some promises that we have failed to keep. And to the extent it is still possible, we need to do whatever is necessary to follow through on those promises. And if the situation is such that it is no longer possible to keep our word then we need to repent and seek forgiveness for that.
Over the last four weeks, we’ve talked about our human relationships and four building blocks that we can use to develop authentic relationships with others. But what we’ve also seen is that all four of these building blocks are consistent with the character of God and how He relates to us. God treats us with unselfishness, forgiveness, loyalty and integrity. And when we take those character traits and develop them in our own lives and treat others the same way that God has treated us, then the natural outcome is that our relationship with God and our relationships with others are enhanced greatly.
So as we close this series, I’ve asked Chriece Gailey to come and sing a song that is titled “If I’m Guilty.” It is a song that calls us to reflect on our relationships with others and to seek God’s forgiveness for those times when we haven’t related to others in the same way God relates to us.
Once she is done singing, I’m going to ask us to respond together to what we’ve learned over these past four weeks by praying as a body and asking God to help us apply these principles in our day to day lives.
[Chriece sings]
Corporate Prayer:
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your grace and mercy in our lives.
Thank you that you are selfless, forgiving, loyal and full of integrity in the way You deal with us.
Help us to treat others the same way You have treated us.
We ask that as You enable us to live like that our relationships with others and with You would be enhanced and that You would be glorified in that.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
