Have you ever seen products like these for sale? A watering can with a spout that curves in on itself? A chair that feels like it wants to push you off of it? A cereal bowl with a hole in the bottom? And a drinking glass that is sure to cause a mess down one’s shirt front? No, you’ve never seen items like these for sale because they are poorly designed and no one would buy them!
If that’s true, then why do couples keep buying into marriage? When a 2011 news article reports that 4 out of every 10 first marriages in Canada end in divorce (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/4-in-10-1st-marriages-end-in-divorce-report-1.953894), shouldn’t we conclude that marriage was poorly designed? That’s what many would have us believe as they insist that marriage can be re-designed as a union between two men or two women, or as a union that’s worth staying in only for as long as it’s fun, and not “’til death do us part.” Today the Apostle Paul reminds us Christians that marriage works. It works because God designed it, and it works even between two sinful people because Christ inspires it. Yes, marriage works, but only for those who are willing to work on their marriage.
What I’m going to share with you this morning about marriage is not what you’re going to hear from the media or popular opinion. Some of the things that I will say may seem downright offensive. But don’t tune me out. Don’t be like the crowd in our Gospel Lesson who turned away from Jesus because what he said seemed too hard to believe and follow. What I will say about marriage is God’s Word on the matter, and therefore worth listening to and putting into action. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t call yourself a Christian. Do I sound like a strict teacher laying down the rules on the first day of class? Think of me instead as a rollercoaster attendant who is serious about delivering his safety speech so that his customers will enjoy the ride. Buckle up. Here we go.
Although the Apostle Paul is the author of our sermon text about marriage, he is not the author of marriage itself. Paul reminded his readers that it was God, at the very beginning of time, who designed marriage to be a life-long union between one man and one woman. Adam and Eve weren’t just friends - they were husband and wife, and God was their matchmaker.
Maybe that’s the problem today. Perhaps there is so much divorce because people keep marrying the wrong partner! If God would only have continued to be the matchmaker, marriages would last longer, wouldn’t they? But God still does the matchmaking. Listen to what Jesus said regarding marriage. “…what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6b). Huh. That means that your marriage is a match made in heaven! God allowed your choice of spouse, and he intends that choice to be a blessing to you, and you to be a blessing to your spouse.
“But how can that be, Pastor? You don’t know how much we bicker. Some days I don’t know what I ever saw in my spouse!” When we feel that way, we need to remember that it’s not our spouse that is the problem. The problem is our focus. Husbands, listen where Paul says your focus should be. I’ll read to you from the Message translation. “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting” (Ephesians 5:25). Guys, your wife is not a home appliance or a power tool meant to make your life easier. She is one of God’s treasures that he has entrusted to you. The focus in your marriage, therefore, should not be on what you can get out of it, and on how your wife can make your life easier and more fun. Marriage is all about what you can do for your wife!
Now wives, listen to where Paul says your focus should be in the marriage. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). Your focus it to be on your husband. You are to honor and respect him. You are to submit to him in all things, not because he is worth it, but because this is God’s design for marriage, and his design works.
Now when God tells you to submit, he’s not saying this because he has declared the male species to be superior to the female. A woman’s worth has nothing to do with this. It’s for the sake of good order that there can only be one leader. And God has declared the husband to fill that role in marriage. This could gall you, but it doesn’t have to – not when you consider how you willingly submit to others outside of marriage. Although this is an extreme example, consider it for a moment. If you were climbing a mountain and fell into a crevice, would you say to a rescuer who urges you to give you his hand, “I’m not taking orders from you! I’m not submitting to your authority!”? No, you would be happy to let him lead. That doesn’t mean of course that you won’t offer input. If the safety harness he wraps around you is too tight, you’ll point this out. And hopefully the rescuer won’t retort: “That’s not my problem.” Your husband hasn’t been sent to “rescue” you, but he has been sent by God to serve and protect you. Help him do his best at this by supporting and encouraging him, as is God’s design for you.
OK. So God’s design for marriage is clear. But can sinful human beings really make marriage work? I mean just because a BMW or a Lexus is well designed doesn’t mean that a drunk driver can’t crash it! Thankfully our text doesn’t just teach us that God designed marriage, it also says that Christ inspires it.
Husbands, Christ showed that being the head doesn’t mean being the boss who can do whatever he wants. It means being a servant-leader who makes decisions and make sacrifices for the good of those he has been called to lead. He demonstrated that kind of love when he died on the cross for your sins. Jesus didn’t do this because you are worth it. He did it simply because he is loving.
And wives, Jesus knows what it’s like to be submissive too! He submitted to his Father’s plan to save the world, but he didn’t do so because he didn’t have any other choice, or because he was only a lowly servant. No! Jesus is God from eternity, equal to the Father in power and majesty. But he submitted to his Father’s plan so that the mission of saving the world could be accomplished.
But Jesus doesn’t just inspire marriage with his example, he empowers it. He’s done this by forgiving our sins and giving us the power to live as God-pleasing husbands and wives. Paul put it like this in our text. “…Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25b-28).
Paul is speaking about baptism and says that through that sacrament we have received the benefit of Jesus’ cleansing blood which has made us radiant, without stain, wrinkle, or blemish. Isn’t that a relief? Perhaps as you’ve listened to this sermon you’ve been cringing because you know that you’re not the kind of husband or wife God has called you to be. You haven’t treated your wife with Christ-like love. Instead you’ve taken her for granted and expect her to keep the house running while she also tries to juggle the kids’ schedules and her own work. Hurt by this treatment perhaps you wives have given up submitting to your husbands. Instead of encouraging him and building him up, you nag him or simply ignore him. Perhaps your marriage has come to the point where you’re more housemates than husband and wife.
But Paul says that through baptism you both have been washed clean of that sin. Just as digital imaging software removes blemishes, wrinkles, and even whitens teeth on a portrait, the blood Jesus shed on the cross removes our sins so that in every way we are beautiful to God. Since that is how God sees each of us, isn’t that how we will want to look at one another, especially our spouse? Your spouse, like you, is a child of God - beautiful in every way.
Do you see now how Christ inspires marriage? Every day he gives us a fresh start to be loving husbands and wives. He sets the example and then through his Word and Sacrament gives us the power to say no to our sinful natures which continually urge us to focus on ourselves rather than our spouse.
Sure, marriage is work, but marriage works because it’s designed by God, and inspired by Christ. Put this God-given design to work and enjoy God-given blessings in your marriage. Amen.
SERMON NOTES
Today’s sermon speaks about the role of husband and wife. Think of three ways you could be a better spouse, or think of three characteristics you want in a future spouse.
