Definition of Anger: It is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility or indignation as a result of a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration or injustice done towards yourself or others important to you. (From Dr. Charles Stanley)
Anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a reaction to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity. Anger is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong. - American Psychological Association
Some things you can do to deal with anger -
Some of the important things to know about anger is this:
1. Anger is an emotion - essentially neither good nor bad. It is what we do with anger that is important. It is how we handle anger that is important.
2. We do not have to be an angry person, anger does not have to rule our lives.
3. Uncontrolled anger will hurt us physically. Anger can do the same damage to our bodies as high cholesterol, diabetes or smoking and drinking. Anger can even weaken our immune system and lead to high blood pressure.
4. Uncontrolled anger will hurt us spiritually, emotionally and relationally. What is the effect our anger has on other people and on God?
Anger can lead to a life dominated by stress and depression. It can erode our respect and damage our relationships. Anger can be a career killer. Anger can cause lasting scars in the people we love the most. Anger erodes our ability to be heard and trusted.
5. Our anger can be passed down. Anger problems often stem from what you have learned as a child. Too often children who have witnessed families scream, hit one another and throw things suffer from anger issues themselves.
6. Anger can mask other issues. Issues like pride, being unable to compromise, being afraid or feeling shame or always thinking that we have to be right or in control.
Ways to sense that we are angry:
+We get knots in our stomachs +Clenched hands/jaw/teeth
+We start breathing faster +Blood pressure rises
+We start to get a headache +We get hot/clammy/sweating
+We feel flushed +We have trouble concentrating
+Our hearts starts pounding +We tense up/pupils contract
HOW DO WE HANDLE ANGER -
Scripture background - Ephesians 4:29 - 32; Colossians 3:14-21
Normal way people handle anger
1. Repress it - sometimes they even say they never get angry. But anger is something that you really cannot hide - you can see it in a person's eyes, voice and body language.
2. Suppress it - they refuse to deal with anger.
3. Outburst - Shot gun approach - Explosion and damage
4. Excuses
a. It is just the way I am - it is the way God made me.
God did not make people angry. It is a choice that we make. If we have a short fuse it is because we made that fuse short.
5. We allow the Holy Spirit to help us deal with our anger. We allow the Holy Spirit to help us control our anger. Not all anger can be dismissed immediately. If our anger happens as a result of a snide remark it is easy to allow that to just slide off and not stay angry. But if someone is seeking to get us fired or hurting our reputation it will take time to deal with the anger that ensues. And if someone's actions take the life of a love one then of course it will take a bit longer. Some "anger events" take longer than others for us to deal with emotionally, socially and even physically.
A. To deal with Anger - Confess Your Anger.
-Don't deny it, excuse it or repress anger. Instead, just confess to yourself that you get angry. It is not a sin to get angry. Anger can lead us into sin if we don't handle anger properly.
B. To deal with Anger - You have to identify the nature and source of what caused the anger.
-We need to understand why this event made us angry. It can be something that could have happened in our past. It can be as a result of a bad parent, school teacher or person in authority who we feel harmed us in the present/past. Some people simply are angry at God and other are angry with themselves.
C. To deal with Anger - Purpose in your heart to deal with anger as quick as possible.
-We must not simply justify all of our anger. We are to turn to scripture and make sure that we deal with anger as properly and quickly as possible. There are some things that will take us days to get over. So when we read that passage concerning anger and the going down of the sun it may mean that we simply have to acknowledge that we are angry and begin making plans on taking care of that anger. Not all anger can be removed in 24 hours. However, a great deal of small angers can be resolved in 24 hours and at least a plan towards dealing with anger properly can begin in a 24 hour period of time.
At times some people are angry with people who are no longer a part of their lives. Those individuals could have moved away or even died. Sometimes people are still angry with people who have died. They never experience peace and still get all churned up inside at the mere mention of their name or when they have a thought about that person. That is why the Bible tells us it is vital that we purpose in our hearts to deal with anger as soon as possible. It really does us no good to be angry with someone who has died.
D. To deal with Anger - Do not commit sin
-We can be anger and not sin. We see the example of proper anger in Jesus' at the Temple or when he had to deal with the Pharisees at times. Anger can spark us and motivate us to do some positive things. Getting angry about drunk drivers can lead us to lead AA sessions or to make sure that people under the influence cannot get on the road.
E. To deal with Anger - Take a Time Out - Use the STOP Method
S - Stop T - Take a Time Out O - Organize Your Thoughts P - Plan Ahead
As a follower of Jesus, we give up the right to just lash out. Ps. 103:8 - reminds us that our Lord is compassion and gracious and slow to anger and abounding in loving kindness. James 1:19 - reminds us to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
- QUICK TO HEAR - make sure you begin to hear what is really being said.
- SLOW TO SPEAK - too often when we are angry with someone - both parties start talking and no one is listening and no one even understands what is going on - it is just two people through fire at each other. Instead, be the adult and listen and then ask the Holy Spirit to help you listen and give you guidance on how to respond. It is the only way we can fully understand what is going on.
- SLOW TO ANGER.
Paul does not tell us not to get angry - He tells us how to deal with anger.
On average, it can take 20 minutes for a person who has experienced an angry state of arousal to calm, to move from functioning from the emotional area to the thinking area of the brain.
F. To deal with Anger - Clarify and analyze the situation.
-Ask some questions - you are allowed to ask questions.
Is the person angry with you been hurt by someone else and you are simply getting some transference?
Have you actually offended them?
Are they simply frustrated in another part of their life?
Are they feel insecure about something?
Are they simply venting?
Are they just jealous - they are angry because you are better looking, smarter or have more money? Some things you can't do anything about. Help them as much as possible.
Are they just fatigued? They may just be tired.
Do they feel used and unappreciated?
Why is this person angry or why am I angry?
G. To deal with Anger - Deal with the Problem
Don't put off dealing with the problem. We all have a tendency to avoid taking care of things. The some days and one of these days in our lives are really no days. We have to choose to deal with things like anger.
Proverbs 30:33 - churning of milk - produces butter
churning of anger - produces strife
If we don't deal with anger - it just churns and produces more and more strife (bitterness)
H. To deal with Anger - VENT To the Lord
Venting means expressing. Venting anger is not wrong - what is wrong is who you vent to and towards. Venting must be done with the LORD. If you are angry take it to the LORD. Just go to your prayer closet and open the Word of God and tell God everything. Tell God everything. Tell God who has made you mad, who you don't like and how you would like to get rid of them. Just vent to God - believe me, He can handle it.
First of all He is the only one that can handle our most angriest self and He is the only one that can completely understand and forgive us. Also, who else can meet our inward need? Only God can change our hearts. God is the only one who can truly help us be healed from an angry soul. God is the only one who can calm the raging storm and set the chaos in our lives at peace.
I. To deal with Anger - Put it Away
You have the power through the Holy Spirit to put it down and then away
+Look at Ephesians 4:31 - anger can be put away
+Look at Colossians 3:12ff
J. To deal with Anger - Replace It/Transform It
Philippians 4:8ff
- You can go wax your car, go play golf or clean out a garage or your closet. Take your anger and do something positive with all that energy. Go exercise - rechannel the energy that comes from anger.
K. To deal with Anger - Allow it to Teach and Motive You
-At times anger teaches us that there is something wrong with us. It serves as a warning signal that something is amiss in our heart, soul and mind.
Anger can be used by God to help us see that we can get up and make something happen. Sometimes we get mad because this or that is not happening and God uses that anger to get us to actually get up and accomplish that something. We get angry because we don't think things are going right around us so we decide that we are going to step in and help. We decide to get off the side lines and get in the game. God at times uses anger to motivate us and teach us.
L. To deal with Anger - Prevent it from Reoccurring
We can make sure that our anger does not go into rage and resentment. We can decide and plan for anger moments. We can choose to use the S.T.O.P. method. We can learn certain verses - QUICK TO HEAR - SLOW TO SPEAK - SLOW TO ANGER. We can decide to how we are going to respond.
M. To deal with Anger - Do your best to avoid angry person
Proverbs 22:24 - Don't date, don't marry and don't stay around angry people.
N. To deal with Anger - Promote Kindness
Do all you can to promote a spirit of love and kindness. Do all you can to bring harmony.
+Romans 12:18 and Hebrews 12:14 remind us to do all we can to bring peace into all of our relationships.
Dr. Charles Stanley has an excellent video dealing with anger that a great deal of this information has been adapted - see http://www.intouch.org/watch/letting-go-of-anger/how-to-handle-anger-video
Also see http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=dealing_with_anger_gods_way
http://www.kahnawake.com/flu/attachments/AngerAggression.pdf
