Scripture: Matthew 18:21-35
Theme: Caring For God's People
Based on - Galatians 6:2 (Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ)
Sermon Series - Sermon #1 - Learning How to Forgive
INTRO:
Over the last few weeks we have been looking what it means to be a genuine human being. That is to say, we have been looking at what type of life our Lord planned for each and every one of us. In John 10, Jesus referred to this Life as "The Abundant Life" and in John 15, Jesus shares that this kind of life can be ours through simply abiding in Him and obeying His commandments. What exactly is the Abundant Life? It is simply becoming a genuine human being who:
1. Is in a right relationship with God
2. Is in a right relationship with oneself
3. Is in a right relationship with others
4. Is in a right relationship with the world around us.
Those four relationships, God, ourselves, others and our world are the four relationships that were spiritually, emotionally, physically and socially affected by the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. What once was innocent and holy was lost through man's sinful rebellion. Pride and self-idolatry ruined the purity of those relationships. Today, humanity suffers from the brokenness of each of these relationships.
We live in a world that is not in right relationship with our Holy LORD.
And because of that fundamental truth - the fact that our world is not in a right relationship with God, we therefore, live in a world in which the majority of people find it impossible to be at peace with themselves, with others or with God's creation. We live in a world full of chaos, confusion, despair and disillusionment. We live in a world in which people have tried everything under the sun and yet no matter how hard they try they still do not experience the peace and harmony that God intended for them to enjoy.
Thankfully, Jesus came to rescue, redeem and restore mankind. Jesus came to bring redemption, to bring renewal and to bring about the transformative healing of all four relationships. Jesus does this through the transformative presence of His Holy Spirit in our lives each and every day.
Jesus saves us from something to something. He saves us from the penalty and power of sin. Jesus saves us to be restored into His image. And He saves us to then help others find the same salvation. He saves us so that we might co-partner with Him for the salvation of our world.
Over the next few weeks, I would like to see us focus on that very thing. The idea of how we can help one another and others find the joy and peace that Jesus wants to bring into their lives. By doing this we will not only deepen our own spiritual walk, but we can help others find freedom and joy as well. We can fulfill the Great Commission that Jesus has given us.
So, over the next few weeks we shall be looking at how we are to deal with some important issues that we, humans have to face, deal with and live with on this earth. Issues like depression, guilt, addictions, marriage, divorce, guilt, stress, anxiety, anger, perfectionism, OCD and forgiveness. We want to spend some time sharing what the Bible says about each of these areas and how the Bible can assist us in restoring our lives and others into the image of Jesus.
For there is no greater joy once we have experienced freedom than to help someone else experience that same freedom in their lives. Salvation is not an individual enterprise, instead it is a corporate adventure. We are the Body of Christ reaching out to one another and others helping one another grow in mercy, grace and love.
This morning, our passage takes us into the heart of one of the most difficult issues any of us have to face. And that is the issue of "FORGIVENESS".
Forgiveness is at the very heart of what it means to be a Christian. If you were to dissect a Christian, you would find forgiveness right at the center. It is part of our core, our DNA. Christians are forgiven sinners and are called and even commanded by God Himself to extend forgiveness to those whom they perceive to have sinned against them.
We serve a forgiving God. 1 John 1:9 tells us that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us of all our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Psalms 103:12 reminds us that God will take away our sin - " as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."
Forgiveness is first and foremost a God given grace. And forgiveness is one of the vital keys to the entire Christian experience and agenda. Forgiveness is the hallmark of the Body of Christ and it is one of the greatest evangelistic tools in the Christian's tool box.
But forgiveness and once born humanity does not always go hand in hand. Forgiveness and even twice born humanity does not always go hand in hand. In other words, both saved and unsaved people at times have difficulties with forgiveness - being forgiven and granting forgiveness. Alexander Pope spoke truth when he said, " To err is human and to forgive is divine."
Ever since the Fall, we humans have had a devilish of a time forgiving God, forgiving ourselves and forgiving others. We tend to view ourselves as victims and more often than not we are driven to obtain justice at any cost. Once we perceive that we have been wronged, we want our pound of flesh. At times our society has promoted revenge to be a virtue rather than a vice. And given the right situation we can at times even rationalize the holding grudges and resentment towards others. Forgiveness has to be learned.
Before we see how we can be better at forgiving and help others be better at forgiving, it would be benefit us to understand exactly:
1. What forgiveness involves
2. What unforgiveness involves
We will take that second part first. The dangers of not forgiving are many. And old Chinese proverb captures it well: "If you are going to pursue revenge, you'd better dig two graves. Resentment will destroy you." Not forgiving destroys our souls.
Esther Lederer, alias Ann Landers, in writing on the area of unforgiveness and hate made this statement: "Hate is like acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored and destroys the vessel on which it is poured."
Doctors, psychologists, counselors and more importantly the Word of God, tells us that unforgiveness is toxic to our bodies, our minds and our souls. Unforgiveness saps our energy, it monopolizes our thoughts and keeps us stuck in the past. Unforgiveness makes us frustrated with life and others. It can harm us physically, emotionally and will keep us from being able to love others fully. Unforgiveness can consume our hearts like cancer. And unforgiveness invites a host of other evils like malice, bitterness, resentment, revenge, hatred and fear. Unforgiveness is like a bad gift that keeps on giving. In the end unforgiveness will destroy our chance of experiencing "THE ABUNDANT LIFE."
On the other hand, forgiveness does just the opposite. Forgiveness brings healing and wholeness, joy and peace. However, the concept of what forgiveness actually means and how to make it a part of our everyday lives is as Dr. Tim Clinton says, " ... as slippery as a greased watermelon in a swimming pool. The harder we squeeze it, the mores slippery it becomes."
Forgiveness is more than just getting rid of unforgiveness. True forgiveness is initially an act and a journey. The Bible tells us it is like canceling a debt. Now, there are some things that we need to understand up front. Forgiveness is not:
1. Justifying the wrong that has been done.
2. Condoning the wrong that has been done.
3. It is not about forgetting about the offense that was done either. In time that may actually happen, but you can forgive and still remember the offense.
4. It does not mean that justice, discipline or punishment should be set aside. One can forgive and still expect accountability.
5. It is not about excusing.
6. It is not even the same as reconciling. It takes two people to reconcile. It takes only one person to forgive. Not everyone who has been forgiven will seek reconciliation.
7. That being said, it is also not seeing the books balance or revenge being handed out.
So, let's take some time and see exactly what forgiveness is and how we can help ourselves and others to become more forgiving people.
I. Forgiveness originates with God and is therefore dependent on God.
We need to understand that true forgiveness is supernatural and spiritual. No one understands, nor can anyone grant forgiveness without the assistance of our LORD.
No one has experienced the damaging effects of sin like our LORD. No one has paid the price of obtaining forgiveness like our LORD. And no one can help us to become a forgiving person than our LORD.
God forgives and will enable all of us forgive. In fact, over and over again in scripture the Bible both commands and challenges us to be a forgiven and forgiving people. Forgiveness is central to the Lord's Prayer, to our Parable here in Matthew 18 and in Jesus' words on the cross (Luke 23:34 - "FATHER, FORGIVE THEM."). We must remember that forgiveness is at the very heart, at the very center of what it means to be a Christian.
The Bible is full of passages that will teach us and assist us in the area of forgiveness. Passages like Ephesians 4:31-33; Colossians 3:12-15; Acts 7:55-56; Luke 15:11-32; Luke 17:3-4; John 20:23 and Romans 12:14-21 just to name of a few.
We may think that we can forgive on our own strength, but that is only an illusion. Forgiveness is not something that we humans can do on our own. We know that we need forgiveness and we need to forgive. And in order to experience both true forgiveness and grant true forgiveness we need the help of God Himself.
II. Secondly, Forgiveness involves making a Committed Decision.
Forgiveness does not just happen. It is not some random occurrence. Forgiveness will not just suddenly begin to ooze out of our hearts after salvation. Forgiveness comes and occurs because we have decided to make a committed decision.
You and I have to decide that we want to be forgiven. And we have to decide whether or not we will be forgiving. Both forgiveness demand a committed decision.
The Bible often speaks of forgiveness in "debt" terms. Forgiveness is captured by the metaphor of canceling a debt that cannot be repaid. Forgiveness is also referred to as something that is untied, loosened and allowed to go away. In Christ, you and I can enjoy the grace of granting forgiveness to someone else. We can accept the fact that forgiveness is to be a part of what it means to be a Christian, it is a part of our Christian duty, and so we simply make the choose to forgive.
In other words, we decide that instead of either seeking revenge or simply deciding to avoid a certain person we choose instead to make the choice to forgive to forgive them. When we make the choice to forgive, it means that certain behaviors come into play. When we choose to forgive someone it means that we have to make some behavior modifications.
+How we are to treat them when we are in their presence? Are we go to treat them the same way as before the transgression? Are we going to avoid them or shun them? At least until we think that they have gotten what they deserved?
+What are we going to say about them when they are not in our presence ? Are we going to retell the story over and over again of their transgression? Will we make their transgression apart of their life story?
+How are we going to treat their family when they are in our presence? Again, do we shun them, avoid them or are we afraid of them?
Making the decision to forgive someone is not an easy choice. Nor is it one without consequences. That is why we desperately need the power and presence of God's Holy Spirit working in our hearts and lives. On our own it is virtually impossible for us humans to either forgive ourselves or to forgive someone else.
Professional counselors tell us that one of the best ways to help to start forgiving someone is first to get a clear picture of what has happened. They even suggest that we take the time to write out the following.
1. Who was it that has hurt you. This enables us to limit the transgression to as small a number of people as possible.
2. What they did to hurt you. Doing this will help us to narrow down the actual and factual transgressions and will help us to not over exaggerate.
3. Why you think that they choose to hurt you. This will begin the healing process.
None of this of course is easy. If it was, then we would all be experts at forgiving. Again, this is why we need the help of the Holy Spirit.
III. Thirdly, Forgiveness involves our deepest emotions and feelings.
Our emotions are powerful and they can display their tremendous power when it comes to learning how to forgive.
When we perceive that someone has transgressed against us, hurt us or harmed us our emotions quickly come to the surface. We can instantly feel pain and anger. We may even want to lash out. We may even want to see instant justice and retribution and at times are even tempted to seek revenge. Feelings of resentment and bitterness can quickly bubble to the surface. And at times we can even experience some malice and hate towards someone.
All of those emotions and feelings are human. At times we can be overwhelmed with a rush of all of them but we don't have to allow our emotions and feelings to control us. As Christians we must not allow all of those emotions and feelings to control us.
When we choose to forgive as Christ followers, we must understand that our feelings will need some time to catch up with our spiritual minds and hearts. Our emotions and feelings often lag behind our spiritual mind and decisions. While in our mind we have started the process of forgiveness, we must understand that our emotions can be quiet fickle. We can have a thousand and one different feelings about the same thing. If we wait for our emotions to get in line with our spirituality, we will most likely never forgive others. We must allow the Holy Spirit to control those emotions and feelings.
Dr. Everett Worthington, Jr. is an excellent "forgiveness teacher." He specializes in helping others learn the grace and ministry of forgiveness. He teaches from a heart that has had to turn to forgiveness as a way to experience healing of his own heart and soul. He teaches as one who has been greatly harmed by others.1
One day, he went to see his mother only to find out that she had been brutally mugged and beaten. But that was not all. This little elderly lady had been viscously raped and left her to die lying in a pool of her own blood. Beaten, abused and left to die like a helpless animal. You can imagine the pain, the heartache and the sorrow that Dr. Worthington and his family experienced.
Why in the world, did someone do this to his mother who was a little old elderly lady? Why did someone rape her, beat her up and leave her to die in her own blood? Why would anyone do this to his own mother or to anyone else's mother? Inside of him all kinds of emotions and feeling began to surface.
Dr. Worthington knew that he needed help in dealing with everything. And, thankfully, he turned to the Lord for help. He knew that he could not allow bitterness and hatred to take over his life. He knew he needed supernatural help in order to forgive. He went to His Lord in prayer and through it all, God gave him a little acrostic that not only has helped Dr. Worthington but has been used by thousands of others in seeking help in forgiving others. God shared with Dr. Worthington the REACH method of learning how to forgive.
R - Recall the Hurt - Pull together all the facts
E - Empathize with the Offender - Do your best to try to understand why this person made this horrible decision to bring pain, hurt and damage into your life
A - Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness - Decide to give the gift of forgiveness. Decide through the power of the Holy Spirit to forgive
C - Commit publicly to forgive - Share with a small group, write a certificate of forgiveness but in some way make your statement to forgive tangible.
H - Hold on to forgiveness. For there will be times that you will be tempted to once again embrace bitterness, rage and revenge. Something will happen that brings everything back again to the surface and you have to make the decision to hold on to forgiveness.
From the time she was three years of age until she was able to leave her home at the age of 18 years old Joyce Meyers was sexually abused by a family member.2 She shares in her sermon on forgiveness that she had to suffer being sexually abused approx. 200 different times.
Someone she should have been able to trust, took that trust and hurt her over and over again. She had no one to counsel her or they would rescue her from her 15 years of being tormented day after day, night after night. She grew up in a living hell.
That abuse left scars in Joyce Meyers life. Her pain caused her to make many bad decisions and harmed her in more ways that you and I could imagine. But through Christ, Joyce was able to made the decision to forgive and over the years has grown through the process of being able to forgive. She still has the scars and the memories but no longer is she enslaved by hate, bitterness and anger.
If you listen to her testimony, she will tell you that making the decision to forgive was not easy. Forgiveness has been a process, but one that each day brings more healing and wholeness to her life. Each day through Jesus she has received more and more healing.
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, she was able to reach out to her abuser and in their final years she provided them a home, food and shelter. She allowed Jesus to heal her so complete that she was able to reach out to them with a heart of love. Before this family member passed away the cam to receive Jesus as their Savior. And then they came to her and asked her for forgiveness. They asked her to forgive them of all those times that they had hurt her and abused her.
She testifies now not about the abuse, but about the power of forgiveness. About how Christ has so redeemed the situation that not only was she healed of the abuse, her abuser was as well. That is the power of the Holy Spirit.
Jill Rigby Garner who God has used to help thousands of people in this area, in teaching on forgiveness gives us some very helpful advice. Jill tells us that
1. God tells us to forgive. He forgives us and will help us to forgive.
2. Forgiveness contains grace and healing. Forgiveness brings healing to our wounded hearts as forgiveness and redemption always go together.
3. As we practice forgiving we are showing the love of Christ to the one who has harmed us and we are showing the world what it truly means to be a Christian.
IV. Finally, to truly learn forgiveness we must saturate ourselves with Prayer and surround ourselves with Godly People.
We must surround ourselves with Godly People who practice the ministry of forgiveness.
When Rodney King was beaten years ago and subsequently shared that he was going to forgive those who had harmed him, one of the reporters sharing his story blamed his decision to forgive on a brain injury. They believed that only a person suffering from some kind of mental problem could forgive like Mr. King. They thought that once he was cured he would decide not to forgive. They were wrong. Mr. King was healed and also forgave.
A similar type of excuse was given some years ago when an Amish community lost some of their children through an act of senseless violence3. Some people even questioned their love for their own children because they were able to reach out with love and forgiveness. They could not put together how they could both love their children, suffer such loss and still be able to reach out to the family of those who had caused their pain and death. Sadly, they did not understand that the Amish were being led to forgive through hearts filled with the Holy Spirit.
From Dr. Worthington, Joyce Meyer, Rodney King and the Amish Community - there is a single thread. It is the fact that forgiveness is a gift of God. Both to the one who forgives and to the forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift to the person who does not deserve the gift, but it is a gift given through the transforming power of God.
Sometimes God grants us the ability to forgive almost instantly. Most of the time, however, forgiveness takes quite a bit longer. For some it is mere hours and for others it may take days, weeks or even years before completely healing is accomplished. But once we make the decision to forgive, then we progressively walk the path of both being forgiven and forgiving.
Jesus sums up all the area of forgiveness by reminding us to pray for our enemies. Matthew 5:43-48 tells us that we are to pray for enemies. I like the way Eugene Peterson paraphrases these verses in The Message:
"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend', and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not he worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best - the sun to warm and the rain to nourish - to everyone, regardless: the good and the bad, the nice and the nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. In a word what I'm saying is, GROW UP. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously towards others, the way God lives toward you." (THE MESSAGE)
This morning, you and I are all commanded, challenged and empowered by Jesus to be the recipients and the forbearers of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an easy path to walk. It is one thing to say, I forgive and it is quite another thing to live out a forgiving life.
We humans hurt one another. Even the best of humans hurt one another. Ever since the Fall, beginning with Adam and Eve we have lashed out against one another in all manner of ways. We have done unspeakable acts to one another. We have said unspeakable things to one another. We have all experienced damaged emotions and have been hurt by the acts of either ourselves or others. And some have been damaged more than others and some have been betrayed and hurt in ways deeper and wider than others.
But we all are called to forgive -
1. To make the decision with the help of God to forgive
2. Then to begin that process with the help of the Holy Spirit to forgive - for some it will take time while others it happens so quickly.
This morning, in your bulletin you have some notes that go along with this message. I hope you have followed them and I hope this week you take the time to sit down and read those Biblical passages. I hope you use them to help yourself and to be a help to others.
For the reality is this - sometimes we need others to help us in forgiving others. Sometimes we need:
a. Professional counseling - trained, specialized people to help us even understand our pain and suffering.
b. The help of a support group or paraprofessional counseling.
c. The help of a spiritual or prayer counselors. Gifted people who can help us understand, pray with us and walk beside us in our forgiving journey - St. Peter needed Jesus to help him forgive and so did the Apostles James and John.
This morning as we close we do so in prayer. Forgiveness is a deep and very personal subject. One that we can better not treat lightly. We all have areas of our lives that this morning we may need to practice the grace of forgiving. Some of us may not even be ready to open that door to forgive someone.
It will not happen at once. Some wounds are deep. But you and I are challenged, commanded and we can receive the power to be forgiven and to forgive. As we close let's begin to allow the Holy Spirit to examine our hearts
+Perhaps there is someone this morning you need to begin the process of forgiveness
+Perhaps there is someone you need to have God help you to forgive
+Perhaps there is something in your own life you need God's help to forgive yourself
+Perhaps there is someone you know that is suffering from unforgiveness and you would like to help them.
1 http://www.wbir.com/news/article/272651/2/Cold-Case-Son-ready-to-forgive-mothers-killer
2 http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=healing_and_hope
3 http://lancasterpa.com/amish/amish-forgiveness/
