Love When It’s Undeserved
It’s Time To Grow - 2
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless,
Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:6-8
QUESTION – how did God demonstrate His own love for us?
BY – sending Christ to die for us while we were sinners…
BY – loving us when it was undeserved…. (aren’t you glad that he didn’t wait until you deserved?)
NOW – let’s move on over to Matthew 5 and to some words that Jesus spoke on the hillside by the Sea of Galilee…
You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy.
But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.
If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even gentiles do that.
But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect…
- Matthew 5:43-48
PRAYER
NOW – last week we kicked off a new series called, ‘It’s Time To Grow…’ It’s a 9 week study of the fruit of the Spirit…
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
– Galatians 5:22,23
THAT – is the fruit of Spirit…
AND JESUS - said in Matthew 7 that there is one sure way to determine who is one of His followers and who is just a fan or an admirer. Here’s the criteria…
By their fruit you will recognize them… -
UNDERSTAND - if we claim to be a Jesus follower then the fruit of the Spirit must be evident in our lives. Amen?
QUESTION - are those 9 Christ-like attributes (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) visible in your life? AND NOT – just to those we find easy to like and be around…
UNDERSTAND - it’s not how we look when we come to church; it’s not how self righteous we appear on the surface when we’re with other Christians; it’s the fruit that we bear… by their fruit you will recognize them.
NOW – last week… WE – said that an obvious but often ignored and overlooked truth about growing the fruit of The Spirit, is that…
We can’t grow the fruit of the Spirit in our lives
until we pull up the weeds of the sinful nature.
REMEMBER – it is more than counter-productive to ask God to grow the Fruit of The Spirit in our lives while at the same time we are watering the weeds.
GET IT?
MGCC
WE NEED – to pull the weeds.
AND LISTEN…. WEED PULLING…
• Takes time
• Requires that we get down in the dirt and dig down deep
• Is not a one time deal (but requires constant attention)
• AND (the good news is that) weed pulling like growing the fruit of the Spirit) is not accomplished through our own finite human effort but through the power of the Spirit.
YES – both weed pulling and fruit growing are empowered by the Spirit…
NOW – this morning we are going to look at the first quality of the fruit of The Spirit… ‘love…’ IN – a conversation I am calling, ‘Love When It Is Undeserved…’
LOVE – when it is what?
AND – I am going to build this conversation around the answers to 3 questions...
• Why is love so important?
• What is love?
• How do we grow this fruit?
Why Is Love So Important?
Because Everything Is Tied To Love
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” – Matthew 22:34-40
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.
– Romans 13:8
Because Love Is The Only Thing That Counts
The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
– Galatians 5:6
Because Without Love Nothing Else Matters
If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn’t love others, I would only be making meaningless noise, like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew everything about everything, but didn’t love others, what good would it be? And if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flame but have not love I gain nothing. -1 Cor 13:1-3
WOW…
Did you catch what Paul is saying?
THAT – without love… nothing else matters… nothing
UNDERSTAND – it does NOT matter what we: say, know, give, accomplish or even how radically we live out our faith because without love… NONE of it matters!
UNDERSTAND
Without love our words are just meaningless noise.
Without love… according to God’s word
we are nothing and we gain nothing.
Because Love Is How People Will Know That We Follow Jesus
By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 13:35
Don’t like them. Don’t agree with what they are saying…
BUT MAN – we sure can’t deny their love!
Because Without Love We Remain In Death
Another one of those scary verses…
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him. – 1 John 3:14,15
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
– 1 John 4:8
WHY – is love so important…
• Everything Is Tied To Love
• Love Is The Only Thing That Counts
• Without Love Nothing Else Matters
• Love Is How People Will Know We Follow Jesus
• Without Love We Remain In Death
OKAY – I don’t know about you but I am pretty convinced that this love thing is important, is HUGE!
What Is Love?
A few years back researcher asked the following question to a group of 4-8 year olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think…
When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore so my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
Rebecca (age 8)
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.
Billy (age 4)
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy (age 6)
Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri (age 4)
Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby –(age 7)
If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka (age 6)
Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy (age 6)
You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
Jessica (age 8)
Wow…
what incredible depth and insightful descriptions of what love is.
NOW - love is probably the most misunderstood word in the world.
AND - part of the problem is that we use the same word to describe a lot of different things "I love: my wife, Pizza, football; America…
YEAH – this one word ‘love’ gets tossed around more than a football in the Super Bowl… so much so, that it has lost it’s meaning...
NOW – the Greeks didn’t have that problem because they had more than one word for love… Basically that had 4 words…
Phileo (brotherly love, friendship)
Eros (passionate or sexual love)
Storge (parental or family love) and
Agape
NOW - the word agape was not used all that much in ancient literature but it is all over the NT. IN FACT - 92% of the time you find the Word love in the NT it is the Greek word agape… which describes
(a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love of the will)
IT’S - A love that is not dependent on there being any lovable qualities in the object being loved. Its love when it is undeserved.
NOW – there are two things about God’s kind of love that I want to mention… FIRST-
God’s kind of love is a command
“A new command I give you: Love one another.
NEW – they now had a perfect example and a supernatural power.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another. – John 13:34
YES – that’s right GOD has placed love in the non-optional category. It’s a command. AND - because love is commanded, this blows away one of the myths out there about love – that love is a feeling…
HEY – even Huey Lewis got that right.
The power of love is a __________ thing
make a one man weep, make another man _______
Change a ________ to a little white dove
more than a _________ that's the power of love
UNDERSTAND – you can’t command a feeling.
I MEAN – you can no more command a feeling that you can command the wind to blow or the mountains to move. Feelings cannot be commanded. Love is not a feeling.
NOW – love creates feelings, produces feelings, causes feelings, but love is not an emotion. It’s a command from your King.
God’s Kind Of Love Is A Choice
WHICH – takes out another major myth out there about love – that love is uncontrollable. AS IF - one day I'm just walking along and I'm instantly in love – no control over it. I MEAN - even the terminology we use supports this myth – I fell in love.
LIKE - it’s a big ditch or something. I fell in love. “Help! I’ve fallen in love, and I can’t get up!” AS IF - we have no control over our choice to love or not to love. UNDERSTAND – to love or to not love someone is a choice…
GET IT?
BUT – what if we don’t ‘feel’ like loving them…
UNDERSTAND - acting in love when you don’t feel like it is actually a higher level of love than acting in love, when you do feel like it.
If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.
YOU SEE - it’s one thing to love someone; when the flowers are in bloom, the sky is blue, the bills are paid and everyone is getting along. BUT THE REAL TEST OF LOVE - is when things are not going great in your life, when you’re out of money, when you’re sick and don’t feel good, when the pressure is on, you’re stressed out and that person is much easier to avoid than to love.
MGCC
WE - can choose to love in spite of how we feel. That’s a higher level of love. Loving in spite of your feelings.
QUESTION…
• HAVE YOU - ever (despite how you felt) gotten up in the middle of the night with a sick kid? That’s love.
• Have you ever been kind and patient with your spouse EVEN when they were grumpy and grouchy? That’s love.
One guy was asked, “Do you wake up grumpy in the morning?” He said, “No, I usually let her sleep in.”
UNDERSTAND
Love is making the choice to give someone what they need, not what they deserve
THAT’S – what God did and does for us… he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
Amen!!!!!!!!!!
LISTEN - if we got what we deserved from God, I wouldn’t be standing here, and you wouldn’t be sitting there.
NO… GOD – doesn’t give us what we deserve – that’s called ‘mercy’
AND INSTEAD – He gives us what we need - and that’s called grace. That’s love.
AND – it is part of the fruit that God want us to grow in our lives…
QUESTION – raise your hand if you want more of the fruit of love in your life?
God develops the Fruit of the Spirit in your life by allowing you to experience circumstances in which you will be tempted to express the exact opposite quality… For instance, God teaches us love by putting some unlovely people around us. - Rick Warren (Purpose Driven Life)
You see, it’s easy to love people who are nice, kind and pleasant to be around… But again
If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even gentiles do that.
UNDERSTAND - if God is going to teach us to love, He is going to bring some hard-to-love people into our lives. Got any?
QUESTION…
IF YOU - were given a minute to make a list of the difficult people in your life that you feel are the most undeserving of your love.
WOULD YOU – have any problems coming up with a list?
(In fact, I think some of us might ask for more time & paper).
Don’t make the list now on your paper… especially if someone on the list is sitting near you.
I don’t know… maybe on you list of ‘those undeserving of your love’
is an obnoxious relative, a troublesome neighbor, a disagreeable coworker.
OKAY HERE’S THE DEAL …
I want you to think about the person in your life right now that you feel is the most undeserving of your love.
R U - thinking about them?
OKAY – I have another question…. when you think about ‘actually and actively’ loving them, what do you feel?
NOW – if you are like me you feel either a littler or a lot of resistance, right?
I MEAN – they hurt you, betrayed you, lied about you, lied to you, mistreated you, misquoted you, took advantage of you… OR did those same things to someone you love.
AND – the truth is you do not want to love them… you don’t.
AND - there is this huge resistance (like 12 foot thick steel re-enforced concrete wall) in the way,
A RESISTANCE - that you will need to push through if you are ever going to love them God’s way.
BUT LISTEN… the news isn’t all bad because that hard for you to love, that undeserving person is an opportunity for you to undergo some serious S.R.T. (spiritual resistance training)
Resistance training is any exercise that causes the muscles to contract against an external resistance with the expectation of increases in strength, tone, mass, and/or endurance. The external resistance can be dumbbells, rubber exercise tubing, your own body weight, bricks, bottles of water, or any other object that causes the muscles to contract.
(x-spouse, parent, )
UNDERSTAND - just as resistance training helps increase a physical muscle’s strength, tone, mass and endurance – expressing love when it is undeserved (spiritual resistance training) will help develop and grow the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.
Get it?
BUT HOW - do we actually do that?
HOW – do we push through that 12 foot wall of concrete?
How do we grow the fruit of love in our lives…
WELL – in our time remaining I want to suggest 3 things that are critical in doing just that, loving when it is undeserved…
How Do I Grow This Fruit?
First
Embrace The 419 Principle
UNDERSTAND – before we can ‘really’ love others – we must experience God’s love… CHECKOUT - Ephesians 3:17-18,
I pray Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand as all God's children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves.
May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love;
QUESTION - why is it important to feel loved by God?
BECAUSE unloved people are often unloving people.
UNDERSTAND – when we don’t feel genuinely loved, we don’t feel like giving love.
THEREFORE - the first thing we need to do in order to GROW the fruit of the Spirit is to experience God’s love ourselves.
IN OTHER WORDS – we can’t give what we have never received, we can’t make a withdraw of love unless there has first been a deposit into our account.
IN – one of his books Lucado writes…
We preachers have been guilty of skipping the first step. “Love each other!” we tell our churches - “be patient, kind, forgiving,” we urge. But instructing people to love without telling them they are loved is like telling them to write a check without making a deposit in their accounts. No wonder so many relationships are overdrawn. No wonder so many hearts have insufficient love.
NOW - the apostle John in his first letter models the right sequence.
HE - makes a deposit before he tells us to write the check.
God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. -1 John 4:9,10
God showed how much he loved ME by sending his only Son into the world so that I might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that I loved God, but that he loved ME and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away MY sins. -1 John 4:9,10
AND THEN – having made such an outrageous, eye opening deposit, John calls on us and to pull out our checkbook;
Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. - 1 John 4:11
AND THEN – down in 1 John 4:19 he unveils the 419 Principle…
We love each other because he loved us first. – 1 John 4:19
LOOK UP…
YOU – have no idea of how much God loves you!
His Love For You Is
• unearned and undeserved
•
MGCC
The key to living a life of love - is being loved.
Remember Paul’s prayer?
May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love.
- Eph 3:17
UNDERSTAND – just as a tree draws nutrients from the soil, we draw nourishment from the Father’s love.
BUT – what happens if a tree has no contact with the soil….
NOW – we see an illustration of this every year, as families go over to their Christmas tree and they take off the ornaments & lights
AND THEN – carry the tree outside…
QUESTION – where do a lot of the needles on the tree wind up as you drag it out of the house? All over the place… WHY?
BECAUSE – those 3 weeks rooted in a metal bowl rather then soil had a pretty bad effect on the tree – it became brittle, fragile and easy to fall apart… .
QUESTION…
Are you finding it hard to love?
Has your love become brittle, fragile and easy to fall apart…?
Do you ever get frustrated at your inability to love….?
Do you ever look at Paul’s classic definition of love
in 1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails…
AND THINK…
No way, like I’ll ever be like that.
I MEAN – no matter how hard you try to love, your love seems to quickly fade away and fall a part.
PERHAPS
It’s because you have forgotten to embrace ‘The 419 Principle…’
We love because God first loved us
The key - to growing the fruit of love is having
Our roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love
(sponge and water illustration)
How do we do this? (FCFH)
QUESTION – when will we love as God loves?
As we want to love?
ANSWER – when we begin fully embracing the 419 Principle.
It is insanity to run from God and then search and try to find love.
To express love when it is undeserved we need to…
Embrace the 419 principle, and…
Start Pulling Some Weeds
QUESTION
What are some of the most common weeds that choke out love in our lives…? I can think of three…
#1 Bitterness
LISTEN – we cannot grow the fruit of love in our lives and keep watering the weeds of bitterness…
Understand, it is impossible for us to love anyone fully and at the same time be holding on to resentment or bitterness, toward others in our hearts.
It is impossible for me to love my wife if I am still holding resentment toward my parents.
I can not love my children in the way that God would have me to love them if I have unforgivness toward a brother.
Why? Because we cannot give total love when our heart is divided. AND a bitter/unforgiving heart is a divided heart.
Therefore we need to deal with those situations.
We need to let go of the past so we can live in the present, so we can love the people God places in our life today.
Selfishness
Remember love is not self seeking…
UNDERSTAND – it will never be about other people or even about Christ until it is no longer about us.
Bottom Line – to give love when it is undeserved… we will need to get over ourselves…
Anger
Begin Planting Some Seeds
(undeserving people)
Think Loving Thoughts
God’s word reminds us in Philippians 2:4
Don't just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others too…
WE NEED – to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ, make them loving…
QUESTION - what does it mean to think loving thoughts toward another person?
Well, it means to take that difficult person in your life (you thinking of them) and begin to focus on their needs rather than on their faults.
It means to try to see; their hurts, problems, goals and desires, and not just your own.
I am sure you have heard the saying, "Don't judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes."
There is truth in that.
When we begin to focus on their life;
AND SEE - their struggle, pain and hurt, it will begin to change our attitude toward them. It will begin to enable us to love them and see them in a different perspective, not as someone who has hurt us,
but as someone who is in need, someone who is hurting.
Here is a fact of life…
hurting people hurt people.
YEAH - those obnoxious people in our lives, those people who are most difficult to love, those people we would rather ignore in our life, are the very people who desperately need massive doses of love in their life. (And if we don’t who will). They need someone who will arise above their own hurt and pain and begin to focus on their need and begin to love them as Christ has loved us.
REMEMBER -our thoughts determine our feelings, our emotions. NOW, we cannot change our feelings directly, but we can sneak around to the back door and change our thoughts. When we change the way we think about someone, we will gradually change our feeling about him.
Do Loving Things
Okay, I know what you are thinking,
“Steve - you’re telling me to act lovingly towards a person I don’t even like - I couldn’t do that - I’d be a hypocrite.”
No, that’s not hypocrisy -- it’s called obedience.
NOW – this is an important point, we have talked about it before at The Grove…
It is easier to act our way into a feeling
then to feel our way into an action.
If I act as if I am enthusiastic, I’ll soon begin to feel enthusiastic. If I act as if I am happy before you know it I’ll feel happy.
(Experiment -- smile laugh).
We cannot change our feelings directly, BUT we can change them indirectly by changing our thoughts & our actions.
QUESTION, How do we act in a loving way?
Well, Jesus gives us some help & some advise in Luke 6:27,28;
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Jesus gives us 3 specific things to do in order to give love when it is undeserved… (sometimes it is not just our enemies who we feel don’t deserve it).
PRAY for those who mistreat you
Praying for people will not only change them, BUT it will also change us. We pray that God will bless the people who are mistreating us BECAUSE we know that the goodness of God leads to repentance.
PERHAPS God will bless them so much that they will want to change. But even if they don’t change right way, praying for them will change your attitude towards them.
Hard to hate someone you are praying for.
BLESS those who curse you
OKAY, what does that mean? Jesus is referring to the way we talk about them and the way we talk to them. A blessing IS a ‘positive’ word spoken to OR about others.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, BUT only what is helpful for building others up, according to THEIR needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Eph 4;29
DO GOOD to those who hate you
How do you do good to people that you don’t even like?
Well, we have to look for ways to give to them.
We need to ask ourselves, “What can I do to serve them, to meet their needs, to help them?”
You can give. You can go the second mile. Offer some practical help. Do them a favor. You can discover their ‘real’ needs and respond to those needs. (Aren’t you glad God did good for U when U were His enemy?)
DOING GOOD – when we do not feel like… is away for us to grow the fruit of love.
Popular Bible teacher, Beth Moore, tells the story of the time when she was at the airport settling in at her gate when she noticed an elderly man in a wheelchair near her. She noticed he was humped over, skin and bones, with overgrown fingernails and long, tangled gray hair, and she was repulsed by him.
As she sat there preparing for her next speaking engagement, she felt an impression from God saying she should witness to the man. She resisted the Holy Spirit, thinking she’d try to talk to him on the plane.
But then it was as if the Lord said to her, “I don’t want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair.” She quickly dismissed it since her brush was packed away. But the inner prompting said, “Ask him if he has one.”
Finally she was so restless she got up, walked over to the unkempt old man and asked, “Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?” He said, “What did you say?” She said, “May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?”
He said, “Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you’re going to have to talk louder than that.” At this point, she took a deep breath and blurted out, “SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?”
Everyone at the gate stared at her. Her face was as red as a lobster. The man looked up at her, clearly shocked, and said, “If you really want to.”
Though she didn’t really want to, she said to the man, “I would be pleased to but I have a problem, I don’t have a hairbrush.” “I have one in my bag,” he responded. She went behind the wheelchair, got down on her hands and knees, unzipped the stranger’s bag and found the brush, hardly believing what she was doing.
She began brushing the old man’s hair, noticing it was clean, just tangled and matted. She wrote, “I don’t do many things well, but I’ve had notable experience untangling knotted hair after mothering two little girls.”
A miraculous thing happened as she brushed his hair. Everyone around disappeared, and it seemed as if there was no one there except her and the old man. She brushed and brushed until every tangle was out. She writes, “I know this sounds strange but I never have felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life.”
After his hair was soft and smooth, she got down on her hands and knees in front of him and said, “Sir, do you know my Jesus?” He said, “Yes, I do.” He explained, “I’ve known Him ever since I married my bride. She wouldn’t marry me until I got to know the Savior.”
He said, “You see the problem is that I haven’t seen my bride in months. I had to have open-heart surgery out of town and she’s been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, I am going to look like a mess when I see my bride.”
Later, Beth was boarding the plane when the airline hostess approached her, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, “That old man I just helped get onto the plane, why did you do that?” Beth said, “Do you know my Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!” and so Beth got to talk with her.
Beth Moore concludes, “Only God knows how often we are a part of a divine moment when we’re completely unaware of the significance. This was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details that only He could have known. It was a “God-moment” that I will never forget.”
The Apostle Paul was right: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Eph 5:1,2
