April 29 “Your divorce tears” Matthew 5:31-32
Malachi 2:16 Deuteronomy 24:1 Matthew 19:4-9
Because a great marriage, not a painful divorce, is God’s desire for us
1. Marriage is a covenant union between a man and a woman for life
Man and woman
Covenant: a solemn pledge with, not to, God and another
Union:
2. Marriage is the lesser reality of the greater relationship of Christ and the Church.
Ephesians 5:25
3. Marriage is to bring the best of everything for the partners
4. Marriage works best in an atmosphere of love and respect
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Love: doing what is best for the other
Respect: esteeming the other’s feelings, experiences, and perspectives
5. Marriage is not an arrangement of convenience
APRIL 29 “YOUR DIVORCE TEARS” MATTHEW 5:31-32
Story of Katy Smith????
MATTHEW 5:31-32 (VERSES ON SCREEN)
This morning we are going to tackle one of the most difficult teachings of Jesus and that is His teaching on divorce. Now, I’m well aware that many here this morning have experienced divorce personally, either from a failed marriage or divorced parents or divorced siblings or divorced children. I’m also aware that in many of your cases God showed His grace and mercy in your lives so that even though your previous marriage fell apart, your present marriage is a real blessing. Isn’t that what God does? (draw pile at bottom of sheet) He steps into the messes we create and heals what we’ve broken? He does that in every part of life. It’s not limited to divorce—His grace for those of us in Christ covers all sin from lying to deceiving to thieving to adultery to addiction to murder.
I’m 60 years old and I’ve seen a lot of divorce in my life, but I can’t think of one instance where the divorce itself was anything but an awful experience. Now don’t think about divorce as a piece of paper called a Divorce Decree; don’t think about it as judicial proceeding terminating a legal status called marriage. Divorce is the dissolution of love relationship that began with both partners promising and believing that they would stay married the rest of their lives.
I’ve done 100’s and 100s of weddings and when I come to the part where I say: “Do you ___ take this woman whose hand you hold to be your lawfully wedded wife, and do you sincerely promise before God and these witnesses to cleave only to her, to love, honor and cherish her and to be a true and faithful husband so long as you both shall live?” I have yet to have anyone say: Or “I’ll give it a try!” “Well, I hope so!” At the wedding altar, hope springs eternal. Marriage is intended for life. And divorce begins long before the Divorce Decree is issued. It is the breakdown of the marriage, the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the lack of respect, the cheating, the lying, the anger that makes divorce an awful experience. That’s why God says in MALACHI 2:16, “I HATE DIVORCE.” Notice He doesn’t hate divorcees; He hates what goes on in a couples life when His dream and vision for a marriage finally expires.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus was taking on the permissiveness, and frankly, the arrogance of the Scribes and Pharisees who had reduced the standard of the commands of God so low as to allow themselves to think they were morally upright: If you haven’t killed anyone, or had sex with someone outside of marriage you must be morally pure. Jesus said, “Wait a minute. Outward actions reveal inward sin. Sin begins in the heart. So if you’re angry, if you lust, you’ve violated the standard.”
And it’s in that context that Jesus takes on the popular teaching at the time that if you want to divorce your wife, just give her a notice and it will be done. They had corrupted the teaching of Moses found in Deuteronomy 24:1 “IF A MAN MARRIES A WOMAN, BUT SHE BECOMES DISPLEASING TO HIM BECAUSE HE FINDS SOMETHING IMPROPER ABOUT HER, HE MAY WRITE HER A DIVORCE CERTIFICATE, HAND IT TO HER, AND SEND HER AWAY FROM HIS HOUSE.” DEUTERONOMY 24:1 HCSB (LEAVE ON SCREEN FOR A FEW MOMENTS)
Now everything hinges on the interpretation of the word ‘displeasing.’ See that? Some interpreted that to mean if you didn’t like her chicken soup you could divorce her. Others interpreted it to mean if you didn’t have sex good enough or often enough you could divorce her. But most conservative rabbis interpreted it to mean that she was morally unclean. You probably know that Jewish custom had the couple be betrothed or engaged for a year while the husband went to prepare their dwelling. So Moses said that when they came together to consummate the marriage and found that she was not a virgin, he could put her away. This was the exact dilemma Joseph faced with Mary being pregnant with Jesus.
This shows how serious God is about maintaining sexual purity. MARRIAGE HAS THE CHANCE TO WORK THE BEST WHEN BOTH THE MAN AND THE WOMAN COME TOGETHER AS VIRGINS IN A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP FOR LIFE. Period. Paragraph. End of story.
The whole allowance for divorce is an accommodation, not a preference. Jesus shed further light on this in Matthew 19:4-9. “SOME PHARISEES APPROACHED HIM TO TEST HIM. THEY ASKED, “IS IT LAWFUL FOR A MAN TO DIVORCE HIS WIFE ON ANY GROUNDS?”
4 “HAVEN’T YOU READ,” HE REPLIED, “THAT HE WHO CREATED THEM IN THE BEGINNING MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,” G 5 AND HE ALSO SAID:
“FOR THIS REASON A MAN WILL LEAVE
HIS FATHER AND MOTHER
AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE,
AND THE TWO WILL BECOME ONE FLESH? I
6 SO THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO, BUT ONE FLESH. THEREFORE, WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, MAN MUST NOT SEPARATE.”
7 “WHY THEN,” THEY ASKED HIM, “DID MOSES COMMAND ⌊US⌋ TO GIVE DIVORCE PAPERS AND TO SEND HER AWAY?”
8 HE TOLD THEM, “MOSES PERMITTED YOU TO DIVORCE YOUR WIVES BECAUSE OF THE HARDNESS OF YOUR HEARTS. BUT IT WAS NOT LIKE THAT FROM THE BEGINNING. 9 AND I TELL YOU, WHOEVER DIVORCES HIS WIFE, EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY, AND MARRIES ANOTHER, COMMITS ADULTERY.”
10 HIS DISCIPLES SAID TO HIM, “IF THE RELATIONSHIP OF A MAN WITH HIS WIFE IS LIKE THIS, IT’S BETTER NOT TO MARRY!”
Do you begin to see how important sexual purity and wholesome marriages are to God? There’s no denying that. He does allow for divorce when one or both of the partners get tragically and irreparably hard-hearted, but that was not then nor is it now, God’s desire or God’s will.
When a marriage falls apart, it takes one entity and tears it apart (prop???????) No such thing as a no fault divorce. No such thing as a nice and tidy divorce. It tears apart couples, families, lives.
And so in my remaining time this morning, I want to shift the focus from the down here (use chart). Some of you want me to tell you of the circumstances that a divorce is ok and some of you want me to tell you that your divorce was/is OK and some of you want me to talk about in what circumstances would God allow a divorce. But I’m not going to. I’m going to spend the rest of my time focusing up here (use chart) and talk about what God intends for a marriage and has pledged all that He can do to make your marriage this way. BECAUSE A GREAT MARRIAGE, NOT A PAINFUL DIVORCE, IS GOD’S DESIRE FOR US
1. MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT UNION BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN FOR LIFE.
A. MAN AND WOMAN Nothing in Scripture could possibly indicate otherwise.
b. COVENANT: A SOLEMN PLEDGE WITH, NOT TO, GOD AND ANOTHER
Not the same as a promise. Promises are made and broken all the time. But not covenants. And this marriage covenant is not just between a man and a woman, but actually 1st with God, then with the other.
c. UNION: The two of you actually become one entity. God has joined you together and to tear it apart is to create irreparable damage.
2. MARRIAGE IS THE LESSER REALITY OF THE GREATER RELATIONSHIP OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH.
In Eph. 5, marriage is likened to the union of Christ and the church. “HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, JUST AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER.” EPHESIANS 5:25 HCSB Two observations:
a. This puts marriage in a different category than any other human relationship on the face of the earth. A marriage between a husband and wife is like the union of Christ and the church.
b. Men, with rare exception, marriages fall apart because men don’t love their wives like Christ loved the church. If you have marriage issues, guys, it’s on you! Now guys, let me warn you, don’t try to catch me after the service and tell me I’m wrong about this; don’t send me an email or demand a meeting with me. I will call your wife in and I will ask her if you treat her like Christ treated the church: Living for her, giving to her, dying for her. You don’t want that, I promise you.
3. MARRIAGE IS TO BRING THE BEST OF EVERYTHING FOR THE PARTNERS
Have you heard that joke: “Marriage isn’t a word, it’s a sentence!”? God’s intention and desire is diametrically opposite that. What makes life great? Love. Contentment. Adventure. Challenges/victories. Joy. A great marriage brings the best of this world for each of them.
You may not have that now, but you can. Because #4:
4. MARRIAGE WORKS BEST IN AN ATMOSPHERE OF LOVE AND RESPECT
LOVE AND RESPECT BOOK (PIC OF BOOK BY EGGERICH)
LOVE: DOING WHAT IS BEST FOR THE OTHER
RESPECT: ESTEEMING THE OTHER’S FEELINGS, EXPERIENCES, AND PERSPECTIVES
Which is more important: the left or the right wing of an airplane? Both! Can’t fly without both. And a marriage does not work unless there is both love and respect.
5. MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ARRANGEMENT OF CONVENIENCE
a. How do Fairy Tails like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty end? “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.” Let me just say, that only happens in fairy tales. Marriage is at times hard work; the hardest work you’ll ever do. But like anything else worthwhile, it’s the challenges and setbacks that when you overcome them, makes life even better. Sue and I have had plenty of challenges and setbacks and frustrations thru our 31 years, but it has only made our love for each other stronger and deeper. Sometimes marriage is THE most inconvenient thing in the world. But oh my, the joy, the peace, the fulfillment, the adventure, the love we have shared.
Closing illustration
