2/9 Upgrade 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
A robust and healthy sex life is one of the best indicators of a healthy marriage
A growing infrequency in love-making adversely affects intimacy at every level.
There is no safe sex outside of marriage.
God gives us 3 guidelines for married couples to maximize our sex life:
1. Accept a mutual responsibility v.3
2. Make a mutual sacrifice v.4
3. Enjoy a mutual ecstasy. v.5
Reboot suggestions:
Singles: Accept the truth that sex outside of marriage is dangerous and damaging, and but in marriage it is God’s beautiful gift and worth waiting for.
Marrieds: Set up a time this week to discuss the following question: On a scale of 1-10, how satisfying is your sex life and what can each of you do to upgrade?
Opening illustration
I week one of this series, we identified a universal need inside every human being. Whether you’re young or old, male or female, single or married, gay or straight: you want to love someone special and you want to be loved by someone special. That’s the way God made us. Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone.”
The human heart is looking for love. Right after God says this about aloneness not being good for Adam , God says, Genesis 2:24 “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” So God made men and women and God designed how we are relate to each other in a healthy, wholesome, fulfilling way. The problem is that most singles don’t know what that design is and so they don’t date in healthy way, mot engaged couples don’t know about the design and so they’re not ready for marriage, and most married folks don’t know the design and they are limping through life missing out on so much blessing God has for them.
Last week we talked about ways that men and women relate to each other in unhealthy, unwholesome ways….Malwares that damage or destroy peace and joy and fulfillment: cohabitation, homosexuality, fornication, pornography, & adultery.
As we said last week: next to the gift of salvation by grace through faith, sex is God’s greatest gift to the human race. But it is only a blessed gift if it is enjoyed inside a covenant relationship between a man and a woman called marriage. Outside of that covenant relationship, sex is damaging and destructive. But inside that covenant relationship—ooo la la! So this morning is about getting an upgrade in your marriage.
Now I must warn you that this morning is going to be a bit awkward for many of you. Because we’re going to have an open and honest discussion about sex. I find that many folks will listen to talk about sex for hours on end watching TV, but get all uptight talking about it at church! Oughta be just the opposite! The sex talk you get from Ricki Lake or How I Met Your Mother or Big Bang Theory or The Wolf of Wallstreet or whatever else you watch or read, is a distortion, a mutilation, a perversion of the real thing. And that ought to make you uptight. The real thing, the real deal is to be experienced and enjoyed inside this covenant relationship between a man and a woman called marriage. Everything else is a distortion, a mutilation, a perversion of the real thing.
So if the real thing is a gift by God, if it is high and holy, then we oughta be able to talk about it without getting all flushed and awkward. Oh no—he’s gonna talk about sex! If you have children in here, I’m glad they’re here. They may not understand everything we say, but they’ll get the idea that sex is not dirty and forbidden, and it’ll sure generate some topics for discussion at the dinner table this afternoon and give you the opportunity as a parent to countermand what they are learning in the locker room or on social media. But if you’ve gotta get em out, nows the time…you do so with my blessing.
If you’re a student, pay close attention to what we say today. This will be way better than those stupid sex ed classes you have to sit through in school. If you’re a single adult, listen with one ear so that you can anticipate the day you get to share this wonderful gift with someone--and listen with the other ear to the warnings that it is to be shared in marriage only. And finally, if you’re married, evaluate your sex life honestly. Does your sex life reflect the biblical principles God gave us to maximize this gift?
I want to work off this one premise this morning: A robust and healthy sex life is one of the best indicators of a healthy marriage
You know how close we are to our kids. Our 3 kids married incredible spouses (pic). We continue to have input into their lives and their marriages. That is the joy and responsibility of parents with adult children. And I’ll ask them all the time: “How’s your sex life?” :/ In front of their spouses! There’s no where to hide from that question. I tell them, a robust and healthy sex life is one of the best indicators of a healthy marriage. One of our couples were going through a lot of stress in their marriage and I suspected the stress was affecting their sex life. I asked the question, How’s your sex life? and I got answers like, “Well, we’ve been busy; we are tired all the time.” I said, “Those may be reasons, but they’re no excuse. You need to make time to make love. You need to make time to make love.” I know from years of ministry and years of marriage and years of research, that A growing infrequency in love-making adversely affects intimacy at every level.
This true for newlyweds and it is true for seasoned veterans. I found an article a couple of weeks ago in Health Magazine that talked about the health advantages of sexual activity for the elderly. This was the picture they used (pic http://magazine.foxnews.com/food-wellness/want-live-longer-eat-less-have-more-sex)
Let’s see what the Scripture says about this to give us some guidance. Let’s read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “3 A husband should fulfill his marital responsibility to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another sexually—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Now the city of Corinth in Greece has a real sex problem. They were more sex-crazed than our culture. They had a temple where they way you worshipped the goddess of that temple is that you had sex right there on the marble. And some of that culture had contaminated the church there in Corinth so God had the Apostle Paul write a letter that among other things, corrected their misconceptions about sex. We looked at chapter 6 last week where God says that sex is not just a biological function like eating and drinking. It has a spiritual dimension as well and so it impacts our soul AND it impacts our relationship with God. Our society sees it only as a biological function so they promote the idea of “safe sex.” Their idea of safe sex is to wear a condom… Look, if you’re going to have sex outside of marriage, dead set on doing it, by all means wear a condom. In fact, wear 2 or 3. It’s like double bagging at the grocery store. But let me tell you: There is no safe sex outside of marriage.
Sex outside of marriage is damaging and dangerous. But God wants to make sure we understand that sex inside of marriage is not to be shunned, but fostered and enjoyed.
God gives us 3 guidelines for married couples to maximize our sex life:
1. Accept a mutual responsibility v.3
3 A husband should fulfill his marital responsibility to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
Now for sure the context of this passage is about sex. Sex is fun. Sex in enjoyable. Sex is awesome. So why does God mention the word: responsibility? Ugh. Responsibility and sex in the same sentence. What the heck?
Because sex is not just a biological function. It is to be enjoyed inside a covenant relationship called marriage. And believe me, marriage carries with it a lot of responsibility.
In marriage you commit to know and meet each others needs. In marriage you commit to take care of each other. In marriage you commit to be there for each other. And it’s in that responsible relationship called marriage that the best sex occurs. The entertainment industry has created the illusion with shows like 2½ Men and movies like making it look like the single guy or girl have all the fun, having sex with multiple partners. But the truth is outside a loving marriage, the more sex you have the emptier you get.
But when you’ve partnered with this person in marriage, caring for each other, helping each other, striving together, struggling together, overcoming together—and in the midst of that you have sex—there’s no guilt the next morning; no remorse.
If you’re married, the way you upgrade your sex life, is to own up to more and more of your responsibilities/roles in the marriage. Guys, like we talked last week, you are created and chosen by God to be the spiritual leader. You loving lead your wife, initiating prayer and spiritual discussions and activities, she is going to respond like never before. Ladies, you become his greatest encourager, oh yeah, baby. It’s good—real good!
2. Make a mutual sacrifice v.4
4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
Remember what God says in Genesis? The 2 will become one flesh. It’s no longer my body. Sue’s body is no longer just her body. Now everything is ours. The house, the cars, the banks accounts, the kids, the adversities, the victories—ours. Her body is ours. My body is ours. Stop thinking that it’s your body individually. When you said “I do” you gave up the right to say, “This is MY body.”
So when you stop holding on to the right over your body, then you place it on the altar of your marriage and say, “Here it is. I offer it, I offer myself and pledge to sacrifice my own needs to meet the needs of my spouse.”
Guys, that means you don’t demand sex. You don’t insist on your needs being met. You focus on meeting her needs: helping around the house, helping with the kids, being the spiritual leader. Ladies, that means since your man is physically stimulated, you take care of yourself. That means you don’t withhold your body to punish or get your way. You’re willing to sacrifice your needs in order to meet the needs of your husband. Married folks: without mutual sacrifice, you won’t have a great sex life. But in a marriage where there is mutual sacrifice, you WILL upgrade your sex life, I promise.
3. Enjoy a mutual ecstasy. v.5
5 Do not deprive one another sexually—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
What did we say last week? Next to salvation by grace through faith, sex is the 2nd best gift God gave humanity. It is such an ecstatic experience that if that need is not met satisfactorily in the marriage, the Tempter will comes along and tries to get one of us to satisfy that urge outside the marriage.
Believe me, I know there are a lot of reasons to not have sex often: fatigue, kids, stress; even some physical reasons. But Christ-followers who are married ought to have the best, most frequent sex in the world! One of the things people ought to know about Rush Creek is that we have great sex! So maybe if a wife is having a hard time getting her husband to begin going to church, she could say, “I hear those Christ-followers at Rush Creek have great sex.” The man may be thinking, “I don’t want to sit through that singing or I don’t want to listen to that boring preacher or I don’t want to miss my golf game…. Ok, I’ll go!”
Listen, Sex inside of marriage is explosively ecstatic because it brings all 3 dimensions of humanity together: your body, your soul, and your spirit.
Reboot suggestions:
Single: Accept the truth that sex outside of marriage is dangerous and damaging, and but in marriage it is God’s beautiful gift and worth waiting for.
Married: Set up a time this week to discuss the following question: On a scale of 1-10, how satisfying is your sex life and what can each of you do to upgrade?
Closing story
