Absalom had finally figured out a way to kill his brother. And if there was anybody that needed to die, it was his brother Amnon. Amnon, that snake. That pathetic excuse for a human being. That vile monster. He needed to die. What he had done, somebody needed to do something about it, and nobody was doing anything about it. Not God. It seemed like even God didn’t care. Not King David. Absalom’s own father didn't seem to care and did nothing about it. Somebody had to do something and Absalom decided it was him.
Absalom was David’s son. Now David had far more wives than he needed. He had far more wives than what was God’s plan, and far more wives than what was God’s law. Absalom was the half-brother of a man named Amnon. Amnon was David’s first born son. Amnon was the Crown Prince. He was the first in line to be king. And don’t you know, it is good to be king. You may understand royalty. They get away with things that the rest of us don’t get away with. And you know, they have a pretty cushy life. David had spent his life running and hiding in caves. David had cut his teeth watching sheep, killing lions, killing bears, running for his life. But his children, they did not get any of that stuff. David had arrived. And his children had a pretty cushy life.
And Amnon, henceforth in this story known as Creepy Stalker Dude, was in love. There was a girl, oh she was so beautiful. Oh she was perfect in every way. And she was a virgin. She was a good girl. She was the girl next door and oh man she wasn’t like some of these trashy girls, she was a good girl. And she was beautiful, she was gorgeous. It says he was sick with love. He was weak in the knees. He would look at her and his heart would melt. Oh, she is beautiful. She is gorgeous. She burps and to him it is like the sound of little birdies singing. He was her friend on Facebook. Checking out what she’s doing, where she’s going, who she’s hanging out with. And liking all her pictures. “Oh that one is pretty.” Followed her on Instagram. “Oh that corn beef sandwich looks delicious, but not as delicious as you, you little cutie patootie.” And he would watch her from across the room. She even smiled and waved once. “She loves me too!” He had her picture all over his bedroom. Now they did not have cameras, so he drew a lot of pictures. Okay, this was 3500 years ago. No Facebook, no Instagram, no cameras. But he was obsessed with her. He was love sick. He would lie awake at night thinking about her, dreaming of what they would do if they ever got to be alone together. And she was beautiful, she was gorgeous, she was pure, she was wholesome, she was everything he wanted in a girl and he wanted her and couldn’t have her. Because she was his sister. Creepy Stalker Dude. He made himself sick with love. “Oh, I can’t live without her!”
And his cousin, Jonadab, saw all this and said, “What are you moping around for? Why the long face? You are so depressed all the time. You are the king’s son; you are the next in line for the throne. And David, he is 60 years old, you could be king anytime, you are a heartbeat away, because 60 is old. Tell me, what’s wrong? You can have anything you want, what is it you want?” Amnon says, “I want Tamar.” And his cousin who was obviously familiar with the story and familiar with the family, he did not say, “Dude she’s your sister.” He said, “You’re the king’s son, we can make this work.” And he designed a plan to get Tamar and Amnon alone at Amnon’s house.
Amnon pretended to be sick and word came to King David, “Amnon is sick and he cannot even make it out of bed.” When David came, he said, “My son, my son, what can I do to make you feel better?” Amnon said, “I don’t know, I am just so sick, I don’t think I can make it. But if you send my sister Tamar to care for me, to come cook me some chicken noodle soup,” actually it was not chicken noodle soup it was bread or cakes, “But let her come and take care of me. Let her come and feed me, then I know I will get better.” David sent the word to Tamar. When the king says go, it is not a suggestion. Go and care for your brother who is sick. Tamar comes and she is taking care, she is baking the bread, and Creepy Stalker Dude is watching her the whole time. When it is ready she says, "Come and get it!" He said, "I am too sick to come to the table. I am going to have to eat here in bed. Why don’t you bring it to me and by the way, everybody else out of the house.” And she came to his bed with the bread and he grabbed her and pulled her to him in his bed and said, “My sister, come lie with me, let’s do it, no one is around, no one will know, and I am going to be king.” Her response was, “No! Of course not!”
“Don't, my brother!" she said to him. "Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you" (2 Samuel 13:2-14).
That probably was not true because it was against the law to marry your brother, to marry your sister. But hey, he was the king’s son. But even if King David said no, at least it got her out of his bedroom.
But he did not listen to her. He refused to listen to her and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. The original language; he overpowered her, and abused her, and bedded her. Then he looked at her and said, “Get out you filthy whore.” That part is not the original language. The original language says “Get up and get out.” Then it says, “Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact he hated her more than he had loved her” (v.15). It is a wide gulf between love and hate. But lust and hate are next door neighbors. And she said, “Nooooo, this is worse than what you did to me in the first place. No, you can’t do this to me; you have already ruined my life.” He called for his servant and said, “Get this thing out of here and lock the door behind her.” And she was kicked out into the street and they locked the door behind her.
She was King David’s daughter, Absalom’s full sister. She was a virgin, she was pure, and they wore these richly ornamented robes that marked her off as an unmarried princess. And she took that robe and she tore it as a sign that my life is ruined, my life is over. And she threw ashes on her head and she went away weeping and crying and lived the rest of her life, the Bible says, a desolate woman. It meant that she was trash. It meant that no one would love her. It meant that no one would marry her. It meant that her life was over because she was damaged goods.
Now that is how the world looked at her. That is how the men in that society now looked at her. That is how her brother that kicked her out of his bed looked at her. But that is not how God looked at her. God looked at her and said, “You are still my pure, undefiled one.” God looked at her and said, “This man’s shame is not your shame.” When Jesus Christ comes back as the only true King, when Jesus Christ comes back as the righteous Judge, and makes every wrong right, I think he is going to look at the way the world treats women. Uses them as sexual play things and then throws them away like trash. I am talking about porn. I am talking about human trafficking. I am talking about our free way of life that we do not need marriage, it is just a chain, it is just bondage, and men use women and then throw them away. No strings attached. And I believe the God of the universe says, “These women are created in my image, they are my daughters.” And when Jesus Christ comes back to make every wrong right, I think that is one of the things at the top of the list. Because Jesus Christ cares about those who have been hurt, those who have been used, those who have been abused, and those who have broken hearts.
She went away crying and she had no place to go. She could not go back to the palace, she could not go back to her sisters, she was too ashamed to go back. The only place she could go was to her brother Absalom's. And immediately he knew what had happened. He said, “Has that little,” in the original language again, “Has that little Amnon been with you?” And with you, he meant “with you.” “Has that little Amnon been with you?” And he said, “Don’t talk about it. Don’t make a stink. He’s your brother. But I will take care of it.” Saying,"Shhhhh, can’t let anybody know the family business.”
I had a professor who was a clinical psychologist, a family counselor. He made a statement one day in class, he said, families are only as healthy as their secrets. If your family has a deep dark secret, the more unhealthy your secret is, the more unhealthy your family is going to be. And it is never going to get healthy until someone tells the truth. He says, it may take some time, but there arises a truth teller. Usually one of the children, maybe a teenager, maybe as an adult, who says, “Hey are we ever going to talk about the fact that Dad is a drunk? And a mean drunk at that, and we need to lock ourselves in the bathroom when he is on one of his tears. Are we ever going to talk about the fact that Mom covers for him and when he is too drunk to go to work she calls up and says he has the flu? Dad has the flu all the time. Are we ever going to talk about this? And they all say, "Shhhhhhhhhh, don’t talk about it! Don’t talk about it.” And the truth teller becomes the scape goat. The truth teller becomes the black sheep of the family. The truth teller ends up on the outs with everybody else. And you are saying, “Pastor David, you are presenting a very good case not to be a truth teller!” Except for this, people who tell the truth are much more healthy than people who do not. I know from my own experience that to tell the truth, you end up more spiritually healthy, emotionally healthy. You are a much more healthy person. And then there is this, Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth, and the Life said the truth will set you free. But Absalom said, "Shhhh, don’t make a stink." Families are only as healthy as their secrets and David’s family knew how to keep a secret. Then he said, “Don’t take this matter to heart.” I am not sure that is real good advice to give to a rape victim, but he said, “Don’t take this matter to heart.” But he did. He took it to heart. It says, “Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad, he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar” (v. 22).
And what did King David do about this? What did the king of the land, what did Dad do when he heard about this? And how could he not hear about this? The Bible says that he was furious! And did nothing. King David was a great king, but a pretty lousy father, and not that great a husband either. A few chapters back, in 2 Samuel Chapter 11, we see David’s own sin; his adultery, we see his murder. And the prophet came to him and said, “You think you got away with it, but God sees. And God does forgive you and will forgive you and he is not even going to take away your dynasty, you will still have a son that sits on the throne. But there are consequences even when you are forgiven. The sword will never depart from your family.” And this is just the first story.
And Absalom, his heart became bitter. His heart became resentful. What happens when your heart becomes bitter and resentful? Have you ever been bitter and resentful about anything? About anybody? It does not even have to be a major thing like this that we are talking about. It can be little things that grow into big things. And you know what resentment does? A heart of resentment destroys your family, destroys your relationships and only leads to death.
And resentment, have you ever had a boil? Have you ever had a sore? We did not have children, Kim and I were married, and I don’t know what happened, we went somewhere, something in our house, but both of us started to get boils. And I am not going to tell you where I got boils, but I did get one that was right here underneath my ear. First it was just a little irritation, “Hmm there is something there.” Pretty soon it grew, it festered. And all around it was sensitive and you did not want to touch it. I would roll over on my bed at night, and say, “Oh that hurts, I will avoid that side.” It grew and it got bigger until everybody was like, “Dude, what is that on your ear?” And don’t you know that resentment is just like that? It starts as a minor little thing maybe, it is underneath the surface and it grows and it grows, and it spreads and it gets more painful and it gets more obvious. That is what happened to Absalom.
What are the things that bring resentment in our life? I think one of the things that brings the biggest resentment is disappointment. People are not who we thought they were. People are not who we would like them to be. People are not who they should be. Resentment grows in our heart towards our husbands, towards our wives, towards our children, to our moms and our dads, towards our bosses, towards the people we work with, towards the people who work for us, towards your pastor, towards people in your church, towards your neighbors, and it grows and it festers. Two years Absalom let this grow in his heart.
Absalom had finally figured out a way to kill his brother. And if there was anybody that needed to die, it was his brother Amnon. Absalom had finally figured out a way to make Ammon pay. It was sheep shearing season and Absalom had lots of sheep, he was the son of a King. And sheep shearing season was a time of festivities, it was a time of rejoicing. It was a party, it was Christmas, it was Christmas bonus time, it was pay day. And they had a big party, let’s celebrate. We made lots of money this year. You invited people to come celebrate with you. So Absalom went to his dad, King David, he said, “Father, King David, come, you and your officials, and we are going to get down, we are going to party. I will feed you, and we will have a great time together.” David looked at him and said, “Son, you are doing well, but you are not doing that well, you cannot feed all of us.” So he declined. Absalom said, “How about my brother Amnon, why don’t you send him?” And David was a little suspicious. I think the thought crossed his mind; there was a time when someone else came to me and asked for a sibling to come to their house for a meal and it did not turn out so good. Maybe this is not such a good idea either. But Absalom was persistent. He said, “King David you are the king and you cannot come, but Amnon, he is the first in line, he can come as your representative, and all our brothers can come, and we will have a great time together.” Despite David’s misgivings he said, “Yeah, this sounds like a plan.”
Absalom’s plan was this, he told his servants when Amnon gets drunk; make sure he has lots of wine at this party. Boy, this story sounds familiar. Remember David and Bathsheba? You remember Uriah the Hittite, Bathsheba’s husband? David threw a party for Uriah and got him drunk. And you all know how that story ended. Anyway, he had Uriah killed. I think the moral of this story is this, if someone from King David’s family invites you to a party and tries to get you drunk, watch your back. That is probably a good rule of thumb for life. If someone invites you to a party and tries to get you drunk, watch your back! Absalom says, “When Amnon gets drunk, I will give the word and you guys kill him. Be strong, be brave, be men, do what I say.” It happened just as Absalom planned. When Amnon was drunk, he gave the word and they stabbed him and they killed him.
All the other brothers, they jumped up and ran for their lives. They got on their mules and they high tailed it to Jerusalem. Absalom fled to another nation. The word came to King David, Absalom has killed all of your sons, they are all dead. David fell on the ground, he tore his clothes, he is wailing, all of his sons are dead. Jonadab, remember he is the cousin who tells Amnon to come up with a plan where he could get Tamar, he came to King David and said, “King, console yourself, not all of your sons are dead. Absalom only hated Amnon.” Absalom has had it in his heart for two years to kill him. Don’t be sad, only Amnon is dead.” And soon all the brothers came rushing in and the story was told and they fell on their face and they wailed and Absalom fled. The story ends with Absalom living in exile far from home, estranged from his family, with blood on his hands.
You say, “Pastor David, this is the happiest, cheeriest message you have ever preached in your life.” But I look at Absalom and I am kind of on his side. Someone had hurt someone he loved and nobody did anything about it. What do we do when we care about the hurt and the pain in this word, when we see injustice, when we see people overpowered, and oppressed, abused, and raped? How do we care about justice and not end up like Absalom? First of all is this, if you let resentment and bitterness run your life it will ruin your life. And the way to solve the world’s problems is not with more hatred, is not by killing anybody. Charleston last week taught us that. They experienced the most heartbreaking atrocity imaginable, and what did they say? “We forgive.” If we are going to survive in this life, we have to forgive.
Where are the areas in your life where maybe resentment has taken hold? Where are the areas in your life that it is just festering and ready to pop? It can be that someone has success and you don’t feel like they deserve it. Maybe someone has success instead of you and you deserve it. Maybe it is broken promises. Maybe you have been very badly hurt. All I know is that resentment kills.
Friday when I was at the bus stop, and you know I go on Fridays and I pass out coffee, you know my whole story. I go there; I just want to be in the pathway of people who need to have an encounter with God. I give them coffee and they say, what is this for? And I say, “I just want to brighten your day, I want to put a smile on your face, and I want you to know that God loves you.” And they are like, “Oh.” It is amazing what happens when you do that week after week. This woman gets off the bus and she comes to me and says, “David, I need you to pray for me. If you don’t pray for me, I am either going to end up in the nut house or in jail.” She said, my son, she has talked to me before and her son has addiction issues, struggles with sobriety, to put it mildly. “My son was in prison and I would come to him and I cared for him and I visited him and I took care of him. I gave him a place to live once he got out. I never abandoned him. He told me, he promised me, because you took such good care of me, I am going to buy you a car. I never asked for a car, but he promised and he never gave it. Now he has fallen back into those old habits, hanging out with those same old people, he doesn’t have a sponsor, he is not guarding his sobriety and he is mean to me. He calls me selfish; he calls me names that I cannot repeat.” Then she said something that I could not believe came out of her mouth, she said “I cannot afford to live my life with resentment.” And neither can you. You don’t have to. Do you know why? Because of Jesus Christ. Because Jesus Christ knows what it is like to be hurt. Jesus Christ knows what it is like to be abused. In 1Peter 2:21-25 it says:
To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
"He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth."
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls (1 Peter 2:21-25).
This is not a happy story. You are probably saying, "Boy, Pastor David; Absalom, Tamar, Amnon, why did you share this story with us?” First, it is the overarching theme, you reap what you sow, and David’s actions brought destructive actions from his children. But more than this, your heart matters. The condition of your heart matters. What you sow in your heart matters. It is very easy to hold onto hurts, it is very easy to hold onto resentment. It is very easy to let it fester. Now my boil on the side of my ear, now that is just gross and disgusting. But it hurt me so bad that I finally went to the doctor and do you know what the doctor did? He lanced it, and you know what, it hurt. And then it got better. Jesus Christ bore your hurt, bore your shame, he taught us to forgive like he forgave. He has forgiven us of so much that we can forgive in the very same way. I want to do something this morning that may be a little painful for you. We are going to poke the festering; we are going to lance the festering. We are going to pray and ask that God create in us a clean heart. That is one thing that David got right. When he sinned he prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirt within me, cast me not away from thy presence, take not your Holy Spirit from me, restore unto me the joy of thy salvation and give me your Spirit to sustain me” (Ps. 51:10-12). We are going to do that as we sing this song of praise.
There is also something I want you to do and I want you to think about it. What is the relationship you have that there is resentment? I want you to go home and I want you to write it down. This exercise is not going to be an exercise of airing your grievances and grumbling and complaining about it. If that is what it is, than don’t do it. But you are going to acknowledge your hurts, you are going to acknowledge your relationships that are struggling and that there is a wedge and you are going to write it down and then you are not going to show it to anybody. But you are going to give it to God. You can burn it, you can rip it up, you can shred it. Whatever you do, get rid of it. God takes that hurt, God takes that resentment and he wants to create in you a clean heart today. That is what I am asking you to do today. Let us stand and lets sing create in me a clean heart.
We closed with Create In Me by Rend Collective Experiment with a slower tempo to make it more thoughtful and reflective. CCLI Song # 7014652 © 2014 Thankyou Music.
