Forgive like Philemon
Philemon 1-21
Introduction-
This morning I want to talk to you about forgiveness.
Right away we can think of many that should hear this message. But you are here this morning and God wants to speak to each one of us about forgiveness.
When someone hurts you, you can hold unto the anger, resentment, and have revengeful thoughts, or you can embrace forgiveness and move forward.
The choice is yours and many are hurting from hurting things that have happened to them years ago because they have not chosen to forgive and move forward.
I have not said forgive and forget, because that principal is not in the Bible, but forgiving and moving forward is a God directed principal.
Nearly every one of us has been hurt by the actions of others.
If you haven’t, just wait, it will happen.
We have had people meanly criticize us, colleagues sabotage us, and loved ones we have trusted hurt us deeply.
These wounds definitely hurt us and if not dealt with correctly can cause bitterness and can even make people do and say things they would never do.
Right up front I will tell you that forgiveness is your decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. Then letting God help through the process and picking you up when you are weak.
That act or offense might remain a part of your life forever, but forgiveness helps you focus on the positive parts of your life instead of the negative that brings you down.
Forgiveness does not mean that you deny the other persons responsibility for hurting you , it does not minimize the wrong.
You can forgive the person without excusing the act, and you can forgive and not want to put yourself in a dangerous spot again.
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make you a happier person.
Forgiveness leads to
Healthier relationships
Greater well being
Less stress, anxiety, and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer problems with depression
Higher esteem.
That is what the medical field says about it- this comes from the Mayo Clinic.
God said the same thing first and adds that spiritually we cannot allow someone bring us down, cause our faith to suffer, and live below the standard that God desires for each believer.
I said all of that as a background to our text this morning found in the book of Philemon.
Philemon is a one page book in the Bible between the book of Titus and the book of Hebrews.
The writing in Philemon is personal letter between the apostle Paul and a fellow believer Philemon.
Philemon was a very rich believer that came out of the church at Colossae who owned slaves. Many at that time did.
Philemon had a slave named Onesimus, who stole some property and ran away. By Roman law, Philemon could have Onesimus caught and killed for abandoning his owner.
While this went on, Onesimus the runaway slave encountered the apostle Paul and became a believer. This starts the dilemma- apostle Paul gets attached to Onesimus the slave who confessed what he did, and apostle Paul found Philemon who understood the law and now wanted Philemon to man up and do the right thing.
Philemon 1-21
Although the letter is addressed to the church, a home church started in the city Colossae, it was a personal letter also to Philemon to do something that was bigger than just what he is entitled to do by the law.
Now that you see and understand the background, you can see some principals of God that need to be applied and why Paul approached the situation the way that he did.
Forgiveness is a choice (1 point message)
It is a choice that you make and nobody but you can make it.
Your choice is to forgive, or your choice is to hold onto the offense and keep living it out in your life.
If you decide to be unforgiving, you will develop anger and bitterness that spills over into other relationships. It becomes easier and easier to not forgive because that is your right.
You plant a root of un-forgiveness or you plant forgiveness.
We have all met people that live their lives bitter because they have not forgiven and it affects their lives every day.
Apostle Paul approaches Philemon- “ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do- yet I appeal to you on the basis of love.”
He knew it was the right thing- We know what is the right thing to do is.
He made Philemon think of all the times he had offended and hurt someone.
How many times other people have forgiven him when he had hurt someone, or put his foot in his mouth and said something that he shouldn’t have said.
He made Philemon move away from the role of victim to the person who had control and power to release forgiveness and show compassion instead of justice.
Why is it that we feel people should forgive us, but have such a hard time forgiving others?
Forgive on the basis of love- that is not a new concept when we take ourselves out of the victim state and remember how God forgave us for the offenses we did against God.
Illustration
A man was caught stealing milk that had been delivered to the store. He had been arrested and he was taken before the judge. The judge asked him, how do you plead? There was only one way he could plead, because he had been caught in the act. He had to plead guilty. He asked for leniency for he had two small babies at home and nothing to give them and instead of seeing them starve he resorted to stealing. He said, judge, I plead for the mercy of the court. The judge said that since he had pleaded guilty, he had no alternative but to find the man guilty and he assessed a fine. The fine was ten dollars. The man stood there, for he anticipated a jail sentence since he had nothing with which to pay. Then the judge got up, laid down his gavel, walked off the bench, walked over to the clerks desk and paid the 10.00 himself and set the man free. Then, he approached the man and wrote him a 100.00 check to provide for his needs.
There was no question of guilt, or the justice of the sentence, and yet the one who had to find him guilty, was the one that paid his debt in order that he might go free.
That sound like someone you know?
Apostle Paul appealed to him in love- that the love that Philemon had for Paul be brought the same love he had for Onesimus.
I appeal for Onesimus who had become a fellow believer. While I was in chains, I met Onesimus and he became a believer, and now a child of God like the apostle Paul.
Forgiveness is challenging.
Forgiveness is hard.
It really becomes hard when you have two believers fighting to see if they are going to forgive each other.
We have all been in conflict with others, believers.
We sometimes get out of focus, say things we don’t mean, and react with wrong attitudes.
But when we both are believers, we have to look at each other in a different light.
Paul’s approach here is to the fact that as much as has been forgiven us, we must forgive others with that same love and grace.
Since Paul was putting their relationship out there, they were partners in the faith, he takes it one step further.
(17) “So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me.”
Martin Luther-
“Even as Christ did for us with God the Father, thus Paul also does for Onesimus and Philemon.”
Paul probably led Philemon to Christ, we know that Paul led Onesimus to Christ. As you have partnered with me, partner with Onesimus, who also now is a believer.
As you let go of the grudges, your life is no longer defined by how you have been hurt, it is defined by love, compassion, and understanding.
Forgiveness does not always bring reconciliation.
Someone who has hurt you could have died.
Maybe, as much as you want to, it is not possible because of your safety. You don’t put yourself in harm’s way again.
Reconciliation is not always possible, but forgiveness is possible even if reconciliation is not.
(12) “I am sending him, who is my very heart back to you.
(14) “But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced.”
Catch the principal here,
Onesimus is a good brother, I have every right to keep him here and use him, but I am sending him to you so that what decision you make will be your choice and not forced.
Remember that avoiding someone, not attending events, you are hurting yourself and making things ackward- address the elephant in the room.”
Open up your heart and mind and move forward.
Paul did not know what Philemon would do, getting another person to change his/hers actions isn’t the power of forgiveness. It is thinking how forgiveness changed your life and how it can bring peace, happiness, wholeness and spiritual healing to you.
Forgiveness can take away the power you gave someone else to control your life. Repeat.
Let me bring this to a close-
There is not one of us here this morning that has not wrestled with un-forgiveness.
Each one of us has someone who rubs us the wrong way.
What are you going to do about it?
Who is going to have control of your life?
You or someone else going to control your happiness, peace.
The first step is to honestly acknowledge where you are at.
If you have wronged someone- go to them and try to make it right. If they do not accept it, then it is time for you to move on.
If you have held bitterness of a person or a situation it is time to release that to the Lord so you can get your life back.
Remember you cannot force someone to forgive you, like you, or even listen to you.
It is your responsibility to release that anger and bitterness so you can live again.
Some this morning need to take a minute and speak to the Lord about it right now- while he is bringing it to your attention.
There is power in forgiveness for us and for others. Amen.
