Book of Romans Study
Lesson # 34 – Romans 12:17-21
By Rev. James May
We live in a world where it is so easy to suddenly find yourself in a position of having to defend yourself against something or someone that will come against you without any probable cause.
I was watching a video a few days ago on Facebook that depicted an incident of road rage that was really wild. Of course, I finally figured out that it was all part of a staged scene for a comedy show, but in the beginning it wasn’t hard to believe that it had actually happened.
Road rage is a very common thing these days and it only takes a moment to trigger it. Even as Christians I find that there are times when we have to really exhibit some self-control to keep from getting caught up in it to some degree. There’s just something about being behind the steering wheel of a car or truck, feeling that power at your control, and having an agenda or somewhere that you just have to go, that tends to change your entire attitude.
I’ve seen people who are perfectly considerate of others, always giving others preferential treatment upon entering doors or even in the lines at the grocery story, having a kind heart and yet behind the wheel of a car all of that consideration turns into self-centeredness that will quickly evolve into rage at the least provocation.
In the video I saw, all it took for the rage to begin was for a man with his family in the car to park in an open parking spot. He was unaware that a had saw this same parking spot from a long ways off and she was determined to get it no matter what. She wasn’t waiting to pull in but had spotted it across the block and was trying to get there because it would save her a few steps to the door of the hardware store.
He took the spot and then it began. Her road rage kicked into high gear as he pulled away. She rammed his car repeatedly from the rear, threatening the lives of his kids in the back seat and even trying to shove him off the road into the deep gullies more than once, coming close to doing so and putting his whole family in jeopardy.
They finally stopped and were arguing when the police arrived to separate them. The woman accused him of taking her parking spot, and was determined to get even with him for that. She then confessed that she wanted that spot so she could save a few steps and quickly go buy a shovel so she could go home and “brain” her neighbor’s dog with it because the dog was bothering her. Now she was in double trouble for threatening the lives of the people in the car and threatening to kill her neighbor’s dog too.
She was just being really crazy, and I’m glad it was a comedy skit, but the reality is that such a thing is not really unbelievable. What a crazy world we live in!
This last part of Romans Chapter 12 deals with this fiery nature of man and tells us that this is not the way that a Christian should act.
Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Let me just say right here that I’m glad the Apostle was inspired to write those words, “if it be possible” in this scripture. Sometimes it just isn’t possible. Trouble is going to come. There are some people that you cannot get along with no matter how hard you try because they don’t want to get along with you.
It happens in the workplace. It happens on the highways. It happens in the marketplace. And it also happens in the House of God among God’s own people.
If you’ve been around very long you know that there are some people in the church that are just impossible to be around without them getting on your nerves or causing your frustration to rise to the point that it causes conflict. Sometimes biting your lip and keeping your mouth shut, and letting something go, is truly hard to do. You just feel like you have to say something to try and correct the situation, or you’ll just bust.
Some folks cannot hold their tongue and that tongue is a world of fire as the Apostle James says. In the old days, when a lot of people had Citizens Band Short wave radios in their cars, we called those folks “Motor Mouths”, always running off at the mouth but with nothing important to say.
Some folks are just plain bossy, overbearing and will try to take charge of everything and everybody. They know it all and are quick to tell you that they do. If you don’t do as they want, or as they believe is the “best way”, then you’re going to have an enemy and they will lash back with words, if not with actions that are aimed at making you look foolish. Nobody likes a “Know-it-all”, especially those of us who already know it all!
On the opposite end of that spectrum are those folks who pretend to know nothing, or to be so sick, so they won’t have to do anything. That’s offensive to those who have to do everything. You can quickly develop an enemy by simply trying to push someone to do what they don’t want to do.
I think that sometimes God allows people to come into our lives that have some of these abrasive natures just to show us how much we need to change and grow within ourselves. We might think that we have patience until one of these dear folks starts grating on your nerves and you’ll suddenly discover how little patience you really have.
Still we must try to maintain the right spirit and live peaceably with everyone around us if they will let us.
For most of us life would be miserable people if there was a constant turmoil going on, but the fact is that some people seem to thrive on turmoil and they aren’t happy unless they have some trouble brewing somewhere. If there is no trouble, they’ll find a way to stir it up just for the fun of the arguments.
So, as the Apostle says, if it is at all possible, we should learn to control our tongues, watch our impatience, control our tempers and try to keep the peace. May the Lord give us all strength to do that!
Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
If there’s one thing that’s truly hard to control; it’s the urge to strike back! We also should never hold a grudge or have an attitude that “I don’t get mad; I get even”, when someone says something or does something to hurt you.
I’m reminded of the old TV comedy with Jackie Gleason, playing Ralph Cramden who was married to Alice. It was called, “The Honeymooners”, but believe me the “honeymoon” was long gone in their marriage. Every time there was an argument, Ralph would just throw up his fist in Alice’s face and yell, “One of the these days, Alice; one of these days, POW – to the moon Alice; to the moon!” There was very little peace in that home! Ralph was a never do good blowhard and Alice was a level headed wife trying to make a home!
It was a recipe for disaster! The opposite of the kind of home that Christians should have!
Now when the Apostle writes that we should not avenge ourselves, I do not believe that he was talking against using self-defense in the case of someone attacking with the intent to destroy or injure either yourself, or a loved one, or your home and property. God never intended for any of us to be a floor mat or a punching bag for some evil-hearted individual who is out to do you harm and abuse you. To not defend yourself against such an attack would be utter foolishness.
Too many Christians feel trapped in abusive relationships right now and no one has the right to abuse anyone else either by word or deed! These relationships are filled with trouble, and you have the perfect right for self-defense and self-preservation. So grab the frying pan ladies, if that’s what it takes to defend yourself; or gentlemen, if you can’t control your temper, or you feel threatened, then hit the road! Don’t stand there and fight until someone is killed.
The first thing to do is get your hearts right with God because no Christian should ever seek to take revenge on their spouse. It’s time to find an altar of repentance and ask God to intervene, and then get some help to start the healing and forgiving process in the home.
Self-defense is not vengeance or revenge!
What we are talking about here is making plans to take revenge when there is no immediate danger involved and there is just a sense of pride over being hurt and you want to get even or strike back to make someone pay for what they have done. It’s an act of planned retribution for some real, or suspected, or even imaginary harm that was done to you.
What we are talking about here is vengeance, revenge, taking the law into your own hands like a self-appointed vigilante without giving time for God, or for the laws of the land to solve the situation.
If you are lied about, trying to defend yourself against the lie often causes more trouble than if you just put in it God’s hands and let it go. Sometimes, to try and defend ourselves, only causes the effect of the lies to be worse than they could have been if we had just kept silent and let God take care of it in his way.
When we try to get even, trying to fight back for everything that anyone says or does to hurt us, it often only tends to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Let me tell you of a personal experience!
Many years ago I was involved in a well-known multi-level marketing business. Now this is not an indictment against the business, or against its business model of growth through multi-levels of independent distributors. In fact, I loved the business model and it works quite well if done right.
This is a story of how people can take a something that is perfectly legitimate and very profitable if treated rightly, and ruin it through being spiteful and hateful because of some perceived wrong doing that isn’t even true.
Through a sequence of events; and I might add, a whole lot of extra hard work and effort, we had surpassed the expectations of many of those who had been in our line of sponsorship above us. In a multi-level type marketing business, there are always lines of sponsorship that stand to gain from the efforts of those they bring in under them.
Within a few months, I had grown faster than anyone expected. I had caught the vision and believed in the dream, and I went after it whole heartedly. We built a bigger business than those of my sponsors, who had been working longer than I had but had less results.
In the process I made a few enemies who thought that I shouldn’t be gaining all the recognition and privileges that they weren’t getting. They didn’t take into account that I was working harder, getting into more homes and presenting the business to 2 or 3 times more people each week than they were. All they could see was that I was getting what they wanted and they were being left in the dust.
To make a long story short, they started seeking ways to take vengeance on me and it all began with lies and insinuations that I was doing something illegal to be able to grow in business that fast. It got so bad that many of those I was working with suddenly began to quit the business.
I could have lashed back, but what good would that have done? Anything I said or did would quickly be turned around to make it appear as though I was guilty as charged and only trying to justify myself. So I decided just to let it go and let God take care of it.
In the end, God did take care of it, but not before I learned some hard lessons about trusting people. Some people are going to try to destroy you, harm you, get even for things for which there is nothing to get even for, and do everything in their power to make you appear as someone evil, all because of their own jealousy, pride and selfishness.
We were completely vindicated! Nothing illegal was ever found. None of the accusations or lies had any truth, and those who were making those claims were eventually threatenedd with legal action because of their slanderous remarks, not by me but by corporate lawyers.
I don’t know if you have ever had those kinds of things happen, but I can only tell you that when those things happen, you will have to learn to put your life in God’s hands, because there will be very little you can do to make things right. Trying to take vengeance will only make matters worse. Some things you just can’t stop from happening.
That’s what the Apostle is trying to tell us. Don’t strike out like a vigilante at everything and everybody that comes against you. The attacks that come against you can be better handled by God than by you.
In fact, the word here teaches us to do something that goes against the grain of human nature.
Romans 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
Let me tell you that it will be hard to do as Paul says. If you’ve ever had to try to treat someone who is trying to destroy you as though they were still your friend, you’ll know what I mean.
Being a pastor at times isn’t easy. I’m happy to say that there are no problems in our church that I know of right now. I sense a true spirit of unity and peace in our church, but there have been times when I stood before the congregation, giving the Word of the Lord, knowing that there were people in the congregation who would not accept what was said. They were all about discrediting me, or trying to steal sheep from the fold to start their own church. There were times when you could feel the animosity coming from them even while you tried to show God’s love to them.
In the case of the business I spoke of earlier, there were times when I had to stand before large rallies, gatherings of prospective distributors and well as many who were well aware of the lies that had spread throughout the business. I had to stand and deliver the business plan, not only to my own new prospects, but to the prospects of those who were accusing me as well. I knew they were scrutinizing every word and every action, but I had a job to do, and I wasn’t going to allow their vindictiveness to stop me.
I had too much pride, and too much faith in God to make things right. Still, those were some very uncomfortable presentations, but as they say in the movie industry, “the show must go on”.
To fail to do what I was assigned to do would only have served to prove them right and to let them think that I was afraid of them, or that I was guilty as charged.
Some of you may have faced this same thing on the job when someone there was falsely accusing you of something, or you knew they were out to get your job and were willing to do whatever they could to have you fired, yet you had to treat them as a friend and try to work as well as you could with them. Sometimes your efforts to do a good job even caused those who were giving you trouble to look better in the eyes of your boss and you felt like you were being used and abused.
Maybe you’ve had to face this just because you became a Believer in Christ. Someone in your own family; or among your own circle of friends, may have tried to make you look bad, or accuse you of being a hypocrite. Yet you had to love them in spite of their attacks and just let God handle it. To strike back would only have made you look like the hypocrite that they accused you of being.
The fact is that when we try to take vengeance, and go after anyone who hurts us in any way, we often make the situation far worse than it could have been if we would have let God handle it.
In many situations that arise in the church, there are people who always ask, “Why don’t you do something about it? Why keep silent? Just wade into the situation like you are the boss, and make people behave. You are the Pastor, aren’t you? Can’t you make people do what’s right!”
Well, that doesn’t work very well most of the time, and I have long ago discovered that if you just leave it alone, pray about it, and put it in God’s hands, he will make a way for the whole situation to heal on its own without causing a lot of hard feelings or a split in the church.
AND NO – I can’t make people do anything! I can only keep preaching the truth, pray for them and love them through it all until the Holy Spirit convicts them and changes their heart and their thinking. I haven’t been appointed to be God’s successor yet; and I suspect I never will! We just have to let God be God and let him handle it!
A lot of spiritually immature, but well-meaning church members, who don’t understand this, will try to be the pastor of the pastor and give orders. I’ve learned to develop a thick skin and let the darts just bounce off. Otherwise I wouldn’t last long in the ministry.
In fact, I’ve often thought that we need to start a “Rhino Club” in the church and try to teach people to just let things go and not wear their feelings on their sleeves.'
We have to learn that the only way people can really hurt your feelings is if we let them. We have to learn that faith and trust in God will simply extinguish the fiery darts that are fired among God’s people, if we just let them fall on their own. God has a way of dousing the flames that I don’t even pretend to have.
Only God can touch the heart. All I, or any of us can do, is touch the hand and the mind, and that’s not enough to change the heart!
Nobody can get you upset if you refuse to allow them to. You are in control of your feelings and should never relinquish that control to anyone other than the Lord himself. If you do, then you’re allowing other people to control your life and not God.
Let God be your defense. Let God make things right. If you can learn to do that, then fulfilling the next scripture will be easy.
Romans 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
How often could we have said a kind word and averted an argument?
How often could we have treated someone with kindness and dignity, in spite of what they were saying about us, and perhaps changed their whole way of thinking about us?
How often could a simple act of kindness been the catalyst that changed very heart of an enemy?
You can’t always make that happen, but how often could we make it happen just by following the teachings in these few verses?
Don’t allow the evil from the attacks of others to overcome you and destroy your peace!
Instead learn to practice kindness, patience, longsuffering and love your enemies in spite of what they do or say and watch God turn it around for you.
That’s overcoming evil with good and that’s something we all need to learn to do so much better!
Bake your enemies a coconut pie. Take them out to lunch or dinner. Send them a card and asking for forgiveness. Overcome their evil with good and you might just make a friend for life!
